Master of Orion
by Digital Dragon Productions
Summary: He is Orion Halinjor, mau military advisor of the late moon kingdom and is out there looking for a few good men to support the Sailor Scouts and bring the fight to the Negaverse. Too bad all he can find is a cursed martial artist, a underage combat mage, and a paranoid student with a military obsession.
1. Prologue

Disclaimer: This is a story that showed up on anime addventure written mainly by Black Dragon with lesser contributions from myself and others. Just reposting it for posterity and nostalgia.

So I don't own any rights to, well, any of this …nuff said.

* * *

Stop me if you've heard this before. So a martial artist, a blond, and a magic lamp walk into a dojo…. except magic lamps can't walk. Wait, let me start again.

The beginning of this tale is long and varied, but it's enough to say Sailor Pluto, the Time Guardian (also sometimes known as Setsuna), was having a very lousy day. Now this Pluto is one of those Plutos that believe the end justifies the means. Take out a world leader megalomaniac before they even cut their first tooth? No problem. Leave untold billions to die of cold and hunger so that the survivors can be easily subjugated? Bah, can be done in ones sleep. In fact, that was the preferred method.

The source of Pluto's vexation was one martial artist by the name of Ranma Saotome. Normally he wasn't a problem, but things changed due to a major magical artifact that belonged in Husaquahr, the world of magic beyond the Sea of Dreams. Throckmorton P. Ruddygore, master sorcerer, needed to get rid of a powerful item to save his world, the cursed wishing Lamp of Lakash.

In his mind, the only way to accomplish that was to wish it away. He wished it far into the universe and thought it lost for all time. Funny thing is that the universe is a huge place, but not huge enough for a certain good natured, if trouble prone, blond Galaxy Police officer named Mihoshi who somehow ended up meeting with an even more troubled cursed martial artist as the genie of the cursed lamp. To make a very long story short, Ranma Saotome had become a threat to Crystal Tokyo and needed to be eliminated.

Pluto had tried all sorts of things to clear the way for the future that she wanted. All of her subtle manipulations, very ethically questionable actions, or direct confrontations with the pig tailed menace all ended in corrupted time lines that didn't even bear a resemblance to the bright future that she championed. She gritted her teeth as she watched failure after failure appear in the Time Gates, each worse than the last. No, failure wasn't the right word for it. In Pluto's mind the word to describe what this was had yet to be invented yet and this was that word and a total one at that.

Since it didn't seem that a future copy of herself would appear any time soon to let her know what that word was going to be or how to fix this situation then she would just do it herself. That would show that stuck up future witch. Yeah, she may have had a falling out with her future self over this screw up. Anyway, Sailor Pluto was going to give it her all to fix this and get everything back to 'normal'.


	2. Just a Little Nudge

Pluto grimaced with dismay as she fought the rapidly swirling temporal energies, attempting to spread her influence farther and more thoroughly that the devices were supposed to allow for.

A nudge here... a pull there... but then this slipped out of place... and THIS individual became a problem...

In the dark alcove on Pluto, a woman toyed with the fate of the universe, changing, making, and destroying lives and histories with the ease and thoughtlessness that one might modify a drawing. The universe fought back.

Just as Pluto began to truly feel the strain, right when the Time Gates began to reach their limit, the time guardian blinked in surprise.

"It... It worked?" She asked softly, staring into the image before her with wide eyes. There were the Senshi, all gathered around a table, chatting about nothing. No robots. They were all perfectly normal girls (at the moment, anyway) with perfectly normal free will who weren't getting any, and whose dry spell would last into the hundred-year range if Setsuna had anything to say about it. Mihoshi was bugging Washuu in her lab and not altering the fabric of the universe based on her bungling interpretation of people's wishes.

It almost brought a tear to her eye. After all her hard work and trial and error, she had dodged a HUGE bullet.

Of course, it was right then that she saw Ranma Saotome walk into the room where the inner

Senshi were talking to be greeted with warm smiles and greetings.

Pluto had to take deep breaths in order to keep herself from banging the Time Staff against her

head. "It's not... so bad... at least they're not sleeping with him... right?" After the bizarre and absurd scenario of the robot sex-slave harem, she was willing to give the timeline a little more leeway than she might have otherwise. Given the dreamy look on Usagi's face, she wasn't so sure about that.

"WHAT?! USAGI?! UNACCEPTABLE!" Setsuna snarled, immediately launching into the Gates of Time once more to annihilate this newest hitch. Bad enough that Ranma got involved with the OTHER Senshi, now he was tearing Usagi and Mamoru apart?

Setsuna had to resist the urge to shout "Enemy of women!" at Ranma's image in the gates. She wasn't given to such immature behavior, and besides, it wasn't like he could hear her anyway.

Unfortunately, she had forgotten that she had left the Gates of Time quite near their limits when she had stopped. The Gates were a piece of magic technology comparable, though it was a vast simplification, to an extremely advanced computer, one that made the Mercury Computer look like a 90th century Apple II. It had been working in the rough equivalent of an "overclock mode" for a length of time that only it was capable of computing due to the relative chronological scales involved. No Guardian of Time had used the Gates so extensively before in a single continuous period of time, and it showed.

Crack! Setsuna's eyes widened as a huge split ran down the Gates, and the entire artifact started to glow in a very unsettling fashion.

Crack! Tinkle! Skrik!

"Well , shit."

KABOOM!

Pluto had done a very good job. Well , at least before she nearly destroyed the very thing she had sworn her life to protect. The Gates of Time would recover as ancient and never-before-used autorepair systems went online and shook the dust off, but needless to say, the Senshi of Pluto wouldn't be doing any time traveling, time modifying, or time checking for quite some (ahem) time, nor would she be happy about that fact in any way.

Well , that would all be saved for when she finally woke up. That had been quite the explosion. Most of the anomalies that had been detected HAD been fixed adequately. Somehow Pluto had managed to throw a hundred rocks in a pond such that the ripples all canceled each other out and left the pond peaceful and serene.

Except for one tiny bit of motion that barely made it to the edge, and rippled all the way back to the Silver Millennium. No big deal, right? One tiny factor, one meaningless life, one more lost soul that can't make any real difference. Then again, if Pluto believed that, she wouldn't be in this mess in the first place.

The Mau were one of the first races "absorbed" (as it was a much nicer term than "welcomed at gunpoint") into the Moon Kingdom. They weren't the most prominent, or the most successful, but they made due with the cards they had been dealt.

Mau were typically intellectuals and minor magi. Their race was limited in what they could do in the arts of magic, but it was enough that most of them were commissioned to do work in the grand labs or civics buildings of the various planets, working small spells and useful cantrips for officials, dignitaries and scientists. It wasn't a grand life, but it was a living, and they were certainly no worse off in the Moon Kingdom than by themselves.

Some mau because interested enough in mundane knowledge to become advisors. Often these individuals pored over stacks of books and holovid displays for years until some noble took notice of their area of expertise, and then matched them with some other member of the elite that had need of such skills, even if such appointments were normally temporary.

Luna and Artemis were exceptions. They had been born and raised to be royal court advisors. Their interest in royal protocol and knowledge was taught to them such that they could operate within the sphere of Moon Kingdom politics while still acting as knowledgeable confidants of their masters. But most were not.

There was one mau, for example, who had been passed along as "an excellent advisor" from one military leader to another, prized for his strict adherence to military protocol, encyclopedic knowledge of tactics, and honest and effective critiques of fighting prowess. He eventually found his employment being "gifted" to the general of the Order of the Royal Knights of the Moon, probably in a weak attempt to curry enough favor for his last master to gain enlistment in that order.

The mau in question didn't mind, but accepted being passed around like property like a soldier being shipped to another battlefield. When the attack on the Moon Palace had commenced, the mau had taken one glance at the opposing forces, and immediately tried to organize a retreat. With the power of the Senshi and the Knights, it was entirely possible to regroup with the remnants of the fleet and launch a counter-attack to retake Mercury before it became a ball of scorched, barren, lifeless rock.

With the technological might of Mercury secure, and with Beryl gleefully basking in the tactically irrelevant acquisition of the Moon Palace, it would have been just barely possible to turn a massacre around into an actual war.

The Senshi did not take kindly to this suggestion. The arguing itself lasted long enough for all the best escape routes to get cut off. At that point, the general to whom he served buckled under the insistence of the Senshi to hold the Moon Palace at all costs. The rest, as they say, is history.

But it just so happened that when Queen Serenity put certain events into motion, it was three moon cats that were swept up and put into stasis, not two. Luna, Artemis, and Orion began their long sleep, waiting for a time when they would seek out and serve the Princess Serenity.

"Don't go wandering off. Bad enough you can't remember anything, the last thing we need is for one of us to get eaten by wild animals."

Luna frowned deeply, glaring at the large, gray tomcat with the crescent moon on his forehead. "Last I checked, YOUR memory wasn't crystal clear either, Orion!"

"It's clear enough that I remember that I don't have much to remember," the gray cat said, constantly scanning the surroundings for threats. "YOU'RE the big important emissary from a dead civilization. I'm just along trying to keep you from getting yourself killed along the way."

Luna bristled, "Right now I'd really like to remember whose bright idea it was to send some random military advisor into stasis along with me and... well, why ARE you here, anyway?"

She was about to mention someone else who had been put into stasis, but oddly enough, she couldn't remember that individual's name. Had there BEEN someone else at all?

"Just what I said. I'm a tag-along," Orion murmured, hardly ashamed at the admission. "It was either this or death."

"Well I do NOT appreciate the way you're constantly giving me orders and talking down to me! If you're going to 'tag along' as you put it, then we're going to have to set some ground rules for conduct, do you understand?"

'I wonder what death would have been like,' Orion thought to himself. Then he darted to the side and tackled Luna into some bushes, eliciting a startled yowl from the female moon cat.

"What are yo-MRRFFL!" Orion did his best to stuff his paw into Luna's mouth to keep her from speaking, though he knew he'd regret it a moment later. As Luna's fangs sank into his wrist, he clenched his teeth and bore it. 'Just a flesh wound, just a flesh wound...'

As soon as the couple and their dog passed by, he swatted Luna over the head to get her to release his paw. "The threat is passed. Please don't bite me next time I'm trying to save our lives," he growled.

Luna glared at the other moon cat. "This is a public park, Orion. The appearance of two cats is not unusual, and that dog was leashed!"

"It's still a threat!" Orion snapped back, getting off the black cat. "This environment holds dozens of dangers for organisms of our size! According to YOU, you're the last hope for a possible triumph over the Negaverse! I'l -" he cut off quickly as he noticed a jogger that had wandered too close was looking around to try and find the source of the yelling.

Luna smirked, an expression that came far too naturally to a cat. "Orion, please, we ARE trying to keep a low profile. Try not to blow our cover."

Most other individuals would have snapped and either attacked or yelled at Luna at this point. But suffice to say, it wasn't in Orion's nature to do so. When something wasn't going his way, he was neither inclined to complain about it nor let it drive him to irrational behavior. He tended to fix the problem.

As Minako would botch up, "He didn't get mad, he got even."

A spark of memory ignited a possible plan of action in Orion's mind as he recalled a weakness of his (and consequently, Luna's) current form. With a snappy backflip, he accessed his subspace pocket, and one of the small battlefield medical kits released a bandage onto the ground.

Luna didn't notice, and as she kept walking forward she started to lecture him on the proper respect he was to show her in the future, which mostly involved NOT tackling her to the ground every time a perceived threat wandered by. Orion had to fight to keep a grin off his face as he lunged with the bandage in his mouth. This wasn't some petty revenge, after all. It was for the best. No, really. Honest.

* * *

'Well, this wasn't really what I had in mind when I decided this was the best course of action,' Orion decided as he stared down at the children whacking Luna with sticks. It seemed his memory of their "weakness" hadn't been perfect. He was just expecting Luna to become mute. She also became disoriented and it seemed much harder for her to think coherently, which probably accounted for why she hadn't simply tried to take the bandage off.

When Orion had decided to sneak inside a library to search for knowledge databases, he had ordered Luna to stay put while he learn more about the world they had been dropped into. How was he supposed to know she'd forget and wander off? So here he was, circling the boys and trying to think of the best way to approach this scenario.

He recognized that he was fairly intimidating... for a cat. These kids apparently didn't think much of a feline's potential for doing harm though, if they would attack one on a whim. Granted he could put up a MUCH better fight than Luna, but it still wasn't saying much.

The decision was taken out of his hands when a young teenage girl with blonde hair in twin ponytails suddenly rushed in and scattered the boys. Then she picked up Luna and started to walk home, making with the appropriate sympathetic jargon that left Orion rolling his eyes.

* * *

Usagi looked over her new seifuku with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"You're now Sailor Moon, defender of love and justice," Luna explained, idly wondering where that bastard Orion had run off to in the meantime. She hadn't asked the question aloud. She wasn't expecting an answer. Hell, she didn't even really WANT to know the answer. Thus, she was understandably upset when she saw a large gray shape dart in through the window.

"About time we got something human-sized to work with," Orion mumbled, right before Luna snarled and pounced on him. Usagi's wide, disbelieving eyes moved from her new costume toward the two talking cats that were brawling underneath her desk.

"Another talking cat? How many of you are there?"

Given that the two felines settled for trying to tear each others' ears off rather than answering her, Usagi's brain (currently suffering resource exhaustion trying to deal with her new status as a magical girl) was tasked with dealing with the query.

"Ohmigosh! Maybe... maybe ALL cats can talk!" she thought suddenly. "Or maybe... maybe it's like in that movie Dr. Dolittle and I can talk with animals! I AM a magical girl now, apparently..." She gasped as she thought of that. Sailor Moon? No, Sailor Moon didn't sound right. She would be Ranger Athena, and lead her army of cute forest animals into battle against the forces of evil!

Besides, that sounded WAY better than doing the fighting herself. For all parties involved really, except maybe the villain's. She knew that if SHE were in trouble, there's no way she'd want someone like her to come save her. By the time that Usagi's train of thought had finished its fourth circuit down the wrong track into the Twilight Zone, Orion had finally managed to pin Luna down underneath him such that she couldn't do much other than talk, and if she persisted in doing that too much, he could bite her to shut her up.

"Erk! To answer your - stop struggling! - question, no, not all cats can talk. And even if you could communicate with animals, they don't have the intellect for language. I said stop it! I don't have time for this Luna!"

Usagi pouted and looked down at the two moon cats. Then she flushed as she saw the large gray cat laying on top of Luna, who was pinned down on her belly and looking annoyed.

"Hey!Don't be doing that sort of thing right here in my room! That's gross! What if you get... stuff on the floor?!" She complained. Both of the cats fixed her with an evil glare.

"SHUT UP," they said calmly, in unison.

"Okay," whimpered the great and powerful Sailor Moon, who was now hiding behind a chair while covering her head with her arms.

"Where have you BEEN, Orion?" Luna growled, trying not to let her temper show.

"I've been doing recon. I've located our first enemy," the gray cat said coolly, deciding that the new topic was serious enough that he could let Luna go without risking being attacked. "It's a low-level harvester class youma operating out of a jewelry store. Looks like part of a foothold operation."

Usagi stared. "Uh... so your name is Orion?" Evidently she was running a few stops behind the bus, as it were. Orion gave Luna a questioning stare, then turned toward Usagi.

"I'm Orion, military advisor of the Order of the Royal Knights. Not that it's around anymore, but it's part of the resume. Where Luna will be acting as your personal advisor and confidant, I'll be helping organize the Senshi in combat and identifying tactical objectives."

Usagi took a moment to digest this. "So, you're a magic talking cat like Luna?"

Orion twitched badly. Their new companion was NOT catching up to that bus. "Are you sure about this girl?" He asked Luna, to which the black cat shrugged.

"Like you say, 'any port in a storm'."

Orion frowned. "I never say that." Then he turned back to Sailor Moon. "As much as I'd prefer a prolonged training session previous to an actual operation, the intel I've gathered suggests that the Negaverse is susceptible to attrition. In light of this, it's critical we attack the harvester now. I guess that means you'll be learning your abilities through field experience."

Once again, Sailor Moon gave the tomcat a worried expression as her mind worked through all that. "That sounds scary..."

A vein popped up on Orion's head, and he turned back to Luna. "At times, a storm CAN be weathered in order to find a better port, Luna." The black cat rolled her eyes in response. As if the stupid military nut knew anything about identifying Senshi.

"Omigosh! Naru's in danger!" Sailor Moon said suddenly, attracting the attention of the moon cats. "At the jewelry store! I've gotta go help her!"

Orion groaned. "Damn it! We're out of time! C'mon, I'll brief you as best I can along the way!"

* * *

"That was shameful," deadpanned Orion as he stared at Sailor Moon and Luna.

Usagi immediately deflated. "What? Why? I won, didn't I?" She had thought it had turned out pretty good. They had saved Naru and all those people, after all. AND a dashing and heroic figure had arrived in the nick of time to save her and shout encouragement! And after defeating the scary youma, she had even managed a heroic and mysterious exit in front of Naru!

"You gave away your position, gave your enemy a chance to regroup before you attacked, missed about sixteen different openings to destroy the youma despite her human shields, you let yourself get pinned down... if that rose sniper wierdo - who at least waited until AFTER the attack to give himself away - hadn't arrived and given you that stupid pep talk, you'd be ground chum right now!" Orion growled as he remembered the man who had jumped it, launched a single projectile and a speech, and then left. "Who is he, anyway? And why didn't he stick to the attack instead of giving a monologue? And then he LEFT? Are these the types of battles that the Senshi normally fight?"

"I thought he was cool..." Usagi mumbled. "And I still won."

"I have to agree," Luna chided. "It didn't go perfectly, but the mission was a success."

"So was the fight for Stalingrad," Orion hissed. "That doesn't change that it was one of the most boneheaded and wasteful military operations ever undertaken."

He had hoped that maybe a reference to an event from Earth's history as Usagi knew it would help him connect a bit better with the new superhero, or at least foster some appreciation that he had taken the time to learn about historical military pursuits in order to be as much help as possible.

"Sutawan... wait... what's Sutaringu... uh..." Sailor Moon scratched her head as she tried to pronounce the word that she had just heard. It never did occur to Orion that not all the people trying to fight to save the world would be as big a military buff as he was.

"This is ridiculous!" The gray cat snarled, his tail bushing a bit as his black counterpart stared at him dispassionately. "Look, we can't fight off an enemy like this! We either need some more help, or we need to hand off this 'Sailor Moon' power to somebody more suited!"

Luna's cold gaze shifted into a glare. "I don't TOTALLY disagree with you... but it's impossible.

She's Sailor Moon and that's that. I can't just give the transformation item to someone else."

Orion frowned. "Why not?"

"Well , I..." Luna took a moment to clear her throat, as if preparing for a long winded and complicated explanation. "I don't know. That's just how it is."

Sailor Moon sniffled, bunching her hands up underneath her chin. "I... I'm trying my best..."

Orion took one look at the blonde girl and winced, "Yes, I realize that," he allowed carefully, his voice much softer now. "It isn't your fault. But the fact is, some people are born to be scholars and some people are born to be fighters. And you're... uh..." he hedged for a moment, "er... not a fighter," he finished diplomatically.

Usagi frowned, though she appreciated Orion's words. "I thought the phrase was 'a lover, not a fighter'?"

"Where this mangy stray comes from, they don't have much in the way of romance," Luna jabbed. "Really Orion, I don't much like it either, but complaining isn't going to solve anything.

'A general marches to war with the army she's got'."

Orion frowned deeply at this, wondering why Luna was so keen on the idioms rather than debating him directly. The military saying had hit home though, even if he was slightly irked that he had described the alleged general as a "she". Even in the Silver Millennium, military leaders had been almost exclusively male; and he found it mildly annoying how the matriarchal royal hierarchies thought this strange.

Still, he was not one to merely complain about an issue until someone else solved it, nor was he content to sit back and let his displeasure fester. When he saw a critical problem, he solved it.

"Fine," the gray cat said, turning away from the two females and trotting off. "If I have to use the army I have, then I'll just get a new army."

Usagi looked worriedly at the tomcat even as Luna rolled her eyes and turned away. Actually, even if Orion was scarier than Luna, she kind of wished that he'd stay with them. She'd take all the help she could get in fighting monsters, and he tended to be more helpful than Luna, yelling suggestions rather than just complaints. 'I hope he isn't mad at me...'


	3. The Search is on

Orion's progress was actually pretty swift, all things considered. He detested the idea of going around the city handing out power-ups to civilians at random (or by whatever ridiculous mechanism cumulated in Luna choosing Usagi).It was unethical, not to mention stupid, to pressure people into fighting a shadow war when they had little to no combat experience themselves.

Still, he had waited to see the results of the absurd experiment, and left feeling vindicated. Sailor Moon was a disaster waiting to happen. He didn't pin much hope on her survival, but if she DID live while he was busy securing help, it was probably going to be thanks to that masked sniper. He had no clue who the fellow was or what his motivations were, but someone who tossed out one attack and then vanished was not one to be counted on in his book.

When he had left Luna, she had let him go under the assumption that the foolish tomcat was going to go seek out the rest of the Senshi on the flimsy hope that they had fighting experience. That Orion had no mechanism for detecting or activating them, Luna didn't consider. If he had told her up-front that he was going to get help that wasn't necessarily derived from the reincarnated souls from a dead kingdom, she would have scoffed. Honestly, the idea of mundane soldiers fighting a battle meant for a SENSHI?

Actually, Orion disdained the idea of the Senshi about as much as Luna disdained ordinary soldiers. It wasn't necessarily that the position of Senshi had absolutely no prerequisite for combat prowess or experience. It wasn't that even after being selected, the Senshi didn't have to go through especially strenuous training, like the any other special forces group did. It wasn't that the Senshi were all from royal families and some of them whined incessantly under actual warzone conditions. It wasn't even that the Senshi commanded the love and respect of the people and were the highest level of the Moon Kingdom military juggernaut, despite having the combined tactical expertise of Beetle Bailey.

No, what bothered him the most about the whole deal was the seemingly arbitrary method under which these people were chosen. He had been told it was necessary and written in stone, so he could hardly oppose the institution, but the fact remained that in his mind, if one didn't CHOOSE to be a soldier, then that person shouldn't BE a soldier. He could vaguely recall memories of hearing about planetary Senshi that had tried to lead normal lives doing the things they had loved doing, only to be constantly shipped out to the next interplanetary emergency to do battle.

Now that it was all happening over again, the military advisor could only let his frustrations simmer; whatever his opinion on the matter, Luna was convinced that the Senshi, and eventually the Moon Princess, were vital to the destruction of the Negaverse and the survival of the planet, and Orion couldn't dredge up enough scorn to turn down free firepower. But he was determined to make HIS selection of warriors more carefully.

Orion mumbled to himself in the dim light from the small survival lantern that glowed in the midst of the dark library (hey, cats can technically see in the dark, but reading in the dark was still hard on the eyes). Unlike Luna's subspace pocket, which had been filled with questionably designed magical doodads (really, who made all the magic items so damn girly, anyway?), his had been filled with USEFUL things. Survival lamps, med kits, rations, flares, and a few grenades that would emerge from the pocket without pins and ready to blow.

Pity he couldn't have taken a full armory with him, but they HAD been in a hurry when they were sent forward. Doing research as a cat had been hard, but being a trooper in every sense of the word was part of his nature. He had managed to sneak into public libraries after hours and pick out books, knocking them out of shelves and then flipping through them best he could. In the morning the staff would inevitably find an inexplicable mess of war and weapon-related books on the floor, but it was the small burden that they'd have to pay for the possible survival of the planet.

So far, he'd ascertained that humanity had just reached an age of great technological advancement that had been steadily quickening over the course of the last century. Unfortunately (at least to him), weapons development hadn't quite taken quite the same interest in the public eye as computers and fiber optics.

For example, Earth had inexplicably decided not to seek further advancement in destructive potential of explosives after creating the thermonuclear bomb. Apparently it hadn't occurred to the people of Earth that they might want to rain hot, blistering destruction upon somebody else's planet rather than their own. Stupid hippies.

The other weaponry was interesting, but wouldn't be that helpful. Most of humanity's current weapons technology was invested in ballistic firearms that propelled metallic projectiles using chemical reactions in rifled chambers. Ironically, the small-scale versions of these weapons would be almost useless against youma, but very effective against the Senshi; the Silver Millennium had seen the production mainly of energy weapons, and the Senshi's magic fields had been constructed with that in mind.

Where a lightning bolt would leave a Senshi singed and a bit dazed, a bullet would pierce skin, penetrate muscle, and remain there, inhibiting movement and healing. A simple handgun could expend an entire magazine in the time it took for most of the Senshi's spells to go off, as well. Orion shook his head and hoped that the enemy didn't manage to get a human army on their side.

The larger ballistic weapons and missile weapons, those that tended to fire warheads that were themselves explosive, would be as effective against youma as pretty much anything else. The problem being, of course, that it would be extremely difficult to acquire any. From what he had gathered, such things were only available in the upper echelon of the international black market, and even if he had the funding, he doubted many would be interested in doing business with a talking cat, or say, the right-hand man of a talking cat (he idly wondered which would be more ridiculous).

Magic was a much tougher subject. From what he could gather, it was largely dismissed as myth and legend, although with so many thousands of "fictional" accounts, he assumed that many could have a grain of truth in it. Unfortunately, unless he was going to spend the entire Negaverse invasion chasing down vague and unlikely leads trying to find a combat mage, that angle would have to wait.

One thing he was happy with was the progress that humanity had made in hand-to-hand combat. Like in the Silver Millennium, the majority of the world was advanced enough that melee fighting was considered a primitive and barbaric form of warfare, but the evolution of war had not advanced so far that the most powerful and most dedicated styles of martial arts had died off. While great warriors who could smash aside monsters with their bare hands were doubtlessly very rare, he was confident they still existed.

Orion yawned and turned away from his book, doing a somersaulting leap over his survival lantern and stashing it away in his personal stuff-space. That was enough research. It was time to begin the hunt. Nerima was a place famous for martial arts of such power that it occasionally left the district in ruins. On the other side of Tokyo there was supposed to be a school that had suffered a string of bombings and repeated reports of gunfire that all seemed to center around a single overzealous student.

Then again, there was a mansion belonging to someone named Konoe that was rumored to have a reputation for dubious examples of sorcery and unexplained phenomena of that nature.

* * *

Orion was lost.

This didn't bother him nearly as much as one might think. For one thing, he was relatively sure he was still in Japan. This was good. One might wonder why this would worth noting, or being thankful for. But then one might not know what it was like to have followed Ryoga Hibiki.

It was pretty much a complete fluke that Ryoga had been home at the precise moment that Orion had arrived there, following rumors of an "invincible fighter" who practiced an obscure form of bando using an umbrella and something called the "iron cloth" technique.

The boy in the bandanna had seemed completely surprised when he had shown up at his own front door, and expressed great thanks to the heavens when he carefully made his way through the front door without apparent mishap. Orion had thought this strange. He didn't know what he was getting into.

The boy whom Orion assumed was Ryoga seemed to mill around his house at random (with the moon cat following stealthily) until he had arrived in the kitchen, at which point he stuffed his backpack full of food and other supplies, checked the notes on the fridge, mumbled about his parents missing his birthday party - or was it that HE had missed his birthday party, he couldn't remember - again, wrote a few lines on a list, and then tried to exit the house, failing for a full two hours.

Orion had looked over the list he had been writing on.

[Things I've suffered because of Ranma Saotome, by Ryoga Hibiki:

Stealing my bread (this one had several counter slashes next to it),

humiliating me in combat (this one had even more marks than the first),

taking the good spot at lunch before I could find it,

showing me up in gym, calling me names, leading me home (this one had a '?' next to it),

picking fights with me, getting mud in my hair,

tearing up my favorite uniform,

playing my Nintendo without asking,

running out on our fight,

getting stuck for a week in some tar pits in L.A.,

getting chased out of some place called "Area 51" by men with laser beams,

missing my favorite TV shows, breaking my favorite umbrella

, getting chased by wolves,

getting lost in the girls' locker room (this also had a few counter slashes),

losing my shoes...]

The gray moon cat continued to read down the list in a sort of morbid fascination, not understanding one bit of it. Then he turned his attention to the last items on the list, where the ink hadn't completely finished drying from Ryoga's last additions.

[... getting cursed to turn into a pig,

almost getting eaten (this one had a full five marks already, despite being a new item),

getting trampled (this one had four marks),

ending up naked in public (this one had seven).]

Returning, for a moment, to the hypothetical reference to the reader, one might discern from the most recent additions to this list and the obvious omissions exactly where in the Ranma timeline this is.

This was of no concern to Orion, who shook his head and attempted to put the ridiculous list out of his mind. He had serious matters to attend to. Hearing Ryoga's cry of joy upon finding the front door, Orion hopped off the kitchen counter and moved to pursue. After a little observation, he'd determine if the Hibiki boy was an acceptable candidate, and then he'd make his move.

And that was the sad sequence of events that had led him through Canada, Peru, and half the Middle East before he'd shown up in a port on some city on the western coast of Japan (he didn't bother to note which, as he was still following Ryoga at the time).

Said martial artist had just turned into a pig (after seeing both the Jusenkyou and family curses in action, Orion had long since stricken Ryoga as a possible ally; how would he find his way to the battles?) when he caught sight of a young man and a bald older man emerging from a bath house located on the docks. He had immediately charged for some reason, only to get trampled by a sudden rush of sailors double-timing it to their boat. Orion had not heard from the pig/boy since then.

He made a decision to follow the pair that the pig had charged pretty much on a whim. Although the larger man wore a gi and they both had a certain grace that identified them as trained fighters to Orion's seasoned eyes, he had no reason to think they were anything special. Still, he had no current leads, and he still wasn't sure how to get back to Tokyo, so he went ahead and followed them.

The next day saw Orion desperately trying to remember the names of some of the deities worshipped during the Silver Millennium so that he might thank them.

The "light sparring" that Ranma Saotome and Genma Saotome partook in the morning left the moon cat with his jaw on the ground. They took leaps twenty feet in the air, exchanged blows nearly too fast for Orion to track, and each of them ended up being smashed into small craters on the ground before they got right back up, growled, and then charged again. One missed kicked ended up hitting a large tree, and Orion watched in fascination as the entire tree shook violently from the impact.

And then, as sudden as it began, the father called off the sparring, yelled at his son for slacking off, and then declared his intent for them to keep traveling toward Tokyo to see an old friend of his.

Orion nodded intently. This was it. Just what he had been waiting for.

Frowning at the downpour, Orion considered calling off his recruitment efforts at witnessing his prospective warriors change. After seeing them reverse the change an hour later (oddly enough using the same mechanism that Ryoga had used), he shrugged off the curses; while turning into a panda might hurt Genma's combat ability, he was undoubtedly still a powerful fighter in that form. Ranma didn't suffer any real drawback from his curse, except that it seemed to make him depressed and surly (which Orion could sympathize with).

The tomcat crouched down lower in the bushes, listening carefully as son berated father for taking him to such a dangerous place. This was followed by a long string of stupid ideas that Genma had apparently forced upon his son for the sake of the art. Orion waited for Genma's denial, or at least rebuttal.

Instead he got, "Stop whining! You sound just like a little girl!"

Orion had to consider dropping Genma from his roster at this point. Not because he was emotionally abusive and his training exercises were nearly suicidal (Orion could admire that in an instructor, and it had produced SPECTACULAR results), but because the man seemed to be rather immoral, lazy, and apparently stupid, as evidenced by the way his son creamed him right after the "little girl" comment.

Besides that, his intuition was telling him to beware of Genma, whereas Ranma seemed to radiate the type of rough, brash honesty and simplicity that was quite valuable in soldiers. Another day of observation clinched it. Genma was out, but Ranma was most definitely in.

The boy was perfect for the job. All he needed to do now was convince him...

The very next day, Orion got his break. Genma ordered his son to stay put while he went into town to send a post card to let his friend know they'd be arriving soon. Ranma shrugged off his departure and did one-handed push-ups in the forest clearing where they had made their camp.

Orion waited for Genma to leave, thankful that the Saotomes seemed to favor forest environments, even when there were urban routes and convenient forms of transportation to Nerima (where Genma said they were heading). It would have been much harder to track them otherwise, and one could only shrug off the sight of a particular cat following you for so long.

The moon cat made his move, strutting out into the open from the bushes where he had been hiding.

Ranma made no notice at first. His senses recognized that something was moving around him, but that it was neither hostile nor a human. Animals were commonplace in Ranma's experience and were to be ignored except in the cases of hunting or an attack.

"Meow," tried Orion.

THAT got a reaction.

"GWAH! C-C-C-C-C-CAT!" Ranma fel to one side and then scrambled away, sitting up and then pushing himself backwards along the ground with his feet until he hit the trunk of a tree.

"G-G-Get away! Shoo!"

Oh-kay. This was not part of the plan. Orion frowned deeply. He knew Ranma wasn't afraid of common animals normally, so the obvious answer to this dilemma was that the boy had a phobia.

'Just &^$#! perfect. The Powers that Be drop a primo hand-to-hand specialist right in my furry lap, and of all the damn animals he has a terrible, irrational fear of, it's CATS.' He decided he'd try to work around it for now. Perhaps he could reason with the boy.

"Okay, look, I'm not gonna hurt you."

"IT TALKS! HELP! POP! ANYONE! DEMON CAT! DEMON CAT'S GONNA EAT ME!"

Ranma screamed, jerking his head left and right and completely forgetting, in his terror, that he could just run away and outrun the feline easily.

Orion's eye twitched. "Stop that yelling you damn coward! I'm not gonna eat you!"

"Lies! I know all about you evil monsters!" Ranma accused, pointing a shaking finger at the gray feline. "You almost got me once, but not this time! Nuh-uh! Never again!"

"Look here, you little-" he started stalking forward, only for Ranma to yelp and jump up into the tree he had backed into, wrapping his arms and legs around a branch.

"STAY AWAY!"

Growling, Orion decided to try a different tactic. "Look, I'm not REALLY a cat, okay? Can cats talk?"

"Apparently," said a shuddering Ranma.

"NO, they can't. So I can't be a cat, can I?"

"You look like a cat and you got claws and teeth like a cat. That's close enough for me!"

Ranma said.

Orion frowned, and forced himself to retract his claws. Extending them while annoyed was a

common practice of his. "Look, I PROMISE I won't hurt you. Now come down, I just want to

talk!"

"Go talk to someone in town! I'm sure there's plenty of cat lovers there! Just get away from

me!"

Orion growled again, not noticing as his claws once again extended. "This is IMPORTANT,

Saotome. I'm not about to leave just because you happened to have a bad experience as a

kid."

Ranma just shuddered badly.

"Okay then... you asked for this..." Orion crouched down, and then leapt onto the tree trunk, quickly scrambling up the side and then leaping onto the same branch as the horrified teenager.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! HELP! GET IT OFF ME!"

"GIVE UP! I WON'T BE DENIED WHEN I'M SO CLOSE!"

"DEMON CATS! THE END TIMES ARE UPON US! ABANDON ALL HOPE!"

"IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO ME, YOU JUST MIGHT BE RIGHT!"

"OW! OW! IT HURTS!"

"STOP BEING SUCH A BABY! I SAW WHAT YOU AND YOUR FATHER DID! THIS IS NOTHING! NOW GET DOWN!"

"Mrrrowr..."

"I SAID LISTEN TO... wait... what?"

Orion blinked and looked down... or rather, up at the young man whose head he was clinging to the back of. Ranma seemed to be in a different position than he was just a moment ago; instead of having his arms wrapped around the tree branch, he was now clutching the branch with his hands and the tips of his feet, as if he was hanging on with his fingernails and toenails.

"Saotome? Uh... something wrong?" He tried. While he knew he should be glad that Ranma stopped his fearful shouting, a dark, cold pit in the middle of his stomach told him that this might not end well for him.

That being said, he figured the least he could do was get off the boy. Releasing his grip, the military advisor flipped in midair to land on his feet. He was understandably concerned when Ranma did precisely the same maneuver, landing in precisely the same way: on all fours.

Ranma then sat on his haunched, glaring down at the gray moon cat imperiously. Orion knew that stare. It was the stare he gave to other tomcats when they started yowling about him being in their territory. It was a stare that said: "At some point in the very near future, I'm going to get tired of you existing, and fix that problem with extreme prejudice."

"... This might be trickier than I thought..."


	4. Strange Conversations

"Okaaaay... uh... would it help if I said I'm sorry?" Orion asked gently, nervously stepping back. Ranma's pigtail twitched, and he moved into a stance that the moon cat recognized as the one a feline took right before it clawed the $#!? out of something.

"CALM DOWN! NOT HERE TO FIGHT!" Orion shouted desperately, crawling backward close to the ground in a submissive gesture.

To his great relief, Ranma-neko snorted and then slowly returned to a sitting position.

"Mrowr rrhr fsst!" (Get out of here, ya mangy stray. This's my territory.)

Orion blinked. Repeatedly. He had a feline vocabulary? Most cats didn't bother saying much besides "Go away" or "I'm hungry". "Hmmm... meow mew rhrr meow hss." (I have come seeking your help, oh mighty warrior cat.)

Ranma-neko seemed just as surprised as he was to meet someone who talked in complete sentences, and doubly so at the apparent respect he was being given.

"Mrowr meow?" (Whaddya want?)

"Meow meow mew. Rrhr fssst!" (There are evil creatures about that threaten us and our territory. They must be destroyed!)

Ranma-neko snorted. Then he trotted over to a large boulder on the side of the field, sniffed at it for a moment, and then slashed his hand about a foot from the surface of the rock. Shhhhthunkthunkthunk! Several clean-cut, parallel layers of rock fell onto the ground. Ranma-neko meowed smugly, and then started grooming his "paw".

"Mew meow fsst. Mrowr." (MY territory is safe. Now shoo.)

Orion bristled slightly as he saw this. 'Bare-handed energy blades? Dang...' He would have been more ecstatic about this development if he wasn't in a position where the technique might be used on him. "Rowr meow rhrrr mew! Meow meow!" (We can't drive every monster we find into your territory in order to get it killed! Innocent people could be hurt!)

Ranma-neko shrugged his shoulders. "Mew." (Meh.)

The military advisor fought off a groan. While this strange insane cat-boy seemed to possess a human intellect, his mannerisms and attitudes were still quite feline in nature; that is to say, entirely self-centered.

In that respect, Orion decided to switch gears. This whole situation was so absurd and idiotic, perhaps an equally absurd response was warranted.

"Mreow rowr meow." (You'll be paid in tuna.)

"MEOW!" (Sign me up!)

Orion sweatdropped heavily. This wasn't part of the master plan at all. No siree.

'Okay, so now I have him willing to help... problem: he's still an insane teenage boy who thinks he's a cat. Solution? ... Maybe...'

He frowned as he recalled an older technique he had used way back in the Silver Millennium before his duties had been shifted to the upper echelons of the military hierarchy that rarely ever saw a battlefield. Though it was considered an unstable and reckless kind of therapy, he had used it on recovering veterans to relieve shell shock and phantom pains with surprising success. Fixing a severe (and bizarre) phobic reaction? Well, why the hell not? He seriously doubted he could do more harm than good at this point.

"Mrowr mew meow." (Come here for a moment.) The gray tom asked, sitting on his haunches.

Ranma-neko did as asked, approaching the moon cat curiously.

"Hsss meow mew meowr. Mew meow." (This will probably hurt for a moment. Please refrain from killing me.) With that said, he reared up and placed his paws on Ranma-neko's cheeks before touching their foreheads together.

"ORION MIND-MELD!"

Orion felt like he was being sucked through a wind tunnel. It had been WAY too long since he used this technique, not even counting the time he spent in stasis. Memories collided with him in a manner that felt far too physical to be the results of a psychic bond. Images of pain, mostly. Near-death experiences by the dozen.

Hardship. Toil. Humiliation. A life that had only one anchor. An anchor that loved to see just how far it could toe the line between life and death. Orion decided then and there that if he ever had the need, he would definitely seek out Genma's assistance as a drill sergeant. Just for the problem soldiers, though. No way he'd put anyone he liked through this sort of torture.

He wasn't sure when he stumbled upon the memory of the neko-ken, but before he knew it, he was in a pale darkness surrounded by howling felines as they savagely attacked a little boy. Blood pooled in the dirt, both from the young Ranma and the cats that had been killed fighting each other for the sausage that bound the subject of the training. Soon the meat was gone, but the cats were not so easily satisfied, and viciously clawed and bit the child who still smelled of meat. Orion watched all this in mute silence, blinking in surprise.

'Meh. I've seen worse.' He shrugged. Still, it was a little unsettling even to him to see a child put through such torture, and he couldn't possibly see the benefit of this exercise (he didn't realize that the ki claws were derived from the training). Maybe the whole point was to drive the trainee mad and instill the phobia in the first place? If that was the case, Orion would have to agree that it was quite effective, though he couldn't fathom why someone would want to use it in the first place.

'Well, time to get to work...' With that thought, the psychic "form" of Orion's body dissolved into motes of light, and then faded along with the memory from Ranma's mind.

* * *

Ranma didn't know where he was or what was happening. One moment he was being accosted by some demon cat, and now he appeared to be floating over a wildly shifting battlefield.

"Damn it. I'll bet that stupid demon cat killed me. Just great. I always knew the little furballs would be the end o' me," Ranma mumbled. It appeared that he had no method of propulsionin this afterlife, so he settled in to watch the only thing around to watch: the battles going on below.

It was more than a little unsettling. Besides the fact that Ranma was a martial artist and unused to killing beyond the scope of hunting animals, the atmosphere itself was extremely disturbing. One moment it would show a clash of dirty and rugged individuals wielding knives and blunt pieces of scrap, and the next it would show futuristic soldiers firing at each other from behind barricades with weapons that spat bolts of fire and light.

The terrain shifted seemingly at random, and people died left and right. Some went slowly, some went quickly, some suffered, and some didn't have time to realize they were hit before they expired. Some had flashy, gory deaths that made Ranma sick, and some seemed to simply keel over in a manner that Ranma would have found funny in a different context.

Amidst all the other weirdness, he would occasionally catch a glimpse of women on the battlefield. This wasn't strange in and of itself, as he had been to the Amazon village and seen plenty of women fighters, but for some reason these women weren't wearing armor or fatigues or helmet or anything, but rather an especially girly approximation of a cheerleader outfit.

After a while of watching the random torrents of war play out beneath him, he felt reasonably sure they were especially important or powerful, because whenever he saw them they'd be throwing out a big honking energy blast of some sort. Maybe they were like those wizards from the video games? Although those people at least dressed better.

By the time he felt events starting to slow and started moving, Ranma was pretty confident that he'd seen just about every face of war and battle: honorable duels and assassination, infiltration and assault, rioting and policing, subjugation and liberation, close combat and artillery barrages, massacres and defense, and more than one example of a chaotic friendly fire that would have left a cold pit in his stomach had he retained a physical body.

'Well, looks like I'm moving on. Stupid cat.'

* * *

"HOLY CRAP!" Shouted two mouths simultaneously as Ranma and Orion jerked back from the mind meld position, each one looking completely overwhelmed. Ranma took several deep, shuddering breaths, then grasped his chest over his heart. 'Huh? I'm breathing? I'm ALIVE?' Then he looked down, and his eyes widened.

"Hey! You're the demon cat!"

Orion rubbed his head just under the crescent moon crest. "I'm not a demon cat. Stop shouting."

Ranma blinked. "Oh. Okay." Then he cocked his head to one side. "Hey... I'm not scared o' ya!"

Orion raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Why not?"

Ranma's brow furrowed as he thought back to the dark days of being tossed into the pit of cats. It was just as vivid as ever... actually, even more vivid than usual. And yet...

"I dunno. I'm way bigger than you. What could you do to me?" He asked. It just made sense, somehow. When he was child, bound and surrounded, he didn't stand a chance, but as he was now...

Orion nodded slowly, but then raised his paw and extended his claws. "How about this, then?"

Ranma frowned and then pulled back one of his sleeves, balling that hand into a fist. "Try me, kitty."

"No thanks," the gray tom said quickly, setting his paw down. "I was just checking. It looks like it worked. You're free of your phobia."

The pigtailed boy blinked again. "Really? You did that? Hey, thanks!"

"No sweat. Though I'd be lying if I said I was doing it out of altruism. I need your help."

Ranma blinked and then looked around to make sure they were alone. He didn't want his father to come back to see him talking to an animal, after all. "Right. You want me to fight monsters or something, right?"

Now Orion blinked. "Yes. You remember that from when you were... ah..."

"In the neko-ken," Ranma explained. "It's a stupid martial arts technique my Pop decided ta try. Usually I can't remember anything from it, but bits and pieces are comin' ta me now."

"Well, that'll make things easier," Orion mumbled. 'So long as he doesn't hold me to that bargain about the tuna.' "Anyway, my name is Orion, and this is what the situation is..."

* * *

"I gotcha," Ranma said as he prodded the embers of the campfire. "So this chick becomes a champion of justice or whatever, except she's got all the grace and skill of a grapefruit. So you're gettin' together a coupl'a guys who actually know what they're doing to do all the real fighting and keep her safe while she searches for this Moon Princess chick."

"Precisely," agreed Orion, glad that Ranma seemed to be the sort to take anything in stride (unless it was a challenge or insult to his person, anyway). "My counterpart is scouting the streets and apparently turning random people into magical warriors. Given the scope and power of our opposition, I decided to take the initiative and do some REAL recruitment."

Ranma nodded, weighing the options in his mind. Contrary to what Orion believed, he WAS taking this with a grain of salt. He had no problem with talking cats messing around with his mind (since his one experience in that arena had turned out well), but it was a bit much to believe that there was a shadow war going on in Tokyo where the entire planet was at stake.

He knew that there were martial artists and demon hunters in Tokyo - he was fairly sure he had met and defeated nearly half of them - so what were they doing while all this was going on?

Then again, if the story was to be believed, Orion was the only one trying to spread awareness of the threat to those who could help, while both these "Negaverse" people and the Sailor Moon girl were trying to keep a relatively low profile.

Or maybe those demon hunters were just lazy. Fighters in Tokyo DID tend to have some bizarre quirks, himself included.

"Well, it's a martial artist's duty to protect the weak and banish demons," Ranma quoted his father as he stood up, dusting off his pants, "and I do owe ya one for helpin' with the neko-ken. When do we start?"


	5. Violence in today's youth

There had been... complications.

It HAD occurred to Orion that the people he was scouting would have lives that couldn't just be dropped for the sake of planetary salvation. Or rather, that these individuals wouldn't see the situation as being so serious that they simply had to drop whatever they were doing and rush off to "save the world". Still, he had assumed that the issues could be put aside initially and dealt with later, using his assistance and what limited resources he commanded.

So he had followed Ranma, who had followed Genma, who happened to drop a bit of a bombshell on the way to his friend's house. So Ranma was subject to an arranged marriage. Orion didn't really care. The spouse could be either sworn to secrecy or, if she didn't seem trustworthy or would be a liability, kept ignorant of Ranma's battles through a mechanism he'd work out later.

That was enough of a little hitch by itself, but as it turned out, Ranma DID care. A lot. So him and his father fought a bit in the rain, Ranma turned his back at an inopportune moment, and Orion turned the corner just in time to see a panda bludgeon a young woman with a street sign.

That was just the tip of the iceberg, evidently. From what Orion could tell, the Tendo home was some sort of madhouse, and events had proceeded in a suitably bizarre manner with Ranma being groped, trained, assaulted, thrown, and basically treated little better than most people treated HIM when they found him walking on the retainer walls to their properties, though at least the things people hit him with tended to be small and light.

So now Ranma was expected to marry some self-righteous brat who had wasted no time in digging in her heels. The only positive aspect of the whole two-hour fiasco was that he had been caught spying by the eldest daughter and instead of being shooed away had been given a saucer of warm milk.

After things had calmed down somewhat, Orion caught Ranma's attention, and they both made for the roof.

"So, explain to me again how this arranged marriage thing is supposed to work. Don't get me wrong, I was never married, but I was under the impression that two people have to LIKE each other to form some kind of marital union." Orion wondered at the memory of the youngest daughter slamming the table down over Ranma's head.

If he hadn't seen the disastrous sparring session between Akane and Ranma in the dojo, he might have considered recruiting Akane to fight as well. As it stood now, though? The girl was clearly unstable. Precisely the sort of person he'd hand over to someone like Genma to discipline. No way was he going to let some short-tempered prude with a superiority complex beat around HIS hand-to-hand specialist like some kind of pinata. Also, for reasons he couldn't comprehend, he couldn't help but imagine the girl being constantly kidnapped and in need of rescue. Odd.

Ranma groaned. "Aw, hell, I dunno. I'm not ready for marriage. And I sure as hell don't wanna put up with that tomboy down there. This whole thing stinks." He shook his head. "But forget about it. We have work to do, right?"

Orion nodded slowly. "Yeah, but... are you sure you're going to be okay with things like this? I can continue the search myself for a bit while you straighten things out here."

"Nah," mumbled the pigtailed boy. "There 'aint nothin' to straighten out. I don't like her and she don't like me. All I gotta do is kill enough time for Pops to realize that his newest stupid plan 'aint working, and then it's no problem. In the meantime, the less time I spend around the gorilla in girl's clothing, the better."

"All right, then. I'm going to do some more research tonight to try and follow up on a lead. I'll meet you tomorrow morning at 0800 hours."

Ranma blinked. "What's that mean?"

"Oh. Right. Eight o'clock AM." 'Have to keep reminding myself he's not actually military,' the gray moon cat though as he dashed down the length of the roof.

* * *

In the original timeline, Ranma would have gone to school with Akane the very next day, introducing him to the two most vile and oppressive evils he would ever know until the day he died: Studying and the Kuno family. Thus would began a chaotic but still predictable downward spiral where his scholastic life would be forever marred by a constant stream of idiots trying to either defeat him marry him. This time around, Ranma just snorted when his father thrust a backpack toward him.

"Buzz off, Pop. I 'aint going ta school. I've got things to do."

Genma scoffed. "Like what?"

"Let's just say I'm trying to find a good sparrin' partner and leave it at that," Ranma said as he stood up and kicked the backpack away into a corner.

The elder Saotome crossed his arms over his chest. "Nonsense! I'm your sparring partner!"

Boot! Splash!

"I don't like beatin' up pandas," Ranma said, smirking. "There are laws against that sorta thing, ya now!"

Turning around, Ranma immediately had to deal with the idiot fathers' second line of defense, Soun Tendo, who was holding the backpack out to him with a stern expression on his face.

"Now son, I won't have my daughter married to some uneducated barbarian!"

"Did you just give me a loophole to get out of this stupid marriage?" Ranma asked, rubbing his chin as if considering the idea. "Hmmm... go to school and be bored to death so that I can get married to some psycho macho chick... or go do what I want and never have to see her uncute face again... man, that's a tough choice!"

The choice was taken out of his hands a moment later as a savage uppercut launched him straight through the roof and into the sky. To Soun Tendo's dismay, Akane had not sent him in the direction of Furinkan.

* * *

"Are you sure you're okay? You landed from an altitude of..." Orion stopped and lowered his head as he tried to do mental calculations in his head. "Well, a damn lot higher than I'd ever figured a human could survive."

Ranma grunted slightly as he followed the moon cat through the alley. "Eh, I'll be fine. I just think of it as constitution training. Good kitty!"

Orion rolled his eyes as Ranma stopped once again to pet a random stray cat "just because he finally can". Ranma had confessed he still didn't particularly like cats, but apparently found it a novel experience just being able to touch one without fearing for his life.

"Saotome, I'm as happy as anyone that you're no longer insane, but focus, please," he gently insisted. "We have to hurry if we're gonna find this Sousuke Sagara fellow."

* * *

It had taken several days, even with Ranma's help, to ascertain the position of their next target. Between Orion's keen tactical intellect and Ranma's capabilities for stealth and thiefcraft (not to mention him actually having a human body usually helped), they had followed up on the stories about Jindai High School and traced the rumors of some sort of hyper-paranoid student with a military obsession to an individual known as Sousuke Sagara.

Despite his fame in constantly destroying parts of the school (as well as random other areas of the district), Sousuke had proven surprisingly hard to check up on. Orion had looked at numerous incongruent records that Ranma had "borrowed" from local offices, and after a little fact-checking, had found tell-tale signs of cover-ups and intelligence interventions.

Ranma couldn't help but wonder why the moon cat seemed so damned pleased at having their progress stymied. Still, it had all paid off when Orion finally ascertained a reliable address that wouldn't turn out to be another dead end! Sagara had covered his tracks well, but no primitive Earth soldier was a match for the premiere strategic advisor of the Moon Kingdom's Royal Military!

Of course, if you asked Ranma, he'd take all the credit for eventually asking a student down at the High School where Sousuke attended to point the guy out and then following him home. But Ranma's not the big important tactician, now is he? So nobody asked him. Still, even Ranma had to admit that keeping tabs on the guy was damn difficult.

The route Sousuke had taken back to his apartment wound through several completely redundant areas that seemed specifically chosen to force any following party to either abandon the cover that concealed them from view or lose sight of their target for a few precious minutes. It wasn't too big a problem for Ranma, who was following via rooftop, but Sousuke had more tricks up his sleeve, all of which he was willing to use apparently out of habit.

When Ranma had ridden the roof of the train car that Sousuke had entered, it was only sheer luck that Orion (who was nestled in his arms) had seen the mercenary boy exit a completely different car near the rear of the train. What Ranma found most strange was that the harder it got for him to track Sagara, the more visibly excited Orion would become. Cats were weird.

So here they were, standing in front of the open-air hallway in front of Sousuke's apartment, holding the various pieces of the three separate gas and electric traps that Orion had detected and Ranma had disarmed.

After double-checking that the doorbell wasn't trapped as well, Orion turned toward his first recruit. "Are you ready? Do it just like we planned."

Ranma was about to nod, but stopped short and frowned. "Hold on a minute." Dumping the items in his arms onto the ground, the martial artist promptly leapt over the railing separating the walkway from the open air over the sidewalk, and then swung down under it toward the floor below.

Orion was understandably confused. "Ranma? What are you-"

Bam! At that very moment, the door of the apartment next to the one he was standing in front of burst open, and a black-haired youth rolled out into a crouching position with a pistol aimed directly at the last source of noise: the gray-furred tomcat.

Sousuke was understandably confused upon seeing nothing in his crosshairs (figuratively, of course, this handgun didn't have a scope) except a relatively large, gray housecat. Even more confusing was that instead of freezing in place or simply scampering away, the feline immediately rolled to the side out of his line of fire and then crouched in the prone position, ready to dart for cover at a moment's notice and staring at him warily.

Although Sousuke found the reaction oddly admirable, it was nothing that he had time to concern himself with. Crouching low, Sousuke snuck around to check behind the door he had burst through to ensure that there were no enemies in the opposite direction.

'Odd, I know I heard voices,' Sousuke thought to himself, 'and I know someone was shadowing me earlier. Perhaps this was a diversion?'

Orion's mind raced. He had figured out by now that he and Ranma had fallen into an ambush, though Ranma seemed to have detected it and stayed out of sight. The plan was shot to hell; time to improvise.

"Hello there," said Orion experimentally, "nice day, isn't it? Don't shoot me."

Sousuke's gun immediately snapped around to aim directly at the moon cat. Orion repeated his earlier move and rolled to one side in a dodge.

"Please?" He asked somewhat bitterly, seeing that this time the mercenary had simply adjusted his aim. "Look, it's the talking cat thing, right? It's always the talking cat thing. That tends to freak people out, I know, but-"

Ranma made his move, darting over the railing and swiftly tackling the distracted Sousuke to the ground before subduing him in a fairly basic hold for neutralizing gun-wielding opponents. Sousuke, being no amateur in any capacity, recognized what was happening and quickly abandoned his weapon in order to try to reverse the hold, rather than simply firing blindly as Ranma had expected.

Still, when it came to grappling the pigtailed boy outclassed him by leaps and bounds, and Sousuke quickly found himself pressed onto the floor and helpless. "Well, that was unpleasant," mumbled Orion. "How'd you know he was going to ambush us?"

"I didn't," Ranma admitted, making sure not to take his eyes off his captive. "I remember seeing the mailman comin', and I remembered that we didn't bother to disarm the trap on the postbox. He's okay, though. Or he will be, eventually."

"Ah," the moon cat sweatdropped. Though he admired Sousuke for the most part from what he'd seen, he'd have to learn to go a little easier on the traps. "Well, whatever. Get him inside before someone sees a kid and a talking cat kidnapping a resident."

Once they were inside, Orion and Ranma silently considered Sagara, who had remained absolutely silent and had provided little resistance since being subdued. As expected, Orion found the attitude admirable, if not troublesome. Ranma just found it creepy.

"Okay then, let's get this show on the road," the moon cat started, gesturing for Ranma to hold Sousuke up to him. The mercenary's brow furrowed. He glanced behind him, then turned back around to stare at Orion. He remained silent.

"First, let me apologize for the... awkwardness of this situation," the tomcat began diplomatically. "Both in the vein of being captured in your own apartment and having a forced conversation with a talking cat. Let me assure you that my original plan of approach had dealt with these factors more gracefully."

He waited for a response from Sousuke. He didn't get one. "Okay. So, first off let me say that you're not going crazy; you can think of me as a magic talking cat from the distant past, though that's a vast simplification. Disregard it if you wish, but I AM a feline of human intelligence who possesses supernatural properties. My name is Orion. The fellow holding you is Ranma Saotome, an elite practitioner of the Saotome Ryu School of Indiscriminate Grappling."

"Hi, how ya doin'?" Ranma asked casually, not really expecting an answer and not getting one.

"So, can I assume you knew you were being followed, or do you always make yourself so difficult to track?" Orion asked.

Sousuke retained his stoic silence, although both assumptions were true.

"Not a talker. That's alright. We didn't come here to get information from you. We came here to recruit your help."

Sousuke raised an eyebrow.

"From what I've gathered, you're an international mercenary working for a larger mercenary organization," Orion said, pacing a bit and failing to realize how ridiculous it looked when he was a cat. "I couldn't find out which organization you work for, or what you're doing in Japan destroying parts of Tokyo, but that isn't important anyway. I want to hire your assistance for a low-level supernatural engagement in Tokyo."

Sousuke finally spoke. "This is NOT accepted procedure for approaching mercenary units for employment."

"Understood," Orion said immediately. "Unfortunately, many of those routes aren't available to me, for obvious reasons, and Ranma is hardly more viable an option for hiring commandos. Our only recourse was to force a meeting and explain the situation in person, hoping that you'd abandon your current plans to help defend Tokyo from monstrous shadow invaders." He stopped for a moment. "And I assure you, that plan didn't sound nearly as stupid then as it does now." He nodded at Ranma. "Do you have that article I gave you?"

Ranma released one of Sousuke's arms, removing a newspaper page from his pocket and flipping it in Orion's direction just in time to grab Sousuke's free hand and force the knife from his grip. That both of his captors took his escape attempt in stride was not lost on Sousuke, who frowned as he looked over the newspaper article that Orion was laying out.

"I've seen this article before."

The gray cat blinked in mild surprise. "You have?" The article was very recent, and it featured a blurry picture of a blonde girl in an unusually short skirt getting blasted aside by a hideous-looking green woman with unusually long arms. Despite the picture, the article detailed how Sailor Moon had eventually triumphed over the monster and rescued the reporter, among others, who seemed to be suffering extreme exhaustion.

Sousuke nodded slowly, deciding how much he could tell his current captors. Since they didn't appear to want to harm him, small, irrelevant admissions might hasten his release. "In my current assignment it's critical that I identify possible threats in the general area. An attack by a 'youma' seemed unlikely, but I have taken precautions."

"So you haven't written off these creatures as myth, then?"

"No matter what they actually are, they have proven to be a common enough occurrence that they've been captured on film and accepted as fact by the mainstream media. A complete fabrication is unlikely."

Orion nodded. "Let me tell you a few things about these youma..."

* * *

After a long talk, two more disarmings that finally cumulated in Ranma releasing Sousuke (he was starting to get cramps), and a demonstration of Ranma's curse just to further prove that Sousuke had either been yanked headfirst into a world of magic and chaos or he was going insane, the mercenary leaned back in his chair to consider what he'd been told.

"So I'm to believe that unlicensed and untrained civilians are being recruited as vigilante soldiers in order to combat a foothold operation by a supernatural army?"

Orion shrugged and patted the newspaper article. "That much is pretty much out in the open. I just gave you the details."

"And I'm also to believe that you, a... 'magic talking cat,' are gathering trained specialists to assist these vigilantes in the shadow war? And that Saotome is the first of these specialists that you've procured for this purpose?" He took another suspicious glance at Ranma-chan's breasts and neck, though the cursed boy had already confirmed the physical change to Sousuke's satisfaction (much to Ranma's personal humiliation).

"Correct. I can't imagine how this klutz has managed to stay alive this long, but the outcome of this battle could set the stage for a large-scale invasion, and I'm sure as hell not willing to put it all in her hands," Orion tapped the picture of Sailor Moon again for emphasis, and Sousuke had to admit that the picture of said heroine shouting and waving her arms around seemed to underline his point.

"Why the need for small -scale engagements?" Sousuke asked, steering the conversation in another direction. Normally he would perfectly able to embark on a mission with as much information as he had already been given, but these were certainly not normal circumstances.

"Why do you not secure the help of public officials and the JSDF?"

"Political riffraff, mostly," Orion explained bluntly, "the various Japanese defense forces are already doing their best to root out the threat, but they have no idea what they're doing. They COULD coordinate with the Senshi or myself, but as soon as we expose our efforts such that government intervention is possible, we open ourselves up to political scrutiny."

"Understood," Sousuke said promptly, needing no further explanation. He was well aware of the complications political intervention could cause. "So this team will be small and exclusively covert in operations?"

"To a degree. Unfortunately most of our missions will have to be reactionary, but all the battles are expected to be small-scale and squad-based," Orion explained, "your flair for... well... explosives among other things would be extremely helpful to our efforts. What do you say?"

Ranma dumped some hot water over his head, distracting the mercenary for a moment as he watched the redhead grow several inches and change hair color.

"I'll have to think about it," Sousuke admitted, turning back to the cat and idly wondering just how the hell he had gotten used to the idea of a talking cat so quickly, "pending the completion of my current mission, which is due in approximately a week, and my passing of a psychological exam to ensure that you're not merely a hallucination, you may contact me again. I may then decide to go on an extended leave of duty from my current employers."

Ranma and Orion both sweatdropped at hearing how calmly and seriously the mercenary discussed the possibility of being insane, but were otherwise pleasantly surprised that Sousuke had agreed even to think about it.

"Can we reach you here if we need to speak to you again?" Orion asked.

"No. Please understand that I must change residences immediately now that you've tracked me to my base and seen its interior. Standard procedure," Sousuke said in what Ranma guessed was an approximation of an apologetic tone. Orion merely nodded, smiling approvingly. Then Sousuke took out a piece of note paper and scribbled a few numbers on it before pushing it forward to Orion (he really was getting way too used to the idea that the cat was the leader and not Ranma).

"This is a number you can contact me with. Do not attempt to triangulate the source of the signal." He was about to request that they memorize the number and destroy the note, but the words died on his lips as Orion nodded and then shredded the paper apart with his claws.

"Got it. We're all done here. Thank you for your time," the moon cat said politely before jumping into Ranma's lap.

"Cool. See ya later," Ranma said, scooping Orion up into his arms and getting ready to exit.

Sousuke frowned. "Pardon me; Saotome?"

Ranma turned around. "Yeah? What's up?"

"Tell me, why did you agree to this?" Sousuke asked. The mercenary boy was disturbed, not so much by the absurdity of the situation, but by the way the strange talking cat had made it all sound perfectly logical and reasonable. Orion had a way of speaking and certain mannerisms that Sousuke found comforting, to the point that he almost forgot that he was having a conversation with a talking animal about fighting magical monsters. To that end, he had hoped that talking to the human of the pair (if the shape-shifter really was human) would keep his mind more firmly grounded in reality.

Ranma considered the question for a few seconds, then shrugged. "Hey, the world's at stake, right? Am I just gonna stand back and let it all go to hell?"

"So then you believe that story?" Sousuke asked, his expression betraying nothing. Orion remained silent, willing to hear his prospective soldiers out.

Ranma shrugged. "I'm willing to find out if it's true or not. In the meantime, I 'aint got nothing better to do."

Sousuke nodded, his expression strangely grave. "I see. Good day then. Thank you for not destroying my trap components; they are expensive."

"No prob. See ya!"

* * *

"Hey, Orion?" Ranma asked after they were away from the apartment, and after checking that nobody would be able to hear him talking to his cat.

"Yes?"

"When we were talking to Sagara, you said that you were going to 'hire' him, right? He's a mercenary."

Orion nodded. "Of course. Our request is dubious enough without asking him to do dangerous combat work for free."

"So, wait, you have money?" Ranma asked, feeling a bit cheated. Not that he cared if he was paid for saving the world, but as it was, he was still retreating back to the Tendo Dojo every day for meals. If the moon cat had money on him, Ranma felt the least he could do was spring for lunch.

"Of course not," Orion chided. "When the put me in stasis I only had about two hundred Silver credits to my name, and that currency is useless here."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Are those credits MADE of silver?"

"No, it's just the name. They're just refined quartz crystals."

"Oh... what a gyp."

"You're telling me."

The pigtailed boy frowned. "So, how do you plan on paying Sagara if you have no money?"

"Well, obviously, you'll have to get a job," Orion said calmly, as if this was a matter that had been decided long ago.

"Aww, man... so instead of getting paid to save the world like Sagara, I have to PAY to save the world?" Ranma complained.

"The path of a martial artist is fraught with peril," Orion parroted, remembering the line that Genma seemed to use whenever he shouldered Ranma with some unfair burden.

"Yeah, yeah..."


	6. Preparations

"Hey Pop. I'm back," Ranma announced casually as he jumped into the yard and started heading into the house, hands in his pockets. Predictably, Genma immediately jumped to his feet to stand in front of him.

"Just where have you been, boy? Every day it's the same thing: you run off to who-knows-where to do who-knows-what while your fiancee spends her day in school like a proper child!"

Ranma directed a flat gaze at his father. "No kiddin'. So now school is 'proper' instead of a 'waste of valuable training time'?"

Soun arrived next to Genma to back him up, having been delayed several seconds while he shifted around the shogi pieces in the game they were playing. "Son, this had gone on long enough. Don't you have any pride? Don't you realize the embarrassment and humiliation my daughter suffers when her own fiancee is some vagrant who is never seen with her in public?"

Kasumi seemed to materialize on the scene a moment later, laundry in her hand. "Oh, but Father, didn't Akane say that's exactly what she wants?" the Tendo homemaker asked hesitantly as she started hanging up some sheets. "Nabiki said she even used the engagement to end some of the bullying at school."

Soun twitched, trying to think of an appropriately nice way to reprimand Kasumi for telling the truth; after figuring out that Ranma had better things to do than spend time with Akane, Nabiki had suggested (at a premium rate) that Akane use the engagement to get out of the morning battles and distract Tatewaki Kuno from bothering her. And it had mostly worked (Kuno now spent only half his time bothering her, while the rest of the time he spent trying to locate Akane's wandering fiance).

Akane had now gained a technical "off-limits" status (that Dr. Tofu conveniently didn't know about) around Furinkan, she barely ever saw her fiance, and to top it all off, there was this nice kitty that had taken to hanging around the Tendo property that she really liked (for some reason Akane never did figure out that the cat wasn't nearly so keen on her). Akane was curious as anyone else what Ranma was up to all day, but the boy was suspiciously tight-lipped about the whole thing. Case in point...

"Shove off, wouldja? It's been a rough day and I've got trainin' da to." He tried to step around Genma, but the rotund man blocked his progress.

"Oh, no you don't! If you won't listen to reason Ranma, then I'll just have to beat it into you! You want training? I'll give you training!"

Ranma blinked, then grinned and jumped back as he took his hands out of his pockets. "All right, then bring it on, old man!"

From the sidelines, Orion nodded at the sight approvingly as Kasumi scratched behind his ears, eliciting a rumbling purr from the moon cat. For the moment, things were going mostly as planned. Not that those plans were themselves perfect, but his progress was a swift as he would've dared hope. Still, there was the issue of funds. Ranma was poor as dirt and he had already ascertained the Tendo family was deep in debt. And while Ranma seemed grudgingly willing to take a job to help in that department, he doubted it would be enough.

Kasumi moved on, leaving the gray tom a saucer of milk. As he lapped it up, Orion considered other methods of securing funds. Taking another inventory of his subspace pocket revealed nothing of particular value that could be sold, save maybe his grenades (which would have to be sold on dubious and dangerous markets). His survival lantern had a magic-based power cell, but while some scientists from this world would love to get their hands on it, Earth's current technology couldn't possibly replicate the simple device without another fifty years of progress, making it maybe twice as valuable as an ordinary lantern (not a useful sum by any stretch of the imagination; besides, he really liked that lantern).

Wasn't there any other quick source of funds nearby? Hmmmm...

* * *

Nabiki passed some juice down the table as she snuck a sideways glance at Ranma, who continued eating/fighting with his father while totally ignorant of the curious expressions everyone kept giving him.

"So Ranma, today's not a school day, you know. Are you going to actually stick around, or do you have plans?" Nabiki asked smoothly, pinned all eyes on the pigtailed boy.

Ranma fended off the latest assault by his father and swallowed his sausage before answering. "I dunno. I'll find out later."

"I don't think so," Soun said immediately, trying to sound authoritative. "Ranma, you've been dodging your responsibility long enough! Today you'll spend the day with your fiancee! I mean, really, are you planning to marry someone you hardly know or spend any time with?"

The Tendo daughters all turned flat stares toward their father (even Kasumi got in on this), who kept his own expression locked on Ranma, completely unaware of the irony of his last sentence.

"Nope, I sure 'aint," Ranma said honestly, quickly cleaning the rest of his plate while making an offensive against Genma's breakfast at the same time.

"Well, good!" Soun said, nodding in approval. "Then you can start getting to know Akane by taking her out on a date today! We'll have the priest waiting for you when you get back!"

Akane's chopsticks snapped in her hand. "DAD! I don't WANT to spend the day with this pervert, much less marry him!"

Ranma quickly finished off his plate, kicked Genma outside, and then stood up. "Your wish is my command, oh uncute one." Leaping back to avoid the hammer strike, the pigtailed boy quickly darted out the back door and then hopped onto the roof.

Orion was already waiting. The moon cat nodded at him and then nudged his head to the side. Ranma blinked, a bit surprised that Orion was giving him the signal that it wasn't safe to talk there, but picked the tomcat up and then leapt across the street.

* * *

"Captain Testarossa, I have the reports you asked for, and the clearance forms," Commander Andrei Kalinin said as he stood rigidly at attention in the doorway to Captain Teletha Testarossa's quarters.

"Thank you, Commander," the platinum-haired girl said pleasantly, taking the thin stack of folders and placing them on the coffee table.

Next to the coffee table, Kaname Chidori sat on the couch, fingering her new uniform. "Are those Sousuke's files?"

Kaname nodded as she sat back down on the opposite couch. "They are. I thought the reports would be... of interest to both of us." Smiling a mysterious smile, she opened up the first folder and looked at the title. Her smile immediately dissolved as she blinked.

"Commander? Why did Sergeant Sagara undertake an extensive psyche examination? I thought he had cleared one previous to his latest mission? Was it because of the effects of the lambda driver?" Teletha asked as she turned back to Kalinin.

The Russian man remained where he was, standing rigidly despite the otherwise relaxed atmosphere. "I wondered the same, but Sergeant Sagara didn't give a particular reason for requesting one."

Teletha blinked. "He requested it himself?"

"Yes Captain." Kalinin paused, then continued. "And I approved of his decision, given his actions upon returning to the Danaan."

"Why? What'd he do?" Kaname asked suspiciously, though she didn't know what all the fuss was about. From her perspective, if there was ever someone who needed some time with a shrink, it was Sousuke.

"Sergeant Sousuke confiscated all pets kept by crew on the Danaan - mostly gerbils and small lizards, given our regulations on such things - and spent four hours in the brig thoroughly interrogating them. Once he was finished, he declared that none of the animals were security threats, and returned them to their owners." He paused for a moment as the two teenagers stared at him. "The animals appeared to be unharmed, although they now all show an unusual aversion to the Sergeant's presence. Dr. Halbert's guineau pig actually managed to chew its way through the bars of its cage to get away when Sagara was undergoing his physical."

Kaname's left eye twitched. "That seems a bit... paranoid. And I mean paranoid for Sousuke, not just for normal people." Then she frowned. "So did he pass the exam?"

"With flying colors," Kalinin explained, shrugging.

Teletha shook her head to rid it of the image of Sousuke waterboarding a dog (there were no dogs on the Danaan, but that was the image she had come up with). "That's... good. I assume there's more? There are a lot more reports here than I requested."

"Yes Captain. I figured that they would be of interest to you. You see, Sergeant Sousuke Sagara is currently requesting a hiatus from duty for an indeterminant period of time in order to pursue a private mission that was offered to him." Kalinin braced himself for the coming explosion.

"WHAT?!" Teletha shouted in horror, jumping up and curling her hands under her chin.

"YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME!" Kanama snarled, leaning forward and slamming her hands onto the coffee table. "After all that crap I had to go through to finally end up here, and he just up and leaves?"

"I fail to see what your employment by Mithril has to do with Sagara's ventures," Kalinin lied with a perfectly straight face, "but as he followed protocol flawlessly, I had no choice but to give him clearance. He's already on his way back to the Japanese mainland."

"But why?" The silver-haired captain asked, her eyes turning round and dewy in a comically adorable manner. "What is this mission?"

"As he explained, it involved investigating and combatting a terrorist menace within urban Tokyo by joining a small covert team of combat operatives. The details are, as you might expect, classified," Kalinin explained apologetically.

"Whoa, whoa, hold your horses!" Kaname said irritably. "Doesn't Sousuke work for YOU? How can he just up and leave to go do some other job?"

"First of all, he didn't just 'up and leave', he completed his mission and then went through many admittedly long and awkward procedures in order to make this request," Kalinin said bluntly, "second of all , Mithril is composed largely of experienced mercenaries who have their own contacts, reputations, and allies from previous assignments and battlefields. It's not uncommon for some of our men to occasionally request leave in order to undertake assignments from old commanders or employers. Though we do take... 'certain measures' that ensure those men don't end up opposed to Mithril, or leaking critical information."

"And you let them? Even when they won't tell you who they're working for or what the missions are about?" Kaname griped.

"We do precisely the same thing to our soldiers," Kalinin deadpanned, "why would that bother us?" He turned again to address Captain Testarossa, who was still fretting. "We do have one lead on his current assignment, though it's up to you whether we investigate it or not: several days ago he requested our intelligence department do a low-level search and put together a dossier on one 'Ranma Saotome'. The reasons were classified."

Teletha quickly sorted through the pile to pick out the appropriate folder. She stared for a moment at the photograph. 'Hmmm... he's handsome... but not stoic or cool like Mr. Sagara.' She began flipping through the folder, blinking in surprise at how short it was. "What's wrong? This is all the information we have?"

"Correct, Captain. Ranma Saotome has been registered with the Japanese government as a citizen, but seems to have had very little contact with civilization since birth. The explanation is that his father, who has a MUCH more interesting dossier, has taken him into the wilderness for an extended period of time to give his son advanced survival and hand-to-hand combat training. As the file says, Ranma Saotome has completed precisely three years of school his entire life - each of those ending with sub-standard grades - and has only recently registered with Furinkan High School in the Nerima district of Tokyo. Oddly enough, he has yet to actually attend a single class despite being registered there. His current residence is listed as the Tendo Dojo in the same area."

Kaname shuddered, hoping she wouldn't end up on any sort of mission into Nerima. She had heard all sorts of crazy stories about that place. Teletha glanced up from the report, and Kalinin was slightly taken aback at the sudden steel behind her gaze. "I want the blank spots in this file filled, Commander. Upgrade the intelligence sweep on this Ranma Saotome, and give me the files on his immediate family and closest associates."

Kaname sweatdropped and scooted over to the other couch so that she could place a hand on her friend/rival's shoulder. "Come on Tessa, don't you think you're overreacting a little? I mean, it's just like Sousuke to do something stupid like this, and apparently it's not that rare. I mean, what are you going to do once you figure out what he's doing? Drag him back here?"

Teletha immediately deflated. "I... I don't know. I just... have the feeling that if I do nothing, he'll end up... he'll end up..." she curled her hands up under her chin again in a horrified expression that would have made Joseph Stalin himself want to give her a comforting hug, and Kaname and Kalinin exchanged a concerned glance. "He'll end up working alongside a bunch of sleazy, half-naked, boy-hungry teenage girls who'll steal him away for themselves!"

Kaname and Kalinin both sported king-size sweatdrops. "Okay, 'Whispered' psychic powers or not, that's just crazy," the blue-haired girl asserted.

Teletha blinked. "Oh. I guess you're right. I'm probably just imagining things."

Kalinin carefully excused himself before he allowed himself to roll his eyes. Women.

* * *

Nabiki grumbled a bit as she walked up to her room, irritated at the debacle at breakfast. Here she had been trying to do a little detective work for everyone - and for FREE, no less! - and her idiot father had to go and muck up the whole thing. All they had to do was back her up and stare at the dumb jock while she interrogated him, but NOOOOOO...

'I guess Daddy's more serious about this stupid engagement than I thought,' she mused to herself. 'He really can't shut up about it. I'll make sure to factor that in next time.' Shaking her head, she opened up the door to her room, and quickly her eyes narrowed.

Something was amiss.

Stepping inside and silently closing her door, she looked around at her room. Her window was still open the relatively small crack she kept it at so that she could tell if someone had opened it further in order to sneak in through there (a necessity with all the Ninja around, she kept it open wide enough to look inviting, but narrowly enough that even a shrimp like Kuno's Ninja Sasuke couldn't actually get through without moving it), but she could see that someone had messed up the sheets on her bed right under the window. More than that, papers had been scattered on her desk, and her drawers bore distinct signs of being tampered with.

When she glanced at her closet, though, her jaw dropped and her hackles rose. Her closet door was open, and in the corner, behind some shoes and a dress that had been knocked out of the way, a charred steel box lay with the broken and burnt pieces of a combination lock laying before it.

Dashing to the box, her heart in her throat, Nabiki tore the top open and stared inside dreadfully.

Her master ledger: Accounted for. Super-secret porn-quality blackmail evidence: Still there, though they were in a position that indicated each one had been observed. College fund bond certificates: Present. Her favorite vibrator: Present, and looking to be carefully untouched.

Secret money stash: ... AWOL. Oh, look, and here's a note in its place.

[I.O.U.: 800,000 yen confiscated for emergency national defense funding. Signed, Orion Halinjor, Sailor Senshi personal advisor.]

It is testament to Nabiki's intellect that she didn't tear the note up into little shreds in her absolute rage.

"I'VE BEEN ROBBED! ROBBED! CITIES WILL BURN AND CHILDREN WILL PERISH!

YOU HEAR ME?! SOMEBODY IS GOING TO SUFFER FOR THIS!"

* * *

"Whoa, so you got money now? How'd ya get it?" Ranma asked curiously as he cradled the cat in his arms while on the roof of the train (they weren't going to waste cash on fare, and Ranma was perfectly comfortable traveling this way anyhow).

"Using the only other cantrip I know besides 'mind meld' and 'subspace storage'," Orion explained. "It's a minor demolition spell called 'bit bomb'. Similar in effect to an M-80."

Ranma took a moment to digest this, then cocked his head to one side. "How would that help you make money?"

"That is classified," Orion said evenly. Ranma rolled his eyes. "Needless to say, many sacrifices are necessary in times of war. We should all just be thankful that not all sacrifices are measured in human lives."

"Riiight..." Ranma mumbled, wondering why the moon cat was trying to justify something when he wouldn't say what it was he had done.

"Okay then. Next stop the Konoe mansion"


	7. Help Wanted:Magi-Experience Not Required

"I have to say, we really started off on the wrong foot here, and it's just getting worse," Ranma said as he walked along the hallway, hands in the air. Half a dozen katana blades were all drawn around him, ready to cut him apart if he tried to dash in any direction. His guards all moved carefully along with him, except for a young woman behind him prodding him forward. Ranma grit his teeth as he felt a small, sharp pain in his butt cheek that he assumed was from the girl's naginata. He was moving along as quickly as the damn guards would let him; couldn't she stop jabbing him in the ass?

The guards, meanwhile, tried to remain serious and angry and not sweatdrop as the female of their number once again pinched the pigtailed boy's butt while grinning like a madwoman. It was a near thing, but stoicism won the day.

Orion, meanwhile, was being transported in an equally humiliating fashion, as a man held the cat up by the scruff of his neck. The man was also evidently a wizard (which brought mixed feelings from the moon cat at this point), seeing as how he had earlier frozen Ranma in place with a spell.

Both of them had tricks that probably would have allowed them to escape this debacle relatively unharmed, but both elected to wait patiently for now. This was (more or less) the audience they'd come for in the first place, and it wouldn't do to antagonize the people they were going to ask for help any further.

Pinch. "Would ya knock it off, ya crazy chick?" Ranma growled, not QUITE as concerned about pissing off their hosts as one might expect. For all his rudeness, however, the girl merely giggled and slapped him in the rear.

Ranma groaned. Now she was smacking him with that stupid weapon of hers instead of just poking him. Crazy women. Before long they arrived in a formal meeting hall, and Ranma sighed as he got a look at a gentle-looking middle-aged man sitting at the end of the hall in formal robes; obvious the master of this mansion. Not out of resignation, but relief; all pressure on his butt had vanished once they entered this room.

"Ah, so these are the intruders," the man said, smiling in a way that wasn't particularly condescending or sadistic. "They don't seem like burglars, do they?"

"Hey! We 'aint no thieves!" Ranma shouted indignantly.

Orion remained silent, and not because he didn't want to reveal he could talk. He HAD done some burglary lately (unauthorized borrowing! Really!) and he didn't know if they had some magical lie detector established.

"We caught them tromping around the main yard, spying on the mansion," the wizard holding Orion explained.

"Oh? So what reason do you two have for trespassing?" Master Konoe said calmly.

Orion spoke up. "We were scouting for mages. We heard we might find one here."

The man turned toward the cat without even so much as a raised eyebrow. Apparently they were used to the idea of talking animals. "Oh? And what made you think there were mages here?"

"Ya mean before or after this clown trapped me in some kinda force field?" Ranma snapped, jerking his head at the mage with his pet/commander.

Though the mage glared at him, Konoe chuckled. "Very well. Let's say you've... caught us. By the looks of things you two are already fairly well-versed in the existence of magic, so there's no need for secrecy or memory manipulation here. And it seems you haven't come to do anyone harm."

"The boy knocked out two of our guards before I could stop him," the mage growled.

"They attacked ME with swords swingin', and I didn't hurt 'em near as bad as they tried ta hurt me," Ranma growled back. 'Whatever happens here, I hope we don't get stuck with this dork working for us.'

"Enough," Konoe said, and the mage lowered his head. Ranma kept his chin up, but remained silent. "I would know what your story is, if you desire our help."

"Ah, yeah. About that..." Orion looked about at the numerous servants and attendant family members that were present to witness the spectacle. "This matter is fairly... sensitive and rather a secret. Perhaps we could speak more privately."

The mage scoffed and shook him slightly. "Everyone in attendance here knows about magic, mundanes and all."

'Mundanes, huh? Interesting term...' Orion thought. "Irrelevant. I don't care if everyone here is a graduate archmage from the Silver Millennium itself. My mission is too sensitive to blab to anyone who doesn't absolutely need to know." He jabbed a paw at the Konoe patriarch. "As far as I can tell, that would be him and no one else here. If you don't wish to talk to me in private, then let us go and we won't bother you anymore."

Several of the other individuals in the hall began to get restless at this, and the mage bristled. Orion got worried the mage was going to try something and readied himself. All he had to do was slam his head back and cast a bit bomb, and then he'd be released and could provide enough of a distraction for Ranma to get free. Of course, the poor mage would likely lose most of his hand in the escape attempt, but Orion was living proof that an intelligent being could get along just fine without opposable thumbs.

Konoe, however, was looking at the cat with an amused glint in his eyes. "Very well. I will talk with the cat personally. Alone."

The mage hesitated. "Master Konoe?"

"Come now, let the poor creature down. Do you think so little of me that I can't defend myself from a housecat?" Not that anybody in particular really wanted the Eastern mage dead badly enough to send an assassin, but the wizard was still extremely reluctant in dropping the gray tomcat onto the floor.

Orion ruffled a bit, and took a moment to crane his neck back and lick the spot where he had been gripped. Dropping a glare at the mage, Orion trotted off toward Konoe, who gestured into the next room and let the moon cat enter first.

Ranma looked around, noting with a growing sense of boredom that everybody seemed to be getting up and leaving after the anticlimactic finish. Except him, obviously, since he was still surrounded at swordpoint.

Pinch. "Ow!" He turned his neck to glare at the wildly grinning woman.

"So big boy, what's your sign?"

* * *

"Ah, yes. We've had some limited contact with the youma," Konoe said a bit sadly. "Several of our trainee demon hunters encountered one quite by accident a few days ago. The trainees were all drained of energy and several were killed. Luckily one of our mages arrived in time to drive the beast off. It had apparently been stealing people's life energy and bending them to its will for weeks."

Orion bristled. "They've made it this far? Damn..." He shook his head. "Still, Sailor Moon, and from what I've read recently, Mercury are making decent progress in slowing their point operation in Tokyo. Because these monsters are particularly embittered with us, we've been doing our best to contain them with what limited resources we have. If you'd like to mobilize your own forces to deal with the threat, I could coordinate the efforts, but I must ask that all information pertaining to the Senshi beyond that which escapes to the local media be kept secret."

"Oh, that won't be a problem," Konoe assured him. "And actually, I think I WILL leave it to you."

Orion blinked. Twice. "Really? Did I forget to describe Sailor Moon to you? She literally trips over her OWN HAIR."

"No, I got that," the councilman mumbled with a sweatdrop. "Tell me, you said you were a military advisor, correct?"

"Yeah..."

"Are you familiar with the difficulties of convincing a political council of... say... anything that isn't as obvious as the sun itself?" Konoe sighed. "You see, the only evidence I have of this 'infestation' of youma is a single encounter, the testimony of a magic cat and maybe that young man that Hanabe is feeling up right now, and dozens of news articles and stories from entirely reputable media sources."

"By Serenity's fuzzy bunny slippers..." Orion breathed, "you're completely S.O.L. aren't you?"

"Yeah. Pretty much," Konoe mumbled, his face darkening. "The Kansai Mage Council wouldn't believe a growing threat from within Japan without months of hearings and probably a youma itself to testify and give a confession in person. On the other hand, if you whispered to one in the bathroom that Merlin had risen from the dead and was planning to take Hokkaido, you'd see every magic-user and half-way competent fighter gathered in the snow drifts."

Orion blinked, not understanding the hatred between some of the Western and Eastern mages, and thus not appreciating the hyperbole. "But is it possible for me to inquire about hiring a combat mage to assist the Senshi?"

Konoe nodded hesitantly. "I don't have high hopes for the response, but you came to the right place. I don't have the authority to assign magi employers or long-term missions, and there are no qualified combat magi on my property anyway; my family specializes in healing, you see."

Orion nodded, but said nothing. While a healing mage might be useful, they'd be a liability in combat and drag down his team. In addition, he recalled that the Senshi had their own healing magic; he could leave it to them.

"I can put in a request for you to the Kansai Magic Council. As it will bear my name, I can guarantee that they'll actually read the entire thing." Konoe then shrugged, crushing Orion's hopes for that being an incomplete sentence.

"Well, whatever the result, I thank you humbly for your assistance," Orion said, bowing as best a cat could.

Crash! "Hanabe!" Came a shout from outside, "that is NOT a proper use of the ancient blade techniques of our ancestors!"

"Hee hee!"

"GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!" Came Ranma's voice, followed by more loud noises.

Konoe sweatdropped. "You keep some... interesting company."

Orion sighed. "Right back atcha."

* * *

The Eastern Conclave of Magi were known for many things.

Efficiency, competence, swiftness, and rationality... were not among them. This was the same council that would have, in another timeline, sat around twiddling its thumbs as one of their agents went tromping around in Japan turning people to stone, disrupting fairs with open, wide-ranging displays of magic power, kidnapping a certain council member's daughter, and summoning an oni the size of the Empire State Building that would have certainly gone on a complete rampage had it not been for the timely (if not coerced) intervention of an equally evil force of magic.

Their response: "What? It all worked out fine in the end, didn't it?"

Yes, with all the bickering and in-fighting and political intrigue and xenophobia, the Easter Mage Councils had become roughly the equivalent of backwater police forces awaiting the arrival of Scooby-Doo.

As a certain magic school dropout once said of them: "They're like the UN, except instead of being powerless they're just lazy."

When the request for a combat magi reached a couple of council members on the committee to decide upon the members of the committee that would confirm this particular order for consideration, they did, indeed, read the entire thing after seeing Master Konoe's signature.

"Bah! You gotta be kidding me! MORE help for those stupid magical girls? We already have so many demon hunters out there we're practically tripping over them! Why do we have to send MORE of our people out to stir up trouble among the mundanes?" The first man griped.

The second man, being relatively new, did not follow his companion's attitude. "Send MORE? Who have we already sent?"

"What? You don't remember? I cleared that Azusa girl myself for that Mamono Hunter broad!"

"You keep bringing that up. That's the only time you've ever cleared a request. And she wasn't even a mage; you just drove up to a foster home and asked the girl running a lemonade stand if she'd 'like a better job'."

"Hey, that request specifically said 'on-the-job training'. She was every bit as qualified as the first two brats I tried to sucker into it."

"ANYWAY, this request came from Master Konoe himself. We can't just ignore it."

"Bah. He gets along too well with those xenophiles in the Kanto council."

Sigh. "Who get along too well with the Western magi, right?"

"Yeah! Why can't THOSE barbarians deal with this kind of crap?"

"Hmmmm... you know... we have Konoe's name on this request... he DOES get along well with the Westerners... well enough to apply for a job from their council, even..."

"Really? So, we can just start sending them our paperwork whenever it has 'Konoe' signed on it?"

"I'm thinking so."

"Sweet! You go do that! I'm going to go take a nap."

* * *

International politics are a funny thing. They're even funnier when magic is involved and none of those holding talks have the power to ignite the entire planet into a nuclear bonfire.

A job request for a combat magi was sent to England, coincidentally alongside a specific request for one Negi Springfield to come to Mahora private school to teach English. The man to receive both holographic magic letters tapped his pencil against his cheek and smirked at the ludicrousness of the message, not to mention how silly Headmaster Konoe looked with that skull that stretched out behind him like some kind of squash. Shaking his head, the young magic intern started filling out the appropriate forms, mumbling to himself as he did so.

"Okay... employer request... Orion Halinshor... organization... Sailor Senshi and Associates... Snicker! Man, what are they thinkin' getting some ten year-old kid to teach an English class. Crazy Japs." In his amusement, he didn't notice he had accidentally filled in the name of said kid in the field that should have been left blank on this document.

Two requests were submitted with Negi's name as the requested applicant. An uninformed advisor who had better things to do looked at both the requests and concluded that the position as English teacher was obviously the wrong one, since Negi Springfield was so young and he had requested a great deal of focus in combat magic. The paperwork was corrected and moved on behind the prying eyes of those who knew better.

Ah, gotta love the bureaucracy.

* * *

"Goodbye sister! Goodbye Anya!" A child with reddish-brown hair done in a bristly ponytail hugged his childhood friend goodbye and waved to a blonde young woman standing behind her.

"Negi, are you sure about this? It's going to be awfully dangerous, you know?" Nekane Springfield, Negi's cousin and adoptive sister, looked worried. "I mean, demon hunting? It's a bit much to give to anyone so young..."

Negi suddenly clenched his fists and looked determined. "Maybe so. But I have to be strong and succeed. If I want to be a Magister Magi, this is what I have to do." Then he smiled.

"Besides, I'm rather GLAD it's something important and serious like demon hunting. I was afraid I'd have a task to do something silly." He leaned in closer. "For example, I heard that Keitaro Urashima is being sent back home to teach English! Hardly a job for a wizard, don't you think?"

Anya snorted. "For him, it's appropriate. That guy's got about as much wizarding potential as Chamo."

"Well, I wished him luck anyway, since I was glad I didn't stuck with a job like that," Negi confided. "I even heard it was an all-girls school. I hope Urashima gets along well with women."

Meanwhile, at the other end of the train, Keitaro Urashima suddenly looked up into the sky and frowned, wondering why he felt as if destiny was flipping him off.


	8. First Skirmish

Negi looked at the front gates of the Tendo Dojo, flipping through the mini Kanji dictionary in his hands to decipher the symbols.

"The Japanese have such a... complicated system of writing... and I thought latin was a bother..." the little boy mumbled as he ascertained that he was, indeed, at the right place. Taking a deep breath, Negi gripped his tall wooden staff and moved forward through the gates to the front door before knocking curtly.

He waited several seconds, until finally a woman who looked to be around twenty years of age opened the door. The woman saw only the head of the staff at first, and then blinked when she glanced down.

"Oh, hello! What can I do for you?" Kasumi said brightly, her smile turning up a few kilowatts upon seeing what a cute little boy was at the door. It took all of her traditional Japanese politeness to resist scooping the little boy up and giving him a hug; he was just THAT cute.

"I'm here to so Ori... wait..." Negi frowned and glanced over his instructions again. "My name is Negi Springfield. I'm here to see Ranma Saotome. Is he or she in?" Negi had only recently become effectively fluent in Japanese, so he couldn't tell boy's names from girl's names at this point.

Kasumi, on the other hand, assumed that Negi was talking about Ranma's ability to be either a he or she depending on the temperature of the closest source of water, and thus now felt certain that the little foreign boy was obviously Ranma's friend. "He's right inside. Please follow me, Negi-kun!"

* * *

"I'm telling you, I don't know nothin' about it!" Ranma growled, his arm supporting his cheek while his elbow was planted on the dining room table.

"Then what's your alibi, huh Saotome?" Nabiki snapped, her eyes narrowed. "Where were you Friday afternoon?"

Ranma blinked, then bigsweated. He couldn't tell her what he had been up to, but if he didn't say anything, she'd take that as an admission of guilt. But... wait! "What does that hafta do with it?" He snapped back after a moment. "You telling me you were robbed on Friday and you didn't even notice 'til after breakfast on Saturday?"

Nabiki resisted the urge to snap her fingers in irritation. She had long since removed Ranma as a likely suspect for the robbery, but she had been hoping to use the situation to her advantage. Of course, if Ranma had applied the same level of thought he had just used to get himself out of Nabiki's trap to Nabiki's query in the first place, he would have figured out it was probably Orion's work. But to be perfectly honest, he didn't like Nabiki much (it didn't help her case at all with her yelling accusations at him), and he had more important things on his mind than stolen cash.

"Nabiki, why did you even have that much sitting around here?" Akane asked. "Don't you have a bank account?"

The mercenary girl glared at her. "Of course I have a bank account. And most of my money is still in there. But my operations deal with CASH, Akane. Meaning I need a sizeable cash base at hand her at home to work with." Then she slammed a fist down on the table. "And I won't rest until I find the slimeball that dared take money from me!" She had as of yet refrained from identifying said slimeball as Orion Halinshor, making sure to check all of her suspects out as if she had nothing to work with. Besides, the name sounded like a fake alias anyway.

At that moment, Kasumi entered the room, being followed by a short little boy. Both Nabiki and Akane immediately fell silent as they resisted the urge to squeeze him like a plush toy.

"Ranma, Negi Springfield is here to see you," Kasumi said brightly.

Ranma blinked, stared at the kid who was obviously looking at all those assembled trying to figure out which one was Ranma, and then blinked again. Akane, Nabiki, Soun, and Genma all stared at the English boy, then slowly turned toward Ranma. Negi saw this and made a tentative guess as to who his contact was.

He stepped forward. "Ranma Saotome? I'm Negi Springfield. I'm here about... uh..." he glanced about, wondering if there might be mundanes in the audience. "I'm here about a job," he finished vaguely.

It was enough. Ranma snapped his fingers as he figured out who the kid was. He wasn't nearly as perturbed as most would be about sending a child to fight demons; Genma had forced him to help a few exorcisms when he was that age to improve his skills. "Ah! THAT Negi Springfield! Right!" While Kasumi left for the kitchen, the others gave him questioning looks. He ignored them. "C'mere, kid. We can talk upstairs."

Soun interrupted. "Ranma, what is the meaning of this? Who is this boy?"

Ranma gave him an annoyed glance. "You didn't hear 'im? His name's Negi."

"Not that! What's he doing here?"

"He told you that, too!" Ranma blew out a puff of air and got up as Soun bristled. "Yeesh, some people."

"Cut the crap, Saotome," Nabiki said suddenly, narrowing her eyes. "Would this have something to do with where you run off to every day? And it involves child labor now?"

"Uh, not exactly," Negi began hesitantly. 'I wonder why they're all so hostile toward him?' "It's not that kind of job."

Ranma patted him on the shoulder. "Eh, just ignore 'em Negi. They don't know what they're talking about."

Akane rolled her eyes and stood up. "Oh, whatever. As long as it keeps him busy all day, let him go do whatever it is he does. We're going to be late for school."

To Ranma's annoyance, this was the signal for Soun to show off his remarkable learning curve. "Ranma! It's about time you attended school with your fiancee!"

As Negi blinked in surprise that Ranma appeared to be engaged while still in high school, the pigtailed boy rubbed his chin. "Well, let's see what my dearest, loving fiancee herself thinks of that. Akane?"

Said girl snorted as she walked to the front door with Nabiki in tow. "Dry up and die."

"Sorry man," Ranma said apologetically to Soun. "It's just not what Akane wants."

"This isn't about what Akane wants!" Soun insisted.

"Well , it's not what I want either."

Soun slammed his hand on the table again. "What you want has nothing to do with it!"

Ranma blinked. "So, if I don't want to do it, and she doesn't want me to do it, and I don't care about that you want, why should I go?"

"RAAAAANMAAAA!" Soun suddenly growled as his aura manifested, his head swelling to enormous size and his tongue snaking out at threateningly at Ranma.

"Gwah!" "Oh dear!" Ranma and Negi jumped back at the sight in terror. And then, surprisingly, Kasumi appeared in front of them, staring sternly at Soun. "Father! I'm surprised at you!"

The demon-head froze. "WHAT?" the voice boomed.

"Negi's just a child, Father! Look at him! He's terrified!" She cast a soft glance at the boy who was clutching Ranma's leg. She then turned an admonishing look at Soun. "Apologize right this instant!"

Soun deflated instantly, and began to prostrate himself on the floor to Negi. "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me!"

Knock! Knock! Kasumi turned around at the sound of someone at the front door. "I'll get it. But I don't want to see you scaring Negi anymore, Father!"

As Kasumi left and Soun started to sulk, Negi let go of Ranma's leg. "Are things... always like this around here?"

"Nope," Ranma admitted, "Kasumi never defends ME." Not that he'd ever admit he needed someone to defend him, but he still felt mildly envious that the little boy could inspire sympathy in others.

A moment later Kasumi entered the room. "Ranma, more company for you!"

The boy that followed Ranma recognized instantly, and he smiled. "Hey Sousuke! What's up?"

Genma and Soun frowned as a boy with short, spiky black hair bearing a cross-shaped scar on his cheek straightened and then saluted.

"Saotome. I am reporting for assignment as ordered." He glanced around. "The security of this area is questionable. Recommend we discuss our agenda in a more secure location."

"Yeah, that's a good idea," Ranma said. "Let's get outta here for now."

"Now wait just a minute!" Soun said, being careful not to raise his voice too high. "Ranma, who are these people? What are they doing here?"

The pigtailed boy gave him an annoyed glance. "They're just friends of mine. And this was the place to meet up. Don't worry about it; we're heading out now."

Before anyone could say otherwise, Ranma was already leading the way out of the house, with Negi and Sousuke swift on his heels.

Nobody noticed as Genma slipped away out the back door, nor did anyone notice the large gray housecat that jumped out of the kitchen window.

* * *

"So you're Sousuke Sagara?" Negi asked somewhat timidly. "I'm Negi Springfield!"

"Yes. You've been cleared for this mission?" The mercenary asked, never one to take things at appearances.

"Best I figure," Ranma said. "You're here 'cause Orion sent for ya, right? To help Sailor Moon and stuff?"

Negi nodded enthusiastically. "Yes! It's my first assignment as a mage, you see! I'll do my best!"

Sousuke immediately stared at the child dubiously. "A... mage, you say? What capabilities does that entail?"

"Well, casting combat spells, I imagine," Negi mumbled, scratching the back of his head.

"Really, I'm quite new at this. I do hope this Orion chap can give me some instruction."

Suddenly Sousuke stiffened, and he walked ahead of Ranma before turning into an alley.

"We're being followed."

Ranma grabbed Negi's shoulder before the mage could look back and ducked into the alley with Sousuke. "Is it a cat, a panda, or a pudgy old man in a gi?"

"Just a moment." As they all faced the dead-end of the alley, Sousuke pulled a small mirror out of a pocket and held it up briefly. "Pudgy old man."

"On it," Ranma said, suddenly leaping upward and disappearing. Negi seemed surprised by the sudden movement, and stumbled backward. He noticed that Sousuke had ducked behind some garbage cans, and was removing a handgun from his belt.

"We should take cover and prepare for a possible assault until Saotome returns," Sousuke insisted, nudging his head over toward a dumpster against the opposite wall. Negi very much doubted the need for taking cover, but did as he was asked.

"Ranma! This is for your own-OOF!-good!" A voice shouted from above.

"Ah, shove it old man! Mind your own business for once!"

The sounds of combat swiftly followed the verbal exchange, and Negi sweatdropped.

"Perhaps I should help? I don't quite understand what's going on, though..."

Sousuke regarded the British boy carefully, then nodded. "You may support Saotome. I will secure this location myself."

Negi immediately nodded, glad to finally have a task. "Right! I'll be right back!" Then, to Sousuke's surprise, he jumped on his staff and floated straight up out of the alley to the rooftops above.

* * *

Ranma grimaced as Genma deflected his first few strikes and then threw him. The pigtailed boy managed to land on his feet, but looked over the bald man more cautiously. Genma was fighting far more carefully than usual.

"Boy, you're going to tell me what's going on with you and these gaijin kids!" Genma growled.

Actually, he couldn't tell is Sousuke was Japanese or not at a glance, but that was hardly the point.

At first Genma had thought that Ranma's disappearances were simply small training journeys, since the boy was trying to adjust to staying in one place for once. This morning it had finally struck the elder Saotome: Ranma had friends he didn't know about? These boys were discussing a job. Ranma had a JOB he didn't know about? And all that seemed to point in one very uncomfortable direction: Ranma had a life that Genma didn't know about, and thus didn't have any control over.

Ranma didn't think about it that way, though he certainly would've appreciated the sentiment if he had. All he knew was that he had been chosen to be part of something important, and to put the martial arts skills he had sold his childhood for to good use for a good cause.

Kowtowing to his father and some overemotional lunatic seemed fine when there was nothing better to do, but at the moment his plans were too important to let Genma interfere. Still, Genma WAS the one who had taught Ranma the martial arts, as well as the only one around who regularly sparred on Ranma's level. And while those sparring sessions usually leaned in Ranma's favor, he had no illusions that Genma had passed on all his tricks to his son. If Genma brought it down to a real, gritty, all-out fight, the pigtailed boy would have to be careful...

Or have magical backup in the form of a little boy riding a big stick. "Sagitta magica series aerialis!"

Ranma and Genma blinked as both of them noticed five bolts of energy whirling toward them wildly through the wind, looking like tiny tornadoes in the shap of arrows. They both jumped back so as not to get hit.

The missiles curved toward Genma, ignoring Ranma. This was not lost on either fighter. Despite having no clue what this new assault was all about, Genma was no slouch to any degree, and as the wind arrows curved downward and converged, Genma leapt upward, grinning as the projectiles failed to adjust in time and impacted harmlessly on the roof of a hardware store.

He wasn't grinning for long. The arrows had been a perfect distraction for Ranma, who took advantage of Genma's dodge to launch a devastating mid-air kick. Negi gaped as he saw the older man go flying into one of the canals next to the street, and brought his staff around to hover behind Ranma. "Well, at least he landed in the water. That was quite a fall."

"I was aiming for the sidewalk," Ranma griped, knowing that it was only Genma's skill that kept him safe from concussion. 'Oh well. Pops won't be able to sneak very well as a soggy panda.' "Let's hit the road, Negi."

* * *

When they found their way back to the alley that Sousuke had secured, they saw that Orion was already there with him, apparently discussing the appropriate measures that would have to be taken to keep Ranma's family and associates from interfering in the future.

Ranma looked extremely embarrassed at this, and grumbled angrily about his father; it seemed that out of everyone here, he was the only who had problems from his own life tracking him down and getting in the way (he was wrong, but he wouldn't know that for some time yet).

Nonetheless, Negi was finally introduced to the de facto leader, and after getting over the surprise that the leader was a cat (he wasn't surprised that Orion could talk, but he had expected his employer to be human), he then blushed as Orion expressed his surprise that his combat mage was ten years old.

Ranma and Sousuke shrugged, not understanding what the problem was. Both of them had been perfectly competent fighters at age ten.

Orion rubbed his head with his paw. "I understand that you're a perfectly able wizard, Springfield," he mumbled, "but I was hoping for someone... more experienced." Actually, the age thing bothered him at least as much. Unlike Ranma and Sousuke, Orion was NOT comfortable with the idea of child soldiers. Hell, if he could find people as skilled as Ranma and Sousuke who were at least twenty, he would have dropped the two teens like live frags.

"From what I gathered, we're pretty lucky they sent us anyone at all," Ranma said. Then he rubbed the boy on the head while smiling. "Besides, the kid's alright! Didja see how he took off and tried to blast Pops like that?"

Negi blinked. "Eh? That man was your father?"

"Be that as it may," Orion interrupted, "me and Ranma have worked out a base of operations for us. We can formalize everything there, and then begin our training immediately."

* * *

The "base of operations" was, as it turned out, an old low-rent apartment on the edge of Juuban. The entire building it was a part of was old and broken-down, the apartment itself was dirty and ill-kept with only a single window that faced the street, and even Ranma, who had grown up in the wilderness, could tell that the structure wasn't up to code, seeing how the fire escape had rusted and fallen off and had yet to be replaced, and the window that normally faced the escape was barred.

Needless to say, Sousuke was pleased. The base was inconspicuous and difficult to enter from secondary access points. Also, the layers of dust had made inspection for bugs much easier. Ranma was less pleased. From what he'd seen of Sousuke's habits, he had a feeling they'd need that fire escape.

Once they were inside, the three boys gathered around the small beaten-up coffee table as Orion jumped onto it and did a backflip. Three stapled collections of paper gently fell down onto the table. Orion then slid one paper in front of each boy.

Negi and Sousuke both nodded upon seeing that their documents were formal contracts of employment, complete with expected duties, non-disclosure agreements, and terms of payment.

Ranma's face darkened. HE had gotten the lease contract for the apartment. Negi nodded and signed his name at the bottom of the contract. He knew the pay was almost insultingly low for even a mage fresh out of the academy, but he didn't really care about the money.

This mission was important in and of itself, and it was important to him that it be completed if he were to become a Magister Magi. In that respect, he would have worked for free if he had to; though he was glad Orion didn't know that.

Sousuke frowned. "This salary is sub-standard for an ordinary commando unit."

Orion winced. This was not unexpected, but there was very little he could do to deal with it.

"Yes, well, among my other limitations is a general shortage of funds. I have some minor plans to remedy that, and if they work we can renegotiate your contract, but in the meantime the terms I've offered there are the best I can manage."

At the thought that the others might get paid more after he got a job, the dark shroud over Ranma's expression grew darker, and little wisps of blue flame started burning in the air around him.

Sousuke signed his name under the non-disclosure portion only, and then pushed the contract back. "I must confess that part of the reason I agreed to this is personal curiosity. I wish to investigate and study this enemy for the possibility of large-scale engagement. I also wish to see combat application of this weapon you describe as 'magic'." He crossed his arms over his chest and looked down with his eyes closed. "In respect to this, am I willing to consider the first few engagements as training engagements, and will not accept a formal contract of employment until I have considered the results."

Orion blinked. Twice. Well, that was a mixed blessing if he ever heard one. Still, best to make the most of it. "Fair enough. You'll have to order replacement munitions yourself and submit a request to me for reimbursement, though."

"Agreed, Commander," Sousuke said seriously as he saluted, evidently having fully adjusted to the idea of taking orders from a talking cat.

In the meantime, Negi nudged a depressed-looking Ranma. "Are they always like this?"

"Yeah. When they're not blowing stuff up, anyway," Ranma replied tiredly.

"All right, then!" Orion announced. "The paperwork's done! It's time for some instructive training!"

* * *

"Ranma, as a martial artist, your skills will be the most critical in engaging the youma," Orion said seriously.

Ranma nodded, cheering considerably. He liked the idea of being the most important fighter.

"Youma are soldiers too; massively incompetent soldiers with little to no training who are inevitably reliant on their inherent abilities. Although there are youma who are effective close-range fighters, they only fight like that due to their inherent strength, toughness, and speed. I have yet to see anything from the Negaverse short of a General that might be able to predict movements, line up opponents, or use any number of tricks that you probably know by heart. The big picture, though, is that you keep youma engaged close-up and prevent them from counter-attacking against your allies, who all deal primarily in ranged attacks. This is extremely dangerous for you, since not only do you risk most of the damage from the youma, but you risk friendly fire as well."

Ranma nodded seriously, not put off in the least by the danger. It sounded like fun, actually.

"You can forget about what you know about human weak points when fighting youma; they don't have pressure points or vital organs, and they're extremely resilient to pain. Therefore torso strikes are pointless, unless you're trying to knock the youma away. A strong enough limb strike can temporarily cripple that limb and seriously degrade the youma's abilities, but otherwise the only weak point is the head. Because it still houses all the youma's sensory nodes, powerful strikes to the head are extremely disorienting. Your tasks will be to either keep youma occupied for another unit to destroy them, or to disrupt a counter-attack."

Ranma looked slightly put off by this. "What? You think I can't defeat 'em on my own?"

"No, you can't. You're part of a team, not a superhero. And it doesn't help that the youma are pretty damn resistant to being beaten to death." Orion chided. Then he smirked. "Besides, you're doing all the real work and taking on all the real danger. Finishing the youma off when you're done with them is just mop-up; as easy as Negi snapping his fingers and mumbling some Latin gibberish."

He knew that wasn't quite true, but Ranma seemed extremely pleased. The better Orion could keep the man's ego up while keeping him from making arrogant mistakes, the better he'd do.

"But don't forget!" Orion chided, "Youma drain energy from humans. The Senshi and Negi have magic fields to prevent this. You're going to have to watch it if you start to feel exhausted."

Ranma nodded as he rubbed his chin. Orion's words made sense, but there was no way he was going to leave it at that. 'There must be some way to keep them from draining my energy at all... or maybe even reverse it! I'll have to look into it.'

* * *

"Negi, you'll be working closely with the Senshi, since your skills fall in roughly the same area," Orion explained.

Negi nodded. "Okay... uh... where are they, anyway? Are we going to meet them soon?"

"Assuming they don't get themselves killed before we can, yes," Orion murmured. "The difference is that, when it comes to magic, you actually know what you're doing. They do not."

Negi blinked. "Uh... could you run that by me again? I thought you said they were powerful magi?"

"I said they were powerful magical girls," Orion corrected, "they're good at magic in the same way a man with a gun is good at propelling bullets; which is to say, not very. You've been training with magic all your life. You know the rules, the limitations, the possibilities, the drawbacks, the advantages, the ins and outs, and all that jazz. Your magic is dynamic and flexible. Theirs is hardwired. Despite all their power, I'm guessing it would take them years in order to use a single one of your weakest spells. Of course, you probably couldn't learn theirs at all due to the different mana manipulation principles in place, but you can see my point."

Negi nodded. "So I'm to combine my firepower with theirs? A sort of 'magic artillery' pool?"

"Not really. Their magic is strong enough that just adding yours to the volley is redundant. It's your responsibility to protect them from incoming threats since you have defensive magic and you're more mobile. Also, you can help Ranma on the offensive since your attacks are precise in accuracy. I strongly recommend that you two train together so that you can better know how to complement his fighting style."

Negi nodded, smiling brightly as determination swept over him. "Right!"

* * *

"Now Sousuke, this is going to be tricky... you see, out of everyone here, you personally have the least damage potential. In battle, it will be critical that you avoid engaging the enemy at close range. You're not strong enough to defend yourself from its attacks, and a knife is useless against them," Orion explained bluntly. He knew he didn't have to mince words or explain himself thoroughly to Sousuke.

"Understood. Engagement at range is preferred," the mercenary said, taking notes down in a small handbook.

"Not only that, but small-arms fire will be next to useless against youma. Because they don't have vital organs or suffer much pain, a bullet can't stop them. You can slow them down by firing at limbs or the head, but normal bullets won't kill a youma."

Sousuke nodded again as he made more notes. "Small-arms fire ineffective."

"Explosive arms like rockets or RPGs WILL be effective. Any kinetic force capable of tearing a youma to pieces will cause too much damage for the youma to regenerate. For short-range engagements I'd recommend a shotgun for its stopping power to allow you to escape, but your primary weapon should be something typically used against vehicles."

"Understood. I'll make the necessary arrangements. Will my allies be requiring weapons as well?" Sousuke asked. He seemed quite perturbed that neither Ranma nor Negi seemed armed with even a basic knife.

"Negative," Orion said easily, waving a paw in the air. "They're methods of combat don't cross your own. Your weapons would only burden them, and their skills would be incompatible with your own. Well, maybe Ranma's wouldn't, to a point. But you're going to be the only one using firearms."

"Understood. What grenade types would be effective?"

"Smoke and flashbangs would work well. Youma suffer the same sensory limitations as humans most of the time. Frags are useless. Thermite and napalm grenades would work on the offensive, though there are better things you could be carrying. Essentially though, your job will be establishing ambush positions and coordinating Ranma and Negi. While most of our operations are reactionary, you can gain an advantageous observation point and find the best places to draw our opponents into a trap. Demolitions and support is all you. Also, if I'm taken out of action through some means, you're in command." Orion sat back and smirked proudly as the mercenary nodded solemnly.

"Understood Commander. What are your orders?"

"Let's find a youma."

* * *

They were all well-trained, knowledgeable combat artists, and of the three, two were significantly hardened and experienced despite their youth. They spent a day in their new dwelling to set the place up and get acquainted. For Sousuke this meant setting up the first wave of traps and security systems and informing his comrades of them. Ranma and Negi were more personable in general, and spent a lot of time making small talk and discussing the magic influence in their lives.

Much to Ranma's chagrin, Negi seemed just as perplexed by the curse as anyone else once he saw it, mumbling about "chaos magic" and "obscure mana patterns". When Ranma had finally buckled down and asked straight up if Negi knew of or could find a cure, the little wizard flushed and said it was unlikely, but he'd try his best. Ranma appreciated the sentiment, but chalked the incident up as a failure.

After lunch, all three of them spent some time describing their particular abilities to each other and a little bit of their background (It proved difficult for Sousuke to reveal particular things about pretty much anything, so most of his statements were extremely vague).

Ranma and Sousuke quickly developed a deep respect for one another as fighters who had grown up amongst powerful physical hardship, being molded since childhood into the perfect weapons. Ranma came to see Sousuke's "paranoia" as a result of someone who had grown up with all the dangers and risks that he had, and had responded by dealing with every threat logically and directly. Sousuke came to see Ranma's egomania and relaxed attitude as a result of enduring constant physical hardship to the point that conventional dangers meant nothing to him anymore.

Of course, privately, both of them disdained the others' mode of combat. Sousuke thought it was ridiculous to specialize in hand-to-hand combat to such a degree that one's combat performance actually DROPPED when given a gun, given the obvious limitations of melee fighting. Ranma, on the other hand, thought that Sousuke was weak for being so reliant on his various weapons and tools (improvised or not) such that he was easily defeated if attacked directly. Both made personal vows to cover for the others' obvious shortcomings.

Negi was more or less the odd man out, but both teenagers quickly warmed up to him (though in Sousuke's case, it was difficult to tell). Frankly, it was hard NOT to. Negi was bright, optimistic, polite, and demonstrated to the two older boys that he could launch arrows of lightning from his fingertips. How could anyone NOT like him?

"So ya sure this 'magic' stuff isn't just a bunch of fancy martial arts tricks?" Ranma asked, frowning. He had come across a few martial artists who were capable of launching their ki in various forms, and was wondering if Negi's magic arrows were the same kind of trick (and thus, one he could learn!).

"Oh, no. Not at all. Martial arts deals primarily with the physical body, and as I understand it, the advanced forms align the body and spirit. Magic deals entirely with the mind, you see. It's difficult to explain if you haven't studied the basic theories..." Negi trailed off as Ranma nodded, looking suddenly disinterested.

"Ah, I gotcha." The possibility of learning Negi's trick evaporated as Ranma's attention span searched for a new target. Studying to learn a technique? Fat chance. The limit on bookwork to learn a martial arts maneuver was capped at one scroll with a maximum length of two meters, and rightly so.

"I fail to understand how 'magic' is as prevalent as you say when it has not become mainstream knowledge, and it hasn't been featured in classified security reports. My previous employers have dealt in a number of irregular arenas, and I've never seen anything like it," Sousuke confessed.

Negi chuckled nervously. "It's likely that some of your employers did know of it, actually. The idea is that nobody's supposed to know about magic if they don't have to, and if somebody's told who might spread the word, then their memory is usually erased. It's entirely possible you've seen magic before, and someone simply removed your knowledge of it."

Sousuke blinked, and then his brow furrowed. "Fascinating. You have techniques to selectively erase memory?"

It wasn't lost on either of his companions that he seemed far more interested in the existence of such spells than disturbed that such things might have been used on him. At that moment a beeping noise came from the front door, and everyone present turned as the small electric pet door embedded in the main door slid open and Orion slipped through.

Ranma had no idea where Sousuke and Orion had found a pet door with a security keypad; his only concern was that he'd have to make up the cost of the blasted thing once he got a job.

"All right, you've all been given some basic instruction, but it's time you got some solid experience," Orion said professionally, sitting down on his haunches.

Sousuke snapped straight up and stood at attention. Orion was mildly irritated that Ranma and Negi remained seated and stared at Sousuke oddly, but decided that it couldn't be helped.

"I detected a minor energy-draining operation a few days before me and Ranma secured this apartment. By now I'm fairly certain I've identified the youma heading the operation. I've already plotted our course to intercept her. We're going to identify the target, confirm her as a youma, and then engage. Springfield!"

"Y-Yes?" the British boy stuttered.

"You can identify magic auras, correct?"

"Yes, I can," Negi said confidently, his grip tightening on his staff.

"Good. You'll pass by the target on the street prior to our first strike to confirm her as a youma.

Saotome, you'll go with him for added protection. Also, see if you can sense the youma as well, since you seem sensitive to life-force," the tomcat directed, jabbing a paw at the martial artist.

"I can do that."

"Good," Orion said before looking up at Sousuke. 'Now that I think about it, it IS kind of silly for him to be standing at attention like that when I don't even reach his knees.' "Sagara, you'll be responsible for the first strike. Saotome and Springfield will engage the enemy on your signal."

"Understood, Commander!" Sousuke barked.

Orion nodded. "I'm leaving the battle up to you; you're here because I believe you each already have the power and experience necessary to fight these creatures... well, other than Springfield, maybe, but I'm sure he'll do fine."

The little mage blushed and looked down at his feet, pouting.

"Though I don't expect a low-level harvester youma will be any trouble, watch for surprises and keep an eye on each other. If something goes horribly wrong and you get trapped, I'm limited in my ability to get you out, or obtain help in time. Now let's move out!"

* * *

Hematite hummed a merry little tune to herself as she walked down the street, very nearly skipping. It was a great day to be a member of the Negaverse foothold operation. Specifically, it was great to be a member of the operation that wasn't working around Juuban High or Furinkan High School, conducting small, relatively inefficient but nearly undetectable energy-harvesting missions.

Sure, it would never get her any attention come centennial performance reviews, but she wasn't particularly ambitious anyway. Ambition had a tendency to blow up in your face in the Negaverse. Although most people thought that ambition was the only useful virtue in a dark, evil empire, it was only useful when properly partnered with competence, which was in startlingly short supply among the youma hordes.

Oddly enough, all the remotely intelligent youma such as Hepatite preferred working on small, nearly useless missions outside of the limelight rather than taking on anything important, and therefore dangerous. Imagine that.

Which is why this particular youma was feeling so smug. Ever since Sailor Mars had appeared and bumped up the Senshis' numbers to three, the youma operating around Juuban High had started dropping left and right, and Jaedite's audiences with Queen Beryl were becoming more and more perilous. Like most of the Negaverse denizens, she thought of the Senshi as a team of self-righteous idiots, stumbling around in the dark with powers they barely understood. That didn't change the fact that when they stumbled into something, they fell on it HARD, and tended to leave naught but dust and ash in their wake.

Nerima district was worse in some ways, and better in others. On the one hand, the youma there could pretty much "cut loose" and parade around stealing people's energy without people really caring very much. Some of the youma had even been a bit insulted by the way people would walk around them on the street without even quickening their pace. On the other hand, eventually the youma were found by some elite martial artist in the area and pounded flat, though they were rarely destroyed completely. It was rumored that a boy with a bandanna and an insanely heavy umbrella was responsible for pounding three of her peers into twitching spots of paste all by himself.

But not Hepatite, no sir. She was smart. She had taken the disguise of a simple lawyer, and drained people through her employment contracts and a few hand-delivered court summons. Nobody EVER noticed when someone looked totally exhausted after reading through a lawyer's documents. It was the perfect cover. The biggest problem she ever had was this stupid tomcat who had kept appearing around her window, and she had to keep shooing away. Maybe one of the interns gave the stupid thing some cream or something.

She turned and smiled at a pair of boys who passed by her on the street, noting how adorable the smaller one with that large wooden staff was. She had discovered that she rather liked humans after being around them for a while, though they didn't seem very fond of her (she was a lawyer after all).

Maybe she could get a human slave or two once the invasion was complete for not screwing up her mission at all? It would be a nice perk, and maybe teach the younger youma a thing or two about getting their job done without drawing attention to themselves and getting blasted.

So engrossed was Hepatite in her happy, idle thoughts that she forgot to look both ways when she crossed the next intersection. As it was, she was brought out of her reverie by the sudden squeal of tires and the noise of an engine's rapid acceleration. By the time she turned to see what was happening, however, it was too late.

* * *

(Several seconds previous)

Ranma shuddered as he passed the woman by, and slipped a walkie-talkie out of his pocket.

"Yo, Sousuke? We passed the target. I'd say she's definitely not human, whatever she is. It's like her ki's... reversed or something." He didn't have that much experience with ki yet, but he could distinguish particularly bright auras, and by extension, note that this woman's aura was extraordinarily "dark" for some reason.

Negi nodded in agreement, sneaking a look back. "I don't really know what kind of energy that was, but it had a... well, for lack of a better term, a 'magical taint' to it. I'd need to study her more to tell anything else, but for now I agree with Saotome."

Understood, said Sousuke's voice from the walkie-talkie, "I am moving to engage. Please hold position at twenty meters away and stand by for my signal."

Negi frowned as he heard the squeal of a car's tires against the pavement further down and around an intersection. "Do you know what he's about to do?"

Ranma shook his head. "No idea. But I bet it'll involve fire."

When they saw a small two-seat Honda smash into the disguised youma and continue on into the empty intersection, Ranma was underwhelmed and admittedly disappointed. When Sousuke, who had jumped out of the car a moment before the impact and rolled onto the sidewalk, pressed the switch on the detonator in his hand a split-second later, Ranma was vindicated as ten pounds of military-grade C-4 detonated on the dashboard of the vehicle.

* * *

Hematite was vaguely aware of shifting out of her disguised form as her entire world briefly translated into searing pain. True, she was as resistant to nervous reactions to damage as the next youma, but having a car ram into you and then combine its kinetic force with a fiery bomb blast will do that.

Were she any less resilient pain wouldn't be an issue, because she'd be dead as a doornail. As it was, the blinding agony was the only thing that convinced her that she was still alive and twitching. Were she more cognizant of her surroundings, she might be able to make out the sounds of people running away screaming from the explosion, or notice the two young men - one of them very young indeed - walking up to her while looking prepared for conflict.

Very slowly, Hematite moved her arms to try and push herself up. Or her remaining arm, anyway. Her left one was gone now. Phooey. Limbs were always a bitch to regenerate. Damn, it looked like the shoulder segment was gone too. THAT was going to leave a mark, magical healing or no. Coiling her serpentine lower body below her, the youma slowly rose up from the ground, blinking her burning eyes as her metabolism tried to repair her senses first to best accommodate her survival.

Wham! She didn't get the chance, as something grabbed her by the back of her head and then slammed it into the street with enough force to embed her face in the asphalt.

Ranma "tsked" as he stood up straight. "Way to overplay the first strike, Sousuke. How're me and Negi supposed to practice on THIS?" The youma's remaining hand rose up and started clawing the air blindly. Ranma stepped on it.

"It seemed wise to overestimate our opponent rather than the alternative," Sousuke confided as he approached slowly, shotgun at the ready.

Negi dubiously swatted the creature's tail out of the way with his staff as its lower body tried to wind around his leg. "Still, it was a little much, don't you think?" The tail didn't seem to get the message, so Negi mumbled "Fulguratio," and channeled a small charge of lightning in his staff before smacking the tail again with a sharp ZAP! The snake-like appendage stopped moving.

"Perhaps..." Sousuke looked at the groaning creature consideringly. "I seem to recall the news article mentioning that the Sailor Senshi announce their presence and introduce themselves before battle. Perhaps guerilla tactics such as ambushes are unusually effective as a result of these strategic practices?"

As they each stopped to consider the possibility of announcing themselves before battle (Ranma didn't mind this idea at all , as his fights were usually martial arts duels and didn't have a surprise component), Orion ran into the area via the fence next to a canal, took one look at the situation, and bristled.

"What's going on here? Is that the enemy?" The moon cat asked, ensuring that all civilians had fled the area. 'Boy, these Tokyo folks sure know how to evac.'

Ranma gave the snake-woman thing a light kick, watching it twitch in response. "Yeah, that's her. Sousuke pretty much did 'er in right away. So now what?"

Orion glanced at the blackened crater in the middle of the intersection, and made note of the many pieces of burnt, twisted metal scattered over the streets. "Well, shouldn't you finish her off?"

The humans all looked down at the pathetic-looking creature at their feet, and watched as it twitched some more.

"Do we HAVE to?" Negi asked uncomfortably, knowing that he'd probably have to do the honors since youma were less resistant to magic than to a physical pounding/blasting. "I mean, look at her. She seems so... beaten already."

Sousuke raised an eyebrow. "Considering the covert nature of the enemy, a prisoner may be a valuable asset."

Orion felt like slapping himself over the head. A prisoner! Why didn't he think of that? Of course, he himself wasn't sure how the interrogation would work, and they didn't really have the tools for that sort of thing, but it was worth a shot. "Well, I've never really dealt with them on more than an 'obliterate on sight' basis, but why not? For now though, we have to get out of the streets; people will start coming by soon." He jumped off the fence and turned around.

"I think I know of an abandoned garage where we can hold her temporarily. Follow me."

Ranma nodded and grabbed Hematite by the tail before slipping it over his shoulder and dragging her along behind him. There was a slight hangup as her face seemed to be stuck more firmly in the surface of the street than he had guessed, but a good, solid tug took care of that.

Jogging a little faster to catch up with his companions, Ranma decided to voice his one other concern about the recent battle. "Hey, we won't have to pay for that car, will we?"

"Unlikely," Sousuke said seriously, ducking into an alley behind Orion. "The owner is currently unconscious, and will not be able to identify me when he awakens."

Negi blinked. "You stole someone's car and then used it as a mobile bomb?"

"Not to worry," the mercenary said in a tone that only he would call reassuring, "I found the appropriate papers in the glove compartment and left them with the owner. The vehicle was adequately insured."

Negi sweatdropped. Ranma just mumbled "Well, as long as I don't hafta pay for it..."

* * *

Splash!

Hematite blinked her recently repaired eyes as cold water rushed over her, slowly bringing her back to consciousness. 'What the hell happened to me? My entire body hurts... well, except for one of my arms.' Shaking her head wildly to rid herself of the excess water in her hair, she happened to catch a glance at where that particular limb should have been. 'Oh. Right. Car blew up. Plus somebody started stepping on me. And then they hit me with lightning.'

Hematite felt like crying. After all her work to stay out of the line of fire and keep safe, the Senshi had found her! Not only that, but apparently their tactics had become FAR more aggressive as of late. Steering exploding cars at their enemies? Sneak attacks when the youma weren't even draining people? What happened to confronting the opponent and boring them silly with a lecture about what they had done wrong? That's not fair!

Coming out of her depression, she glanced around her to check her status, momentarily ignoring the two figures standing in front of her. Her remaining arm was shackled to a thick gas pipe while her tail was... Hematite's eye twitched. Her tail had been tied onto a piece of

railing that was planted in the floor of this place, whatever it was. She couldn't identify the knot - she never had made tenderfoot in the Nega Scouts - but it looked pretty solid, considering it was composed of a major extremity.

"Do not attempt to escape. Resistance is futile."

Wincing, she finally turned toward the two figures in front of her. To her surprise, they weren't Senshi at all.

Or at least, she didn't THINK the female of the two was a Senshi. It was possible, but she seemed just a bit more... mature than she would credit the pictures she had seen. Especially in the chest area. Then again, she'd taken great pains to avoid the Senshi at all costs, so she wouldn't really know.

She couldn't make out any faces, because both individuals were wearing spooky-looking gas masks with beady black lenses where the eyes would be. The man was dressed in military fatigues and body armor, and the woman was dressed in some sort of red Chinese shirt.

A quick glance around revealed no-one else. No Senshi anywhere in sight. Just what was going on here? Have the ignorant cattle finally woken up and taken action? Well, that was just great. Another big ol' wrench right in the Negaverse war machine. Plus she was going to die, probably after a thorough torture session. Swell.

Splash! "Hack! Ptooey! What was that for? I'm already awake!" Hematite spat, shaking her head again.

"You were zoning out for a minute there. My friend asked you a question," said the redhead, tossing the bucket away with a flick of her fingers.

The black-haired man nodded. "We will now begin the question and answer session. If you cannot provide an answer, you will be encouraged to do so. If I believe you're lying, you will be disciplined. Severely." He took up a pair of thick rubber gloves, the kind people wore when they worked with high-voltage wires, and started to put them on. "Originally I was trained to do interrogation according to the guidelines presented by the Geneva Convention. A quick review of the document, however, reveals that its terms only apply to human prisoners of war. In that respect, I've decided to utilize some new techniques. Please excuse any... slip of the fingers. I am new at this."

Hematite couldn't tell, but somehow she just KNEW the redhead was grinning when she spoke up next. "You freaks're supposed to be weak against energy attacks, so we figured some high-voltage work would do better than a solid beating or something like that. You ready?"

Hematite snarled. "I'll never talk!"

Sousuke turned around with a jumper cable in each hand. He tapped them together. BZRT!

Sparks burst from the contact point, briefly lighting up the otherwise gloomy interior.

Hematite squealed. "I'll tell you everything!"

Under her mask, Ranma blinked. "Really? Just like that?"

"Yes! Yes! For the love of Nemesis, just don't hurt me!" She sobbed.

"Please understand that I'm skeptical of your sudden agreeability," Sousuke warned, raising one of the cable clamps and flexing it open and closed, like a beast's maw groping for food.

The youma shuddered. "I'll talk! I can tell you lots of stuff! Names! Locations! Jobs! Abilities! Weaknesses!"

Ranma snorted. "Why would they tell a wimp like you all that?" She may not have been military, but she found it a bit stupid to invest so much knowledge in someone so weak.

"They don't consider the possibility of us youma being captured... or at least, Jaedite doesn't. Sailor Moon's never captured one of us, even when she had the opportunity! The other youma are always bragging about how great their operations are going and how they're up for promotion! Nobody ever thinks about information slipping to the enemy! I mean, technically we're supposed to kill ourselves if we fail and the enemy doesn't finish us off!"

"And why didn't you?" Sousuke asked calmly.

Hematite bristled. "Because I blasted unconscious by a lighting shock, that's why!"

Clunk! The snake-woman winced as Ranma smashed one of the empty buckets down on her head. "Quiet down."

"Yes'm."

Sousuke snorted. "No measures in case of capture. How... unprofessional." Stil , he turned around and put the jumper cables back. Then he turned back toward the woman and stepped up to her so that he was staring her down (being stretched between her arm and her tail as she was, her head was about four feet above the floor). "Tell me about this... Jaedite. Then I want to know about the energy harvesting operations closest to your own base." He turned toward the redhead, who sighed and took out a pad of paper and a pen. "Begin."

Hematite gulped. Well, one way or another, she was in it deep, now. "Jaedite is the first of the four Dark Generals, who run the operations here on Earth. He's the one who was working in Juuban district first, so he was the first to run into Sailor Moon, which is why..."

* * *

"... And Ganzite is selling used cars that constantly drain the driver's energy. That job is a real pain, though, 'cause apparently she has to run out at night and collect all the energy that gets stored in the gas tanks of the cars herself. We didn't really think that one all the way through,"

Hematite admitted, still squirming while trying to get comfortable in her bound position.

Sousuke nodded. "I see. I think that will do for tonight."

The youma blinked. Dare she hope? "Really? You're not going to shock me or anything?"

"Not tonight, but do not rule out the possibility for the future. We now have three harvesting operations to investigate as well as a minor dossier on each of these 'generals'. If our findings suggest you lied, reprisal is certain."

Hematite snorted, apparently not intimidated anymore.

Splash!

"Cough! Hack! Knock it off!" The youma growled at the redheaded girl who was pocketing her notebook.

Clang! Ranma flattened another bucket on the snake-woman's head. "What was that?"

"I said 'If it'll keep you from hitting me, splash me all you want'," the youma mumbled miserably.

Sousuke snapped his fingers. "We're leaving now. Do not attempt to escape, or the consequences will be severe."

Hematite narrowed her eyes, apparently unconvinced. "Consequences? Like what?" Even if they left a guard behind, a single human or two wouldn't be any big threat with a little more time to regenerate and get loose from her current bindings. Then again, it wasn't like she really had anywhere to escape to, now that she had failed and then squealed to the enemy. Still, a life on the lam from both her captors and former masters seemed preferable to a cramped position in a torture garage.

Sousuke shook his head and pointed to the ceiling, indicating the building they were in.

"There are several explosive charges rigged around this building. I will not tell you where they are located, or what the particular triggers are. I will divulge that as soon as my companion and I leave, I'll arm the traps, and any attempt to move from your current location will trigger them." He crossed his arms over his chest while rubbing his chin. "I would greatly prefer you did not trigger the bombs. Due to your survival of the earlier ten-pound charge, I used substantially more around this structure, and a detonation would cause extensive damage to the surrounding buildings."

Ranma twitched. "Is that stuff... expensive?" Last she had asked Orion, the cat was already dipping into the last of his initial cash windfall, and Ranma hadn't even applied for any jobs yet!

"Indeed. It would be to everyone's benefit if no escape attempt were made."

Ranma turned to the youma, who was already pale and sweating, and scowled in such a way that her expression somehow translated completely through the mask she was wearing.

"Don't you DARE move from that spot, you hear me?"

Hematite swallowed nervously. "Y-Yes M-M-Ma'am."

"That's 'Sir' to you, snakey," the redhead snapped, adding confusion to the torrent of emotions currently exerting crushing pressure on Hematite's tiny brain. Then she stormed out, with the black-haired man following a moment later while pausing to disconnect the jumper cables and bring them with him.

Click! Slam! A moment after Sousuke turned out the lights, he closed the door behind him, plunging the garage interior into absolute darkness.

"... Aw, man. I think I would've been better off just being vaporized by the Senshi."

Ah, hindsight.


	9. Making use of good intelligence

"I'm sorry, Tendo old buddy," Genma mumbled to the long-haired man as they sat opposite each other around the go board, "but it would seem I've failed as both a father and a teacher."

"Oh, don't be so hard on yourself, Saotome," Soun chided, rubbing his chin, "I'm sure the statute of limitations on those abuse charges are due to expire any year now." He put down a piece and crossed his arms over his chest.

"That's not what I meant," Genma grunted, scratching his side. 'Stupid police officers, nosing in on my business. Maybe if THEY had undergone some harsh training as a kid, they'd be able to stop me!' "The boy is undisciplined, Tendo. He's not listening to me anymore. He has friends I've never seen before, and spends his time with them instead of going to school as is proper!" Of course, Genma didn't really care about Ranma's schooling, but it was a convenient way to keep tabs on him and would have forced him to spend each day with Akane.

"It's probably just a phase, Saotome," Soun confided, waiting for his old friend to make a move. "You know how teenagers are these days, with their wild parties and video games and loud music."

Genma sweatdropped. For the life of him, he couldn't imagine that any of those things had drawn Ranma's interest such that he had to spend all day out of the house and away from school.

"Why, I remember when Nabiki reached 'that age', she started becoming cold and distant, and stopped wanting to talk to me. I recall she also seemed particularly interested in making money. It became almost like an obsession with her, to the point that she shut out her family and peers and only dealt with other people as if they were business contracts."

Another sweatdrop rolled down Genma's head as he placed a stone. "And this is a... phase, you say?"

"Oh, sure. She'll come out of it any day now."

Genma remained unconvinced. "Still, I'm concerned that Ranma isn't doing his part to fulfill his obligation to unite the schools and marry Akane." He smirked as Soun started to sweat.

Then Soun blinked and looked up. "Well then, you should have a talk with him. And look, here he is now, right behind you!"

Genma snorted, his smirk widening. "Oh come now, Tendo! Do you think I'm so old that I'm going senile? That clumsy oaf of a boy never could manage to sneak up on me!"

**Splash!** "No kiddin'?" Ranma said as she upended the bucket of water over Genma's head. "I guess that's why I wait 'til you're distracted. Just like you taught me!"

Genma-panda immediately hopped to his feet and whirled around. [Boy, it's time we had a long father-to-son talk!]

Ranma nodded. "Yeah, I agree."

Genma lifted another sign. [Don't you talk back to-] Then he flipped it around. [Huh? You do?]

Ranma sweatdropped. If Genma's signs were prewritten, why did that one cut off? Ah, the mysteries of her father the panda. "Yeah, I do. I know I've been takin' off without telling anyone where I am, and last night I didn't come home neither. It's about time we set things straight, 'cause frankly it's a pain having to come back to this place constantly." She jerked her head toward the house interior. "Let's go upstairs to talk about this, okay? Just let me get some hot water first."

Genma frowned, feeling extremely uncomfortable. When he had suggested a "father-son talk," what he had in mind was really more along the lines of him yelling/writing at Ranma until the boy got so sick of hearing it that he'd agree to anything just to shut him up.

"Don't you worry, Saotome, I'll wait for you!" Soun said encouragingly. Upon turning around, Genma noted that several of his stones had been moved out of position, and Soun had twice as many prisoners as he did before.

The giant panda's left eyebrow twitched. This had "lousy day" written all over it.

* * *

Once Genma had gotten some hot water, he immediately strode up the stairs to the room he shared with Ranma, took a deep breath, and then stepped in, preparing himself for a fight (he still wasn't sure if it was going to be physical or verbal, however).

He blinked when he saw that Ranma was packing his things in the relatively small backpack he had traveled with. "Boy, what do you think you're doing?"

Ranma finished tying his bedroll, and then calmly set it next to his backpack, ignoring Genma until his packing was complete. Then he turned, seated himself, and sighed.

"Pop, right now I'm undergoing some pretty tough training," he half-lied. Most people considered Ranma to be an extremely poor liar. This was because the only person he ever had to fool was his father, who was, most agreed, approximately as clever and perceptive as the animal he turned into. To that end, he had reached the point where he could fool Genma, but never did realize that other people saw through the same techniques easily. "That's what I've been doing every day: training to fight demons."

Genma blinked. Well, THAT was unexpected. "Oh, is that all ? Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

"I wasn't supposed to tell you at all," Ranma said, planting one hand on a knee while he rubbed his chin with the other, "but you're my old man, and you worry about me, so you should know."

"Worry about you. Of course," Genma intoned. 'Worried about you securing my retirement. How can I talk him out of this?'

"My master says that it's very important that I undertake this training alone, and in secret," Ranma said solemnly. "It's very... what's the word... comprehensive stuff. They have me keeping an apartment, teaming up with a coupl'a other hunters, and I'm even gonna have to get a job to support myself. It's sort of a 'training at life' thing, too."

"Sounds like a bunch of nonsense to me," Genma said dismissively, waving his hand absently. "Boy, I've already taught you all you need to know to fight demons! You don't need any fancy training!"

"Yes, I do," Ranma said seriously, suddenly gripping his hand into a fist, "so that I may one day overcome my master and avenge my defeat!" This was a total fib, of course. Ranma could kick Orion's butt up, down, sideways and diagonally, and even the other hunters on his team were no match for him (maybe Negi, if he managed to fly out of reach and then lobbed spells, but Ranma hadn't seriously considered fighting the ten year-old).

Genma paled, however. This was not good. By his own explicit instructions, Ranma was to train relentlessly in order to defeat he who had defeated him, even if it meant lowering him to their level. And even if he were to contradict himself, Ranma's own "I've gotta be the best" complex was more formidable than the boy's debate skills by far. "Oh, come on! Is it really that important to you?"

"'It's a martial artist's duty to banish monsters!'" Ranma quoted, deepening his voice to a near-growl to better imitate his father's voice. "'Sides, it's really good training. I'm learning a lot, and the monsters are really tough!" 'At least, I'm guessing they are. The snake chick sure wasn't much...'

Genma decided to switch gears. "Ranma, you WILL marry Akane!"

Ranma blinked, genuinely surprised the topic had been brought up. "What does the engagement have to do with anything?"

"You're neglecting your duty as her future husband!" Genma said, crossing his arms over his chest as he finally sat down in front of his son. "How is she supposed to marry a man she hardly even knows?"

"That didn't seem to be a problem when we got here, why would it matter once I finish my training?" Ranma deadpanned. "What's the point in marryin' her as soon as possible anyway?"

"To secure the future of the schools!" Genma said.

Ranma snorted. "Whatever. We're still engaged, so it's not like that's gonna change. It can wait until my training's done with."

Genma frowned. "Akane can go with you! She's a martial artist! It'll be good for her!"

Ranma snorted much louder. "Pops, have you SEEN Akane in a fight? I'm gonna be fighting MONSTERS, here. You wanna turn me into a widower at sixteen?" He shook his head.

"'Sides, she's got school, and actually gives a damn about it." His father looked like he was going to protest, so Ranma cut him off. "Look, just drop it, alright? Akane's got nothing to do with this. We'll deal with the engagement some other time, but this is important to me!"

Genma growled, but the elder Saotome relented. "Fine. Just don't forget that you're honor-bound to marry her, boy!"

"Don't see how I can, with you takin' every opportunity to remind me..." Ranma wasn't really planning on marrying Akane at all; he didn't like her and she seemed to hate him with a passion that outstripped that psycho Shampoo from China (yes, the Amazon was trying to kill him, but her acts of violence weren't nearly as heated as Akane's, even if they were far more dangerous).

As it were, though, he hadn't even given the subject much thought. He had just been recruited as part of a force to save the world, and had been given a brand new, ever-changing challenge with which to test his martial arts skills. Why waste time worrying over some uncute fiancee waiting at home to pound you?

Genma rolled his eyes. "Also, I think I should meet this master and supervise the training, to make sure it's worthy of all this time you're putting into it. Purely for your own good, of course."

Ranma smirked. "Right, right. Pop?" He stood up and walked forward, placing a hand gently on Genma's shoulder.

"Yes, boy?"

CRACK! Ranma grabbed the back of Genma's head and pulled it toward him as he drove his knee forward, striking the man solidly in the forehead and knocking him out instantly.

Letting his father's unconscious body fall to the floor, Ranma let an exaggerated tear fall from his left eye. "You taught me well, Pop. Very well." With that statement, he rifled through Genma's gi for a moment before finding the man's wallet and emptying its modest contents.

"Well, that 'aint gonna buy Sousuke more bombs, but it should get us some food," Ranma commented, writing out a short note and dropping it on his father's chest.

[Dear Pop: I can't have you supervising my training, on account of it being SECRET training.

I'll be back in a couple months or so. Maybe I'll be finished by then, or maybe I'll just stop by to visit. I took some cash I found on you. Call it payback for all the times you made me take small jobs and took off with my money. Though it doesn't really cover it; 2,000 yen? Get a job, you lazy jerk.

Sincerely, Ranma

P.S. If you try and come drag me back to this hellhole, I WILL kick your ass. Just leave me alone for a while, will you?]

Ranma couldn't help but whistle a merry tune to himself as he leapt out the window, feeling an unusual sensation he very rarely experienced. What was it?

Ah, yes. Freedom.

Well, not absolute freedom, as Genma would probably try to track him down, and in his new occupation he had to obey the commands and instructions of a militant housecat, but it was a choice he had made himself, despite knowing that it would piss off Soun and Genma. He knew he should have felt sorry or worried about that, but it was having a hard time penetrating the aura of excitement and anticipation. Huh. Strange.

* * *

A woman with short, spiky black hair mumbled irritably to herself as she walked to her car in the early evening gloom.

Stupid Jaedite. Stupid humans. Stupid energy that she had to drain from stupid humans to please stupid Beryl who would eventually enact a stupid invasion to take over this stupid world. But back to the root cause of all this: Stupid Jaedite. It was, after all, HIS idea to seed around a few minor youma across Tokyo to work small , subtle, and invariably inefficient energy draining operations in order to power the portals he needed to transport more powerful youma and more efficient tools for the Senshi to find and annihilate.

Oh, sure, Hematite had expressed her own satisfaction that these assignments had a fairly small chance of ending with them vaporized, but then SHE didn't have to drive all over the damn city in urban traffic to find the collected energy. And besides that, she REALLY hated being a used car salesman. Or saleswoman, as the case may be. She may have been a shadow-spawned creature of darkness, but it still made her feel like pond scum.

As she closed the door to her car and stuck the key in the ignition, she sighed in resignation. There was nothing to be done about it, really. And it WAS kind of nice not having to worry about being blown up.

She turned the key.

* * *

Sousuke lowered his binoculars and nodded, smiling slightly at the massive fireball that erupted from the target's garage.

"Inside a sealed vehicle, the destructive pressure should have been far greater than in the previous experiment," he explained to the gray tomcat next to him.

"So you think fifteen pounds was enough this time?" Orion asked.

"There is only one way to find out," the mercenary said seriously, hefting a rocket launcher and slinging it over his shoulder.

* * *

"What's going on? Where's Hematite?" A short girl with dark red hair asked nervously, looking around the small clearing within the trees of a local park.

Another woman with long, luxurious black hair shrugged, looking completely unconcerned.

"Who knows? Maybe she got caught working late at work. Not all of us have nine-to-five jobs as covers, shrimp."

The little youma bristled and glared at the taller one. "Fine. Here's the energy." She held out the pitcher she had been holding - a product of an energy-draining op disguised as a lemonade stand - which had dozens of motes of light swirling inside. "Can I leave now?

Meeting at night gives me the creeps."

The taller youma snorted. "Some demonic scourge of the Negaverse YOU are. Now gimme."

She snatched up the pitcher, grinning greedily. Not that SHE would get much personally, but she was eager to return the fruits of her subordinates' labors to Jaedite. Middle management in the Negaverse may have been boring drudge work, but it tended to pay off. Besides, her OWN operation, a small network of energy-draining phone booths, had been proving steadily less and less productive. Stupid cellphones.

A slight rustle from some bushes alerted both youma that someone was coming, and they both turned, expecting to see Hematite approaching mumbling apologies about being late. Instead, they saw a young man with a pigtail wearing Chinese clothes, strolling up with his hands in his pockets, and smirking at them.

The raven-haired youma raised an eyebrow. Who was this? A mugger? Well, whoever he was, now that he had seen her, her subordinate, and the pitcher of energy, it was probably best that they kill him and... wait, was somebody shouting something in the distance? Something about a "series lucius"?

The youma glanced above them, neither willing to take much attention away from the teenager. After that glance, they then turned completely around in order to confirm that, yes indeed, there were roughly two dozen missiles of light arcing over the treetops and streaking toward them. Unfortunately for them, this action took valuable dodging time.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Kaboom! Boom! Ba-boom! Boom!

Ranma briefly held a hand up to shield his eyes as brilliant flares of energy lit up the otherwise gloomy clearing, and then leapt into action as the dazed youma staggered out of the impact zones, their disguises gone.

The little one, who just resembled some sort of blue, vaguely female gremlin, let out a cough before it felt itself being kicked hard into a tree, stunning it. The larger youma, who resembled Hematite's youma form except that her upper torso was more snake-like as well and her hands had vicious claws, didn't take notice of her partner's plight, instead glaring at the apparent source of the magic arrows: some kid riding around in the air on some sort of giant stick.

'Well, that's just dandy. Who the hell is that, and how come he can fly?' She scowled, trying and failing to figure out a way to bring down the flying threat. The only one of her "contact group" who had any sort of ranged attack was Ganzite, and because her draining operation was so slow she didn't show up at these meetings nearly as often to hand over the fruits of her labors.

Thwack! The boss youma was suddenly alerted to an immediate threat on the ground with her as a roundhouse kick smashed into her head, sending the creature reeling to the side. Ranma ducked as the gremlin-woman leapt at him, and then jumped back as she crashed into her boss, who barely grunted from the impact as her body slowly rose up again. Glancing upward, the pigtailed boy could see a much brighter charge gathering in Negi's hand. Looked like he was going in for the killing blow right away.

Probably for the best; Ranma knew how easy it was to make mistakes when fighting two opponents, so they had best whittle the number down as soon as possible. Swatting the smaller youma aside with a snarl, the boss youma charged Ranma viciously, claws raking and slashing wildly as Ranma ducked and dodged backwards.

Skrak! Thick gouges appeared in a tree trunk that lacked Ranma's dexterity, causing a brief shower of bark chips and slowing down the creature's assault slightly. Ranma capitalized on the opening by landing a snap kick to the youma's head, causing it to jerk backward and blink rapidly. Then he leapt upward to avoid a flanking lunge from the small youma again, leaving the vile little thing to crash into the damaged tree.

"Sagitta magica convergentia lucius!" Negi shouted, putting a considerable magic charge into a single attack. "Forty-one arrows of light, converge and strike down my enemies!" With that, he shoved his palm forward, causing dozens of streams of light to burst around him and feed into one titanic energy bolt that lit up the night sky as it curved toward the ground. 'It's up to you now, Ranma!'

Boss youma wasn't stupid. Well, she wasn't THAT stupid. Big honking magic blast = painful, flashy death. She got her bearings and immediately began to slither for cover as fast as her rather unconventional lower torso could move her. The teenage martial artist would have none of it, and the snake-woman barely managed to block another kick to the head as the boy seemed to materialize in front of her. Growling, she thrust one arm forward, her claws bared to impale the puny human's face.

Instead, the boy's image blurred, and she found that same arm tugged around behind her as a weight fell on her back. As Ranma placed one foot on the boss youma's hip, he used his free hand to grab the back of the creature's head before slamming it into the ground, hard. Then he dove away a moment later, smirking as Negi's light missile careened down like a meteor.

BWAKOOM!

The smaller youma had to shield her eyes from the brightness of the impact, and then she had to shield her eyes from the dirt and dust flung into her face from the impact. ... Youma dust, she realized after a moment. Oh dear. NOT good. The boss was down. And she was the smart, strong one.

Had the little creature been better educated about things like human warfare, it's quite possible she would've surrendered. As it was, however, she was only familiar with three possible outcomes from battle: Success, retreat, and utter annihilation. She decided the first was impossible and the last was undesireable, so she turned and fled.

To her credit, she was quick. Ranma took off after her immediately, realizing that Negi wouldn't be able to hit her through the cover provided by the park's trees, and soon found himself frustrated by the little gremlin-girl's agility in jumping from branch to branch like some kind of monkey. He was keeping up, but it would seem that the youma had some good sense when it came to running away, and was deliberately running along branches that were too small to hold him and diving through branches that were too close together for him to get through easily.

Ranma frowned and bounced off a tree trunk to land on the ground, ending his pursuit. Then he kicked a rock up off the ground with his foot, caught it in the air, and then reared back his hand as he took aim.

The gremlin youma felt her excitement rise as she heard the sounds of pursuit stop behind her, though she dare not look back. Success! Well, sort of. Her boss was dead and the energy she had collected had been lost when the vessel was shattered by that initial energy bombardment, but it was entirely likely that when she was brought before Jaedite that he would decide she was too weak and pathetic to punish for cowardice. It had worked for her so far.

Whack! The youma let out a startled cry as a rock struck her in the back of her head at high speed, throwing her forward and slamming her into a tree, which left her even more stunned. After falling down out of the branches onto the ground, she shook her head wildly to try and clear it, hopefully in time to get back to her retreat.

She didn't quite make it.

Ranma smirked as he grabbed the little blue thing by her head, eliciting a nervous yelp.

"INCOMING!" Then he threw her skyward.

The gremlin youma windmilled wildly as she broke through the top of the canopy of trees that covered that section of the park, and she let out another startled cry when she saw a little boy on a staff rocketing toward her, his palm crackling with electricity.

"FULGURATIO ALBICANS!" KA-KRACK! BOOM!

* * *

"I don't understand," Sailor Mercury mumbled, looking over the area again and again as her computer continued to scan the surroundings. "There was definitely a disturbance here."

"Yeah, I'd say that's a safe bet," deadpanned Sailor Mars, looking at the numerous charred craters on the ground with her arms crossed over her chest. "But it looks like the disturbance decided to settle itself, for once."

Sailor Moon just shook her head sadly as she stared down at the pile of broken glass sitting amongs the burnt grass, wishing dearly that she could find the nasty litterbug responsible and punish them in the name of the moon.

"It's strange..." Mercury said as she scratched her head. "There are very faint readings of Negaverse energy, but they're fading fast. And they're... spread about. Like it was scattered."

She blinked, and then snapped her fingers. "Of course! I know what happened! These readings are consistent with those we get when a youma is destroyed, only spread around! A youma was killed here, and I'd say it was destroyed with explosive force."

Moon frowned and turned toward Sailor Mars. "Mars, have you been out hunting youma without the rest of us?" Of course, Sailor Moon didn't really know what she was supposed to think of the idea; Mars seemed really strong to her, and she didn't particularly enjoy fighting monsters.

"It wasn't me, meatball-head," the red-skirted Senshi snapped, "I was with you when Ami got the reading, remember?"

"Then who was it?" Moon asked quietly, for once more concerned with the situation than having her hair insulted.

"It could be anyone, really," Mercury decided, putting away her computer. "I've heard of other demon hunters in Tokyo, so it might have been one of them. Or maybe the youma are infighting. It's also likely that a Dark General got upset with one and blasted it here."

"Whatever it is, it's less work for us, and one less night I have to spend running outside in the cold in high heels and a miniskirt," Sailor Mars said, stifling a yawn. "Let's get outta here. I'd like to actually get a good night's sleep for once."

* * *

Back in the abandoned garage.

"I don't really know much about Beryl. I know her backstory and whatnot, but I've only seen her twice, since I didn't really have any reason to be in the palace, much less the Queen's audience chamber," Hematite admitted.

Sousuke nodded, his mask in place over his features and a cattle prod in his hand. "I see. Explain what you know, then."

Next to him, Negi stood unsteadily while wearing a hazmat suit with platform boots to make him look like a short teenager instead of a child. He had been conscripted to take notes in the second interrogation once it was revealed that, contrary to Sousuke's initial assumption, Ranma was not in fact writing in code, but rather had near-indecipherable handwriting.

He was a bit unnerved to be part of what had the potential to be an actual torture session, but as time went on it became increasingly clear that the creature they had captured would do pretty much anything at the threat of violence.

Hematite sighed and then started to go into detail about Beryl's supposed beginning in the Silver Millennium. She had been particularly depressed these last two days, not because she was pretty sure she had gotten three of her fellow youma killed (they were all jerks, and the "boss" was always bragging about how her tail was smoother and shinier than hers), but because she had failed to regenerate her arm.

Once she had concentrated on healing her wounds, she had nearly exhausted herself just growing her shoulder back; it would seem surviving the car bomb and then getting her senses back in order had drawn more energy then she thought. She COULD grow back her arm, but she'd be so exhausted and near death that she'd give herself hardly a week to live assuming she didn't get in another fight. Plus she'd be far too tired to manage an escape, assuming she could think of some way to muscle through the traps hidden all around her.

"-so then she led the Negaverse army on a direct assault on Moon Palace, crushing the Senshi and cornering Queen Serenity. Now she leads the movement here on Earth from her throne in the Negaverse, though she's still subservient to Metallia. I suspect mind control, personally. No way she turned on the whole bloody Moon Kingdom just because her fiance jilted her."

Sousuke nodded out of practice; he had deemed this information irrelevant (which was why Orion had not already told them, since he had the same information) and was thinking about other things. Then he caught sight of Orion poking his head into the garage. "Pardon me. I'll be back in a moment." Putting down the cattle prod next to Negi (as if the wizard needed it), he stepped outside and began to talk to the cat quietly.

From Hematite's perspective, she could just see Sousuke's back and hear some quick mumbling from that direction. A glance at the new interrogator told her nothing, as he or she (she couldn't tell through the hazmat suit) was looking over the notes.

Eventually, Sousuke returned. "I have consulted with my superior, and decided that we might make arrangements for your release."

Hematite blinked, utterly flabbergasted. Release? Freedom? But why would they? Is it possible Jaedite had negotiated for her release? She could barely stop herself from laughing at that last thought, despite her exhaustion and the bleak situation.

"So what's the catch?" the youma asked.

"They are numerous," Sousuke said unapologetically. "You are forbidden to drain energy from humans. You are forbidden to harm humans directly, or through willful negligence. You may be privy to surveillance at any time, through means not disclosed to you. In addition, you will be called upon to contact your superiors, supply-"

"Excuse me," Hematite interrupted, wincing as Sousuke raised the cattle prod. "Before you go any further, I think I should tell you that I won't be contacting my superiors. Unless I feel like committing suicide and I'm too tired to find a less painful way to die."

Sousuke was silent for several moments. "Explain."

"I've been captured by the enemy. If that alone gets out, then I'll be killed right off the bat. They won't even care if I gave anything up, which I did." Then she stopped and frowned.

"Actually, since you destroyed the others, I'll have to explain how I survived and why I retreated back to the Negaverse. Or Jaedite will vaporize me so that he doesn't have to spend time listening to my explanation. Depends on his mood at the time, really."

"So your commanders execute released prisoners?" Sousuke asked, scowling under his mask. Those were the kind of barbaric regulations imposed by Stalin under his reign.

"Well, it's more policy than practice, since we don't really get taken prisoner," Hematite admitted. "So I won't be talking to anyone from the Negaverse if I can help it, and I'll probably have to avoid being tracked down and killed. Any chance I can get out of here if I just promise to be good and die quietly when and if the assassins come?" She'd also have to drain SOME energy from humans to feed herself, but they didn't know that. Without having to give it up to the Negaverse, and without getting in any fights, she'd be able to get by draining a tiny measure of power from her clients that nobody could detect.

Sousuke glanced over to the door, and then stepped over to it. Hushed whispering ensued. A few moments later Sousuke stepped back up to her. "You run a successful law partnership, correct?"

Hematite nodded slowly, wondering where this was going.

"First of all, my superior would like to express skepticism, being under the assumption that a youma is too dumb to adequately understand the legal business."

The snake-woman bristled, but slumped after briefly glaring at the mercenary. "I just fill out paperwork. The interns do all the real work, and Ryuochi is the one who goes to trial, not me. He's human, by the way."

He was also her one thrall that a youma of her power was capable of controlling, not that she really needed to control him much (mostly she just made him massage her shoulders without groping her; he had a bit of a lecherous streak). But her captors might not like that tidbit, so she kept it to herself.

"I see. And you are concerned that your former comrades may hunt you down?"

"If someone figures out I'm not dead, it's almost guaranteed," Hematite said miserably.

"Very well," Sousuke said, straightening. "Then we are not only willing to release you, but for a considerable monthly fee, would be willing to provide you with... 'protection'."

Negi and Hematite both sweatdropped.

"Are you serious?" The youma asked. "Isn't that extortion?"

"Ah, so you are more proficient in law than previously indicated. It will not save you should you choose to defy us." Sousuke said seriously.

He was right, of course. Hematite found it strange to be suddenly solicited in the manner of a business under the thumb of Yakuza, but paying a big chunk of her paycheck every month was a big step up from being trapped in this horrible garage. Who knows? If she was suddenly targeted by the Negaverse, maybe they'd even hold up their part of the bargain and save her. It wasn't like she was putting the money to much use as it was.

"Well, I guess I don't have a choice. So can we define terms?" She asked, having become SOMEWHAT proficient with business contracts over the life of her short employment.

"Certainly. We'll begin with a significant down payment in exchange for your release..."

* * *

Sitting on his haunches outside the old garage, Orion's head rose attentively as Ranma appeared, jumping across several adjacent roofs before eventually landing a few meters away.

"Hey, Orion!" Ranma said as he approached, stretching a bit. He had been up late fighting the youma and had slept in quite a bit as a result. "I noticed that there's a bunch of new stuff in the apartment now," he began. Trying to broach the subject of how Orion shouldn't be spending so much money when Ranma (and so far, his former housemates) was providing it.

Finally, he settled on "what's up with that?"

The moon cat smiled. "After me and Sagara got the used-car youma, we went ahead and put out the fire. After that, we appropriated some of the belongings in her house to drain assets from the enemy and put them to use for our side."

Ranma blinked. "You looted her house?"

"'Looted' is such an ugly word," Orion chided, "and one with a lot of political bite. We were in need of resources, and a thirty-two inch flat-screen television, so we attacked an enemy supply base and plundered their equipment, that's all." Then he snorted. "I can't believe how much plundering we got done before the authorities arrived, too. Are Tokyo's police simply underfunded, or have they just given up all hope of maintaining order?"

"Can't tell ya, but at least they stay out of our way," Ranma said, remembering the numerous occasions on the road that local police had bothered him and his father for various (usually good) reasons. "Anyway, I was about to tell ya that I've got some leads on a few jobs that I'm gonna go check out today."

"Sounds good," the moon cat confided as he glanced inside the garage. "I'm coming up with additional ways to supplement our income even as we speak."

Ranma nodded happily. THAT was good news, if only it meant that he'd always be broke instead of being in constant debt. "Cool! I'll see you guys later, then."

GZACK! "OW! What was that for?" Came a loud growl from within the garage.

"Your interpretation of tax law is proving detrimental to our negotiations," came Sousuke's voice a moment later. "Now let's start over."

Ranma winced and jumped away.

* * *

Some people would say that Ranma was a one-trick pony. Someone who only knew one skill, and specialized to such a degree in an art that was of practically no value in the modern world that his prospects for the future were miserable and he'd be poor and dumb his entire life.

These people were at least as closed-minded as they accused Ranma of being. That many of these same people lived in Nerima, where martial arts was freely combined and used with every profession from manservant to cheerleader, was especially ironic and foolish.

Ranma wasn't in Nerima any longer, so his choices were more limited, but his abilities still spanned the entire realm of the physical arts. With his athletic ability he could have been a star player in pretty much any sport other than hockey (not because he couldn't skate worth a damn, but mostly because that sport was too violent even for HIM), been a government spy, taken on as a bodyguard for a rich individual, or taken on any number of smaller jobs that required muscle and reliability rather than poise and technical knowledge.

So while he wouldn't make it as anybody's intern, and wouldn't dare apply for a modeling position in either gender even if he probably COULD get hired, he was still perfectly qualified as club bouncer, or carpenter\construction worker.

He glanced at the waiter/waitress job listing and tried to imagine using a minimum wage to employ a mercenary commando. Oi. Yeah that's not happening. Gardener had potential, but he really wasn't into plants that much. His status as a water magnet would most likely end up killing the plants from over watering anyway.

Oh yeah, Sousuke mentioned that he could help him get a job. Knowing the mercenary teenager it would, no doubt, involve something with guns and explosions. Well, if none of these landed him some work then he would see what Sousuke had in mind.


	10. Great Teacher Saotome! Airport Rumble!

'This was really not one of Sousuke's better ideas,' Ranma decided as he sat on the other side of a large oak desk, facing the Principal of the school. Every once in a while, the large, balding man would look up from the paperwork to stare intently at him, most likely hoping that the pigtailed teenager would suddenly be replaced by a well-groomed middle-aged man.

Every time he returned to the documents, he had a disappointed expression on his face. It was all Sousuke's fault, of course. The mercenary meant well, and he certainly had his priorities straight, but the guy simply had no clue how the world worked. And for Ranma, a martial artist who had grown up training in the wilderness, to realize this meant the shortcoming was glaring indeed.

Sousuke had found out from Orion who this Sailor Moon girl was in civilian identity, and had done some traces. As he knew Ranma intended to find a job, why not help get him one as a teacher at the school Sailor Moon attended? Not only would it help them work closer with the Senshi day to day, but it also restricted the time he was at work to the late morning and early afternoon, unlike his first choice of job, a bouncer at a night club. That way he would be free most of the time to fight if called upon, since it seemed most youma battles happened at night. If an attack happened while he was at work, being employed at the school might help him get the Senshi out of class to fight off the threat. And besides that, it was respectable work.

Which was all fine, but Ranma was sixteen years old. He was supposed to be in school as a STUDENT. Not to mention that he hardly felt he was qualified to be anybody's teacher, even if the subject was gym. Was he supposed to train the students how to fight? What kind of limits were there on public schools as far as esoteric training methods were concerned? Assuming he could FIND live crocodiles, was there a special form he was supposed to fill out before he could dump them in the pool? He just didn't know this stuff!

The principal looked up again. Ranma was still a teenage boy. Damn.

He sighed. "Are you really nineteen?"

Ranma blinked. "Is that what the papers say?" Sousuke apparently knew a guy with connections. Or several guys. He wouldn't say much about them. But he did say they were GOOD. Seeing the principal nod, Ranma shrugged. "Then sure. I'm nineteen. Whatever my totally real and not made-up resume says."

The principal groaned and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his temples. It seemed on the surface that this whole thing was a scam, but he had done several computer checks and everything looked on the level. Not only was Ranma Saotome fit and educated to be a gym teacher, but he even had some experience teaching a year of high school gym and a year as a boot camp combat trainer. And the idea of teenage teachers wasn't COMPLETELY unheard of. His niece was attending Mahora Academy, where it seemed her new English teacher was some sort of teenage pervert, though he had met the man and at least he looked eighteen.

Also, he was in a serious bind ever since Juuban High had faced Furinkan in the baseball tournament. Apparently the Furinkan team thought the sport had something to do with martial arts. Most of Juuban's players had been brought home on stretchers, and Mr. Nomitoya, the previous gym teacher, hadn't been heard from since.

Nothing to do but push on through the interview process. "So, why do you want to teach here Mr. Saotome?"

"Because I enjoy eating, and don't really feel like going back to stealing things to keep from starving," Ranma said seriously.

The Principal's eyes narrowed. "And why should I hire you?"

"Well, you agreed to this interview, so either you already have a reason, or you just don't have anything better to do," Ranma allowed, leaning back in his chair as he rubbed his chin. "Either way, I don't really know." Honestly, he was expecting to have to flee the room to avoid being caught when somebody figured out his papers and I.D. were fake.

The Principal's eyes twitched. "What do you think you could add to the educational experience of the children who attend this school?"

Ranma scratched his head, frowning. That was a tough one. After a moment, he snapped his fingers. "I could teach them what to do if they're suddenly attacked by energy-draining monsters. I heard that happens a lot around here. And I'll bet they don't learn that in any of the other classes!"

The man on the other side of the desk blinked in surprise. That actually sounded... useful. Not very likely it would work, but it would help his standing substantially if he could honestly say that his school was teaching children to safely avoid youma.

Besides that... he didn't really have a lot of options. There was simply no-one else. The temp they had called in was leaving soon for another job, and none of the local agencies had any spare teachers that were willing to work more than a few days at a time. This new kid would have to take on triple-sized classes as it was.

"You're hired," the principal deadpanned, quite nonplussed at seeing Ranma completely stunned by the admission. "I'll have my secretary file your papers and give you the curriculum you'll eventually be teaching. You start Monday of next week. Get here at 7 AM sharp so we can have someone show you around. That is all."

Ranma rose from the chair almost drunkenly, unable to believe that Sousuke's efficient if idiotic idea had actually worked (he was starting to get the idea that most of the mercenary's plans were like that). "Er... okay. Thanks."

The principal grunted. "I have a feeling I'll regret this, but I don't have a lot of options. Just remember your place and your responsibilities, and everything will work out fine."

"Oh, sure. Totally," Ranma said, idly wondering what his "place" and "responsibilities" were.

Oh well, they probably weren't that important if he had already been hired without demonstrating them.

'When I get back home, I'm going to have to as Sousuke just what he put in those papers.'

* * *

Hematite had to keep from laughing with glee as she successfully snuck into her office through the window and scooped up the reams of signed contracts under her desk. Energy! Wonderful, tasty, healthy energy! It was a bit stale for being under her desk for so long, but she was a starving youma in a desert and greedily sucked up her personal oasis.

It took over an hour for her to completely regenerate her arm after that, but when she could finally move her right hand again, her smile nearly lit the darkened room. After absorbing the rest of the energy, since she would have no need to hand it over to anyone else now, she took on her human disguise, fixed the window, and then stepped outside to enjoy the cool, late evening air.

She was free.

To a point. She was actually paying a significant portion of her salary to a shadow group of warriors so that they wouldn't kill her, but as a youma who knew nothing of material luxury, financial bondage wasn't a meaningful form of oppression to her.

Oh, sure, she had tried to get the better of her captors when it came to negotiations, but she had quickly found out that they were much better at hurting people (and youma) than they were at business. And they tended to stick to what they knew.

So she was being screwed out of her monthly paycheck. But on the other hand, she no longer had to report back to another youma or any of the generals, or fear being annihilated by her boss. Hell, her "boss" was actually her thrall; she commanded him! All energy drained was hers! She no longer had reason to fear being vaporized by the Senshi (or so her captors said; she was reluctant to take their word on it)!

She was the first youma she'd ever heard of to phase out of the whole Negaverse invasion and take a neutral position, making her own life on her own terms (sort of). Feeling quite pleasant about her new, unexpected freedom, and laughing openly at the thought of never having to see another Dark General again, it's entirely understandable that she froze stiff and went pale white when a gigantic visage of Jaedite suddenly appeared over Tokyo and started talking in a loud, booming voice.

Hematite quickly figured out that the Dark General was simply using a vast illusion to challenge the Senshi to battle, and that he wasn't issuing any warnings to working youma or reprimands to possible traitor youma. It also helped that she realized he couldn't possibly see her, though that didn't draw her out of the bushes she had dived into as soon as she saw the face of her former master.

When the message ended and the illusion vanished, Hematite shuddered. Jaedite was going to fight the Senshi head-on? Wait a minute. Forget the Senshi. Jaedite had just announced his plans to the whole city. Meaning that the company that had assaulted her and killed several of her fellow youma had to know about this, as well as any teams like them, plus the Japanese government.

Hematite shuddered again, and decided to go inside where it was warm and safe, curl up into the fetal position, and then rock back and forth while whimpering to herself. Tomorrow was going to end very badly for somebody. Honestly though, she had no idea whom that would be.

* * *

By pure random chance Sousuke had already been on his way to the airport when Jaedite had made his general challenge to the Senshi. A matter of some simple smuggling in order to quickly acquire some hastily ordered equipment once the dimensions of his current assignment had started to become more clear.

That it was illegal as all hell, not to mention banned by several international treaties had not deterred the young mercenary in the slightest. In fact, one could say he even felt a strange sort of glee at being able to truly practice the craft he knew best without the normal restraints on his creativity.

It was simply to everyone else's grave misfortune that he was the first one to arrive.

Firearms? Check.

High Explosives? Check.

Working Planes? Check.

Thousands of Gallons of Highly Volatile Jet Fuel? Check.

No Civilians there to worry about? Check.

Ever so slowly, Sagara started to smile.

Sousuke gets to work preparing the battlefield. Will anyone else be able to survive it?

* * *

So things had not gone entirely... according to plan.

ANYBODY'S plan.

Although really, out of all the plans that were being put into motion, Sousuke's had been going the best. Having his explosives, traps, a menagerie of possible improvised explosive devices at his fingertips and the airport closed was Christmas for him. Specifically, he was Santa laying out presents of varying flammability waiting to be unwrapped.

Around noon the next day, the police came to guard the airport. Two dozen men. And not one of them armed with even a handgun. It's like the government was trained to send in just enough force to get in the way of vigilantes doing the real work, but not nearly enough to accomplish the job themselves. No WONDER they needed him to back up their superheroes and protect their schoolgirls from harm!

Within the first half-hour of the men scouring the base, he had been forced to knock three of them out quietly to prevent them from getting themselves killed; these men were clearly not trained to identify traps and bombs, and were stumbling blindly into the trigger areas.

It was only sheer luck that led to one particularly bored officer kicking a beer can into the detection range of a proximity mine before he had walked that path himself. Sousuke was not nearby and would have been unable to save him.

The resulting explosion knocked the man down, but didn't cause him much harm. The East terminal, however, was quickly rocked by secondary explosions and set ablaze. The police officers quickly abandoned the airport, moving twice as quickly once they found three missing members of their group lying outside, bound and unconscious.

Sousuke had just sighed as he looked at the building blaze that had engulfed half of the airport. What a waste of ordnance. Jaedite had checked out the airport from above first, and was surprised to find a part of it on fire. The Senshi were already here? Frowning, he decided that their apparent tactical foresight warranted calling in the reserves.

He teleported into the middle of the airport and immediately opened a youma portal, from which four of his best combat youma emerged, snarling and ready to tear into the enemy. He had originally figured that he could destroy the Senshi himself, without wasting the substantial amount of energy it took to summon the youma to help him, but honestly seeing the airport in flames before the battle even started, not to mention the recent destruction of a few of his minor draining operations, was making him nervous.

It wasn't long before Sousuke heard another proximity mine go off, followed by a yelping cry that had not come from a human throat. He quickly put his plan into action, running for the exits as he slipped the detonator out of his pocket.

Everything past the officers nearly getting killed had gone pretty well. The explosives he detonated precipitated the roof collapsing outward from the center of the airport, spreading the fire more quickly and setting off chains of secondary explosions from proximity mines and canisters of airplane fuel and even booze from the airport bar.

And thus it was the sight of a towering inferno where the airport used to be to which the Sailor Senshi and Orion's team arrived as dusk passed, albeit on opposite sides of said inferno.

* * *

Ranma groaned as he looked at the firestorm that used to be an airport and wondered how many millions of yen worth of explosives had just literally gone up in flames due to Sousuke's penchant for explosive overkill.

Orion shook his head, unable to believe that they had spent so long looking for the mercenary before Negi had checked the messages on their answering machine (pilfered from Gazite's house). Neither Orion nor Ranma was used to simple 20th century technology, and it showed.

After Orion had deciphered the message, as it had been given in code, they had rushed to the airport with all haste, which they would have done anyway considering how close it had been getting to the time of the appointed battle. Negi squinted his eyes as he held a hand against his forehead, peering into the flames.

"Hey... there's someone coming... with a youma!"

Indeed, there was a very angry-looking man in a charred, thoughly neatly pressed gray uniform stalking onto the tarmac from the flaming pile of debris, shouting incoherently. The flames and sparks, for the most part, seemed not to touch him, instead parting over some sort of barrier and bouncing off onto the ground.

The youma following him was a completely different story, as it had been severely burned, and was limping. It seemed that at one point the creature had possessed four spider-like legs, but one had been blown off and one was apparently crippled, forcing her to limp.

Orion nodded and backed off as Ranma took a fighting stance and Negi jumped on his staff.

"You guys know what to do. I'll find the Senshi and bring them here as soon as possible. Hold your ground!"

As Jaedite stalked up to the jumbo jets that were sitting far enough away from the airport to escape damage, he noticed that there were two youngsters waiting for him with confrontational expressions on their faces. He didn't notice the gray cat dashing away from the area.

He snorted, not in the least impressed that the child of the two was floating in the air on a stick. "So now you mere humans deign to oppose me as well? Your insolence disgusts me."

He held up a hand, letting a ball of black lightning coalesce into his palm. Next to him, the only surviving combat youma snarled, snapping its pincer-like hands threateningly.

"Bring it, pretty boy," Ranma mocked, using his best cocky grin as he beckoned the Negaverse soldiers forward with a finger.

Negi didn't waste his words, instead launching himself upward and beginning his incantation.

"Sagitta magica series fulguraris!"

From the bushes off the tarmac, Sousuke lowered his binoculars and readied the mortar.

The battle was joined.

* * *

Whack! "NO, I did NOT set the airport on fire so we wouldn't have to fight!" Sailor Mars yelled, smacking her leader straight on the head.

"Ow! Mars, you're so MEAN!" Sailor Moon said as she slumped to her knees and started to cry.

Luna's eye twitched at the sight. "Girls, can we get back to the issue at hand? Jaedite's waiting for us!"

Bakoom! A fairly distant explosion sounded, but the Senshi couldn't make out the flare of light from the mortar detonation behind the firestorm that was the airport.

"Something's wrong. It looks like someone's already fighting," Mercury said worriedly, scanning the area with her visor. A brief chain of smaller explosions seemed to reinforce her conclusion.

"Eh? Who could be in there fighting Jaedite?" Moon asked, coming out of her crying jag as quickly as she fell into it.

"I think I can answer that!"

The four females all jumped as a rough, male voice came from behind them, and they all whirled around. Sailor Moon, naturally, lost her balance upon attempting a 180 and stumbled to the side into Mars, knocking the both of them to the ground and precipitating another argument when they all really had better things to worry about.

"Orion? What're you doing here?" Luna asked uneasily, both irritated to see the military moon cat and a bit relieved that he might be able to help in the upcoming battle against a general.

"I'm here to help you, of course." He glanced over at where Sailors Moon and Mars were pinching and stretching out each other's cheeks as they continued fighting. "You really pulled out all the stops on this recruitment effort, haven't you? Where do you FIND these people?"

Mercury noted Luna bristling at the comment. "Luna, who is this?"

"This is Orion, a military advisor who was sent forward with me. Presumably to help all of you deal with the Negaverse threat better."

The blue-skirted Senshi immediately brightened. Intellectual help? Perfect! Maybe the others would stop expecting HER to pul brilliant strategies out of her ass with an actual military advisor on their side.

"Orion! You're back!" Sailor Moon said happily, disengaging herself from the Senshi of Mars.

"It was really scary fighting all those battles! I kept telling Luna that we should try to find you so you can help but she kept saying we didn't need you and Ami would do fine even though she isn't very good at fighting and-"

"That's nice," Orion said negligently, waving a paw at the blonde superheroine as he dismissed her babbling. "Look, you've gotta get to the battlefield. My boys're holding off Jaedite and his lackey as best they can. If you get there quick, you can hit them in the back and we can close this trap."

The Senshi all nodded, determination spreading onto their faces. In Luna's mind, one could imagine a record player playing a constant soothing hum of old opera music, as if her brain were constantly moving through the motions of some formal noble event like a ball or a play. At that moment, the arm of the player jerked off the record, creating the time of garbled, scratchy sound that had lead off into so many comedy routines.

"Wait a minute! Your 'boys'? What 'boys'?" Luna shouted, suddenly standing straight up on all fours.

Orion raised an eyebrow. "My men. You know, soldiers, warriors, magi... or in this case, one of each. What's that look for?"

Sailor Moon blinked. "Boys? You mean, like, 'boys' boys?" She was going to get to fight alongside guys? This was awesome! "Ooh! Is Tuxedo Kamen one of them?"

"Who?" Orion asked, blinking.

"Masked guy, shows up when we're in a bind, throws roses," Mars said, ticking off Kamen's distinguishing features.

"Oh, HIM. Nah. I found a better sniper." Orion turned around and started to run off, sensing that Luna was about to unload a lecture on him for some reason. "Come on! We don't have much time!"

"Hey! Wait a minute, you-" Luna was cut off as she was nearly trampled by the Senshi of Mars, Mercury and the Moon in their rush to get the battlefield. "Stop! We can't just... I mean... HEY! Don't leave me behind!"

* * *

"Deflexio!" Negi yelled as streams of black energy converged toward him through the air, homing in on the little boy.

Bwom! A cloud of shadow briefly obscured the child mage as the missiles pounded against his shield, shattering the kinetic barrier while splashing dark power over his anti-magic shell.

"Evocatio valcryarum!" Negi shouted in response, throwing a hand forward as his staff took off in Jaedite's direction. All around him, glowing images of Negi riding his staff burst into existence, each one wielding a weapon of some sort. Negi veered off the attack as Jaedite fired a dark bolt that nearly plowed into him, but the images converged on the Dark General instead, weapons slashing wildly.

Jaedite snarled and seemed to slide along the ground at super-high speed, leaving after-images in his wake as he zipped around the attack path of the copy-Negis. To Negi's surprise, the images didn't disappear, but instead each raised their arms to fire bolts of energy at his copies.

Jaedite grimaced as he felt his energy reserves began to sag. As much as he hated to admit it, this annoying little whelp was engaging him in a full-on sorcerer's duel for which Jaedite was ill prepared. Oh sure, he out powered the little boy by a considerable margin, but the little brat was proving extremely nimble, and kept trying to weave through his defenses instead of assaulting him head-on with his strongest spells.

Besides that, Jaedite had to admit that he was rather unused to this kind of battle, and certainly hadn't expected to fight one tonight. He had been planning to just run the Senshi over with a jumbo jet or something; they were hardly worth the vast energy expenditure that he had to deal with in order to fight the little wizard. He had already expended too much energy to make an instantaneous retreat if his battle went awry. And he had a strange, sinking feeling that this situation had gone to hell long ago.

Ranma ducked a swinging claw and then dashed toward the collection of semi-transparent Jaedites who were fighting several glowing images of Negi, forcing the large combat youma to struggle after him. As much as he hated to admit it, the blasted thing had him on the ropes. So far he had avoided taking anything more than a glancing cut, but the youma was much faster than the ones he fought before, meaning he was mostly on the defensive.

It also took hits much better than the others; landing a solid kick to its head merely prompted a snappy retaliation, rather than knocking it silly. If the situation remained that he couldn't hurt it because it was too tough and it couldn't hurt him because he was too fast, he had no illusions whose defenses would falter first as the fight dragged on.

But he had no plans to let that situation remain. Idly socking a Jaedite copy in the face as he passed by, causing it vanish, he jumped into the chaotic melee of mirror images, the youma hot on his heels. The youma's first clue that the situation had changed was when a glowing boy on a stick passed by at high speed, smacking her in the face with a warhammer.

As the attack was formed from magical energies, it hurt a bit more than one of Ranma's punches, and she staggered to the side, not noticing as she stomped over two of the copy Jaedites who were sniping copy Negis. Another glowing Negi passed by and missed with its short sword, but before the youma could slash at it, a copy Jaedite missed its shot at that same target, plowing a black bolt of lightning right in the youma's chest and sending it staggering backward.

BWAKOOM! The youma's arm vanished into chunks as a mortar shell landed on her shoulder, driving the creature to her knees (figuratively. Technically, as a quadruped, her knees just failed and let her body fall onto the ground).

Ranma had been fighting the slow-reacting mirror images of Jaedite while keeping an eye on his main foe, and grinned the moment he saw the thing stunned. Putting all his energy into a full-on sprint, he leapt into the air at high speed and aimed both feet toward the youma's disoriented head.

WHAM! The impact sent the battle youma's considerable bulk reeling, and Ranma drove its head over into the ground hard enough to plow through the asphalt of the tarmac and leave a narrow divot as the creature was dragged along from the impact.

When it stopped, Ranma hopped off the twitching youma's face, and then realized that he was standing in front of Orion and a trio of teenage girls, all of them staring wide-eyed at him and youma that had skidded to a stop in front of them.

"Hello," he said cordially. Then he pointed to the youma, assuming that these girls were the Sailor Senshi he had heard so much about. "Could ya take care of this thing? I gotta go help Negi. Thanks." Without waiting for an answer, he dashed off toward the fight at a speed that made him seem like a blur.

Mars blinked rapidly, believing that might somehow dispel the illusion that had suddenly crashed down in front of them. "What just happened?"

"You've been given a free shot at a weakened foe," Orion explained slowly, trying to mask his frustration. "Are you just going to stand there and wait for it to recover?"

Mars shook her head rapidly, though the others were still gaping. "Mars fire ignite!"

"GRAAAAUGH!" The struggling youma screamed in pain as its much-abused body was suddenly hit by a fireball, and shakily rose to its feet as its remaining arm snapped about wildly, searching for targets. It had been temporarily blinded by the strike to its head, and its regeneration was now overloaded trying to heal all the various magical damage.

"Meep!" Sailor Moon jumped back along with Mercury, and she quickly took off her tiara.

"Moon... Tiara... Action!"

The youma, already severely injured and in great pain, didn't even realize it was on the threshold of being destroyed until the tiara had already passed through it, the energies already spreading through its body and turning it to dust.

Jaedite was far too busy to bother noticing that one of his more capable pieces of cannon fodder had been dispatched. He had managed to destroy the annoying copy-wizards, but the annoying real-wizard had launched a number of light missiles that had annihilated his own copies and had given his shield quite a pounding.

Bwack! 'Speaking of 'a pounding,' Jaedite thought irritably as his barrier barely deflected another of the pigtailed boy's powerful kicks. Summoning a sword of black lightning into his hand, he cut low at the fighter, only for the boy to jump over the slash while twisting into a kick mid-dodge.

Ranma was fairly unbalanced as his blows kept striking something invisible between him and his opponent, but kept lashing out against the softening wall while weaving around the magic blade. Luckily, while Jaedite was very fast, he didn't seem especially skilled at swordfighting; his attacks were strong, but failed to lead up into another one, or cover openings in his defense. Ranma could tell that he was used to his enemies dying in a single stroke, and he had no plans to indulge him.

Both Ranma and Jaedite heard the incoming whistle, and they both leapt back before a mortar shell detonated in the spot they had been fighting.

"Sagitta magica series lucius!" Negi panted, releasing another barrage of magical arrows that streaked toward the besieged general.

Jaedite growled as he slid to the side at high speed, though this time his after-images faded away as one would expect. Moving under the arrows, the light missiles curved down sharply to try and follow, but failed to adjust completely, raining over the tarmac and leaving waves of small craters everywhere.

The Dark General was breathing heavily once he came to a stop, eyes searching frantically for a way out. He may have been arrogant, fanatical, and surprisingly unskilled in tactics for a general, but he knew without a doubt that he was now fighting for his life, not victory. And that was just against these human whelps; the Senshi hadn't even shown up!

"Stop right there!" Sailor Moon yelled, running up and pointing at the Dark General.

"Son of a bitch!" The Dark General yelled, surprising the Senshi. He didn't really know what the expression meant, but he somehow found it appropriate for his current situation.

Sailor Moon coughed into her fist, flushing slightly, then continued. "Airports are for travelers and businessmen to commute to their place of rest and work! These planes carry not just people, but hopes and opportunities! For destroying this place of transportation, you will not be forgiven! I am Sailor Moon, and-"

"I DIDN'T DESTROY THE AIRPORT!" Jaedite raged, interrupting Sailor Moon and startling her badly. "THEY DID!" He pointed a trembling finger at Ranma. Ranma, who had been wondering if they should hit Jaedite in the back while the Dark General was patiently listening to the Senshi lecture him, suddenly backpedalled.

"What? No! It's all Sousuke's fault!" Floating above him, Negi nodded his head rapidly. Still hidden amongst the bushes, Sousuke sweatdropped, wondering how the battle had suddenly turned into an argument, and if taking the opportunity to fire would violate some unspoken parley agreement. Wasn't the white flag universal? He'd have to ask Orion later.

Sailor Moon scratched her head, looking uncertain. "Oh, well..." she shrugged. "Well , you're a Dark General anyway, so I guess we don't really need another reason to fight you, huh?"

"Plus, he DID challenge us to a battle here," Sailor Mercury pointed out helpfully. Mars just cracked her knuckles, smiling at the sight of Jaedite furious and nearly exhausted.

"Enough of this!" The Negaverse General shouted angrily, suddenly floating backward a few inches off the ground at high speed. Slowing in front of a pair of cargo jets, he concentrated briefly, and then thrust one hand forward.

Very slowly, the jets started to crawl forward, seemingly of their own volition. Jaedite smirked. He had no illusions that he'd be able to destroy all his opponents with this trick, but he should at least be able to squash a Senshi or two, and it would allow him time to escape and effect a full retreat. Beryl would be furious, possibly to the point that she'd kill him for this newest failure, but after he explained the appearance of a new fighting force acting alongside the Senshi, he just might be granted forgiveness while relaying important intel to the Negaverse.

* * *

Orion winced as he saw the jumbo jets move up so that there was one on each side of Jaedite, and flattened himself against the ground with his paws covering his ears. Being a military man (er, cat that is), he had noticed the gray blocks attached to the fuselages of the jets, and identified the remote-trigger fuses that they were armed with when he had passed by the planes briefly.

Unfortunately for Luna, Orion was covering his ears, so he couldn't hear her when she asked why he was doing that.

* * *

Sousuke snorted when he saw the planes roll by on either side of the main target, and once again slipped the detonator out of his pocket before keying it to the right frequency. 'What kind of an attack is that? Amateur.'

He had to spend a moment to make sure that none of his allies were near the other planes around the airport; he had armed ALL of them, and decided to key them to the same frequency since he had expected the pace of combat to move much faster than it actually had.

Giving a salute to the enemy officer in an uncharacteristic display of humor, he pressed the button on the detonator.

* * *

KAAABOOOOOOOOM!

Luna and the Senshi were knocked right off their feet from the Earth-shaking explosion as every plane in the area suddenly vanished into a tremendous fireball. Ranma, being who he was and standing far enough away from the blast, managed to lean forward adequately to absorb the shock wave without falling down, though he slid backward a good half-meter.

Negi, having no physical purchase and not possessing Ranma's excellent balance, was blasted off his staff by the wave of force and was sent spiralling helplessly to the ground. Luckily, Ranma noticed and caught him in time, but it was a near thing.

Jaedite's barriers, already weakened from fighting off Negi's magic and Ranma's attacks, collapsed damn near instantly. Jaedite himself barely managed to register the sudden, ear-piercing roar before he was annihilated.

Sailor Moon scrambled to her feet, afraid that the sudden explosion may have been a deliberate act on Jaedite's part. Once she got up and stared at the huge, flaming crater filled with chunks of burning metal, she had to wonder why vaporizing himself would have been part of the Dark General's plan.

Maybe a suicide attack? If that was the case, it was very poorly done. A quick look around showed that she and her friends seemed to be suffering from nothing more than surprise and a slightly rough fall.

From behind the confused Senshi, Orion trotted out in front of them, followed by a dizzy-looking and extremely disturbed Luna. Then he sat on his haunches, facing away from the Senshi. "All right boys, good work! Now c'mere!"

Ranma nodded and put Negi down, who quickly thanked the pigtailed boy and darted off to collect his fallen staff. Some shaking in the bushes revealed Sousuke, who was dressed in full combat gear sans helmet, and was carrying a mortar setup over his shoulder. Within moments, they were standing in front of Orion facing the Senshi.

"Orion, what is the meaning of this?" Luna yowled in obvious distress. "Who ARE these people?"

Rolling his eyes, Orion faced the Senshi. "Sailor Moon, Mercury, Mars, my name is Orion Halinjor, your military advisor. May I present to you and introduce..." he paused for dramatic effect, "Orion's Knights!"

He jabbed a paw at the cute, muscular boy wearing Chinese clothes, and looking fairly dirty from the fight. He was also smiling pleasantly with his hands in his pockets, looking completely relaxed. "Ranma Saotome, close-combat specialist."

Next came the adorable little boy with tiny glasses who had spiky brown hair in a bushy little pigtail wearing some sort of formal suit and cape that was lightly scorched from the battle. "Negi Springfield, battle mage in training. Though I have to say, he did quite well, holding his own against a Dark General for so long." Negi blushed fiercely and looked down at his feet timidly, and even Luna had to fiercely resist the impulse to run up to the child and cuddle him.

Finally, Orion gestured to the final boy, a sharp-looking young man with spiky black hair, a scar on his cheek, and the most serious, severe expression on his face that any of the girls had ever seen on a live human being. In contrast to the others, he was wearing combat armor and forest camouflage fatigues, and he was standing straight and firm, as if being inspected (which he was, really). "And this is my commando and demolitions specialist, Sousuke Sagara," Orion said.

"IT WAS YOU!" Luna suddenly shouted, startling everybody BUT Sousuke, who didn't even flinch. "YOU'RE responsible for all this!" The black moon cat shoved a paw at the various flaming piles of debris that used to be an airport full of planes.

Sousuke blinked. "Incorrect, Ma'am!" He said firmly, long past the point of feeling ridiculous at addressing a cat as a superior. "To claim full responsibility for the destruction of the enemy would be to ignore Saotome and Springfield's considerable battlefield contributions, as well as the arrival of the Senshi, Ma'am!"

"I'm talking about the airport!" Luna snapped. "It's gone! Do you have any idea how much it's going to cost to rebuild all this?"

Sousuke frowned. He found it irritating how people kept asking him that, as if estimating construction costs were part of a commando's job, or even a remotely related field. "Off the top of my head, I imagine the costs to replace all the assets destroyed in combat except that of the explosives themselves would be somewhere in the realm of five billion."

Luna managed to pale, despite possessing black fur. "Five BILLION yen?!"

Sousuke blinked. "No. Five billion US dollars. It tends to be the most stable currency available, so I'm used to calculating transactions that way."

Sailor Mercury nodded, and her eyes stared upward as she did some calculations in her head. "Ah, that makes sense. That would equal... nearly five-hundred and ninety billion yen."

Luna wobbled and quickly laid down, feeling dizzy. Ranma noticed that the blue-skirted girl with the long ponytails also looked sort of queasy, so he waved his hand dismissively. "Don't worry about it. We don't hafta pay for it."

Luna felt not a little bit discouraged when Sailor Moon wiped some sweat off her forehead, clearly relieved by the admission. "What are these people doing here, Orion?"

"We're here to help you guys hunt monsters," Ranma said bluntly before the tomcat could answer.

"REALLY?" Moon squealed, running up and trapping the surprised martial artist in a gleeful hug. "That's so cool! And you're all so strong and cute!" She giggled as she pressed herself a little tighter against the pigtailed boy. 'Wow. He has some really hard muscles.' Blushing slightly, she moved on and scooped up Negi without warning, rubbing her cheek against the startled little boy's head.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" Luna bellowed, once again startling everyone but Sousuke. "These boys aren't Senshi! What were you thinking, telling them about us and bringing them into this?"

"I was thinking that they can keep any of your magical girls from getting killed by an enemy who knows what he's doing," Orion said, shrugging unapologetically. "The Senshi have power. They don't have experience, training, or ordnance. I've provided that."

"They don't need that!" Luna said, not noticing when the girls cast each other doubtful looks.

"They'll gain training and experience as they go! And as for your 'ordnance,' just look at what it's done!" She pointed again at the slowly guttering flames. Everyone else briefly spared a thought to wonder where the fire department was going to arrive, considering the airport had been on fire for a good two hours now.

"You mean besides killing most of the enemy troops?" The military cat deadpanned.

"That's beside the point, and you know it!" Luna shouted. "They're not Senshi, they're not descended from the Moon Kingdom, and they're not part of this conflict! They can't be trusted with our secrets, nor can we endanger them by putting them into the Senshi's battles!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Orion mumbled, having half-expected this reaction. He turned around toward the various humans. "Well ladies, since you're all technically the ones in charge of the Senshi's operations, as well as the ones with your lives on the line, the decision ultimately goes to you. Whaddya think? Can I run a support squad to back you up in battle, protect you outside of battle, and collect intel when you have lives to live."

Sailor Moon did not hesitate. "Yes!" She cheered, still hugging Negi against her chest like a stuffed animal, even while the little boy flailed helplessly in her grasp.

Mercury nodded, smiling. "It would seem a wise course of action. I don't think anyone can doubt their... efficiency in combat," she sweatdropped as she glanced at the huge columns of smoke wafting from piles of scorched rubble. "And we DO have tactical shortcomings. Orion's help and that of his Knights would be invaluable."

Sailor Mars frowned slightly, rubbing her chin. She was skeptical right away of this new team. For one thing, they were all men, and she had always had a bit of a feminist streak to her. Then again, they WERE all seriously cute, and it wasn't like she had romantic prospects lining up outside the shrine where she lived.

Nor was she particularly trusting of military influences, and both Orion and Sousuke were clearly of that bent. On the other hand, the Senshi WERE a fighting force, and these people were clearly good at combat, even if one of them was apparently a psycho pyromaniac.

"Then it's decided!" Sailor Moon cheered, pumping one fist into the air while hugging Negi to her with the other arm, "Orion's Knights are officially part of the Sailor Senshi!"

"Hey!" Mars said, whipping around, "I haven't given my vote yet!"

"So? Me and Mercury said yes, so even if you said no, it'd still be two-to-one," Moon reasoned.

Mars' eye twitched. "I didn't know you were that good at math."

Moon's eye twitched back, and she turned away, sniffing disdainfully.

"What about me?" Luna shouted, totally dismayed. "Don't I get a vote?"

In response, Orion slapped a bandage over the crescent moon on her forehead.

Luna blinked several times. "Mrow? Meow."

Sailor Moon blinked, distracted enough so that Negi finally squirmed out of her grasp. "Huh?

What'd you do?"

"I kept her from talking," Orion said simply, walking past everyone and heading for the trees next to the airport.

"YOU CAN DO THAT?!" The Senshi leader said, amazed and suddenly excited. It had never occurred to Usagi, ever since she had taken that bandage off Luna's head and allowing her to talk, that putting a bandage back on would keep her from talking.

Not that she would abuse that knowledge for her own convenience. Of course not. Not her.

Nope. Honest!

"Yes, I can. Now somebody pick up Luna and so we can get a move on. The emergency response teams won't hide forever. We can talk more once we get someplace safe."

* * *

Behind one of the empty hangars surrounding the tarmac the airport, Tuxedo Kamen sighed and leapt away unnoticed, disappointed that he had waited at the edge of the airport (and extremely glad that he hadn't waited in or on the airport) all this time and hadn't gotten a chance to make an appearance. His MO was to jump in and help the moment the Senshi got in a tight spot or were in dire need of rescue, but by the time they had taken any sort of hit at all - being knocked off their feet by the shock waves - all the enemies were dead.

There were other non-Senshi people around that he didn't recognize, but even though he couldn't overhear the conversation (other than the shouting from the little black cat), he could tell that the young men were the Senshi's allies to some degree. Oh well. There was always another fight.

* * *

Luna was not a happy camper. No sir. Well, most people would be upset if someone had slapped a gag over their mouths for no reason other than they found them annoying, but Luna was seriously on the edge, here. Thus, it came as no surprise when, after Ranma removed the bandage, she pounced on the gray moon cat and both advisors briefly vanished into a typical "cartoon violence" dust cloud in a flurry of angry yowling.

Sailor Moon didn't notice. She was currently standing in-between Ranma and Sousuke while hugging Negi to her chest again with a serene smile on her face and little hearts surrounding her. She was surrounded by cute, powerful boys! Now THIS is was her kind of superhero team!

Oh, sure, she loved Ami dearly, and Rei was... a big help, but Sailor Mercury was clearly new at committing acts of violence. Sailor Mars was not, but hardly seemed as ruthlessly efficient as Orion's new additions to the team.

That Luna seemed opposed to the whole idea only confused her. What was wrong with having more help? And what did it matter if they were men who weren't reincarnated royalty? Well, if Luna wanted to drive off the two new slices of beefcake she had been handed, or the ultra-adorable little British boy, she would have to get through Sailor Moon... who could throw a crying tantrum with the best of them! That'd show her!

Negi squirmed slightly in Usagi's relentless grip, his face flushed. As he had grown up without a mother or a wet nurse, he was fairly sure he had never had so much sustained contact with a woman's breasts in his life. "Don't you think we should stop those two?"

"I'M not getting anywhere near them," Sailor Mars said, shaking her head.

"Now that we've reached a more secure location, it would seem best that we exchange information while our... respective commanders are occupied," Sousuke said formally, hands clasped behind his back.

Sailor Mercury sweatdropped. "Uhm... Luna isn't actually our commander..." Though she had to admit the moon cat sure acted like it.

Sousuke blinked. "I see. Then who is your superior?"

"I'm the leader!" Sailor Moon cheered, waving one hand in the air as the other kept a death grip over Negi's chest (Ranma had been trying to figure out a way to get Negi free without physically manhandling Moon for quite some time. He had come up with nothing).

Sousuke wondered if it wouldn't be wiser to allow the cat to be in command, but didn't say it aloud. After all, if Sailor Moon was in charge, then she was of equal rank or higher rank than Orion, who was HIS commander. Superiors were to be obeyed at all times, and tended not to like having their competency questioned. "Understood. At this time we should transfer information so that each group is able to contact the other and find sanctuary if assaulted by the enemy. Here is our current address and a list of contact numbers, each one all but untraceable." He handed Sailor Moon a slip of paper. "I recommend you memorize the information and destroy that note to ensure the security of our operation."

The others sweatdropped, but Moon took the note. "Okay. So we should tell you about ourselves, right? My name is-"

"NO!" a panting Luna shouted, suddenly diving out of the dust cloud and landing flat on her belly. "You can't tell them your secret identities!"

Sailor Moon pouted. If she couldn't tell them who she was, how could she go out on dates with them? People would probably notice Sailor Moon being escorted into a movie theatre, and she was fairly certain the seifuku would get her kicked out of most of the better restaurants.

Orion landed on top of Luna, swatting her in the head with his paw. "Idiot. They already know who Sailor Moon is!"

"WHAT?! Orion, you moron!"

Sousuke nodded. "Indeed. We already have a respectable dossier on Sailor Moon, A.K.A. Usagi Tsukino. Daughter of Ikuko and Kenji Tsukino, whom you reside with, along with a younger brother by the name of Shingo. You also attend Juuban High." He stopped and glanced at the others. "However, I have not had time to procure information on your associates. While I understand the need for secrecy, this information is critical to our operations."

Sailor Mercury nodded. That made perfect sense to her. Of course, there was always the chance that one or more of these boys were agents sent to kill them, but Ami wasn't an inherently suspicious person. "My name is Ami Mizuno. I live with my mother - divorced - and go to Juuban High with Usagi-chan."

"No! Don't tell them that! They can't be trusted!" Luna shouted in dismay. Orion snorted and jumped off of her.

Sailor Mars sighed. Well, if the others were going to go blab, she might as well do the same. Besides, there was no way to hide her involvement once somebody knew about Usagi and Ami; HER house had always served as their meeting place. "I'm Rei Hino. I live at the Cherry Hill Temple with my Grandfather. I don't attend Juuban High; I go to T*A Private School for Girls."

Her eye twitched as she noticed Sousuke taking down notes. "Why do you need to know that, anyway? Can't you just zero in on the youma like we do when they're causing trouble?"

"Negative," Sousuke said, putting away the notebook. "It's more efficient if we coordinate our efforts rather than act as a purely reactionary force. In addition, part of our tasks involve protecting you outside of battle."

"What?" Mars said, suddenly alarmed. "Now wait a minute, I don't want some crazy military nut stalking me all day!"

Sailor Moon, for her part, couldn't imagine what Mars' problem was. To her, the idea of being constantly escorted by handsome young men was a Godsend.

"Not to worry," Sousuke said with a slight reassuring smile that nobody actually found reassuring. "My last assignment was of precisely the same nature, and I gained valuable insight and experience as to the procedures when functioning as a bodyguard. I will not fail."

"That's not the problem here!" Sailor Mars said.

"Indeed. You DO go to a different school. That will complicate matters," Sousuke mumbled, rubbing his chin. "I suppose we can get Saotome reassigned to your school to keep watch."

"It's an all-girls school!"

"The position is not as a student."

"What?!"

Ranma shifted uncomfortably. "I dunno... wouldn't it be easier to get Rei transferred to Juuban?" For some reason, the thought of being a gym teacher for large classes of boy-starved girls around his own age sent shivers down his spine.

"Now wait just a-"

"Hold it, hold it, hold it!" Luna said, interrupting Mars' retort. "Now look here! We can't go about like these boys can be simply dragged into Senshi business! They have their own lives!"

Ranma shrugged. "Not really. I don't have nothin' better to do."

Negi shook his head. "I have to complete this assignment, no matter what!" His determined expression made him look even cuter, and he squealed as Sailor Moon hugged him tighter.

Sousuke was unrelenting. "This is my job."

Luna sweatdropped while Orion smirked at her. "Well... uh... this simply isn't their fight!"

"Aren't these youma dorks tryin' to take over the world? I'm pretty sure that makes it everyone's fight." Ranma slapped a fist into his palm for emphasis.

"Erk! Well... uh..." Luna stammered. Then she brightened. "What if they're recognized! The Senshi have magical defenses to keep from being recognized when seen! If people figure out these boys are allies of the Senshi, they could track the Senshi through them!"

Orion blinked in surprise and the Senshi suddenly looked worried. That actually WAS a plausible concern.

Sousuke sniffed. "I am well-trained in camouflage and covert operations. I will not be traced."

Negi scratched his head. "Well, actually, I have magical defenses like you just mentioned. It's sort of a glamour field that keeps people from noticing me off-hand when I'm using magic, or recognizing me at a glance."

All eyes turned to Ranma, who sweatdropped under the scrutiny. "Uhm... well..."

Orion blinked, noticing the sweatdrop. Of course! "I've already taken care of Saotome," he said smugly. "He has a magical disguise to use in battle, though he's not using it now." He made a show of glaring at the pigtailed boy. "What have I told you of not using your battle disguise? What if the enemy had gotten away, or an emergency response team had actually - Serenity forbid - shown up to deal with the fire and explosions?"

Ranma stared down at the gray tomcat who was lecturing him. "Huh?"

"Sagara, you have your canteen on you?" Orion said. Sousuke nodded, immediately understanding. Ranma took a split-second longer, and winced.

Splash! The Senshi all gasped as the muscular raven-haired boy was now replaced by a bitter-looking redheaded girl. Luna quailed, unable to think of another good reason to reject the new help that the girls would give any credit to.

"Wow! You look so... REAL," Sailor Moon said in surprise.

"For all intents and purposes, the change is 'real'. This disguise is a bit more inconvenient than your Senshi forms, since it relies on water of either cold or hot temperature to activate and deactivate respectively, but the unlike your glamour fields the change is physical, which makes identification much harder." Orion looked immensely proud as Ranma glared at him.

Ranma had to admit that passing the curse off as a "disguise" was pretty clever, and might save him a lot of disgusted looks, but he could have thought of a better time to bring it up than in the middle of a darkened alley after they were all tired from a major battle.

"I can see why," Mercury mused, utterly fascinated. "It appears he's literally lost mass. Where does it all go?"

"I think I can take a guess," Sailor Mars mumbled, looking at the redhead's full, round breasts. Of course, by all accounts Ranma was a bit older than her, so it made sense that he... she would be more developed, but the fire Senshi found it irritating that a boy's magic disguise was so much better looking than her.

"If there are no further issues that need to be addressed, I recommend we return to our respective bases," Sousuke said, much to Ranma's relief (Moon's thoughtless prodding and touching was getting annoying, and Mercury was observing him far too closely and thoroughly for comfort).

"Oh, but can we meet again tomorrow?" Sailor Moon pleaded, her eyes wide and shining. "I wanna know all about you guys and how you beat up those youma and Jaedite! It was SOOOO cool!"

"Affirmative. I will soon be attending Juuban High, as will Saotome. We will have adequate time to share intel," Sousuke said, already making the appropriate plans in his head.

"Okay!" Moon said cheerfully, waving to the teenagers. "See you later!"

Neither Sousuke or Ranma moved. Finally, Ranma coughed into her fist. "Ah... Usagi?"

"Hm?"

"You can't take Negi home with you," Ranma said gently. The blonde superheroine blinked and then looked down. Negi was still gripped firmly under her arm, looking absolutely mortified. "Oops! Sorry. Heh heh..."


	11. Meanwhile, on the Tuatha De Dannan

It had been a decidedly boring day, Tessa thought blearily as she drained a cup of tea. The entire day had been spent battling against the demons that all officers knew as paperwork. Fortunately, Kaname had proven to be extremely able as her new personal assistant.

She let a smile drift to her face as she glanced at where Kaname was currently sprawled, a dazed look on her face. They had become fast friends in the absence of Sousuke and she had developed an appreciation for the blue haired girl's sense of humor.

Now, if only something interesting could happen to save them from their...

*BLAM*

The door slammed open.

"Captain! We think that we've found Sergeant Sousuke's location and what he is up to!", a nameless flunky yelled from where he stood in the doorway, waving his hands around wildly.

In a flash, Kaname had sprung up and had him by the neck.

"Where is he? What is he doing? Is he alright? Is..." As Tessa watched the poor man gibber helplessly, she idly noted that Kaname would do well to be trained as interrogation specialist... waitaminute. Did he say that... they... found... HIM?

* * *

Melissa smirked from her vantage point as she saw the two girls ruthlessly extract the answers from the victim. That was why she had ordered him to give the report. Now... she wondered idly, what will happen when they find out that Sousuke was probably responsible for Narita's destruction and that he presumably had been seen...*snigger*... "cavorting" with a "harem" of pretty, young superheroes in mini-skirts?

* * *

Melissa was officially impressed.

It had only been an hour since they had received word on Sousuke's escapades.' Mental Note: Sousuke was to be kept away from the explosive ordinance store. Far, far away.'

In that one hour, the 'Terrible Two' (or would the Deprived Duo be a better term?) had:

1) Successfully requisitioned the services of the Intel Department for Japan to "combat a highly dangerous threat to world peace!"

(She wondered if they were referring to the strange monsters or the indecently clad 'Warriors of Love')

2) Obtain highly classified video footage of the scene from their experimental Black Ops Satellite affectionally named 'Peeping Tom'.

(They were still frothing at seeing the dear Sergeant blow up the Airport. At least Mithril did not have to foot the bill this time.)

3) Prepare an extremely long and detailed action plan to end the terrorist threat (Both the Youma and maybe the Senshi), carry out damage control (recall Sousuke) and make sure that it did not happen again (reassign Sousuke to be their Personal Assistant *cough*boytoy*cough* permanently where he would be safe from those scheming %$# ^& #!)

4) Actually get approval for said action plan from the upper echelons of Mithril!

She smirked gleefully as she sat back in her chair, waiting for the briefing. This promised to be more fun than the last time she got Sousuke wasted. She spared another amused glance at where the Kaname was stomping up and down muttering various words not fit for polite company and where Tessa was standing at attention, glacier calm.

Ah. Poor Sousuke, I knew him well.

* * *

Kurz entered the briefing room trying hard to refrain from sniggering... and failing the constitution check.

It was such a wonderful day.

He had started his day off with a lazy morning in bed, watching his favorite comedy. Walked to the canteen where they were serving his favorite meal after successfully eliciting a promise from Mikoto-chan for some R and R later and finally saw the commotion where Tessa-chan and Kaname-chan brow beat ole' glasses into doing their bidding on the bridge.

Go Sousuke!

He had somewhat envied the soldier boy for holding the attentions of the two prettiest babes aboard the Dannan and had often suggested that the soldier boy take the two out to do something fun. Strangely, Sousuke had refused even when he commented that it would be a good bonding experience and that he could take the opportunity to teach them how to take care of themselves in the event of an attack. (Even Sousuke wasn't that dense.)

He had despaired at ever seeing a cat fight between the two girls over the possession of the silent strong guy's heart. While that had not changed, there was something else even more fun coming up to watch.

Sousuke had taken leave to carry out a long term and critical mission that involved the Pretty Soldiers and a HOT redhead who he seemed rather comfortable with. Tessa and Kaname had found out. Ole' glasses had found out. Wundervoll!

Big Sister had of course volunteered their service to make carry out reconnaissance on the target and to accomplish the mission objectives. Ausgezeichnet!

Poor Sousuke, I knew him well...

* * *

Sergeant Major Kurz was so exuberant that he failed to notice that the two lovely furies had turned their attention on him. Strike One.

Furthermore, he was giggling to himself in a manner that simply added rocket fuel to a fire that was already near the melting point of steel. Strike Two.

Last but not least, he had made an off hand comment to Melissa that was not spoken softly enough to the effect that if they were synchronizing their period already, Sousuke would be rather dead. Strike Out.

Ignition.

The infirmary later had to treat a mangled Kurz for heavy bruising, a hysterical Melissa for excessive laughter and sedate two lovely ladies who were close to murdering Kurz.

Sousuke felt a chill travel up his spine. Someone was plotting against him!


	12. First Day

Sousuke looked up at the ceiling, his eyes searching for nothing in particular. He felt a strange chill in his back, similar to the itch he got when he knew he was being followed. A sort of "soldier's sixth sense", these instincts had served him well and saved his life on a few occasions. It was also the only countermeasure that was useful against someone like Ranma, who had been tracking him before he had taken this mission, or the Black Ops team that had been staking out the airport.

An inconvenience, since he didn't have time to properly dispose of them and they may have gotten a better look than he would have liked, but they were not his enemy. At least not yet. He'd have to ensure a greater level of security around the surrounding area, though; surveillance of a battleground announced to the whole city was one thing, but anybody who tried to keep tabs on his base was simply knocking on Death's door.

Buttoning the collar of his school uniform, he looked into the mirror and nodded. "Equipment ready. Health status normal." Gathering up the various notebooks, pens, pistol clips, and a block of C-4 into his bookbag, he moved out of the bathroom, stopping to give a formal "Good morning" to a drowsy-looking Negi.

A bit later, he was on the bus that would take him to Juuban High... on the bottom, that is. His bag pressed between his stomach and the fuel line, Sousuke kept tight hold with a pair of cheap leather gloves he had for precisely this purpose.

After ten minutes of this, while mapping out the bus's turns against the mental roadmap in his mind, he let the bus roll to a stop, and then let himself fall flat onto the asphalt. The bus rolled away a moment later, and Sousuke quickly jumped to his feet, noticed only by a street sweeper who gasped in surprise. Sousuke regarded her for a moment and decided that she was an allowable security risk. For now.

While ignoring the woman's query about if he was okay and what he had been doing, the mercenary headed off toward the school, which was still a block away, taking some time to wipe the dirt and grease off his face and uniform with a rag. After he felt he was sufficiently clean not to raise any suspicions, he carefully removed and unfolded a sheet of paper from within his shirt pocket, stepping to the side so that he could concentrate on reading it.

If you were to ask Kaname Chidori about Sousuke, one of the things she might say in the long list of unnecessarily harsh and degrading criticisms is that Sousuke never learned. She would be wrong, of course. Sousuke was a soldier, but he also considered himself a student of war. Someone as hardened as he knew of the thousands of little things one had to learn to survive and succeed on the battlefield that one didn't find out in any kind of training.

It was only through mistakes and experience that some lessons could be learned, and a soldier simply had to do his best and use his instincts to insure that he was still breathing after the lesson was taught. And as he was wont to do, he simply crammed the learning experience of civilian life and school into the context of learning he was familiar with, and treated simple urban living like a battlefield experience.

So, actually, in THAT respect, maybe Kaname was right.

Either way, he had learned a lot from protecting the temperamental beauty, and he had carefully and dutifully compiled his experiences and the lessons learned so that he may put that experience to use in later missions of the same type. He found note-taking especially useful, since these sorts of missions seemed to have a lot more subtleties to them that a "bottom line" thinker like Sousuke could easily forget otherwise.

Looking at the note in his hand, he went over his lessons to insure that THIS time he would not overly aggravate the target or draw undue attention to himself.

1: When destroying suspicious packages or tampered lockers, use SMALL charges.

2: When it appears a threat has surfaced in the girl's locker room, CONFIRM existence and location of threat before entering. Avoid entering at all if possible.

3: Do not take bioweapons or chemical weapons of any sort to school, even if the container is properly sealed and labeled. High school students are idiots and will open anything.

4: Use care when determining trap placement on school grounds. Security is extremely lax, and there are few areas where students will not go.

5: If invited to an isolated rendezvous by an unknown person, neutralize and dispose of him or her right away instead of simply hiding and awaiting suspicious activities. It will save your time, as well as that of the target, who is probably watching from a different hidden location.

6: Never touch a girl's undergarments. If forced to make contact with said articles when removed from their owner, dispose of them immediately above all other non-lethal concerns.

7: Hot spring "vacations" have an odd tendency to increase stress rather than reducing it. Bypass such opportunities and dissuade the target from going if possible.

8: All trips outside the general area of residence have at least a 50% chance of provoking a kidnapping. Suggest alternatives to the target, such as a local museum, or being tied up in the coat closet.

Nodding to himself, Sousuke carefully folded the note back up and placed it back in his shirt pocket. He was ready. The operation had begun!

* * *

"I'mlateI'mlateI'mlateI'mlateI'mlateI'mlate!" Usagi gasped as she sprinted along the sidewalk. "Ah, the familiar cry of the odangoed blonde, a rare Tokyo specimen. Every morning this clumsy yet enticing creature emerges from its nest at high speed, eager to begin its daily ritual."

Usagi suddenly froze in mid-sprint, and hung in the air as a subtitle appeared underneath her.

[Odangus lunaris ditzus]

A moment later she unfroze and continued tearing down the street. Ranma approached Juuban High, his hands in his pockets and Orion perched on his shoulder. It was a bit awkward since Orion was large for a cat, but neither one seemed to mind.

"And here we have the pigtailed warrior, a hardened species relatively new to an urban environment."

Ranma stopped in his tracks as he gave the gray tomcat as odd look.

[Hydrus sexus changius]

"This species possesses a definite predatory cunning of great use to it in the wilderness. However, when introduced to a modern environment, it can find its instincts dulled and interaction with other creatures awkward."

Ranma raised an eyebrow. "Orion, what are you talking about?"

In response, the moon cat jumped off of Ranma's shoulder and trotted off the sidewalk next to a tree.

Ranma shrugged off the lack of an answer and raised a hand to wave once he spotted Ami and Sousuke waiting by the main gate.

"Though each species has its strengths, one more so than the other, when these two elegant creatures meet, there is only possible outcome..."

Ranma glanced at the gray cat again. "Seriously, what are you going on about?" He sounded like a narrator for a nature show or something.

"... Pain and humiliation."

"Would you sto-" WHAM! Ranma's danger sense inexplicably failed him as Usagi tripped and slammed into the martial artist at high speed, sending the both of them tumbling to the ground.

Sousuke blinked as Ranma and Usagi rolled along in a heap down the sidewalk, eventually stopping right in front of him and an embarrassed-looking Ami.

He rubbed his chin. "I see. So in addition to protecting the targets from outside threats, we may need to protect them from accidentally killing themselves at times." He pulled out the notepaper from his shirt pocket and began writing against his bookbag. Kaname was a natural athlete, so he hadn't had to deal with the idea of her being killed through sheer uncoordination. One more lesson learned. "You're to be commended for your proactive approach in dealing with this threat, Saotome. Well done."

"Shut up, Sousuke," Ranma mumbled through the folds of Usagi's skirt, and extremely glad that said garment was fairly long. The last thing he needed to start off his day with was for everyone to see him with his face buried in a girl's panties.

Even if his head wasn't up her skirt, Usagi felt some sudden heat and vibration against her crotch from him talking, and immediately rolled off of him before scrambling to her feet, her face a bright pink.

"Omigosh! I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I didn't mean to... Ranma?" she blinked in surprise as Ranma sat up and rubbed his head, which had managed to absorb most of the impact for both of them. Orion snickered and dashed away, leading Ranma to wonder why the hell he had tagged along in the first place.

"Miss Tsukino." Sousuke bowed stiffly. "I'm glad you're unhurt. A fall at that velocity might have caused considerable damage."

"Oh... uh..." She sweatdropped. "Yeah, but I'm kinda used to it. Oh! Ranma, are you all right?"

"Peachy," the pigtailed boy grumbled as he dusted off his pants.

"Pardon me... Ranma," Ami said hesitantly. He turned toward her, and she pointed to his outfit, which was the same as she had seen the previous day. "Are you attending school here like Sousuke? You're not wearing a uniform."

"Nah. I work here now," Ranma explained, slipping his hands back in his pockets.

The blue-haired girl blinked. "You... work here? Oh, you mean as a teacher's aide?"

"What? No. As a teacher." Seeing the girls' surprised look, he jabbed a finger at Sousuke. "It's all his fault."

"Saotome expressed a desire to find employment. This was, however, in conflict with our primary directive to protect you at all times," the mercenary explained. "This seemed like the best solution to the problem."

"Isn't he a little young?" Ami said uneasily. "And has he even gone to college yet?"

"Age and credentials are merely letters and numbers on a document," Sousuke explained. Then he looked at his watch. "It's time for class to begin. After the considerable effort Miss Tsukino put forth to arrive on time, it is inadvisable that we be late."

"Ack! You're right!" Usagi said suddenly. Whirling around, she bowed repeatedly to Ranma.

"Thanks again for breaking my fall Ranma! Er, I mean, Ranma-sensei! No, wait, Saotome-sensei?"

"You can all just call me Ranma. It's fine," the martial artist said, sweatdropping as the three others quickly agreed and rushed off to class.

'Orion was right about one thing. She's got all the grace of an oyster.' Not that he didn't like Usagi. Far from it, actually. To Ranma, grace was nothing special; his father had plenty, and still managed to be complete and utter drag. But even in the two very brief meetings they had, he could tell that she had an infectious sort of sunniness about her.

Shaking his head, although one could see a smile on his face, Ranma walked into the now quiet halls and headed to the principal's office. He was showing up several days earlier than expected, but figured there would be no complaints. Best to get this teaching thing down right away.

* * *

"My name is Sousuke Sagara. I was born in Japan, though during childhood I've spent considerable time in Russia and in the Middle East. I'm fifteen years old and enjoy..." he glanced down at the note written down on the inside of his palm, "... baseball and shounen manga." He closed his hand again and looked out at the class stonily.

The homeroom teacher raised her eyebrow. "You're only fifteen?"

"Affirmative," he lied plainly. Really, he would be seventeen in under two months, but true to his earlier assertion, he hardly thought the age difference relevant. Throughout the room, various schoolgirls gave the new, inexplicably mature-looking boy starry-eyed looks as he stood still and ramrod straight, as if awaiting orders.

The boys all gave the mercenary dubious looks; not only did he tower over them (having nearly completed his growth spurt), but he looked unusually serious for... well, for just about anybody. His expression made the most nasty, discipline-hungry, oppressive authority figures any of them had ever seen look timid and laid-back.

The teacher sighed. First those crazy youma assaults started happening all over the place. Then her vacation flight was cancelled on account of the airport being reduced to burnt rubble. Now she had idiot delinquents too proud to admit that they had been held back a few grades being dumped into her class. She wondered if maybe she should have taken that job offer at Furinkan High instead.

A chill shot down her back. Suddenly mollified for some reason, she accepted that things here probably weren't so bad and sent the new kid to sit next to Usagi Tsukino. Then she started the lesson.

* * *

Several hundred miles away and under the ocean in an undisclosed location.

Kalinin sighed and rubbed his temples as Teletha stared at the immaculately printed document with wide, trembling, wet eyes. Specifically, she was staring at the huge red [REJECTED] stamp on the mission brief she had made and sent to her superiors at Mithril.

"I can't imagine you're overly surprised by this turn of events, Captain," Kalinin said bluntly, straightening once the silver-haired girl was facing him again.

"But WHYYYYY?" She said in a painfully cute whine. Behind her, Kaname Chidori scowled with her arms crossed over her breasts.

"Captain, keeping major surveillance on one of our own men when he's operating as part of a third party covert combat team is a blatant and dangerous violation of Mithril's operating policy," the Russian explained firmly.

Melissa snorted from where she was lounging on Teletha's couch. "Oh, c'mon! This is Sousuke here! What's the big deal?"

Kalinin raised an eyebrow, perturbed but not really surprised. Melissa had apparently volunteered to head the operation if it went through, but she wasn't the type to think things through completely. "Lieutenant, are you familiar with Sergeant Sagara's normal counter-espionage measures?"

Melissa snorted. "You bet I am."

"Assuming that you or any commando team under Mithril command could keep up with the sergeant, do you realize what he would do if he felt that his current measures were inadequate?"

Melissa blinked. Then her pupils visibly shrunk as her body went stiff. "Oh. I see," she said in a very small voice. Maybe she had been a little hasty in volunteering. She really did enjoy having all of her limbs, and it'd be terrible to ruin that relationship with her relatively healthy body.

Kaname sighed, understanding the Commander's point. "Sousuke would probably wipe out the whole team without even checking who they were, and maybe take a couple blocks of apartments with him." She kicked the couch Melissa was sitting on in frustration, causing the lieutenant to yelp in surprise. "Stupid loon, always overreacting!"

"Our policies are structured specifically so a situation doesn't arise where our operatives don't come into necessary conflict with each other. We have every reason to believe that significant espionage on our part will provoke that situation," Kalinin explained gruffly. "The presence of others in this arena whose abilities and motivations we know nothing about cements the situation. We can do nothing but procure satellite imagery and government observations. I'm afraid any intelligence on Sagara's activities will be limited to alpha-level and below."

Teletha looked like she wanted to cry. What good was having command of your own submarine and personal army if you couldn't use it to protect your man from the attentions of sleazy harpies out to get their lecherous claws in him? "But there's a substantial threat that needs to be dealt with!"

Kalinin sighed. "The Japanese government has not requested help with these supposed 'youma' from Mithril. You know as well as I do that we are a mercenary organization. Even if your superiors were willing, few take kindly to altruistic acts of destruction in a densely populated suburban areas. And even if the government requested help, there's the matter of retaining secrecy while fighting frequent, scattered skirmishes with such a high number of potential witnesses." The Russian fought the urge to pat his superior officer on the head as she sagged, depression evident on her features.

Kaname frowned and turned away, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. 'Okay, so Mithril can't send teams of spies or giant fighting robots to keep an eye on Sousuke. No huge surprise there, I guess we DO have better things to do. But that doesn't mean we HAVE to stay away, it just means we can't get any orders to get close...' the blue-haired girl's eyes narrowed. She needed time to plan. This could be tricky.

* * *

Sousuke frowned as he sat down next to Usagi and Ami under a tree to join them for lunch, automatically positioning himself so that his body was centered along the most vulnerable hypothetical angle of attack.

Ami didn't notice him frown, because frankly it wasn't much different from his usual, constant expression, but she did notice him constantly scanning the rest of the school field. "Is there something wrong? You seem preoccupied."

"Affirmative," Sousuke mumbled as he unwrapped a package of field rations. "It would seem that my presence is attracting significant attention. This is troubling." Indeed, nearly everyone within line of sight was constantly glancing at the mercenary as they talked.

Usagi wasn't listening, too busy engorging herself. Ami gave an embarrassed chuckle. "Well, it's only to be expected, really."

Sousuke's brow furrowed. "On my previous assignment, students did not find my mere presence noteworthy," he explained. Of course, once the explosions started he got a lot more attention, but Sousuke was sensible enough to expect that. All he had done so far, however, was introduce himself in class and follow Usagi around.

"Well ..." Ami flushed a bit as he recalled what she had overheard from a few other girls in the class. At their grade level, most of the boys were just starting puberty, and the girls who concerned themselves with such things (like, say, Usagi) found most of those boys annoying and immature. If there was one criticism of Sousuke Sagara that even Kaname couldn't level against him, it was the idea that he wasn't mature enough.

"They're just... surprised, since you look older than you are," Ami hedged, not sure how to tell a guy that he had a lot of admirers when he wasn't aware of it. She also didn't want to let it slip that there had been some muttering about him constantly having his eye on Usagi; those girls couldn't imagine why he would waste his time with the klutziest, most airheaded, whiniest girl in the class.

Usagi had heard this last bit, and swallowed a mouthful of rice. "I even heard some mean boys saying that you weren't really fifteen and that you got held back!" She scowled cutely. "I told them it wasn't true!"

Sousuke shrugged as he took a bite of some hard, brown substance that Ami was surprised was edible. "Actually, that is fairly accurate."

The girls blinked rapidly. "What?" They asked in unison.

"I'll be seventeen years of age soon. And over the course of my last assignment, I completed my sophomore year of high school. I merely altered those records in order to ensure I was in a position to protect you at all times should the need arise."

Ami blushed at the thought of being constantly protected. It was a... nice thought. Certainly better than being constantly thrown headfirst into peril, which described most of her life as a Senshi thusfar.

Usagi looked distressed. "That's... that's awful!"

Sousuke blinked. "Pardon?"

"That people are saying those mean things about you, and that you have to repeat grades..." She sniffed, and her eyes turned large and wet. "And you're only doing it so you can take care of us?" Little tears started streaming down her cheeks.

One of Sousuke's eyebrows rose. "I fail to see the problem." Hell, all it meant for him was that the annoying schoolwork he had to do alongside all his espionage was much easier. Eventually he might have to take Japanese classics again, but that was at least a year in the future; this assignment probably wouldn't last that long.

"You're so brave!" Usagi cried, launching herself forward to hug the mercenary. It was all Sousuke could do not to deflect her lunge and knock the girl out on reflex. Instead, the commando's eye twitched as Usagi clamped her arms around his torso, crying brilliantly while blubbering about him "sacrificing so much" and some such nonsense.

"I find this scenario rather disconcerting," he mumbled to Ami, who blushed and tried to get Usagi's attention. Sousuke also couldn't help but notice that the occasional glances he had been receiving around the schoolyard had turned into outright stares. Inconvenient. Eventually the ponytailed blonde let Sousuke go thanks to Ami's coaxing and drew back, her nose sniffling and her mouth chewing. Sousuke blinked, and then looked down at his lap. An empty ration tray stared back up at him. "My... My meal..."

Usagi sniffled again before swallowing. "To not only have to repeat a grade and suffer all those bad rumors, but to have to eat such awful food the whole time... it must be unbearable!"

"For all people complain, rations ARE better than nothing," Sousuke deadpanned, dredging up what little sarcasm was in his nature to try and express his annoyance.

"Poor Sousuke! Poor, brave Sousuke!" Usagi cried as she ignored the jibe, idly wondering what kind of food Ranma brought, and where he ate lunch. Ami and Sousuke sweatdropped.

* * *

Finally, it was the time of day that the three teenagers had been looking forward to: gym. Of course, Usagi and Ami usually found gym annoying, as neither was athletically inclined, and Sousuke rarely found much enthusiasm for any of the irrelevant annoyances that plagued his cover as a student. However, all had been waiting to see Ranma again and find out how the martial artist would adjust to a teaching position.

So after changing (Sousuke had, naturally, changed the fastest and held position five meters from the entrance to the girls' locker room - what he described as the "safe zone" - in order to wait for Usagi and Ami), they went to the gym and sat with three blocks of other students most of them whispering rumors about the new teacher they were supposed to have.

Despite the fairly accurate rumors (besides the one about said teacher having been a student seduced by a teacher who had found a legal way for them to be together), the entire student body present still stared slack-jawed when a sixteen-year old boy with a pigtail wearing Chinese clothes walked up in front of them with a clipboard.

Ranma looked back and forth at the blocks of students, and then took a deep breath, preparing the same spiel he had already given successfully three times before.

"Hey there. I'm your new gym teacher, Ranma Saotome. There's a lot of stuff that teachers are supposed to go through when they're new, but I have a pretty strong hunch that there's only one question on all o' your minds right now."

There were two, actually, but none of the female students seriously expected him to announce whether or not he was single.

"Yes, I'm really your gym teacher. This is not a joke," Ranma said in a flat voice. "I know I hardly look any older than you, but apparently I'm nineteen."

Ami sweatdropped. 'Apparently?'

"I know that's still pretty young for a teacher, but believe me, I'm qualified."

There were some skeptical snorts - mostly from the male half of the class - and one fellow shouted out "Prove it!"

Ranma blinked. "Huh. Okay..." Looking around, he spotted a dodgeball and snatched it up in his hand, moving in the center of the basketball court he was standing on. Then he faced one basket, and threw the ball . Behind him.

Whap! Some students snickered at seeing the ball bounce powerfully off the net backboard, though some were quite impressed by the way it left the entire tower trembling visibly.

All snickering trailed off as the ball sailed across the length of the court in a low arc, heading straight for the basket Ranma was facing dead-center.

Bap! Swish! The ball fell through the net and down to the floor, its bouncing being the only noise within the deadly-quiet gym.

Ranma nodded and turned back toward the gaping students. "I know that doesn't really prove anything except that I'm good at throwing things. But judging by all your expressions, you're too impressed to care. So let's get on with this."

"First rule in my class is: no water bottles or sports drinks. Nothing like that. Drink up before class or after. Tea, coffee, or any heated liquid in a thermos is okay."

The students stared incredulously. One boy raised his hand. "Why?"

"Moving on," Ranma said quickly, looking at the clipboard. 'Stupid curse. I have no idea how I'm gonna keep it a secret for so long...' Luckily, he made up the sports schedule, so there would be no water sports of any kind on HIS watch.

"Accordin' to this I'm supposed to have you all do stretches for ten minutes, and then play baseball or run laps." He snorted and tossed the clipboard behind him. "I have a better idea: you all pair up with someone of relatively equal weight and strength. Then start a bit of stretching to loosen up. Concentrate on the legs."

Usagi frowned, scratching her head. Should she pair up with Ami or Naru? She had been trying to spend a lot more time with Ami because she didn't have any other friends, but then she had known Naru longer, and they usually paired up during events like this.

A random girl raised her hand to speak. "Sensei, what are we going to be doing?"

Ranma smirked. "Kickboxing."

Usagi winced. Umino. Definitely Umino.

* * *

Ami gulped as she flexed the gloves over her hands, looking at her "target".

Many wouldn't give Ranma points for restraint, but even he knew he couldn't just have the students pair off and start fighting each other. For one thing, there wasn't enough padding and equipment. Or, alternatively, bandages. Plus, he was sure some parents might complain if their kids came home with black eyes and split lips. Some people were just soft like that. So instead, they took turns practicing, with one person putting on gloves and shoe pads, and the other attaching pads to his or her arms and absorbing blows.

Sousuke had immediately approached Ami after Usagi had petitioned Umino as a partner. This was not a problem at the moment, as Sousuke had volunteered to be the target, but Ami was a smart girl, and had the foresight to realize that the taller, stronger, built-like a brick, obviously well-trained boy would be on the attack against HER for roughly half of the class.

She managed a weak, forced smile as he nodded at her for the third time, trying to indicate the docile short-haired girl was free to attack.

Meanwhile, across the gym a very different situation had emerged.

Thwack! "OW!" Shouted two teenagers right before they both collapsed. Usagi's kick came much lower than either she or Umino expected, missing the pad on his arm and instead hitting him in the hip. She had also misjudged the distance, and instead of impacting with the top of her foot which was padded, had hit him with her shin.

Ranma sweatdropped as he watched the pair lying on the ground, each one groaning as they massaged the forming bruise. "Okay, this isn't gonna work." He pointed to Umino. "You go ahead and find something else to do. I'll take care of this."

Usagi blinked and looked up at the pigtailed boy. "I don't have to be the target, do I?" she said a bit shakily. She had seen Ranma's legs smash a youma's head through asphalt.

"No, no. Go ahead and take a few shots at me," Ranma said gently. Usagi's form was a complete mess; if she continued with other students, he was positive she'd either injure someone else or herself before they learned anything or even got some decent practice in.

"But... you're not wearing padding," the blonde pointed out. She wasn't really worried about hurting Ranma, so much as she was worried about hurting her legs and arms against his body.

"Don't worry about it," Ranma dismissed. "Gimme a few punches."

Gulping, Usagi did so, throwing her fists wildly at him. Ranma gently slapped each punch out of the air until the last one, where Usagi overreached and he was forced to catch her punch before she fell over.

"Okay, now try it again, but stop trying to put your body into the punches. You've got... balance issues," Ranma confessed. "For now just keep a solid footing and try punching without moving anything other than your shoulders and arms."

Sousuke shook his head as he watched Usagi try and fail to make the corrections. "It really is amazing that someone like that was conscripted to fight. I imagine she'd fail to get through most military physicals given to draftees," he said.

Ami panted as she pounded another fist into the heavy pads Sousuke was holding up, and then backed up, putting her hands on her knees. "Well , Usagi has Huff! Huff! her own merits, I can assure you. Huff!"

Sousuke turned his head back to his partner. "You're right, of course. I apologize. It's improper for me to speak of a superior officer that way." Ami sweatdropped as she got her breath back at the idea of Usagi being anyone's "Officer."

Then Sousuke frowned. "If you're done stretching, you may attack at any time." How she had exhausted herself so thoroughly just doing extra stretches while he was busy watching Usagi was beyond him; these girls were just terribly out of shape.

Ami shot him an annoyed look.

"All right, everyone! Switch pads!" Ranma shouted, before assuring the suddenly pale Usagi that she didn't have to do the same with him.

Ami's annoyed look shifted to one of dread.

"I have to admit, Saotome's choice of exercises is excellent," Sousuke said as he removed the pads from his arms. "It's been quite some time since I've had even rudimentary hand-to-hand training."

Ami whimpered as she handed over the gloves. Maybe if Sousuke thought of the Senshi as his superiors, then Ranma would too? If that was the case, maybe he'd be willing to just write her off as an "A" and let her skip his classes. As she watched the mercenary boy do a few practice punches, followed by a snap kick that could probably take a man's head clean off, she decided that some special arrangement was certainly in order. Immoral, perhaps, but she was NOT going to go through this every day.

* * *

"Oh man! I'm exhausted!" Usagi complained as she stripped off her shirt. Looking over at the showers in the locker room, she briefly contemplated taking a quick shower before her next class. A quick sniff forced the decision, and she stripped off her underwear before grabbing a towel and heading for the tile partition that provided privacy to the girls showering. It wasn't like she'd be more late than usual.

Stepping up next to one of the shower heads, but not under it, she started turning the knobs to adjust the temperature to get it just right before stepping under the water. Then she stopped and blinked. "Ami-chan?"

The bluette jumped slightly in surprise, looking half-asleep as the hot water poured over her body and soothing her aching muscles.

"Wow. You look even worse than I do," the blonde said rather tactlessly. Though really, Usagi didn't look very bad; other than being tired, she was fine. Ranma had been patient and gentle during their "sparring" to the point that Usagi had been quite embarrassed by the show of ineptitude she had given him.

Ami didn't look very bad either, in that she had no visible bruises or other injuries, but the way her arms hung limply, and the way she winced whenever she had to move them, proved that all wasn't well.

The genius Senshi grimaced. "It's not so bad... just a bit sore. Sagara seemed very... enthusiastic about his practice." Ami, of all people, could certainly appreciate a love for curriculum. She could appreciate it a lot more when it didn't involve anybody hitting her. The two of them made some meaningless comparisons of the boy's fighting styles (meaningless since they didn't know the first thing about martial arts, and Ranma had never thrown a single punch at Usagi) as they showered, and then quickly dressed before rushing off to their next class.

They were understandably confused when they met a pigtailed redhead leaning against the wall next to the girls' locker room door. Usagi looked around for a moment to make sure nobody was close enough to overhear.

"Ranma? What are you doing? Don't you have to teach classes?"

"Naw, my classes are over already," Ranma said, adjusting the collar of her uniform. Said uniform was what had Ami's attention. Given what she had already been exposed to as a Senshi, Ami could take Ranma's magical disguise in stride without so much as asking why Ranma seemed so irritated when Orion had described it. She simply thought of Ranma as a boy who could take on an illusory body almost at will.

Judging by the fact that SHE was wearing a boy's uniform, Ranma herself may have some issues with the disguise, however.

"You look rather conspicuous like that, you know," Ami said, giggling a bit as the redhead frowned at her clothes. Given Ranma's bust, she very much doubted the clothes were comfortable, and even at a passing glance nobody could possibly mistake her for a boy rather than a girl in a boy's uniform.

"Well, I figure it's better'n my normal clothes. This way I'll get some stares, but the teachers won't throw me out or nothin'." Ranma mumbled. "No way I'm wearing a skirt."

Usagi blinked. "Why not?"

"Because I'm a guy!" Ranma hissed, scowling.

Usagi blinked again. "But you're disguised as a girl. So shouldn't you wear girl's clothes?"

As Ranma's eye twitched, Ami moved over to whisper in Usagi's ear. "I don't think he's very comfortable with the change. Ranma might be trying to assert his masculinity to compensate."

Ranma twitched again. "I can hear you, ya know."

Usagi thought about it. "... I don't get it."

"Nevermind," Ranma grumbled, pushing both of the younger girls along in front of him. "Let's hurry up and go to class."

"Huh? Why are you coming?" Usagi asked before looking around. "And where's Sousuke?"

She KNEW that the mercenary wasn't done with his classes, and given his behavior so far, she very much doubted he had gone on ahead to class.

"Sousuke said he had some stuff to do, so he asked me to watch you two," the redhead mumbled, pausing to shoot a glare at a young man who was ogling her chest. "I think he's bein' paranoid, personally, but then, this bodyguard thing is his area of expertise, ya know?"

Ami nodded. "What is he doing?"

"Got me?" Ranma said, scratching her head. "But considering it's Sousuke, I just hope nothing gets blown up."

* * *

Fortunately for all concerned, Sousuke's activities didn't involve any detonations of high-yield explosives. Nor was he setting traps where hapless wanderers could trip them, or stalking innocent, love-struck schoolgirls with high-powered rifles. At least not at that moment. Although his work had certainly brought about an explosion of sorts.

"I'M BEING EXPELLED?!" Rei Hino shrieked, pounding her fists onto the hardwood table while leaning forward to stare at the wincing man behind it.

'Christ she's scary,' the Principal of T*A Private School thought as he slipped further down into his large leather chair. "No, no, you're not being expelled. Just transferred!"

Rei's gaze was unrelenting; she did not move from her position. "I see. Cancel the transfer, then."

"Er... sorry. Can't do that. Hands are tied, here."

Rei's eye twitched, and the principal flinched in perfect synchronization. "Well , can I transfer back?"

"Uh... sorry again. I can't allow that."

A vein popped up on Rei's head. "Then how exactly is this different from expulsion?!"

Swallowing, the balding man sat up a bit straighter. "Expulsion is a serious thing, Hino-san. Such a mark on your permanent record would be irreparable. We here at T*A simply feel that you're personality and development would be far more compatible with the student body of a... less formal and strict institution of learning." Of course, the principal really had no idea if this was true; he didn't know a thing about Rei until today. But it was one of those convenient and perfectly vague lines of reasoning that fit nearly any situation. "I'm sure you'll do very well at Juuban High School!"

Rei scowled, finally backing away from the desk. 'Public education. Bleh. Not to mention the damn place is infested with bumbling, lecherous, adolescent boys.' The shrine maiden wanted a boyfriend as much as the next girl, but she felt she wasn't going to find any boyfriend material among the males of her own age.

Then again, two of the newest additions to the fight against the Negaverse were going to Juuban High, and they seemed to be quite different from her idea of the common, stereotypical teenage boy. She hadn't really decided if they were different in a good way, but it was safe to say she was willing to find out.

Rei's eyes narrowed. Thinking of Ranma and Sousuke had raised a red flag in her mind. Something that Sousuke had said about her going to a different school being a problem... The principal was pretty much on edge at this point, as the raven-haired girl had been standing in front of his desk staring into space for a few minutes now. He had briefly thought that she was going to start unloading on his again when her eyes narrowed, but instead she just mumbled "Goodbye" and stalked out the door, her transferal notice gripped tightly in her hand.

The principal wiped some sweat off his forehead as the door to his personal restroom opened up to reveal a figure with black hair wearing, of all things, a professional business suit and a gas mask (Sousuke had decided he liked the disguise).

"How was that?" the principal asked, his eye drawn once again to the small plastic pistol that the alleged government agent had holstered at his hip.

"Very good. Your cooperation is appreciated." Sousuke said formally, walking over to the desk and handing the man the official transferal papers to sign and the (cunningly falsified) federal order for him to do so. "My agency has plans for Hino-san which are not compatible with her current position among your student body." All true, though this man clearly had no idea what "his agency" was.

"Wh-What kinds of plans?" The principal asked nervously, signing the transfer papers.

"That is classified, of course," Sousuke said, straightening his suit and moving toward the window. "But rest assured that it is our first and foremost priority to ensure that no harm comes to Hino-san as a consequence of this relocation. We would also be VERY displeased if we were to find you making unnecessary inquiries into the nature of her activities, or my agency." He slowly turned his head to gaze at the man, who flinched back again.

The principal began to sweat, wondering how someone could give such an effective glare from behind such a mask. "You have my word! As far as I'm concerned, this entire matter has been concluded!"

Sousuke nodded. "Very good." Then he opened a window and attached a rappel line to the sill. Just as the principal was working up the courage to ask what he was doing, Sousuke turned back toward the man. "Remember: We are the government. We're here to help." Without further conversation, the mercenary leapt out the window, grabbing hold of the rappel line and zipping down.

The principal just sweatdropped. Why didn't he use the door?

* * *

Sousuke patted down his uniform as he pushed his way out of the gym storage shed, his mask, weapons, and business suit all stuffed in his bookbag (his books and most of his grenades had been locked up at school).

He checked his watch. "Hmm... classes should be over. Saotome can watch the girls. I should rendezvous with Springfield and organize a patrol."

"Slow down there, G.I. Joe," said a strangely calm voice behind him, like hard ice packed over a knife edge.

Sousuke didn't flinch, but slowly turned his head to peek behind him until he saw Rei Hino via peripheral vision. He couldn't help but wonder why that didn't help the chill down his back.

"Hino-san. Can I help you?"

"I don't know, Sousuke-kun, CAN YOU?" Rei said, shifting from "cold and hard" to a saccharine-sweet, quasi-girly voice that still managed to sound rather pissed off. "You see, I just came back from a meeting with my principal. Turns out I'm getting kicked out of my school and being dragged to that dump that Ami and Usagi go to."

Sousuke nodded. "I'd heard." Then he paused, as if considering. "Through isolated and scattered third-party contacts, of course."

Rei crossed her arms over her chest. "Real fast, aren't they?"

"Affirmative. They're quite skilled." Sousuke stared hard at Rei, feeling something tugging at the back of his mind. Her eyes, her posture, the scowl marring her pretty face. The mercenary blinked as it suddenly came to him. That was the exact same pose Kaname had right before she throttled him. "Ah, I can see you're upset about something."

"Gee, you THINK?!" Rei suddenly snapped, stalking up to him and grabbing him by the front of his uniform. "Why'd you get me thrown out of school?!"

"Your assumption that blame lies with me is uncalled for!" Sousuke insisted firmly. "You cannot dispense judgment without trial or evidence!"

"How about you skulking around campus on an all -girls' school, huh?" Rei snarled.

"It's my mission to ensure your safety," Sousuke said rigidly, "Saotome can watch the others. I thought I would escort you home."

"Oh yeah? Well , how about you coming out of the storage shed?" The miko demanded with slightly less heat. "What were you doing in there, if you were just stopping by to meet me?"

"I... uh..." Sousuke swallowed and steeled himself. "I... may have been... setting traps."

"In our storage shed," Rei deadpanned.

"Affirmative," mumbled the mercenary. "... Maybe."

Rei was about to go ahead and start strangling him, when she noticed one of the girls on the rhythmic gymnastics team rush into the shed, presumably to get some equipment.

VZZZRT! "AAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEE!"

As light flared brilliantly through the open doorway, Rei turned back to the teenager in her grip, her eyes narrow slits. "I'll be watching you, Sagara." Huffing angrily, she released the mercenary and turned way, her long, black hair whipping about behind her.

Sousuke breathed a sigh of relief as more girls rushed into the shed, and wiped his brow as more screams and flares of light erupted from the building.

'She definitely reminds me of Chidori-san... except that Chidori-san cannot evoke bolts of fire at will. I may have to be as wary of her as of the youma in this area.'

Ignoring a light tugging at his pant leg, as well as the following wheezing call of "Medic," he began walking at a brisk pace after Rei. Dangerous or no, he had a job to do.

* * *

"I've completed the search, my queen, but there is absolutely no sign of Jaedite," Nephrite said as he kneeled before the smoldering figure impatiently tapping her fingers on the armrest of her throne. "I did find some youma dust, but precious little of it. Judging by the state of battlefield he chose, it's safe to say that he did not survive the encounter."

Beryl bristled angrily. After Jaedite had used a good chunk of his meager "successful" harvests to teleport four of the more powerful youma to the battle - youma that were used to patrol the castle and were not to be dispatched without permission - she had been looking forward to torturing the fool far beyond her initial idea of imprisoning him crystal... possibly even in the event of his success. "So he has failed then. Totally and utterly."

"I am sure only that he is no longer among the living, my queen," Nephrite said, his head still bowed. "Given the complete annihilation of the facility, it's possible he took the Senshi with him, although my attempts at divination lead me to doubt it."

Beryl snarled. "The fool was quite fortunate that he died in battle, then. Far more dignified and less painful than what I had planned should he have returned in failure."

Nephrite did not rise. "What is your will, my queen?"

"His waste of energy and the lives of our more competent soldiers will take some time to correct," the dark queen said irritably. "I will have Zoicite and Malachite oversee the primary energy collections from this point onward. You shall see to the elimination of the Senshi."

Nephrite raised an eyebrow, though with his head down, Beryl didn't notice. "And what of the Ginzuisho, my queen?"

"As much as I am loathe to admit it, Jaedite's failure has me worried," Beryl said in a slightly weary tone of voice, drifting away from her usual countenance of control and malice. "The Senshi should not have been able to stand against him and four of our better youma under the best of conditions. That they succeeded against him seems to mean that they're either far more powerful than we've estimated, far more cunning than we anticipated, or they had help we did not expect. Perhaps several new Senshi, or a different dark kingdom interfered."

Nephrite was mildly shocked at the sight of Beryl stroking her chin thoughtfully. Apparently this turn of events had troubled her to the point that she was considering the Senshi a serious threat. "In respect to this, we should consolidate what power we still have," Beryl said, slipping once more into her darkly regal personage. "Trying to search for the Ginzuisho with so many distractions may be... unwise. We shall concentrate on eliminating our enemies for now."

"As you will it, my queen," Nephrite said softly, rising and then turning away to exit the throne room.

* * *

Slllllurp! "Ah!"

Nephrite had to hand it to the humans; they may be weak, ignorant cattle unable to even comprehend their own insignificance, but they made some fine brews. This "coffee" substance was his current favorite, though he'd heard of several that were intended to drive the consumer into a pleasant stupor. A silly idea, but if he found himself with a little free time later...

Nephrite walked to the small table in the Starbucks cafe unnoticed. In his current dress, a casually cut tan business suit without a tie, the only stares he'd attract were those from interested women. Pushing the pair of thin glasses up the bridge of his nose, he pulled the daily newspaper out from under his arm and opened it up.

Doing divinations according to the stars had gotten a LOT easier once he had found out that humans had already mastered the art to the point that they published the secrets of destiny in daily, widespread publications that one could purchase for a mere hundred yen. Reading the fates from the paper saved him time, energy, and soreness from having to be in that cramped meditation position. All that, and they tended to be more accurate, if not quite as relevant, as his own auguries! Strange.

Flipping past several useless stories about explosions and flashes of light being seen on the border of Minato ward, Nephrite settled on the horoscope section. Of course, this was where it got tricky. Nephrite had long since forgotten his own birthdate (none of the other generals had ever come to his parties when he invited them, and the youma tended to eat all the cake and NEVER brought presents), and it didn't feel right to just use whatever horoscope applied to the current day.

So he had decided to use the birthdate of whatever youma he was about to dispatch. Oddly enough, the youma always seemed to remember the day they were born. Or made, or... whatever happened that ensured they had a nearly endless supply of nearly brainless cannon fodder marching forth into other dimensions.

Nephrite really didn't know or care about that process, he just thought it strange that creatures often too stupid to participate in meaningful communication attached meaning to the date of the beginning of their lives. Maybe it was some feeble attempt at individuality or something. 'Hmmm... today's the scouting mission. Who would make a good suicide decoy?' He thought about it for a moment. 'Ah, right. The... uh... what's-her-name. The yellowish one.' He never had bothered to remember the names of youma he had marked for being sacrificial decoys.

Best not to get attached.

He did remember that she was a Pisces, however, and looked for the appropriate horoscope.

[Today an associate or subordinate will throw some unexpected romance your way.]

Nephrite frowned. That sounded like...

He checked the date on the paper, and gave a disgusted grunt. This was yesterday's publication. 'Well , that explains why Allamite was winking at me like that last night.' He shuddered, and made a mental note to get her transferred to Malachite's service. Bug-women were NOT his type.

Glancing to his right, he noted that another fellow was reading a newspaper that was dated correctly. He immediately tapped the man on the shoulder. "I need that paper. Give it to me." The man gave the dark general a disdainful look. "No."

* * *

Across the small coffee shop, people quickly gathered up their drinks and scurried out the door as a blood-curdling scream erupted from one of the tables in the corner, followed by the crackle of unnatural energies, which was in turn followed by the sound of a crisp, dead body hitting the floor.

The people in line stared at the scene in horror, then stared at the exit. Then they nervously glanced back to the front counter, where the cashier was gaping in shock. Their eyes shifted to the door. Again, to the counter. The man at the head of the line leaned forward impatiently. "Can you hurry it up, please? I'd like to start fleeing for my life as soon as possible."

The rest of the people waiting nodded anxiously in agreement.

* * *

Nephrite dusted some ash off the partially burnt newspaper and opened it up, searching for the correct section and hoping he hadn't accidentally destroyed it. Usually he was far more subtle than this, but ever since he had taken to enjoying coffee, he had been far more irritable and impulsive whenever he had been without the substance for an extended period of time.

Quickly taking a sip of the precious, bitter concoction, he found the current day's horoscopes.

[Today you will encounter an opponent unlike anything you could have anticipated. Don't

screw around with this guy. Seriously.]

Nephrite blinked. That seemed a bit unusual for a divination result. Scanning the other horoscopes, he couldn't find another one in the same tone; the others were simple, perfectly vague predictions about wealth and success and love.

'This means something...' Nephrite thought, his eyes narrowing as he rubbed his chin. Then he shrugged. 'Well, it's pretty much in line with my plans anyway.' Grabbing his cup of coffee, he took a few long chugs, and then moved toward the exit, idly flipping a hundred-yen coin into the tip jar as the cashier attempted to hide under the counter until he passed. 'No need to change the plan. Youma attacks, Senshi counter-attack, and I observe. Simple enough. What could go wrong?'

* * *

"This is all Sagara's fault," Rei said from behind clenched teeth as she sat at the end of the cafe booth, fuming.

Usagi and Ami were sitting on either side of her, Ami next to the window so that she could do her homework without having to fear spillage from Usagi's rapidly diminishing food supply (it was also more convenient for the waitress to have to place the majority of the food on the edge facing the restaurant floor).

Across from them, Orion's Knights sat in a similar formation; with Ranma (back in male form) rapidly wearing down his own piles of food, Negi eating a bowl of soup, and Sousuke working on his own homework assignments such that his books and papers overlapped some of Ami's.

Usagi swallowed a rice ball. "I don't know what you're so upset about! It's not like you won't have any friends at your new school!"

"That isn't the point!" the shrine maiden snapped. "It's the principle of the thing! Are you going to let that psycho intrude on your life too?"

Ami coughed gently, and said in a much quieter tone, "Rei-chan, we're normal girls who have been conscripted into a shadow war against a supernatural enemy. Compared to that, the 'intrusion' of negotiating a school transfer hardly seems inappropriate."

"You're still operating under the assumption that I had something to do with it," Sousuke said suddenly, falling silent just as quickly. He didn't want to give away any more information, seeing as how he WAS entirely responsible.

Ranma and Negi continued eating. They were both fairly certain Sousuke was to blame, but didn't want to stir up any more trouble.

"I think it's great," Usagi said between bites, managing to beam beatifically despite the splatters of oyster sauce around her lips. "Now all the Senshi are together! It's perfect!"

Rei continued scowling. Maybe if it were just Usagi it'd be okay; she could at least get a kick out of showing her up constantly. But Ami would also be in the class, and utterly destroy the grade curve. She stopped thinking about her depressing future in government-sponsored education and settled on glaring at Sousuke some more.

Usagi swallowed the last of her takoyaki, and then glanced at a plate of eel nigiri on the edge of Ranma's pile of mostly empty dishes. The chopsticks were moving long before she started to speak; merely the first technique of her craft. "Ooh! Unagi! Can I-"

Clack!

All other activity, passive or otherwise, froze to a halt, and everyone else in the booth turned to see Usagi's chopsticks being held firmly, in mid-lunge, by Ranma's chopsticks. A determined expression crossed Usagi's face. Her chopsticks trembled slightly, but no other visible result of her effort was apparent.

The pigtailed boy stared down at the ponytailed girl. Their eyes narrowed in tandem. The others watched the tension mount in absolute silence. Even Negi, who had never seen Usagi eat, felt that he was witnessing the clash of two mighty powers the likes of which he had never imagined before.

Usagi's hand suddenly twisted, managing to slip partially out of Ranma's wooden grip. An immediate reversal of the twist freed her tools, and her entire arm moved in a tight spiral as her chopsticks warded off Ranma's implements and darted for her prize.

Clack! Suddenly, a second pair of chopsticks attacked on the flank! Once more Usagi's chopsticks were held fast, precious centimeters from their prey.

"Double-handed hashi-jutsu," Ranma said in a voice far too serious for the current situation.

"You never stood a chance."

As Usagi scowled uncharacteristically, Ranma suddenly raised his other hand, which held the first pair of chopsticks, which in turn held a rice ball.

Usagi's eyes widened as Ranma popped the entire thing into his mouth. "Hey! That's mine! That's not fair! How did- when- but you..."

Ranma snorted and released the stuttering girl's eating utensils. "Expect the unexpected. Anything goes in war. There is no 'fair'."

"I don't know whether to be impressed or disgusted," Rei mumbled. Ami nodded silently. Sousuke's eyebrows furrowed. He could appreciate Ranma's sentiment, but eating was one of the few activities even HE had never treated as a combat situation. He resolved to bring his handgun with him to meals from now on.

Usagi stared vacantly at her chopsticks, obviously shaken.

Rei sighed. "And here come the waterworks..."

Needless to say, she was quite shocked and equally nonplussed when Usagi suddenly tumbled out of the booth, got on her knees, and then prostrated herself on the floor before the gender-cursed martial artist.

"MASTER! Teach me your secrets! I'll do anything!"

Ranma blinked repeatedly, unsure how to respond to this newest development. Rei massaged her forehead. Just when she thought their ditzy leader couldn't get any worse, she decided to stop being predictable. "Meatball-head, would you get off the floor? People are staring."

Ami just tried to bury her nose further in the book she was reading. At times she was glad she didn't have many friends; it really helped not to be recognized in situations like these.

* * *

Nephrite crushed the empty coffee cup in his hand before vaporizing the soft styrofoam with a

spark of dark energy, sending bits of ash to float to the ground of the alley he had ducked into.

"So that's the full extent of your assignment, #28. Any questions?"

The pale yellow, four-armed youma frowned. "Yes, Lord Nephrite... why do you call me #28?"

"Because there are only so many rocks and gemstones we know of, and we have to save the names for the important youma that might actually survive their battles. Numbers are more efficient for the rest of you." Nephrite said bluntly. Already he could feel the desire for an espresso.

#28 processed this for a moment. "Is this a suicide mission, my lord?"

"No, no, a thousand times, no!" Nephrite said, chuckling reassuringly. "Well, yes, but so what?" Without allowing the nameless decoy to protest, he shoved her out into the streets and teleported to the rooftops, changing into his gray Dark General uniform in the process.

The screams of fleeing pedestrians soon began, and Nephrite smiled to himself. He would soon see this enemy's true power for himself.

* * *

Inside the cafe, Ranma was nodding his head solemnly. "Very well. But know that the path of hashi-jutsu is a troubled one, young rabbit," he said in mocking imitation of the "grasshopper" mode of address used in some of the martial arts dramas he had seen in theatres when he was younger. "Many foes must be conquered, and many meals may be missed. Are you prepared?"

"Yes! Yes I am!" Usagi said fervently suddenly grabbing one of Ranma's hands with one of her own. "Please! Teach me all-OW!"

Ranma's free hand rose, along with his chopsticks. Imprisoned by the wooden implements was Usagi's free hand that had been darting for food. "Cheap distraction tactics won't work on me. You have much to learn, young rabbit."

Ami, who was trying to look somewhere else to avoid having any part in the madness taking place at the other end of the table, blinked as she noticed several people suddenly running by the window, looking panicked.

Leaning back to get a better look, the blue-haired girl gasped. "A youma is attacking!"

Rei immediately stood up, glad to have to have an interruption to Usagi's newest wierdness, even if it meant they'd have to fight another enemy. "On your feet, meatball-head! We have work to do!"

Ranma and Negi looked at each other and nodded. Then they turned to Sousuke. The mercenary slapped his book closed and calmly gathered his papers into his bookbag.

"Saotome, Springfield, find and engage the enemy. Reinforcements will arrive immediately after the rest of us change." From his posture and body language, one could hardly tell he was speaking about an impending fight, which was precisely his intention.

Ranma slipped out the booth and helped the young wizard out after him, though he surprised the British boy by boosting him up onto his shoulder. Without another word he grabbed Sousuke's ice water and dashed out the door.

Ami was packing her own things, though she looked to be in much more of a panic than Sousuke. Rei stood up to look for a secluded area and noted that the other people in the cafe were slowly figuring out what was wrong and scattering in a panic.

After a few moments, she noticed that the back door of the restaurant opened up into a fenced-off lot behind the cafe. It would do. "All right, I think I found..."

She trailed off as she turned back around, only to see Sousuke gone, Ami ready to leave, and Usagi... hunched over Ranma's food, stuffing several of his nigiri into her mouth as quickly as possible.

"USAGI!"

"Gack!" The blonde suddenly choked, spewing bits of rice out as she struggled to swallow.

"Ulp! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! OW! Rei! You're so mean!" She complained tearfully as the raven-haired girl grabbed her by the ponytail and proceeded to drag the ditzy heroine to a safe transformation spot.

* * *

#28, as she had been unceremoniously labeled, was in a bit of a bind. As youma went, she was pretty far from the cream of the crop, both in terms of brains and power, but she did LOOK rather scary. She was tall with spindly, long limbs, and four arms with sharp, curved claws. Her head had an elongated jaw that was full of sharp teeth, and her narrow eyes seemed to cast a penetrating, deathly gaze at whatever they moved over. She had never seen human comic books, but if she had, she might have described herself as looking like a female Violator from Spawn, only with four arms rather than a measly two.

Unfortunately, being scary was pretty much the extent of her powers. She had a long reach and claws, but she doubted she could claw through anything tougher than common leather. Other than that, she had nothing, and to make it worse, her unusually long gait made her rather clumsy.

Of course, in her given occupation, the only thing worse than being nearly powerless was being nearly powerless but not looking like it. If one was a complete shrimp, then at least there was a good chance you'd be completely overlooked. Scary-looking youma attracted attention, however.

Case in point: simply by walking down the street, minding her own business, she had sent the entirety of the nearby population into a complete panic. She hadn't attacked anyone, and had even waited at the edge of the intersections waiting for the "Walk" signal before crossing.

But what did the humans do? They freaked and ran. And now it was just a matter of time until stupidly powerful girls in miniskirts arrived and blasted her into chum. All for the sake of gathering information for Nephrite's use.

Some days it just didn't pay to crawl out from under your rock.

"Damn, this's an ugly one!"

28 whirled around at the voice, and blinked at the sight.

'Funny. She's dressed awfully... completely for a Senshi,' she thought, gazing down at the pigtailed redhead with a glare that would have made lesser mortals quiver.

Riding atop Ranma's shoulders, Negi gulped nervously. "All right, then. Let's go!"

Nodding, Ranma suddenly lifted the young wizard off her shoulders and then hurled the little boy into the air, staff and all.

The youma blinked in surprise and watched the child sail over her head, giving no thought to the amount of strength required for such a feat, or the fact that that strength was standing in front of her, preparing for an attack.

Crack! The youma stumbled as Ranma kicked out its knee. Thwack! Pow! She let out a strangled cry as she found both of her left elbows crushed before she even realized what was happening.

"Meep!" #28 gasped out as the redhead grabbed one of her good arms and yanked her forward... face-first into her elbow. Before she could recover, Ranma crouched down and then launched upward into a flip-kick, striking the youma's chin hard enough to send her flying into the air.

"Rastel maskil magister..." came from above the youma mid-way through her flight.

Unfortunately, she was still reeling from the blow to her head, so she couldn't tell. Negi came streaking straight down from the sky, his legs clamped tightly around his staff, and his hands crackling with electricity yearning for release.

"A stream of light to cut through the darkness! Spring forth from my hand and throttle my enemy! FULGURATIO ALBICANS!" With that final cry, his path intersected with the youma's. KRACKA-BOOM! The decoy youma quickly disintegrated before the onslaught of magical energies, leaving a wave of dust to billow out and settle on the ground.

Negi's staff seemed to freeze in place about a foot from the ground and then flip itself over into his hand as he hopped off onto the ground. "Well ... that was rather... quick."

Ranma nodded dumbly. Then she whirled around and settled into a fighting stance.

"Stop right there!" Called out Sailor Moon as she raced onto the scene, Mars and Mercury trailing behind her.

Ranma and Negi looked at each other. "Who? Us?"

Sailor Moon blinked and looked around. "Where's the youma?"

Ranma was about to explain, when Negi's nose twitched from the little remaining dust in the air. "Ahhhh... AH-CHOO!" BWOOOSH!

The Senshi all held down their skirts (Ranma couldn't imagine why; with skirts that short such attempts at modesty were pretty much a waste) as a blast of air erupted from Negi, blowing much of the settled dust up into the air once more.

"Oh... so that's what happened," Mercury mumbled. "That easy?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah. It was pretty weak." Which he found strange. Weren't the enemies supposed to get STRONGER once you started blasting your way through the enemy's ranks?

* * *

On a distant rooftop, Nephrite frowned deeply.

'The Senshi have new allies? Human allies?' This did not bode well at all, for a variety of reasons. Besides the obvious problem of the Senshi obtaining more power to resist the Negaverse, the sight of two normally dressed humans without a scrap of Silver Millennium energy had provoked a rather humbling idea: what if the Senshi weren't the strongest opponents the Negaverse would have to face in their bid for conquest? Is it possible that perfectly normal humans were capable of obtaining the power to stop them.

It also didn't sit well that the humans were so young, too. Hell, the boy on the staff didn't look more than ten years old! Nephrite didn't want to think of the possibility of facing an army of toddlers throwing lightning at him; fighting the Senshi was humiliating enough.

'Obviously, our opposition is more complex than expected. I certainly have my work-'

The dark general was cut off by a shotgun report, and his body lurched forward as dozens of metal pellets smashed through his passive barriers and dug into his skin.

"GYAH!" Crying out in pain, Nephrite quickly evoked his active barriers and whirled around, a halo of darkness already gathering around his hands. Nephrite was quite nonplussed to see a man in combat fatigues and body armor kneeling next to the air duct protruding from the rooftop. The figure was reigning in a 12 gauge automatic shotgun, and had a gas mask over his face to discourage identification.

The dark general grimaced. Now the JSDF was getting in on the act. How annoying. "Die." He raised a hand, and black lightning curved all around it.

Sousuke was already turning behind the duct, while at the same time dropping a small metal cylinder onto the roof behind him.

Nephrite snorted. He had heard about the humans' "grenades". Obviously this idiot didn't know the devices very well, as the human was much closer to the explosive than the Negaverse general was.

BANG!

Nephrite yelped and accidentally released his attack harmlessly into the air as his vision went white and his ears rang painfully from the flashbang grenade. Fortunately, or in some respects, unfortunately, the weapon had no effect on Nephrite's shields (and thus was not impeded by them).

BLAM! BLAM!

The blinded general was tempted to simply bring down the building below him to try to crush his new foe, but relented to reason; this was the force that had killed Jaedite, and he doubted he could beat the Senshi if he couldn't even see.

Nephrite activated his teleport construct.


	13. Mall Madness

Beryl frowned deeply as Nephrite once again kneeled before her, less than four hours after being given his primary task and being dispatched. "So the Senshi have allies, do they?"

Having barely heard her question over the faint ringing in his ears, Nephrite nodded. "Indeed, my queen." Nephrite idly scratched his back where the wound from the shotgun had rapidly healed. "Human allies, evidently. Well trained in the arts of war, yet. They wielded magic and technology, and fought like true warriors." Not that there had been much fighting, as his decoy youma had folded very quickly. "Though it is my opinion that they do not have the raw power of the Senshi, they compensate with the skill of seasoned veterans."

Beryl growled. This was not good news. Not at all. Her idea of warfare was simply launching innumerable expendable minions at the target. That tactical mindset matched her idea of combat, in which she would simply bombard her enemy with as much raw power as she could muster and blow them away. Neither approach was feasible at present, so she really had no idea what to do about this. Sending idiot, bumbling monsters out into the field piecemeal to fight only worked if your opponent was equally inept.

"Not to worry, my queen. I have plans to deal with these upstarts."

The dark queen snorted. "And do these 'plans' involve dragging my most powerful warriors out into the jaws of the enemy, like those of another of my servants who is not among the living?"

"Of course not," Nephrite said calmly, fighting the urge to scoff. "Jaedite did not take his opponents seriously, and for that he paid the ultimate price." Nephrite looked up. "It is my belief that with our current reserves of energy, attempting to defeat the Senshi and their new allies in battle is foolhardy, especially if we are forced to go to them. I will strike in a... different manner."

The redheaded queen sniffed and waved her hand at the man kneeling before her. "Then waste no more of my time. I want to hear results, not plans. Should you fail me, I will make you envy Jaedite's fate."

"It is as you wish, my queen."

* * *

"So what did you wanna talk to me about?" Ranma asked as he held his clipboard under his arm. Rei, Ami, and Usagi were all gathered in front of him, with Sousuke standing solidly along the group's flank for no reason any of them cared to imagine. The rest of the class were setting up plywood planks on concrete blocks and taking turns breaking them with Karate chops.

Ami flushed a bit and stared down at her shoes. Rei gave another warning glare at a boy across the gym whom she suspected was ogling her in her gym shorts. Usagi was just smiling with a slightly vacant expression.

"Uhm... Saotome-sensei..." Ami began hesitantly, wincing as Ranma cut her off.

"Please, cut it out with the 'Saotome' stuff. Call me Ranma." Bad enough Sousuke positively refused to address him by his first name, but he wouldn't stand for these girls doing it too.

"Right... Ranma... I was wondering if you could... uhm..." Ami coughed into a fist, trying to overcome her shyness. "If you could give me and Rei a 'break' from class."

Ranma blinked. "You... don't like my class?"

Ami winced. He actually sounded sad at the prospect. "It's not that! But... well... it's really much harder than it should be... and... uh..."

Rei finally decided that no amount of glaring could stop the surrounding boys from staring at her legs, and stepped in front of Ami. "Let me handle this."

Then her eyes narrowed at Ranma, and she poked the pigtailed boy in the chest. "Now look here; the way you run this class is ridiculous! It's P.E., not a martial arts course!"

Ranma crossed his arms over his chest. "So what? What's the problem with that?"

"The PROBLEM is that this stuff is just too much!" Rei chided. "I mean, kickboxing? Breaking boards with our bare hands? It's too hard and painful for ordinary people!"

Ranma decided not to bring up the idea that they weren't ordinary people. Nor did he give a condescending description of how flimsy and weak plywood was. Instead, he threw his hands up in defeat. Some battles simply weren't worth winning. "Okay, okay. You're excused from class."

Rei nodded sharply, suddenly smiling. Nice that there were some men who could listen to reason when they were beaten over the head with it. Ami let out a sigh of relief, and they both turned to head for the lockers.

Ranma sighed and cocked his head to one side. "I guess you're right. These things are a bit tough for girls to do."

Thud! Ami let out a yelp as she collided into Rei's suddenly rigid backside.

"What's that supposed to mean?" The raven-haired girl demanded, whirling back around.

Ranma blinked. "What's what supposed to mean?"

"That little comment about it being 'tough for girls'?" Rei demanded. "Are you saying girls can't do it when boys can?"

Now, Ranma wasn't stupid. Though Genma had taught him that women were weak and helpless, both Saotomes knew damn well that such a statement was a generalization; they had met plenty of powerful female warriors in their lives. Hell, Ranma WAS a powerful girl half the time. So Ranma knew that a girl could become just as strong and able as any man. But he also knew that most of them didn't.

"I don't see any of the guys complaining," Ranma retorted evenly, crossing his arms over his chest again. As far as he was concerned, since Rei had dismissed his class as "too hard", she was already in the "weak and helpless" category... at least until she put on the magic skirt and started tossing fireballs, anyway.

"That's not the point!" Rei growled, bristling. Ami and Usagi quickly stepped clear of the path between Ranma and Rei "Your class is just too hard! Period! Being a girl has nothing to do with it!"

Ranma turned to the side. "Hey, Sousuke! Do you think my classes are hard?"

"Negative," the mercenary said simply, not having followed the conversation until he was addressed. "Your exercises are of an appropriate difficulty level for untrained civilians."

"You can't take his word for it!" Rei growled, "He's just as into fighting as you are!"

Ranma scoffed, as he didn't think much of Sousuke's physical abilities at all. Guy couldn't even jump onto a one-story building from the street. Just what did they do all day at those boot camps?

Still, he was recognizing that this argument was going to turn into a yelling match instead of the girl suddenly hitting him and stomping off, so he decided to just give it up to save time and energy. "You know what? Fine. I take it back. I'm sorry. You can go skip my class now."

Ami nodded in appreciation and moved to leave, but Rei grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her back. "Not so fast. You think we're leaving because us girls are too weak for your stupid class, huh?"

"No. I'm sure it's because I'm out of line and you're the only people who've gotten the nerve to talk to me about," Ranma deadpanned while rolling his eyes.

"Yes, well, now that we've gotten that all sorted out-" Ami began, trying to salvage her escape. She could see where this was going.

Much to her distress, Rei played her part to a T and interrupted her. "Fine! We'll show you how 'weak' girls are! Come on, Ami-chan!"

As she was dragged away to the mess of concrete and wood on the other side of the gym, Ami watched her hopes of getting to spend gym period cooped up in the safe, quiet library shatter into a million pieces all around her. She had been so close!

Ranma scratched his head in confusion, wondering how that whole situation had gone right for him. Usually when he got into a verbal fight he just agitated the opposition until they left in frustration (sometimes striking him first). Maybe that wasn't the best way to handle an angry girl? He'd have to look into that idea later.

"So why are you here, Usagi?" He asked.

She immediately got a manic gleam in her eyes. "The hashi-jutsu! Can you teach it to me now? Please?"

Ranma blinked yet again, not having expected that. Then he shrugged. "Sure thing. We can start now." Probably best to keep her away from the normal exercises anyway. Usagi would probably accidentally chop the concrete block or knock it onto somebody's foot or something.

* * *

"HIYAH!" Rei's hand smashed through the three plywood planks with ease, sending splinters of wood tumbling down onto the floor. The raven-haired girl straightened up and smirked as some of the other girls nearby gave her some applause at the feat.

Rei just snorted. This wasn't so tough; she couldn't imagine what Ami was complaining about. Heck, she had only gone along with it for the chance to ditch her gym shorts and the boys that wouldn't stop staring in appreciation of it. Behind her, Ami cradled her hand as she diagnosed the rapidly forming bruise. Very minor, of course, but it merely reminded her of the fact that she had been damn close to escaping this madness.

As Rei had apparently taken it upon herself to personally match the pile of shattered plywood that the class's boys had accumulated between themselves, Ami tried to find something else to distract her from her concerns. She found that distraction when she heard Usagi's name being uttered from the mouths of two older girls behind her.

"... seriously, and then she just drapes herself all over him during lunch! What a slut!" The first girl scowled, sitting on one of the concrete blocks.

Her friend shook her head. "She doesn't seem like the type, but yeah. First she's all over Sagara, and now she's getting special attention from the gym teacher? What's so special about her that she's got those two wrapped around her finger?"

"Not just 'special attention'! Yamiko saw them eating together yesterday right before that youma attack! Get this: she suddenly called him 'Master' and they started making out right in the booth!"

Ami blinked. That was certainly... mostly inaccurate.

"You're kidding me! With her teacher? Aren't there laws against that?"

"Pfeh, like she cares. The little tramp will probably just flaunt him until he gets fired and then move onto the next hunk she manages to sink her claws into. I mean, look at her and sensei!

Even now they're..." the girl blinked. "Eating lunch together? During CLASS? Could she beat it over our heads any HARDER?!"

Ami slowly turned around, and sweatdropped as she saw Usagi and Ranma sit down at the end of the gym, facing each other, with a bowl of rice in front of each of them.

'So this is the 'rumor mill ' I've heard so much about.' Ami shivered. Simply dreadful.

* * *

As Ranma sat down, he handed Usagi a pair of chopsticks. "Here ya go. We'll start off by practicing eating rice."

Usagi frowned, which most would have found shocking (Usagi upset at the idea of eating? Horrors!). "I already know how to eat rice with chopsticks." Eating Japanese sticky rice was deceptively easy, though Usagi could proudly say she had mastered eating foreign types of dry rice with chopsticks as well, and could eat it faster than most people could with a spoon.

"I figured that. It isn't that simple," Ranma explained, breaking off his chopsticks. Then his hand darted out, and he scooped a fair amount of rice from the bowl in front of her. "I'm not going to train you how to eat food from your own plate; if you weren't good enough at that already, I wouldn't even bother with you. The idea of this exercise is precision training." He dropped the rice in his mouth.

Usagi nodded, her confusion replaced with firm determination as she broke apart her own chopsticks.

"Rice is good because it's harder to pick up at a distance," Ranma explained after swallowing.

"You have pretty good technique, but it's mostly wasted trying to correct your poor accuracy. Once you can zero in on your target without having to concentrate, we can move onto techniques for attack and defense."

Usagi nodded again, looking quite serious about this.

"I'm not going to defend my bowl, so just concentrate on taking my rice from where you're sitting without moving your legs at all. I'll do the same to your bowl. Begin."

Had someone been close enough to observe the bizarre training session, they would have gaped. Had that person known Usagi to any extent, they might well have fainted at seeing the display of coordination and dexterity as the blonde's chopsticks darted into the bowl across from her, snatched up a wad of rice, and brought it unerringly back into her mouth in clean, swift motions.

Had they managed to stay conscious long enough, they even would have noted that Usagi was slowly picking up more and more rice with each lunge, moving her chopsticks in at better angles after repeated "attacks" had probed the rice for the best points of assault.

However, nobody was close enough to tell all that, so everyone who noticed (which was pretty much everyone) just thought that Usagi and the gym teacher were having lunch (though they could tell they were eating with unusual gusto).

Mid-way through her meal/training, Usagi wondered why she had to keep stifling the urge to sneeze. Stupid allergies.

On the second day that Ranma and Sousuke had left for school, Negi had, after much deliberation, decided to go out. For most people this was not a big deal. Heck, even Negi didn't think it was a big deal. His companions and self-appointed guardians, however, didn't share his feelings.

The fact was, although Negi was a very able, very intelligent, inexplicably mature child who possessed magical power equal to that of the Senshi... he was still a ten-year old boy. Most children his age weren't allowed to even leave the house unsupervised, never mind wander the streets of a major city.

Orion had told the wizard as much when Negi announced he was going out to patrol the area, but Negi was determined, and Orion could do little to physically stop him. So the moon cat accompanied him instead. It was hardly the same as having an adult human or one of the other Knights around for supervision, but it was better than nothing, and it wasn't like Orion had much to do otherwise.

* * *

"The city is spectacular!" Negi whispered in awe as he looked up at the towering buildings of glass and steel. "I've been to London a few times, and visited Paris once, but it was nothing like this!"

Orion, who was being held in Negi's arms, declined to comment, as Negi was currently wading through a thick stream of people who were moving along the sidewalks in droves. A child talking to a cat wouldn't draw anything more than a few amused glances. A cat talking to a child, on the other hand...

"It was just so boring being locked up in that rotten old apartment," Negi said as he walked down the street, marveling at the huge, brilliantly lit signs and huge television screens mounted on the sides of skyscrapers. "Especially when Ranma and Sousuke are busy working during the day. If I can't help, then I'd at least like to be able to tour the city."

Orion gave a slight shrug and squirmed deeper into Negi's chest. He really wished the city wasn't so noisy; he was giving up his nap time for this little trek.

Eventually, Negi wandered away from the crowds and the busy intersections in his curiosity, and entered one of Tokyo City's smaller malls. After gaping at the sleek, high-tech interior laden with television screens and even a large plastic robot that seemed to be perpetually doing the dance by the same name.

Orion noted that they were no longer surrounded, and raised his head to whisper, "Since we're here, we should pick up something that Mizuno can modify into a communicator like the Senshi have." He had been impressed by the little devices when he'd seen them... after he got over the fact that they were compacts. "Some cell phones would probably work. They're common and inconspicuous." More inconspicuous than compacts, anyway. What if someone saw you talking into it?

"Hm. Sure," Negi mumbled as he looked around at the stores with wide, shining eyes. This place was so cool!

Orion recognized the boy's expression and poked him in the chest. "Hey, now. Slow down there. You haven't even earned your first week's salary yet."

Negi pouted, and then his eyes got a bit wider as he looked down at his feline employer. "Aww... can't I have an advance? Pleeease?"

Negi didn't often use the "cute puppy-dog" look, despite knowing the fearsome technique. This was because his own natural aptitude for looking agonizingly cute on top of the eyes tended to drive girls into a mad stupor trying to hug him rather than simply gushing and giggling.

Even now, several women in the general area perked up and started scanning the scattered crowds, sensing a great surge of kawaii force in their midst.

Orion was male, non-humanoid, and could easily adopt a cold, detached mindset at will due to his experience in military matters. He lasted a full 1.3 seconds. Which was good, because had Negi kept the expression going, they might have been spotted and trampled by swooning females.

"Okay, okay, fine," the tomcat grumbled as he shifted in Negi's arms, eventually leaping away while doing a somersault.

A silvery rectangle made of plastic appeared in Negi's hands, close enough to him that nobody who might have watched the cat's acrobatics would have noticed.

The British boy blinked. "A credit card?"

Orion trotted back up to Negi and started rubbing against his leg. "Yes," he whispered, "Look on the back; you, Sagara, and Saotome are all authorized users, so if you need to buy something and don't have the money, you can use that instead."

Negi nodded hesitantly. "But... only Ranma's name is on the front."

"Yes." Orion said simply. SOMEBODY had to be liable for the account, after all. Someone bipedal, that is. And who had a job. Of course, Sousuke and Negi had jobs, but he didn't want anybody investigating their employment.

Negi shrugged and immediately ran off into the nearest candy store.

* * *

Orion trotted over to the second floor of the mall, having spotted a particularly large crowd of people that seemed to be gathered around two booths. A steady crowd of people had been leaving the area, most of them looking quite excited and grasping shiny crystal amulets that hung from their necks by silver chains.

Curious, and not having anything better to do, the military advisor jumped up on some railing to get a better look at the booths. Both were manned by relatively attractive young women with odd-colored hair wrapped into large buns, and standing between them observing the sales was a bishonen-looking man with blonde hair in a ponytail.

The booths were apparently selling "amulets of love"; Charms that, the signs advertised, would make the wearer instantly more enticing to the opposite sex. A quick glance around revealed that the amulets seemed to be working, either through some special magic charm or simply by bringing hordes of desperate men and women into the same crowd; many of those who had just purchased their charms were chatting amicably with members of the opposite sex who had likewise purchased theirs, and several consumers left the area with a partner when they had arrived alone.

Orion was about to move on - he had no interest in the romantic affairs of others, or industries' attempts to capitalize on them - but stopped and glanced again at the blonde man between the two booths.

'Have I seen him somewhere before? He looks familiar...' Orion's eyes narrowed as he thought about this. He hadn't met all that many people since coming out of stasis, and all those whom he had observed closely enough to recall later he would have remembered; he only bothered to pay that much attention if he thought they were a threat. He couldn't quite recall when and where he had seen this individual though, and it was unusual for him to forget something like that.

'Huh. Maybe someone I knew from a past life,' the moon cat thought as he cocked his head to one side. To most men of Orion's mindset, such an idea would have been ridiculous superstitious nonsense. He would have liked to be able to dismiss it as such, but he had been dealing with "superstitious nonsense" for too long now not to take it seriously.

'Looks like an Earther, definitely,' Orion decided. 'Kinda reminds me of that Endymion guy. Or, wait, not him, just one of those guys that used to follow him around... and...' Orion's gray fur managed to fall several shades whiter. "Z-ZOICITE!"

Zoicite blinked in shock at hearing someone blurt out his name, and his head whipped around to locate the source of the voice. Looking at the railing at the edge of the second-story walkway failed to reveal anything, and he couldn't see anyone darting away unusually quick while scanning the crowds.

'Still... best to make sure.' Zoicite couldn't allow this operation to fall so soon after Beryl had set their energy quotas. And if she had stumbled upon one of the Senshi... he smirked viciously. It would be quite the blow to Nephrite's pride if he managed to slay their opponents in the course of normal harvesting operations. Zoicite snapped his fingers.

Suddenly, every person within the mall who had bought an amulet stumbled to a halt, and their vision went hazy.

"Close off the exits. Start searching the stores one by one for..." Zoicite paused in his command, wondering what exactly what he was supposed to be looking for; all he really knew about his target was that it knew his name and hadn't wanted to stick around to talk to him.

"Search for anyone unusual," he said vaguely, hoping it would do. He turned to the youma manning the booths as the possessed humans all started moving to obey their orders. "You two stay here and keep the booths running. If people start becoming distressed, offer them a charm to calm them down." Smirking once again, Zoicite moved to start investigating the stores himself to flush out the target.

Meanwhile, Orion felt like beating his head against the wall as he slipped between the legs of the robot-like humans toward the candy shop. 'I can't believe I just shouted out his name like that! Stupid, stupid, STUPID! I've got to find Negi and get him outta here!'

The two shopkeepers were likely youma, and Orion could already tell that everyone with a love amulet had been turned into thralls. Negi was pretty powerful, but fighting by himself? Against this many opponents? INDOORS? No way. They could come back with Sousuke and Ranma later and level the whole building, but for now, retreat was in order.

* * *

Negi may have been (very) young and rather inexperienced for a wizard, but one would have to be a complete mundane not to realize that something was wrong. Even without the sudden surge of magical energies, a glance outside the store he was in would have most people suspicious as they watched waves of people shuffle like robots to various locations, breaking into small groups like well-organized soldiers moving in perfect synchronization.

Negi could see that these actions were drawing a lot of attention from the other people in the mall who didn't seem to be afflicted, but as the sight hadn't been accompanied by an explosion, monster attack, or any sort of loud proclamation of evil/just intent, they chose to put aside their nervousness and go about their business as usual.

For Negi, he could tell that the people had slivers of magical energy running into them that weren't derived from the people themselves. He couldn't tell what the energy was doing or where it originated from without approaching one and exposing himself to danger, but knowing that the people outside were under the control of some spell was enough to have him on high alert.

'Whatever their intentions are, they're still acting passively,' Negi thought to himself. 'There don't seem to be any monsters about. I wonder what they're trying to do?' Feeling a prickling sensation on the back of his neck, Negi looked behind him.

A cold chill crawled down his back as the girl at the register, apparently afflicted with the same spell, stared at him with empty, impassive eyes. Then, after a moment, the girl turned away and stared at the entrance like a robotic sentry, deeming Negi unimportant. Nothing unusual about a child snooping around a confection shop.

Negi was about to risk leaving the shop to investigate when Orion darted into the store, pausing when the cashier locked eyes with him. Orion blinked, then licked his paw before padding over to Negi, meowing happily. The possessed girl lost interest like before, and her head swiveled back toward the entrance.

Nothing unusual about a cat seeking out its owner... was there? Nah.

* * *

"Just what's going on here?" Mumbled one security guard as he watched a group of people standing in front of the North entrance, elbow-to-elbow. "Those people are barricading the way out!"

Moving to investigate, he caught sight of one of his fellow mall cops, Yoichiro, moving toward him, his newly purchased "love amulet" swinging around his neck. Yoichiro had never had much luck with women, and given that mall employees were entitled to a small discount on goods sold, why not?

"Yoi, what's the problem? All those people are obstructing mall traffic!" The first guard said irritably, noting that his friend didn't seem very concerned, and was still walking toward him stiffly.

"It's not a problem," Yoichiro said mechanically. "Everything is under control."

"What are you talking about? What's under control?" The guard said suspiciously, sensing that omething was definitely wrong as Yoichiro continued to advance well within the range of comfortable speaking distance. He scanned the fellow's hands for any possible weapons or signs of violent intent, but all that Yoichiro had in his grasp was one of the love amulets.

Why'd he buy two?

His hand slipped to his mace spray once Yoichiro reached out to him, but he hesitated in confusion when the other guard merely moved to slip the second amulet around his neck.

"What're you doing? Yoi, I'm married, I don't need-"

All rational thought fled the poor man as the gemstone on the amulet began to glow.

* * *

Zoicite smirked slightly as he felt the web of minds under his control slowly grow as the mall's security staff was placed under his control. Some were offered the amulets and some were ambushed and had the objects forced upon them, but the end result was all that mattered.

Once the security forces were under his control, he moved them to make excuses to the growing crowd of agitated civilians who found the mal exits blocked. A bit of feigned legitimacy would allow the situation to remain stable for much longer than it would otherwise.

He was still in a bit of a bind, though. He essentially had the whole mall locked down, but still had no clue what he was supposed to look for, and could only keep the civilians appeased for so long before he had to use force and panic set in. Once that happened, his thralls would be overwhelmed by nearly ten times their number in scared civilians, making escape easy for the intruder, and ruining his operation anyway. He was running out of time.

* * *

Negi nodded as Orion timidly explained his error in alerting the Dark General to his presence. "We have to escape immediately," the gray tomcat said. "Zoicite's expecting a fight now, and he has at least two youma with him, in addition to the dozens of thralls. Luckily, he doesn't know who we are or what we can do, only that somebody in the mall knows who he is." Orion glanced about once again to make sure they hadn't attracted any attention in the corner of the candy shop.

Once he peeked out from behind some shelves and saw the cashier still staring at the entrance, he continued. "The central portion of the mall roof is a huge glass framework. One light arrow should be all it takes; just break a pane and fly right on out." It wasn't an ideal solution, as they'd still be giving themselves away to Zoicite, and likely causing a panic in the non-possessed crowd, but it was simplest escape plan Orion could think of. Negi's non-military mind was concerned with another factor, however.

"What about all these people he's controlled?" the wizard asked. "What will happen to them?"

"They'll be fine, more or less," Orion hedged. "They're being controlled by those amulets around their necks. Once we get away, they'll probably just have their energy drained and their memories partially erased and go about their business once they recover."

Negi frowned. "With those amulets still in their possession."

Orion groaned. "Look, Springfield, I'm ALL FOR helping these people out. But I'd much rather do it with Ranma for a vanguard, the Senshi for fire support, and Sousuke as backup. Once we get out of here we can crush these guys, but you're just not up to these odds!"

"I'm not talking about fighting them all head-on," Negi said as he unstrapped the long wooden staff from his back. "I have an idea."

* * *

The thrall at the cashier would have sighed had she possessed any sort of will beyond that of a common golem; the assignment they had been given was ridiculous and nothing would come of it but wasteful confusion.

In this whole fiasco so far, only four people had been apprehended by the thralls; three shoplifters (who were very confused to be given love charms and left alone once their crimes had been discovered) and some skinny, geeky looking kid with dark circles under his eyes who had been shouting about "possessed zombies".

Despite his apparent ability to sense the thralls' presence, nobody was listening to him, and he looked too scrawny to even consider opposing them. Zoicite had taken one glance at the boy, deemed him too weak to bother draining, and swiftly kicked him unconscious before ordering the search to continue.

The short of it was that Zoicite was getting nowhere fast, and had the cashier been capable of intelligent thought at the moment, she would have decided that the only way this "intruder" would be found is if they revealed themselves through some act of stupid, desperate heroism.

But as she didn't actually think that, she was unable to appreciate the irony as she heard someone mumble "Rastel maskil magister" behind her. Turning around, she didn't get a look at the source of the voice as she reflexively shielded her eyes from a handful of jawbreakers that had been thrown in her face as a diversion.

Of course, had she been anything more than a puppet at the time, it would have been simple to conclude that the source of the attack was the child she had seen earlier, as he was the only one in the store and she had been watching the entrance like a hawk, but at the time such feats of logic were beyond her.

"Flans exarmatio!" BWOOSH!

The possessed girl was pushed back as a sudden, inexplicable burst of wind blew her over, and her clothes seemed to disintegrate around her, torn to shreds by the air. Her more solid articles, such as a few bracelets, her earrings, and her amulet didn't disintegrate, but the amulet was jarred enough that the chain snapped off, and the piece of jewelry was tossed through the air...

Right into the jaws of a leaping moon cat.

Orion and Negi immediately darted back into the corner of the candy store they had previously been hiding in as the cashier blinked drowsily, getting up from where she bumped her head.

"Huh? Wha'appened?" She mumbled as she moved into a sitting position and looked around dizzily. Last she remembered she was at work... and it looked like she was still there. But why had she fallen down? And why did it feel so drafty in here?

* * *

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!"

Negi winced as he heard the girl from the other side of the shop scream at her lack of clothing, but pushed his guilt aside. He could easily rationalize causing some humiliation for the sake of his plan.

"I don't like this," Orion murmured as he watched the little wizard's glowing hand hover over the amulet gemstone. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"No, I'm really not," Negi admitted, much to Orion's frustration. "I've never done this sort of thing before, and I never was any good at enchantment spells."

"Well , that's just perfect," the tomcat deadpanned, glancing out of their hiding spot. "Oh, a little more good news: they've zeroed in on our location. We've got about twenty thralls at our doorstep and I'm guessing Zoicite's en route as well."

Negi gulped. "I just need a little more time!"

Orion sighed deeply. "Roger that. I'll see what I can do."

* * *

The thralls were in a slightly better position than before, but were still essentially looking for a needle in a haystack; the haystack had simply gotten a whole lot smaller. They still had no idea what their target was, just that it was probably in the candy shop, and had attacked one of the other thralls.

None had the intellect or information to determine that the naked and confused girl huddling behind the main counter was the thrall that had been attacked, and was thus obviously not the target. Hence, she was the first to be surrounded by possessed men and women, and grew ever-more distressed and upset when they tried to grab her instead of responding to her frantic pleas for clothing.

No one noticed as a gray cat darted out of a corner and zipped by, doing a somersault on the way.

Clink!

Some of the thralls noticed the sound of a piece of metal bouncing off the tile floor of the shop, but deemed it unimportant next to apprehending the target.

Pshooooo!

Once the canister on the ground started spewing streams of thick gray smoke, it raised a yellow flag. Those that weren't close enough to participate in restraining the girl turned around to investigate, only to find it rather hard (or easy, depending on your point of view) to properly investigate a smokescreen. This led them to stand in place stupidly as they relayed the appropriate information and awaited orders.

* * *

"Rastel maskil magister," Negi said, fighting the urge to cough from the spreading smoke, "To those minds, chained completely, cleanse their will, and set them free!" It was a spur-of-the-moment incantation rather than a proper dispel, but it was the best Negi could do, as using a normal dispel spell on the amulet would simply make the hastily enchanted amulet non-magical, without affecting anything else. So the solution was crude, and Negi was far from sure it would work properly, but he felt certain it would have SOME effect, and figured that any change to a domination spell could only frustrate the caster.

* * *

Negi had succeeded!

Well , sort of.

Actually, in magical terms, he had failed utterly.

Negi was very well-versed in the use and mechanics of magical items. He had never been good at enchantment spells, though (characterized as those spells that affect the target's mind). It was more of a personal ethics thing to Negi; he had never felt comfortable having the power to magically compel people to do things against their will (other than lapsing into unconsciousness, of course).

Even the erase memory spell, a must for ANY modern wizard, was one he had never actually used outside of practice, as he felt that it just wasn't right to mess with someone's memories unless there was no alternative.

So he had figured out very quickly how to feed a spell into the magical network made up of all the amulets, like a virus in a computer network. Due to the reasons already described though, he had been unable to use a simple dispel. Only a modifying enchantment would work. So he'd tried a counter-enchantment. And completely screwed it up.

The amulets actually had two spells on them: a compulsion field to make the wearer more interesting to the opposite sex (the charms DID work as advertised; there were simply "hidden costs" for the buyer), and the common energy drain/domination spell currently linked to Zoicite.

Negi's fumbled spell had managed to affect the domination spell, but had sort of "rammed through" the romantic compulsion on the way, to speak of it in barely applicable metaphorical terms. The effect was that each of the thralls lost their command link to Zoicite (who was protected from magical tampering and was instantly cut off to avoid contamination), and instead had their minds flooded with a final command that went something like "be very interested in the opposite sex".

The results were... useful. Extremely awkward, but useful.

* * *

Negi's eyes bugged out as he stared into the dissipating smokescreen, which revealed a squirming mess of people who had quickly paired off and wasted no time in getting to second base.

"EEEEEEK! Get OFF me, you pervert!" Cried the cashier as she kicked away one of the men who had been restraining her.

"I love you! Take me! Now!" The man demanded passionately, charging toward her again only to be kicked away again. Negi winced, feeling his guilt for the girl's predicament swell. He still didn't quite regret it, but it was approaching that range.

"What the hell is going on?" The naked girl demanded angrily as she noticed what the other thralls were doing. "And can I PLEASE get some clothes, here?!"

Almost immediately, the girl was bombarded with shirts, shoes, jackets, and pants. She was about to thank the generous donors (and complain about having shoes thrown at her), when she realized that the barrage of clothing wasn't stopping.

When a pair of panties landed on her head, she decided to throw her modesty to the wind and find someplace else to dress. Grabbing up enough articles for a complete outfit, she fled the candy shop.

Orion, who had left the shop earlier after dropping the grenade, came back and quickly ignored the orgy taking place on the floor in favor of the gaping wizard. "Pst! Negi! Come on!"

Negi shook his head to clear it of the shock and then darted out of the store after Orion. "I'm... not really sure if this is an improvement or not..." the child magi said uncertainly, glancing to the side where a middle-aged woman was excitedly removing the pants from a pale, skinny boy who appeared to have been beaten unconscious at some point.

"Doesn't matter," Orion said sharply. "It's a good enough distraction, so we need to take advantage of it and get out of here while we can." Not so much because it was dangerous, but rather because the situation in the mall had swiftly moved out of the "PG" viewing range right into "R" with a few pockets that had already moved straight into "NC-17" level of activity.

Negi was an impressionable young boy who was already being exposed to unhealthy levels of violence when he was at least a few years from receiving "The Talk". He certainly didn't need to learn about the birds and the bees from the mass results of a spell miscast.

Negi swallowed nervously as he watched the extremely awkward sense of pandemonium that had erupted through the mall, with pockets of shoppers fleeing while screaming about mad rapists, groups of people who stood rooted in place, gaping, and of course swaths of thralls (and the occasional innocent bystander who hadn't strongly resisted being propositioned) writhing in pleasure on the floor as they gave in to their carnal instincts.

A sharp pain on his leg from Orion's claws snapped Negi out of his observations, and he joined the moon cat in making a mad dash out the exit, stepping over the moaning, naked bodies that littered the path to freedom.

* * *

Zoicite's eye twitched. This was NOT part of the plan.

At this point, there were several things he had to consider carefully. Chief among them were:

A) One his enemies, likely the same one who had gasped out his name and fled, was capable of disrupting and altering the energy constructs used in their energy-draining devices. This was a serious concern, especially since most of their draining items were exactly the same. Nobody had ever shown the ability to manipulate the base magics since the fall of the Moon Kingdom, and he wasn't sure if there was some way to counter this new tactic.

B) His operation had been... discovered. The cover for the "love charm" sales hadn't been completely blown, as he had not needed to reveal his youma or use any power that would be obvious to the public at large, but some enemy out there knew of his involvement. And besides that, his operation HAD created quite an... unconventional ruckus among the mindless cattle as well.

C) Despite this mistake, and whatever future difficulties it would bring, the current situation was still more than salvageable. Primarily because the amulets had gone into "full energy drain" mode as it tried to render their wearers unconscious and complete the whole "thrall" cycle (possess, drain, brainwash. Repeat as desired).

As it so happened, humans put out a LOT of energy in the process of copulation, and showed no signs of stopping despite the amulets' best efforts. This mishap had netted HUGE energy gains for the Negaverse. Thinking on these concerns, Zoicite tried to decide what to do next. Obviously, he had to first get the harvested energy to the Dark Kingdom. That wasn't any big issue; even if Beryl was upset that his operation was discovered, the current windfall more than made up for it.

But what of the operation? Was it possible to take it to another area? Would the regulatory authorities try to stop his sales due to the current fiasco, or would it be seen as proof that his product worked, and help sales? More importantly, would the intruder come back in a short skirt wielding vast magical power to challenge him? If so, what was to be done about it?

'An immediate evacuation? No...' Zoicite's eyes narrowed. He had to avenge this humiliation, even if it wasn't quite the catastrophe that Jaedite's operations had suffered. 'The Senshi, if it was a Senshi, will return. Maybe not immediately, as they'll have to gather their numbers, and trying to fight in this area now would be... awkward.'

Moving back to his youma, he idly kicked one couple that laid in his path, turning the man's rising moans into pained groans as he went rolling across the tiled floor. 'They know that they have to be careful of hurting these useless cattle; a problem that my forces do not suffer.' He stopped and watched as the woman from the coupling he had disrupted earlier crawled away quickly, grabbing onto a random young man from the "stand in place and gape" crowd and dragging him down into a sensual embrace. 'And I don't imagine these idiots will be quick about evacuation. I have the upper hand.'

Zoicite smirked. He'd have to plan something... special to greet them, when they eventually came back. Nobody made a fool out of Zoicite!

Glomp! "Hey there pretty boy, looking for a good time?"

Zoicite blinked as a very well-proportioned brunette attached to his side. Aside from her underwear, the only article of clothing she wore was the tell-tale amulet around her neck, and the Dark General could see a woman yelling angrily as she dragged her husband away by the back of his shirt in the background.

His eye twitched. "Release me, woman. I've no interest in females." He was Kunzite's boy-toy, thank you very much. In fact, next week was their 17,381st anniversary. 'Hmm... I'll have to get flowers.'

"Oh, that's cool! I'm not into girls either!"

Zoicite blinked. "Er... wait... what does that have to-HMMMPH!" As he was suddenly engaged in lip lock without his consent, Zoicite amended his plans to destroy the Senshi to make their deaths a bit more tortuous. They WOULD pay for this humiliation.

* * *

Makoto Kino was an athletic girl who often got into fights (mostly protecting weaker kids from bullies), and she was also an accomplished cook. Being an orphan, and not having any real friends, she spent her time as productively as possible, trying to keep busy. Sometimes that was cruising the kid haunts looking for bullies to correct, and other times she cooked.

The restaurant kitchen, where she was now, was neither high class nor low. They had a buffet table that it was her job to keep stocked, and a manager who was willing to not notice how old she was if she didn't notice him keeping half of her pay.

Though she didn't really need much money, because of the legacy of her parents, it was insulting nonetheless feeling robbed like that. She only put up with it because working was about the only thing she had to do other than get in trouble at school.

"Traffic has been light today, go ahead," the middle school girl wiped her forehead and told a much older woman, who'd just asked her if it was okay for her to slip out for an hour or so before the lunch rush to get some medicines she'd forgotten to pick up earlier.

Thanking her politely, the real chef of the restaurant took off her apron and gloves, and left the restaurant in the capable hands of the girl who did most of the cooking anyway. This was a common enough, though still irregular, occurrence that when the manager came in moments after she'd gone, he didn't spare Makoto another glance.

Strictly speaking she was not supposed to be working at all during school hours, but during yet another suspension there wasn't much else for the scrappy little chef to do. Going into his office and opening the safe there, the manager began separating out money to make a cash deposit at the bank to avoid having too much money on hand.

While he was at it, he began to work on pay envelopes for the not quite legal employees, Makoto and a couple of the busboys (she thought, nobody really talked much about that). When he was no more than a few minutes into this, however, a small group of ordinary men and women pushed past the waiter at the entrance and began to roam the restaurant, as if looking for someone. But they couldn't let anyone in without paying, as there was no way to tell paying customers from anyone else once they were inside. So the waiter called on the manager, who went out to deal with the problem.

Moments later the manager came back with a crystal charm around his neck. He checked the back rooms, totally ignoring the open safe and stacks of money, saw no one but Makoto in the kitchen and turned about and left.

Carrying a fresh pot of rice out to the buffet, Makoto noticed the manager stay briefly at the entrance to the restaurant, spying the open door like a hawk along with the waiter, before he jerked suddenly and began to move purposely toward the mall exit.

Finished with the cooking tasks for now, the brunette went back into the kitchen, but it was as if the open safe kept staring at her. So, after she'd done cleaning her instruments, and the boss still wasn't back, she decided that it was unsafe to leave things lying about like that and stepped into the office to finish sorting out the stacks.

Not even thinking of the clean set of cooking gloves she'd put on along with cleaning up her work station, the middle school girl checked all of the papers and counted out the stacks as they should be, filing them away in their proper envelopes. One (a rather thick one) for the bank, and five more (not the two or so she'd been expecting) for not-so-legal employees.

Along the way she couldn't help but count out a stack of bills equal to the amount of her pay the boss had been pocketing for himself. She didn't intend to do much of anything with it, just see how much it was. Having checked the financial records while she was doing this, she'd found that he'd been holding back far more than he'd said, and that over the months she'd been working there he'd granted her several raises that he'd told her nothing about.

The parent company was paying her a fair amount for her services, almost a flattering number really, out of which she'd been seeing a very small fraction. It felt so unfair staring at that stack of bills, once they'd been counted out like that.

Steeling herself, the girl stood up to close the safe and leave the office when a commotion in the outer restaurant came sounding loud and clear, with several crashes and at least one scream. Darting out to look got the middle schooler a face flushed red as a tomato and a quick zip back into the kitchen!

Standing there mortified, the girl had run to the office to grab her pay envelope, taking the accompanying stack of back pay without even thinking about it. Face a flush, all she was concerned about at that moment was getting away from that scene of what was going on out there!

The other cook had returned. She didn't want to think about what that cook was DOING out there in front of all of those people, but if any need came up, they did have a cook on staff and on the premises.

Grabbing the bank deposit envelope as her excuse to get out, running a quick errand to drop that off while the boss was too busy to do so personally. It made perfect sense. It still had to be done before the lunch rush or they'd have too much money on hand and no way to get an employee away during the crunch.

Leaving through the service ways, Makoto had to dodge more couples, groups and other messes, finally leaving the service corridors through a door she rarely used out onto the mall concourse itself, neatly tripping over a man's leg as she did so.

"I told you, lesser creature, I will not be joining you in your simple perversions!"

The man shouting that was hard to believe, as someone had used a seam ripper on his pants and jacket. A shirt still covered his chest and shoulders, but the loss of his britches showed him in tight leather underpants with pink studs spelling out 'Spank Me' along his bum - which stopped Makoto in her tracks as it was waving practically in her face!

"Oooh! A rough one! I LIKE them rough. Be rough with me!" the guy with the seam ripper cried back. "Teach me more advanced perversions, Master!"

Nearly passing out from the blood rushing to her face, Makoto grabbed the fallen bank deposit envelope and ducked back into the service corridors, not noticing most of the mall population fall to the ground and pass out as the blond with the pink-studded underpants yelled out in rage, giving in to his urge to just drain them all into blackness.

Nor did the tall for her age girl note that the cash envelope she'd picked up to replace the one she'd dropped was open at once end, with no information filled out. It was just where the Youma had dropped the cash as they'd been collecting it from their many customers, and the money was glittering with thousands of tiny, sparkling motes of stolen energy.

None of this caught the deathly embarrassed youth's attentions as she ran past the now unconscious groups of bodies clumped around the exits (one of which was her boss) and practically tripped over a black cat that was wandering the grounds.

Falling down, for she'd not been watching where she was going, the girl came face to nose with the black feline, and because of bleed-over from the stolen energy in the cash she'd been clutching to her chest, said feline instantly spotted a glowing mark upon her forehead.

"Sailor Jupiter!" the cat cried out in recognition, only to get plowed down as a second cat and the young boy following it tripped over her next. They, too, had been watching over their shoulders for pursuit from the mall.

Makoto blinked four times at the mess of boy and felines laying on the ground before her. "What did you call me?" She could hardly believe she was asking this question of a cat, but the past half-hour had been a really surreal one.

"Sailor Jupiter! Next of the Sailor Scouts, someone to help us in our fight against the Negaverse! But could you please pull me clear of this pile first?" the squashed cat asked of her.

Negi was already rolling clear, and Orion sprang to his feet as Makoto picked the black cat up, wondering.

"Dammit Luna, would you stop making random girls into Senshi?" Orion mumbled irritably, putting aside his surprise at seeing the other moon cat in the first place. "Seriously, we've got a situation here, and you just burst out of nowhere and spring this on her!"

Makoto stared. ANOTHER talking cat? Was there some new breed running around?

The black cat in Makoto's arms bristled. "I'm NOT choosing her at random, you imbecile!

There is a very clear and definite process to identifying a Senshi!"

"A process that relies on the sheer coincidence of running into them on the street, from what I understand," the tomcat prodded.

"Oh, DO shut up!"

Makoto winced as the two cats glared at each other with their fur bristling slightly. "Uhm... not to interrupt, but just what's going on here?"

Luna took a calming breath, and then addressed the girl holding her. "You are the Senshi of Jupiter, a magical warrior from a long dead kingdom reincarnated to fight an evil menace trying to take over the world." She looked around. "But this is no place to talk. Come with me."

Luna jumped out of Makoto's arms and quickly trotted up behind the brick cubicle that held the mall's dumpsters, completely hidden from the sparse crowds that were mostly leaving the mall in panic or confusion.

Makoto slowly turned toward the only other human. "Uhm... so, are you one of these 'Senshi' people too?"

Negi chuckled in embarrassment, rubbing the back of his head. "Oh, no. I'm... well, I'm actually a wizard."

Such a statement was normally one to invoke awe, disbelief, fear, or in a few nasty cases, fanatical hatred. However, with Negi's current embarrassed expression, only one possible response fell within Makoto's mental spectrum.

Glomp! "GWAH!"

"AWWWW! You're SO CUTE!"

* * *

Luna was only mildly disturbed to see Makoto round the corner with Negi cuddled in her arms like a teddy bear. Despite her proper and normally uptight demeanor, even SHE wanted to nuzzle the adorable mage the first time she saw him blush.

Doing the necessary backflip, Jupiter's transformation pen bounced out onto the ground. "Just pick this up and yell 'Jupiter power, make up'."

"Good grief, here it comes," Orion mumbled. Senshi transformations were always such ridiculously wasteful displays of magic. And besides, this was time they could be using to regroup with the others. But NOOOOOO, the new Senshi had to be indoctrinated right away.

Shooting the tomcat a glare, Luna watched as Makoto picked the object up hesitantly after releasing Negi back onto the ground.

Raising the small, bejeweled pen above her head, the ponytailed girl took a deep breath, cleared her mind of how ridiculous the current situation was, and then spoke. "Oh no! I forgot about the deposit! What happened to the deposit? I don't have it on me!"

Thud! Luna fell face-first onto the pavement.

"That big envelope full of money back there?" Orion asked.

"Yes! Did you see it?" Makoto asked hopefully.

Orion considered his answer carefully. "Was it yours?"

"No, it's the deposit for the place I work for," she explained, wondering why it mattered.

"Nope, haven't seen it," Orion lied. As if he was going to pass up big packages of cash dropping onto the ground in front of him!

As Makoto stared in confusion (it occurred to her that the gray tom might have taken the envelope, but she had no idea why a cat would want money), Luna cleared her throat irritably.

"Can we get a move on, please?"

"Oh, right! Right!" Makoto raised the pen up again. "Jupiter power, make-up."

Negi had to shield his eyes from the sudden bursts of light and colors as the transformation took effect, and decided to distract himself by putting up a magic array to collect information that might help them later. Orion noticed the wizard's spellcasting, but as he wasn't a proper mage himself, couldn't make sense of the spell (and didn't want to interrupt Negi to find out about it).

Once the light show was over, Sailor Jupiter stood before the two moon cats, gaping at her new miniskirt.

"Whoa! I thought this was just some sort of joke!" She said, shaking her head.

"This's no joke," Orion deadpanned. "In that mall is a man of great power, capable of magic feats far beyond any of us here. He possesses several youma to do his bidding, and DID command several brainwashed humans. We found a way to... Ahem! 'Disrupt' his control over the thralls, so they're no longer a threat. However, he still needs to be destroyed."

Makoto smacked a fist into her palm. "Right! Let's go!"

Orion blinked. That was an... unexpected reaction. "Actually, it's best that we not. I'd hate to make Luna have to rope some other sap into replacing you so soon."

Sailor Jupiter blinked as the black cat swatted the larger gray one in the face. "But I thought I was supposed to fight these guys."

"You are, but you have allies," Luna said, shoving Orion away. "Sailor Moon, Mars, and Mercury. As well as... others," she said the last part a bit distasteful y, to which Orion rolled his eyes. "It wouldn't be wise to take a Dark General on alone."

"I... don't actually think we have a choice..." Negi said nervously, startling the others as they turned around.

Clouds of black mist seemed to fade away as Zoicite phased into being directly over them, glaring down malevolently. Orion couldn't help but notice that for some reason, the general's normal gray dress pants had been replaced by a pair of jeans that still had the tags on them.

Jupiter blanched. "You're that guy with the kinky underwear!"

It was no mean feat to facefault from a levitating position three meters up in the air. It takes great dexterity and devotion to the inherent irony. It also hurts like the dickens, as Zoicite could attest to after scrambling back to his feet. "You DARE... I'll kill you! None are allowed to see that except Kunzite! You'll pay for making a fool of me!"

"Who's Kunzite?" Sailor Jupiter asked curiously.

"Now is NOT the time to exchange gossip!" Orion shouted. "Withdraw!"

"You won't escape me!" the blonde general declared, levitating up into the air again as he released a wave of energy at his opponents.

Negi jabbed his staff at him. "Deflexio!"

Zoicite was mildly surprised when his energy wave dissipated against an invisible barrier. 'A magic barrier? Wait a minute! Who is that child!' Growling, he began to gather energy in earnest, orbs of black growing around his hands.

Jupiter chewed her lip nervously, wondering what to do. She was perfectly comfortable in a fight, but this was a little bit different from the norm. "Hey! Do I have any special attacks or anything to use?" She asked the black cat at her feet.

"Just point at him and shout the first things that comes to mind!" The black cat responded.

Nodding, the ponytailed girl thrust out her hands. "Jupiter Thunder Crash!"

She was pleasantly surprised to see a bolt of lightning fly from her hands toward her target... and entirely frustrated when her target suddenly vanished.

"Nice try, brat," came a voice from behind her.

Zoicite brought the dark energy in his hands together, letting it form a hovering sphere. "Now yo-"

"GATE JUMP!" Negi suddenly shouted, interrupting Zoicite as a magic circle spontaneously formed below the Senshi forces in his hands was a small parchment that glowed brightly even as it began to turn to ash in his hands.

"Oh, no you don't!" Zoicite shouted, releasing the dark energy.

BWAKOOM!

* * *

Jupiter blinked as she took in her new surroundings. "What the... what just happened?"

Negi let out a nervous breath as he dusted the ashes of his Gate scroll from his hands. "It's a safeguard I set up in case I needed to retreat quickly," Negi explained. "The scrolls will automatically teleport us to the place I have set as an anchor."

"Not that I'm complaining about escaping certain death, but why would you set the anchor in a place like this?" Sailor Jupiter wondered aloud, looking around at the numerous cracks in the wall and spots of water damage.

Orion twitched. "We LIVE here." Sure, the place was a dump. He could admit that. But given the current situation, he hardly thought it was appropriate to bring it up now.

"And by 'we', he means 'them'," Luna said ambivalently, gesturing to the two males in the room.

"Huh? But aren't we all on the same team?" Jupiter asked. It seemed that way initially, but with how the black cat was acting, and the obvious differences between her magical girl form and the little boy wizard, she was beginning to think the situation was more complicated.

"Yeah, we are, but..." Orion trailed off so that he and Luna could glare at each other. "Well, maybe we should start at the beginning. Negi, contact the others. We have a lot to discuss."


	14. First Assault

"... And after gathering the appropriate resources and scouting the candidates, I assembled a guard to assist the Senshi using more conventional battle tactics," Orion explained, sitting on the coffee table and staring Sailor Jupiter in the eyes in as dignified a manner as a cat possibly could.

Luna growling and irritated mumbling rose and fell in cycles as she sulked next to the coffee table. After she had given her standard explanation about the Moon Kingdom and their mission to find the Princess, Makoto had asked a few very basic questions of her. None of which she was able to remember the answer to. Orion had hijacked the introduction -supposedly to keep them from making complete fools of themselves but probably just to show her up - and started explaining the combat aspect of what they were doing in great detail.

Not only did Jupiter seem quite fascinated by this, but Orion's knowledge in his primary field of study had hardly degraded at all, and he responded to all her queries fairly well. "The Senshi could be considered superweapons or magical artillery. As a Senshi you have power beyond any of my men, but that power isn't very versatile, and doesn't stand on its own very well."

Jupiter frowned. "So I'm supposed to sit back and throw lightning bolts while someone else fights on the front line?"

Orion shrugged. "That is the traditional role. Senshi can and usually do excel in melee combat to varying degrees, but they can never bring as much power to bear fighting that way. Why, do you have combat training?"

The pony-tailed girl grinned and flexed her arm, gripping the bicep. "I don't wanna brag, but I can hold my own in a fight. I've taught my fair share of street thugs a thing or two."

Orion cocked his head to one side. "So you've been in a lot of fights before?"

Jupiter nodded, though she was a little more hesitant now. Although she took pride in her fighting skills, actual fighting was not something that society tolerated easily, so she couldn't help but feel slightly ashamed whenever someone brought up her record.

"Y-Yeah... kind of."

"Perfect," Orion said, turning toward the end of the coffee table. "Luna, I apologize for getting on your case earlier today. This one looks pretty solid."

Luna twitched. "Just today? You're always harping me about 'choosing random girls and stuffing them into a fuku'."

"I still haven't given you NEARLY enough grief to make up for Tsukino," Orion insisted sharply. Sailor Jupiter couldn't help but giggle at seeing the two moon cats fight like a pair of siblings. Well, actually, it was pretty funny just for the novelty of seeing a pair of cats argue.

The door creaked open, and Jupiter expected to see Negi returning to his room where she had been talking (Negi had been given the main bedroom because he was the only one with a substantial need for storage space; Ranma owned little more than his clothes, and Sousuke managed to spread his vast array of weaponry among several hidden armories).

Instead, a girl with long blonde hair in the silliest style she had ever seen poked her head in. The girl gasped when she saw Jupiter.

"Omigosh! It's true! You're really here!" Usagi was mildly surprised to see the girl already in her Sailor fuku, and expressed that surprise though overpowering, saccharine-sweet joy.

"This is so cool! There's so many of us now!"

Jupiter could only blink as the girl seemed to dive into the sitting position next to her and started chatting amiably at high speed.

"Would you slow down already? You're going to give her a headache!" A voice snapped as a black-haired girl entered next, followed by a girl with short blue hair who didn't feel the need to start shouting to announce herself.

Usagi stuck her tongue out at Rei, then turned back to the green-skirted Senshi. "My name is Usagi Tsukino! I'm Sailor Moon! This is Ami Mizuno, Sailor Mercury, and the mean girl is Rei Hino, Sailor Mars."

"Who's mean?" Rei said, bristling.

"You are! You made fun of my training!" Usagi whined while pouting.

"That's because you're training to steal people's food off their plates, you little glutton!"

"There you go with the names again! Meanie!"

Orion turned toward the sweatdropping Jupiter. "It's not so bad as it looks... until they start doing it in the middle of a battlefield."

"I... see." Jupiter said. She had to fight the urge to giggle as she stood up. "Look, it's nice to meet you all, but I should really get home now."

All other activity screeched to a halt. "Go home? But we just met!" Usagi said, clearly alarmed. "I wanted to know more about you! What do you like to eat? What kind of music do you like? What are your powers?"

Orion cleared his throat loudly, and a vein pulsed on his head. "More IMPORTANTLY, we kind of have an assault planned this evening. It would be greatly beneficial to us and extremely detrimental to our enemies if you were to accompany us."

"But that's just it," Jupiter said suddenly, fingering her skirt nervously, "just this afternoon I was an assistant chef at a buffet place who tended to get into schoolyard fights a lot. Now all of a sudden I'm part of an 'assault'?" She shook her head. "I mean... don't get me wrong, I believe the things you've said, considering what I've seen today, but... I just need a day or two to sort this out!"

In a different timeline, one which Sailor Pluto fought so hard to preserve to no avail, Makoto

would have become good friends with Usagi previous to becoming a Senshi. Learning that Usagi was Sailor Moon, she felt a much stronger connection than the current Makoto did to the airheaded but undeniably likeable girl.

As it turns out, having the whole Senshi thing sprung on you after tripping over a talking animal and then barely escaping an enemy "boss" leaves a bit of a different impression, and Jupiter was feeling doubtful. There was a will to fight, and the need to right the wrongs that had been described to her, but it simply didn't drive her hard enough to overcome her rational mind telling her that events were spiraling wildly out of her understanding.

"You... You don't want to be a Senshi?" Usagi asked, her eyes already tearing up.

"It's... it's not that. Not really," Sailor Jupiter hedged. "But this isn't just a fight, you know? What I learned today changes everything! That there was life in the solar system thousands of years ago, that reincarnation actually happens, that there really is magic... It's a bit overwhelming, you know?"

Ami nodded timidly, being more sympathetic to the brunette's confusion. While Usagi and Rei tended to think with their emotions, being shoved into the magical world hadn't been very easy for her rational intellect.

"So, I just want a night to try and sort this all out," Jupiter said reassuringly, smiling at the sorrowful Usagi. "Tomorrow I'll meet you gu-"

She was interrupted as the door opened again, the newcomer speaking as he entered.

"-guarantee the security of this... 'teleportation anchor'?" Sousuke said as he entered the room, scanning the interior for the magical circle Negi had drawn for his Gate spell.

"Well... not 100%, I suppose," Negi said hesitantly as he followed the mercenary into his room. "Although a diviner who could track my anchor would probably be able to find us just as easily on his own once he knows of us."

"Aw, c'mon Sousuke," Ranma insisted, backing up Negi as he too entered, "don't you think it's worth the risk to be able to just warp back to base whenever we need to?"

"Possibly. However, the security of headquarters should be our primary concern," Sousuke said seriously, rubbing his chin. "Securing better routes of retreat is a tertiary issue at best."

Just as Luna or Rei was about to loudly complain about the boys barging into the room and interrupting them, Orion suddenly found himself grabbed off the coffee table and dropped on the floor. Blinking in surprise, he turned to look at Sailor Jupiter, who was suddenly smiling brilliantly instead of nervously, and was sitting once more.

Jupiter glanced at him, and then cleared her throat meaningfully. "Well?"

"Well what?" the military advisor asked, completely stumped.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" Jupiter asked, sounding somehow affronted.

"Uh... sure." Shaking his head slightly, Orion got the boys' attention. "Kino, this is Sousuke Sagara, our demolitions and weapons expert. Ranma Saotome, our martial arts expert – I imagine you'll find yourself fairly impressed when you see him in action. And you've already met Negi Springfield our resident wizard and magical prodigy. Together they are Orion's Knights; the Senshi's guardians. Knights, this is Makoto Kino, the newly Senshified Sailor Jupiter."

"Jupiter-san!" Sousuke said, saluting stiffly.

"Hey Makoto. Nice ta meetcha," Ranma said casually.

Negi felt compelled to do SOMETHING despite the fact that they had already met, and were already close enough that Makoto felt no compunction about crushing his face into her cleavage, so he just waved a bit lamely.

"It's nice to meet you, too!" Makoto gushed, "I'm really looking forward to fighting alongside you guys as a Senshi! Are you ready for the big assault tonight?"

Behind her, all the females in the room plus Orion sweatdropped heavily. Makoto felt like kicking herself. Somehow, when Orion had mentioned his men the "Knights," she had assumed that the secondary team was composed ENTIRELY of unreasonably powerful little boys. While children were cute and definitely nice to be around, it didn't have a particularly strong appeal in the face of being suddenly dunked into the Senshi business.

Getting to fight alongside two ultra-hunky young men, on the other hand...Well, suffice to say, if they'd just MENTIONED that there was a benefit package that came with being thrown out to fight monsters, she wouldn't have been so reluctant.

Blushing a bit, Sailor Jupiter turned her head demurely as she fretted with her skirt, which would have looked extremely innocent and maidenly had she been wearing something remotely dignified. "I know it may sound a bit weird coming out when we just met, but you two look just like my old sempai!"

Ranma and Sousuke shared a glance. "Uh... thanks?" The former said. Sousuke said nothing, but translated her change in speaking mannerisms as an "at ease" command and altered his posture accordingly.

Usagi, Ami, and Rei were all busy looking back and forth between Ranma and Sousuke, trying to reconcile that they both resembled the same person. Usagi, who was by far the most avid man-hunter of these three, began to catalog the physical and emotional traits in a way that would have impressed Ami in its organization and efficiency.

Sousuke = bishonen "mature" type. Extremely serious posture and expression. Manly and dependable. Sharply dressed, lean musculature.

Ranma = cute "hero" type. Laid-back, unconventional posture and lazy expression. Fun-loving and protective. Casually dressed with defined, superior musculature.

Usagi's calculation took a mere 1.7 seconds, after which she turned toward Makoto. "So your old sempai is a boy with black hair who's in good shape?"

"Uh... well, no, not really. His hair was brown. But other than that-"

"Right, right," Orion interrupted irritably. As happy as he was that hormones once again worked in the Senshi's favor, they still had work to do. "Moving right along, the sun had already gone down. We should attack now so that we can back in time for you to get plenty of sleep for school." 'I can't believe those words actually came out of my mouth. By sweet Neptune's rings, I miss real war.'

"Right!"

* * *

Poke. Poke.

Ranma's eye twitched. "Yeah. They're real. Now please, stop that."

Sailor Jupiter stopped poking Ranma in her breasts, though she still looked Ranma's female form up and down enviously. She was more well-developed than most girls her age, and some significantly older, but as a girl Ranma was a smoking hottie at least on par with his male form (she couldn't decisively comment on that, as she wasn't interested in girls). She was currently torn between jealousy that a prospective boyfriend had a better bust than she did, and relief that HER magical disguise didn't turn her into a man.

Sousuke lowered his binoculars and turned toward the Senshi forces assembled on the roof.

"There are definite signs that something is wrong. This facility should not be closed off this early in the evening, yet there are no civilians about, nor are there any police. The interior shows signs of activity, but there is nothing to hamper our progress."

Mercury nodded from where she was typing on the Mercury computer. "There IS something wrong. I'm reading some Negaverse energy, but something is interfering with my scans. I can't get a definite reading."

"So we know they're in there, right? And there's no people around?" Usagi asked. "So let's go!"

Sousuke shook his head. "Negative. This is a trap."

Orion nodded in agreement from where he hung back with Luna. "Agreed. They'd need to have an iron cage hanging over this place to make it more obvious. If we go in there, we'll get ambushed."

Mars raised an eyebrow. "Well, as long as we're expecting an ambush, does it really matter?"

"Affirmative," Sousuke said firmly. "It would be unwise to fight this battle on the enemy's terms." He looked out over the section of the city surrounding the mall. "I have a strategy."

He pointed to one of the large parking complexes across from the mall. "I will secure that structure and prepare a trap. The Senshi should hold position on a higher level and converge on the target once the trap has been sprung."

He gestured to Ranma. "Saotome, you and Springfield will assault the mall and then retreat, provoking the enemy into leaving their defenses. You two possess the most mobility and the most versatile combat skills, which should serve you in escaping."

"Got it," Ranma said casually, hands in her pockets. Negi nodded, looking quite a bit more serious about being the bait.

"Very well. Let us begin," Sousuke said firmly.

Negi jumped on his staff and floated up into the air while Ranma leapt off of the building down to the streets. Sousuke, lacking the ability to casually survive such a fall, jumped off the other side and began clambering down the fire escape.

Mars couldn't help but smile at how smoothly things seemed to be running, and tallied up a few points in Sousuke's favor. It was quite refreshing to have a plan BEFORE they found themselves in serious trouble. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

Sailor Mercury sweatdropped. "Uh, I think that would be Sailor Moon, actually." Said heroine was currently stooped over the edge of the building, staring across the street at an ice cream parlor with a huge, glowing neon sign on the front and drooling.

Still, hearing her name snapped her out of it, and the blonde whipped back around. "Huh?

What happened? Where is everyone?"

Mars slapped a hand over her face.

Orion started to say something, but Luna suddenly shot him the nastiest glare he had ever seen before.

"Not ONE word."

He wisely decided to remain silent. No reason to risk his well-being for the sake of sarcasm.

* * *

Zoicite sat back on one of the many vibrating massage chairs put on sale while tapping his fingers on the armrest. Zoicite was never a fan of traps. He tended to be impulsive and got bored easily. Not only that, but waiting for your enemy to come to you where you were best prepared was a defensive strategy, implying that an enemy was too strong for one to attack instead.

Of course, the situation was a bit different here, in that he had no idea where to attack should he have planned an assault. But it still irked him that he was literally sitting around and waiting for his foes to stumble into his clutches.

On the other hand, these massage chairs were DIVINE. He made a mental note to take one of them back to the Negaverse for Kunzite. That big crystal throne of his looked pretty uncomfortable.

Picking up a glass of wine from armrest, he activated a magic link to his youma. "Are there any signs of the enemy yet?"

"No, Lord Zoicite. Not yet."

He sighed and took a sip of wine before speaking again. "And what of that envelope with our profits in it?"

"Er... sorry, Lord. No luck there either."

Zoicite shrugged and cut the connection. The envelope that had been dropped and apparently stolen had contained quite a healthy portion of their revenue - which the Dark Kingdom couldn't care less about - and a very small portion of their energy harvest – which they DID care about, although that amount was nothing compared to what Zoicite had accidentally obtained during the proceeding fiasco. As his youma had nothing to do while waiting for the Senshi to show up, they'd been put to work searching high and low for the missing envelope.

That line of thinking inevitably brought Zoicite to think on the incident from earlier in the day, and he grimaced in disgust. Despite the positive side effects of the interference, a quick check of his stock had revealed that ALL the draining amulets had been contaminated by the strange spell, meaning that he'd have to get a new batch if he wanted to proceed with the same plan elsewhere.

Honestly, he wasn't sure what would happen if he tried using the contaminated amulets again, but he wasn't willing to risk another giant orgy. As beneficial as it was in the long run, such a display was just so... crass and uncivilized. Especially when it happened out in the open in a major commercial area. How undignified.

An explosion from the deeper in the mall snapped him out of his thoughts. "Finally! What took them so long?"

* * *

Tactite coughed out some smoke and staggered backward after being toasted by the barrage of lightning arrows. "Ugh! B-Boss! They're here!"

Ranma clicked her tongue as she looked around at the mall, not bothering to pursue the youma limping away. "Is this the type of traps the Negaverse springs? Sousuke's are WAY more dangerous than this."

Negi stepped forward, and waved his staff briefly as magic energy flared around him, activating his stronger magic barriers in preparation for the battle ahead. Stepping forward together, mage and martial artist both leapt atop the head of the giant plastic robot that dominated the mall interior.

Negi's eyes suddenly widened, and he looked back at the entrance. "The door's closed off," he mumbled quietly.

Ranma nodded. "Can ya bust through it, or do we hafta find another way out?"

"I think I can dispel the barrier... and if not, we can blast through the skylight," Negi reasoned, still keeping his voice low enough so that the youma below couldn't tell they were speaking to each other.

At this point Zoicite emerged from a novelty store off on the side, flanked by a large blue youma with a jet of spiky hair and pointed claws.

Smirking, the Dark General looked up at the intruders, prepared to give the "bad guy" monologue required of him since his plans were working out.

His smirk vanished. "What is this? Where are the Sailor Senshi? Who are these brats?" After taking a moment to observe the two, he recognized the short boy with the staff. "You again? What do you want?"

Neither Ranma nor Negi were predisposed to making speeches, and as both had been expecting the Dark General to spring his trap shut and attack, they found themselves groping for something to say.

"We're here to kick your ass! What did you think we wanted?" Ranma asked, crossing her arms under her chest.

"Cute," the blonde man drawled, "but you're no Senshi, and you're not worth my time. Leave."

With a wave of his hand, Zoicite deactivated the barrier keeping the inhabitants of the mall trapped inside. Normally he would have obliterated the annoying humans and moved on, but the tiny one was capable of a few irritating defensive tricks and could teleport away if he got in a bind; trying to kill him would be more trouble than it was worth, especially if the Senshi showed up while they were occupied.

Ranma and Negi glanced at each other, then they jumped down.

Wham! Tactite, who had recovered from her earlier electrocution, let out a pitiful yelp as a spin kick to her head sent her flying into the stairs.

"Sagitta magica series lucius!" Negi incanted, spheres of energy appearing around him and firing off toward the Dark General in a huge volley of blazing white bolts.

Zoicite frowned and put up a magic barrier as the low-strength magic attacks pelted his shield like rocks against a brick wall. The youma next to him was worse off, as she had to block, but still remained relatively unharmed when the barrage ended.

"So you truly intend to challenge me, then?" Zoicite said tiredly, making sure that his irritation with the current situation was clear. "I've little time to spend swatting gnats, but if you insist on opposing me, I have little choice."

Ranma just smirked. "Yeah, and what're you going to do about it? Lock us in again?" She had to resist snorting. "Is that really your idea of a trap? Waiting until the people who want to destroy you arrive, then lock them in with you and come out to greet them?"

Zoicite sighed. "Well, no, there was one other component that I was planning, though I was saving it for the Senshi, not a couple of human brats playing demon hunter."

Ranma's stance shifted slightly, her guard rising. "Oh yeah? Like what?"

"GRK!"

Ranma whirled around, and her eyes widened as she saw the giant robot from before clutching Negi in one of its blocky, plastic hands. Its other hand hovered right next to Ranma at head level, its middle finger restrained against its palm by the thumb.

THWACK! Ranma grimaced as she was flicked away across the tile floor of the mall. 'A third youma. Yeah. That could do it.' WHAM! As she impacted a wall and formed a body-shaped crater, Ranma reflected that this one was definitely one of the stronger types. Groaning, she pulled herself from the wall unsteadily, glaring at the twenty-foot monster.

Negi struggled relentlessly in the robot-youma's grip, finding that, because the youma WAS made out of plastic, its armor was flexing against his shield while it tried to crush him and wasting a lot of force. Still, his barrier was moments away from dissipating unless he did something fast, or Ranma recovered quickly enough to get to him.

Ranma glanced over to Negi and the giant robot that held him firm, unsure as to what she could do to hurt something that large, or at least get it to weaken its grip.

She DID know it was made out of plastic (getting hit by metal would have hurt a lot more), which meant it was relatively breakable, but the blasted thing likely didn't have any apparent weak points that could be exploited without honking big energy blasts that were the specialty of those individuals not present.

"I'm going to crush you, worm!"

Blinking, Ranma turned to see the youma she had kicked away previously advancing on her from the stairs, claws spread and ready to tear his head off. Turning also happened to alter his field of vision such that he could make out the store behind the charging youma, as well as its wars. As inspiration took hold, Ranma dashed forward, kicking a surprised Tactite in the face, and then using her as a springboard to jump into the shop.

* * *

Zoicite smirked as he walked up to the robot youma and its prisoner. "I saw you with that green-skirted Senshi earlier today, didn't I? Sailor Jupiter, if memory serves; it HAS been a long time since last we met. Tell me: what's your connection with them?"

Negi growled as he continued to struggle against the giant fist that enclosed him, feeling his barriers weaken. "We're all trying to stop YOU, for one!" he said, hoping to buy more time for Ranma (whom Zoicite appeared to be dismissing).

"Well, yes, I'd figured that," Zoicite deadpanned. "But what connection to you have with the Senshi? What reason do you have to oppose us?"

Negi blinked. "You're trying to take over the world and subjugate its people! What other reason do we need?"

The Dark General raised an eyebrow. "Point. However, submission is considerably less painful than resistance. You may wish to reconsider your position."

"Rgh! We'll never give in to you!" Negi seemed to struggle harder as his barrier faded, and the pressure against his arms and shoulders swiftly increased.

Zoicite shrugged. "Your choice. You possess powerful magic for one so young. Are there many humans capable of-"

"Aaah!"

Zoicite turned lazily at hearing Tactite cry out in surprise, and raised his hand as he saw the youma hurtling toward him, apparently the victim of a Judo throw.

BWOOM! A vave of force blasted out from Zoicite's hand, blasting into the sorely beaten youma and killing her momentum from Ranma. Absolved of her forward momentum, gravity took up the slack, and she fell onto the floor in a heap. By the time Zoicite turned back to Negi, a red blur had dashed up to the robot youma and then leapt onto the arm that was holding Negi.

The blonde general couldn't help but blink when he saw that the redheaded human was holding some sort of machine in her hands. Of course, not being particularly knowledgeable about human machines, much less gardening tools, he didn't quite know what it was at first glance.

Vrhm! Vrhm!

Negi's eyes widened as Ranma balanced on the bicep portion of the robot's arm, tugging hard on the cord of an unreasonably large chainsaw.

Vrhm! VR-R-R-RRRRRRRR! When the chain started up and the entire machine started shaking from the engine, Ranma set to work and jammed the tip of the blade into the robot youma's elbow joint, causing the entire limb to rattle as little chunks of plastic began to spray from the point of contact.

The robot youma wasn't about to take this abuse lying down, and moved it other arm to swat the annoying little girl off of its arm. It's hand stopped short as its blocky fingers groped the air wildly, just out of reach of its assailant.

As it so happens, the robot body possessed by the youma hadn't been designed with maximum flexibility in mind, and as such its thick, blocky armor plating sorely restricted its articulation.

BZTZTZTZTSSSS! Ranma let herself smirk as she finished cleaving entirely through the robot's elbow joint, leaving the forearm to fall limply to the ground, its hand spilling open to allow Negi to roll out.

Blam! Unfortunately, her smug moment cost her, as Zoicite sniped her with a blast of dark energy that obliterated the chainsaw and knocked her onto the ground.

Ranma coughed painfully, then rolled just as the robot youma tried to stomp on her. "Well, I've had enough. Let's get outta here!" Seeing Negi was still looking a bit dizzy from having his oxygen restricted, she rushed over and slung the wizard over her shoulder and grabbed his staff.

Jumping back, Ranma barely avoided another blast of dark energy before having to dodge a clumsy kick from the robot youma. Sticking her tongue out at Zoicite, Ranma turned and ran for the front door at full speed.

Zoicite grit his teeth as he hurled blast after blast at the fleeing humans, only to see each one dodged before the redheaded girl smashed through the doors and escaped outside.

Fuming, Zoicite jabbed a finger toward the door. "What are you idiots standing around for?

After them! I will not allow these humans to make a fool of me again!" He declared.

"Do I HAVE to?" Tactite whined miserably, still feeling sore from Zoicite's earlier "help" in keeping him grounded.

As the harvester youma ducked a black bolt of lightning, she decided that whatever death awaited her outside couldn't be much more painful and humiliating than being destroyed by Zoicite's hand, and moved to follow her partner youma and their partially dismembered guardian, the robot youma.

* * *

Tuxedo Kamen stood atop a street light, perfectly balanced along the height of the neck's gentle arch as he surveyed the mall in front of him. His cape billowed out behind him dramatically, and his arms were crossed in front of him stoically, the very picture of an aloof warrior awaiting a target.

He was bored out of his skull.

For some reason, though he sensed danger, he had sighted the Senshi hiding safely atop one of the parking garage towers instead of fighting the enemy in the mall. He didn't really know what to make of that; they had to know about the Negaverse threat, or they wouldn't be out here, but if they did know about it, why were they sitting around talking instead of rushing out into battle?

He didn't know, and since he didn't want to reveal his presence in such a mundane and non-awesome manner as approaching to ask them a perfectly sensible question, he had no choice but to find a suitable observation point until they were in enough danger to warrant his heroic appearance.

So he was really bored, as the Senshi didn't appear to be moving from their hiding spot, and he really didn't feel like bursting into the mall to try and fight whatever threat was there himself. Especially when the Senshi wouldn't even be there to see it. That was just common sense.

In his vigilance, Kamen was quick to notice a lovely and very well-endowed redheaded girl burst from the front doors of the mall with a dazed little boy over her shoulder and a long wooden staff in her hand. The sight of seeing those same doors explode outward in an explosion of dark energy was of some concern as well.

Still, there wasn't really anything for Tuxedo Kamen to do about it until a giant robot with one arm cut off at the elbow smashed through the doors (and much of the wall above them), being followed by two youma.

Kamen clicked his tongue. It would have been nice if he had the opportunity to save the Senshi rather than some random youma victim, but nonetheless there was a young woman in dire need of rescue, and he would answer the call! Gathering a trio of roses between his fingers, Tuxedo Mask jumped down from the street light.

Fwip! Fwip! Thunk!

Ranma stopped in her tracks as she caught sight of projectiles being thrown out of the corner of her eye, and turned around as she saw... red roses fly into the flank of the oncoming youma, nailing each one in the thigh.

The two harvester youma staggered to a halt in pain, grasping the roses and tearing them out while searching angrily for the source. The robot youma wasn't affected in the slightest by the tiny dart sticking out of its leg armor, but stopped anyway because everybody else was doing it.

"Fear not young lady, for where evil lurks I-" Tuxedo Kamen began before being hotly interrupted.

"Hey! Mind your own business, jerk!" Ranma shouted, shaking her fist at the formally clad newcomer. Frowning, she put Negi down before turning toward the youma who were glaring at Kamen. "Hey, are you guys all right?"

Tactite growled. "We'll be fine. Just a scratch."

Ranma nodded, ignoring the masked man who was gaping a few meters away. "Think you're up to chasing us into that parking garage over there?"

The robot youma raised its remaining hand and gave her a thumbs-up.

"Good. Not that you'll ever catch us or anything." Blowing the monsters a raspberry, Ranma took off once again toward the garage, with Negi jumping on his staff and following at low altitude. The youma snarled viciously (well, except for the robot youma, who seemed to be mute) and charged after the pair.

Tuxedo Kamen watched them go, completely forgotten. Then he turned back toward the mall, watching as some blonde-haired man in a gray uniform emerged from the shattered entrance and stalked after the monsters. The man caught sight of Tuxedo Kamen, stared at him curiously for a moment, and then shrugged and continued on his way, dismissing the masked man.

"... Why do I feel like I'm missing something important, here?" Kamen wondered as he walked off, feeling rather dejected.

* * *

"Okay, so level with me, here," Sailor Jupiter said seriously from where the Senshi crouched beneath the barrier wall on the edge of the open-air garage tower. "What's the breakdown between the Knights and the Senshi?"

The others blinked. "What do you mean by that?" Mercury asked before Moon or Mars could do the same.

Jupiter frowned. "There's three of you, and two perfectly eligible specimens that are supposed to protect you. Three, if somebody here likes 'em that young. I'm not judging, here. I just want to know who's dating who and who's available."

Mercury blanched, more at the casual reference to pedophilia than the sudden introduction of the topic at hand. "W-Well, we're really not-"

She was silenced as Sailor Moon placed a hand over her mouth. "They're taken," she said quickly, hoping the new Senshi didn't press the issue.

"Since when?" Mars said suddenly, shattering any hope, Sailor Moon had that the issue could be safely put aside until she'd made her move on one of their hunky guardians. "You're not dating either of them!"

"Ah ha! So they're available?" Jupiter said happily.

"Whoa, whoa, slow down there!" Sailor Mars said as she shifted her attention to the taller Senshi. "You can't just swoop in and grab one! You don't know these guys like we do!"

Mercury shifted her head slightly so that Sailor Moon wasn't impeding her speech. "We've only known them for a few d-" she was silenced when Mars too clamped a hand over her mouth.

Jupiter just smirked. "So from what I can gather, you're all interested but you haven't made a move yet, huh?"

Sailor Mercury would have blushed and stuttered at this accusation, but with two gloved hands over her face, she had to devote most of her concentration to breathing.

Sailor Mars fumed. She had been planning to wait longer to get to know the Knights better or until they decided to ask her out themselves, but it looked like the new girl was running a different kind of race. "Well... yeah. Fine, you can have Sousuke. That guy's a nutcase anyway. But I have dibs on Ranma."

"Ranma's off-limits. Got it."

"HEY!" Sailor Moon shouted at Mars. "Ranma's MY sensei! You can't have him!"

Mercury would have objected to the idea of divvying up the Knights like pieces of meat, but was having serious trouble extracting her jaw from the combined grip of Sailors Moon and Mars.

"He's OUR sensei too, Moon. Besides, I called dibs," Mars said matter-of-factly. "You can try and argue with Jupiter over Sousuke, or you'll have to settle for Negi."

Sailor Moon began to sweat. Settle for Negi? It would be at least four years until he'd reach "dateable" age, and even then, she'd be eighteen when he was fourteen! She'd be accused of being a pedophile anyway! But without that option, it was left to fighting with Mars for Ranma, or fighting Jupiter for Sousuke. Ranma or Sousuke? Mars or Jupiter?

She gripped her free hand into a fist and drove it into the air. "I can't decide! I must have them both!"

* * *

Orion cocked his head to one side from where he was observing the argument with Luna, and then opened his mouth to say something.

"Ah-ah-ah! NO!" Luna hissed. "Keep your smug little criticisms to yourself! Just shut up!"

The tomcat rolled his eyes, but said nothing.

* * *

Tactite and Halatite crept into the ground floor of the parking complex warily, their claws twitching in irritation as they sought out their prey. Actually, it wouldn't be accurate to say that they were seeking prey. Neither of the youma could shake the impending feeling of doom that had settled over them once they left the mall.

As ridiculous as the idea seemed, they couldn't help but wonder if they were the hunters or the hunted. Tactite was especially nervous, having already been walloped by the two humans they were chasing. By all appearances they could have finished her off easily if Zoicite hadn't shown up.

Splish, Splash.

With all the tension in the air, it's really no wonder that neither youma found all the water on the floor odd, even though it hadn't rained recently and the garage had no sprinkler system or anything of that sort. Catching sight of some movement in the shadows, Halatite turned and sped through the vast puddle toward that area, not noticing the tripwire extended between two columns as she moved between them.

Twang! The youma blinked and looked down to see a thin, barely visible metal wire impeding her leg. Then she looked up to see a thick, black electric cable fall loose from the ceiling and down toward the floor.

* * *

Orion's ears perked up as he heard distant screams of pain, and he nodded decisively as the lights mounted on the corners of the top level of the parking garage flickered erratically.

"That's the signal! Time to go!" He said, jumping up and ready to go.

"Well, you CAN'T have them both! God, you're as greedy with men as you are with food!"

Sailor Mars said angrily.

"Hello? Girls! Time to go!"

Sailor Moon fumed. "And you're mean and crabby! Why would Ranma choose you over a nice girl like me, anyway?"

A vein popped up on Mars' head. "Because I'm not a whiny crybaby, that's why!"

"I'm NOT a crybaby!" Moon said, sniffling.

"Dammit, now is not the time for this!" Orion shouted. "Get up! Move out! Now!"

"So I'm all clear to have Sousuke, right?" Jupiter said, not taking Sailor Moon's declaration nearly so seriously.

"Hmmphrhmg," said Sailor Mercury, her mouth still restrained.

"Why would you even want that nutjob?" Mars chided, switching tracks in a heartbeat. "Sure, he's cute, and that ultra-serious expression makes him seem real mature, but the guy's crazy!

He got me kicked out of school!"

"You can't prove that!" Sailor Moon said firmly, defending her bodyguard. "You're just throwing out accusations!"

"He didn't directly deny it, though! Besides, he blew up the airport!"

Jupiter raised an eyebrow. "So? Did you have a trip planned or something?"

"That's not the point!"

Orion's eyebrow twitched, and his tail bristled. Finally, he turned to his feline companion.

"Luna... you suck."

She rolled her eyes. "Oh, get over it."

"Sousuke-kun is strong, dependable, and he suffers a lot to protect us!" Sailor Moon insisted.

"Yeah, mostly suffering from your stealing his lunch," Mars mumbled.

Moon went red. "It was only that one time!" And it would probably never happen again.

Sousuke's food was AWFUL.

"MMPH! RRGNMPH!" Said Mercury, her arms flailing. Jupiter noted that the genius Senshi seemed to be in some distress, but was busy taking notes. "Strong... dependable... protective... does anybody know his taste in music, or favorite movie?"

"RGLMMPH! HRMGPH!"

Sailor Mars finally noticed that Sailor Mercury was panicking and removed her hand, taking Sailor Moon's hand off as well. "And just WHAT is your problem?"

Mercury immediately began panting for breath, but raised her hand to point behind the others.

They all turned to look.

Zoicite hovered in the air above them, his foot moving up and down in imitation of someone tapping the floor impatiently. "Am I interrupting something?"

Sailor Moon gulped. "Yeah. Kind of. Could you come back later?"

The blonde man gritted his teeth. "NO. If you brats are too busy with your 'girl talk' to fall into my trap, then my trap will simply have to fall into you."

Right after he said that, a giant, plastic hand rose up from below the outer wall and gripped onto it hard enough for cracks to appear in the concrete. Then, with some obvious strain, an armored head appeared and slowly rose as the youma climbed to the top of the garage tower.

The Senshi would have gasped in surprise, but were caught off-guard when they saw that the other arm was a stump that ended at the elbow. Although this didn't make a twenty-foot youma much less dangerous, it did make it look significantly ridiculous that it killed any intimidation factor the creature would have had otherwise.

Sailor Moon was about to point at the severed arm and ask what happened, when she felt something scratching lightly at her calf. Leaning down when she noticed Orion gesturing toward her, she listened carefully as he whispered into her ear, and then shrugged and stood up again.

"Moon... tiara... ACTION!" She said, turning her accessory into a magical chakram and hurling it at the enemy.

Just as the robot youma was raising one leg up over the barrier, Moon's tiara hit her remaining arm, severing it mid-forearm. The youma immediately began to fall backward, wind milling her useless stumps comically to try to retain her balance before falling.

There was a brief sound of rushing wind, followed by a muted Whump!

"And THAT'S why you let the enemy walk to your traps, and not the other way around," Orion chided, jabbing a paw condescendingly at the ponytailed general.

Zoicite fumed angrily, his hands balling into fists. "Bah! No wonder Nephrite was tasked to crush you pests! Killing annoying vermin is hardly beneath a fool like him." He idly swept a hand through his hair in irritation. "I have better things to do than swat insects. Farewell."

Jupiter bristled. "Who's an insect? Jupiter thunder crash!"

Much to her annoyance, the lightning bolt merely passed through him as his image slowly faded away into nothingness. "Damn! He talks pretty big for a coward."

Sailor Moon nodded, and smiled down at Orion. "These youma battles have been a LOT easier with you guys around!"

"With all due respect Sailor Moon, the battle isn't actually over yet," Orion groused.

"Huh? What do you mean?"

BOOM! The Senshi all jumped as an explosion detonated from below them, causing the entire structure to tremble slightly.

"Oh. Right. The traps and stuff," Mars said, flushing in embarrassment. "Yeah, we should go help with that."

Sailor Jupiter smacked a fist into her palm. "All right! Let's do this!"

* * *

Ranma coughed a bit as a wave of dust blew into her face, and waved the dirt away. "You know, Sousuke didn't tell us how many traps were down here..." She and Negi were currently waiting on the ramp leading up to the second floor of the garage, having stealthily skipped to the second floor when Sousuke signaled them from a distance. The mercenary had already vanished, but had left them with orders to hold position at the access ramp.

Negi mumbled a few words in latin, and suddenly the head of his staff began to glow. Ranma nodded approvingly; the lights had gone out immediately after the explosion, leaving only the moonlight and the light from the scattered fires to illuminate the garage interior. Having Negi's staff glow would mean that they were giving themselves away to the enemy, but at this point neither of them were interested in stealth.

Wheezing grunts emanated from within the dark cloud of settling debris, and Ranma started tapping her foot impatiently as the two badly burnt youma staggered forward into the light.

"'Bout time you got here. Hey, didn't you used to have two arms?" She asked, pointing to the larger blue one.

Halatite snarled and summoned her weapon to her - an oversized bottle of perfume – and stepped forward, girding herself for battle. Tactite was less enthusiastic about the oncoming fight, but summoned several several small diamond rings around her fingers (in keeping with the mall theme).

Ranma moved into a fighting stance. Negi leveled his staff at the youma and began an incantation.

Boom! Boom! Boom! Both sides were severely startled as several shaped charges exploded above the advancing youma. Watching the series of detonations, Ranma could see that the bombs had been placed in a ring about five meters across.

Crack! The youma realized that too, although they didn't realize the significance until the circle of concrete actually started falling. Thwump! "EEEEEEK!"

Ranma blinked as he realized that the cry of surprise hadn't come from the youma. Sailor Moon had evidently been standing within the concrete circle at the time the trap had been sprung, and was now sprawled out on top of chunk of debris (which itself was on top of the youma).

Sailor Mars' face appeared over the hole in the ceiling. "Dammit Moon! When the floor starts exploding, don't freeze up like that! It's just common sense!"

Before the ponytailed girl could offer a retort, she felt the chunk of concrete she was clinging to shift suddenly, and then yelped as it suddenly rose from the herculean efforts of the youma trapped below it.

Huffing terribly, the pair of harvesters reared back and heaved the hunk of debris forward, aiming to smash it into Ranma and Negi. Ranma wasted no time, being more concerned with Sailor Moon than avoiding such a clumsy projectile. She leapt straight toward the circle of concrete, grabbed Moon around the waist, and then rebounded off of it to the side.

Negi swept his staff up as the projectile closed the distance. "Flans barrieas aerialis!" A sudden gust of wind enveloped him, swinging upwards into the concrete and flinging it out of the way.

Halatite raised her spray bottle and released a cloud of paralyzing gas at the child wizard, only to find out a) his wind barrier was still active, and b) barriers of that time were darn good at warding off gas attacks. The blue youma blinked painfully as her own gas blasted into her, momentarily blinding her (she didn't need to breathe, so the gas's intended function did not affect her).

"Mars fire ignite!" Fwoosh! The red-skirted Senshi grinned as she blasted took advantage of the youma's distraction to snipe it from above, sending it hurtling to the side. Tactite was debating her own choice of targets (it was AMAZING how quickly that list had grown) when a Senshi in a green skirt jumped down through the hole in the ceiling and kicked her in the head.

Staggering backward, she flung one hand out, releasing several diamond rings off her fingers. Jupiter was fairly confused by this attack, but tried to swat the projectiles away rather than risking getting hit. She succeeded with four out of the five, but when her hand struck the fifth one, instead of bouncing it away to the ground it sudden grew wide and looped around both her wrists before suddenly tightening, binding her hands together.

Tactite grinned at the girl's shocked expression, and then dashed forward to slash at her with her claws.

Bwack! She was greatly dismayed when Jupiter merely brought her arms up to block the attack, using the binding ring to block her claws. After deflecting the strike, she then smashed her arms into the youma's face, impacting with the ring around her wrists.

Tactite staggered backward again, and paled when she saw electricity gather in Jupiter's hands.

"Jupiter thunder crash!" KRACKA-BOOM! "Yes! I finally hit someone with that attack!"

* * *

As she watched the fight starting to heat up, Ranma anxiously turned to the girl held in her arms. "Uh... shouldn't we get back to the battle?"

"Mmmmmm... nah, they're doing fine," Sailor Moon said, snuggling herself against Ranma's broad, muscular chest...

Well, actually, Ranma was a girl at the moment, and as a girl her chest was only broad if one was looking at a profile view. But despite the pillowy softness (which certainly felt good in its own way), she was doing a pretty good job of imagining she was in the arms of Ranma's studly male form.

"But I really think we should be helping anyway..." Ranma mumbled. This was the sort of thing that Orion was always complaining about the Senshi doing in battle, and she didn't want her boss/pet to get angry at her. He was already working her into the ground and making him fight monsters for free; she didn't want to know what he'd do in terms of discipline.

Usagi ignored her and sighed contentedly until they were both startled out their thoughts by a loud stomping noise. Ranma turned to face one of the side entrances to the garage, and then blinked as he saw the robot youma from before, now minus both arms, crouch down and started to creep into the parking garage while still in a crouch.

She sweatdropped. "What does that thing think it's going to do in here? And without any arms, yet?"

Ranma's question was answered as the shoulder pads of the robot youma suddenly popped open, revealing clusters of missiles.

"Ah. I see." She looked down at Sailor Moon. "Hold on tight."

Sailor Moon nodded mutely, resting her head in the crook of Ranma's neck. As if she needed to be told that.

* * *

"GANGWAY!"

Halatite was plowed over as Ranma suddenly burst into the open and shouldered her aside, Sailor Moon hanging in her arms. Tactite was far enough away not to get trampled, and used the sudden distraction of the Senshi and wizard who were taking turns zapping her to summon a number of rings around her body for protection when the fighting started up again.

A loud roar heralded a sudden barrage of fake-looking missiles from where Ranma and Sailor Moon had emerged. It soon became apparent that, despite looking as if they were made from plastic as well, the explosions were real, and the Senshi scattered as the garage interior was suddenly torn apart in bursts of flame and debris.

Negi stood firm in front of Sailor Mercury, his wind barrier deflecting the missiles that headed his way to send them spiraling elsewhere. He and the girl behind him got off the most lightly, barely having been scratched by the shrapnel from the detonations.

Halatite, who had been right in the path of the missiles, slowly stood up and began to pat herself all around her body with her remaining arm. "Hey! I'm all right!" Indeed, being flattened on the ground as she was had protected her from most of the damage as the missiles flew past or exploded around her.

Crack! Crack! Looking up, she noticed that a portion of the ceiling had been struck with a missile, and it seemed that a crucial piece of rebar was just on the verge of snapping off. Her eye twitched.

Crash! Smash! Crunch!

Jupiter finally managed to get her hands free of the golden ring (she'd regretfully watched it vanish afterward; that had been a BIG diamond) and stood up to face the ring youma again.

"Jupiter thunder crash!" To her surprise, instead of electrocuting the creature again, this time one of the rings around her body took the blast, with arcs of electricity curling around it. That ring then slipped onto the youma's arm, at which point she threw it at Jupiter, giving the oversized jewelry the look of an electrical chakram. Clang! The ring never reached Jupiter, as Sailor Moon's tiara suddenly collided with it in midair, disintegrating it.

A moment later Tactite was staggering backward again from a roundhouse kick to the head. She tried to claw at the pigtailed girl assaulting her, but merely had her hands batted away for her trouble as she felt her limbs and face pounded at high speed.

"Whoa. He IS good," Jupiter murmured, a bit awe-struck. She was finding hand-to-hand combat in her current powered-up status a bit awkward, since she wasn't used to having this much strength behind her blows, and was wasting a lot of power as a result. This girl... er... man disguised as a girl, though... she wielded at least the same strength more expertly than Makoto Kino ever seen.

"Hey! Jupiter! The robot's yours!" Sailor Mars shouted, running past her to join Ranma in the fight.

Blinking in surprise, Jupiter turned to stare at the giant, plastic-armored machine slowly creeping through the garage at a crouch. "Man, talk about an easy target. Jupiter thunder crash!"

Throwing her hands forward, lightning shot forward to spear the possessed decoration straight through the chest. Jupiter was quite nonplussed to see the lighting dissipate quickly, doing little more than charring the armor. "Hey! What's the deal? I thought robots were weak against electricity or something!"

Mercury winced. "It might be, except that plastic doesn't conduct electricity very well."

"Then what are we supposed to do to it?" Negi asked worriedly. His wind attacks would be next to useless against the behemoth, and his most powerful attack spells were lightning based.

Mercury had already confessed to her primary attack being next to useless unless they needed a screen to escape or buy time as well. Before the genius Senshi could offer up any suggestions, Sousuke suddenly walked out from between the robot youma's bent legs, calmly walking toward the others that weren't currently engaged in beating Tactite.

The robot youma halted as she saw Sousuke walk right under her, and then tried to scoot along faster after him, only to get caught between two pillars and get stuck. Sousuke appeared not to notice as he walked toward Jupiter calmly, removing his gas mask

that he was now wearing consistently in battle. "Do not worry. The situation is under control."

"Sousuke-kun!" Sailor Jupiter chirped, "What were you doing back there?"

"Planting a bomb," the mercenary said simply.

The robot youma suddenly stopped her struggling, and then slowly rotated her head 180 degrees to look down her own back. A rather conspicuous gray block with a piece of metal jammed in it was attached to her waist.

As the remains her arms wiggled uselessly, the youma determined that she would find great difficulty in removing the item without help. As her head swiveled back around, she watched the boy in fatigues remove a small remote detonator from his leg pocket.

It was times like these that she really wished her possessed form could talk. Is the ability to loudly curse your enemies before you died really that much to ask for?

* * *

(A few moments earlier)

Sailor Mars got in her attack pose as Ranma relentlessly battered the badly charred youma, charging up her attack for release. "Say, Ranma, we don't really know each other very well, do we?"

Ranma blinked as she ducked a ring-chakram that the youma kept waving at her to try and ward her off. "No, I guess we don't!" Wham!

Sailor Mars smiled, still holding position for the attack. "Well, I was just thinking that it might - Mars fire ignite!"

FWOOSH! "AAAARGH! My hair! My hair is on fire!"

"It might be nice if we took an evening to get to know each other better, you know? Maybe over dinner? Just the two of us?" She finished without paying much attention to the youma running around flailing her arms.

Ranma rushed up to youma and kicked her legs out, knocking her onto the ground. "Uh... is now really the time to be making plans like that?" She asked, idly wondering why Rei would want to get to know him better but not the other Knights.

"Well, no," Mars admitted, wishing that she could ask the question while Ranma was male and her friends weren't around. But haste had suddenly become necessary. "Anyway what do you - Mars fire ignite! - What do you say? Meet me at my place tommorrow at seven?"

Ranma backed off as Tactite was completely engulfed by flames, scratching her head. "Well, I guess-"

Vwooom! Sailor Moon's tiara suddenly flew between the two, nailing the youma in the chest and disintegrating it.

Ranma and Sailor Mars looked surprised at seeing the attack shoot out of nowhere, and they seemed equally surprised when Sailor Moon also appeared out of nowhere, glomping onto Ranma.

"Ranma! You promised to train me some more in the hashi-jutsu tomorrow! You aren't canceling with me, are you?" Sailor Moon whined, her eyes wide and shining with unshed tears.

From where Mars was standing, the effect was somewhat ruined by the way the blonde's hand snaked out behind Ranma and snagged the tiara out of the air on the return trip, but Ranma didn't see it.

"I... I did? Oh. I guess I did," the redhead mumbled awkwardly. Somewhere in the back of her mind she just KNEW that she hadn't promised her such a thing, but somehow that just didn't seem important when he looked into her eyes like this...

"OH NO YOU DON'T!" Sailor Mars shouted, ripping Ranma free from her leader's grasp and shoving the redhead behind her. "Back off, Moon! He's going out with ME!"

"No, he's training ME!" Sailor Moon shot back as an arc of lightning crackled between them.

"Uh... girls?" Ranma tried to remind them, wondering just what the hell was going on with these two. She'd gotten the feeling that Usagi and Rei were normally at odds with varying degrees of seriousness, but she had no idea how she had been brought into it. "The youma?

Remember? We're in a fight here."

"I got the youma," Sailor Moon said evenly as her and Mars' eyes narrowed.

"What about the robot youma?" Ranma offered.

KA-KROOOM!

Ranma winced and covered her head as the entire garage shook once more, raining down little bits of debris over her. The giant robot's head bounced past, much of it blackened to the point of being unrecognizeable.

The redhead sighed. "Okay, fine. Go back to your arguing." To his unease, the girls didn't seem to notice the explosion, having stood perfectly still while glaring at each other.

"Commander Moon!" Sousuke said sharply, saluting as Jupiter, Mercury and Negi came up behind him. Everyone except Sailors Moon and Mars sweatdropped. "This area is secure! Permission to demolish this structure!"

"Sure. Go ahead," Sailor Moon mumbled, not breaking off from her staring contest.

"Whoa, whoa, why do you need to destroy this place?" Ranma asked, though he was far more concerned about the expense of the bombs than he was about the expense of the parking garage (as he wouldn't have to replace the garage).

"It is advisable to never leave an enemy stronghold intact," Sousuke explained, indulging his fellow warrior's lack of military training and strategies.

Sailor Mercury frowned. "But... if anything, wouldn't this be OUR stronghold? At least in the context of this mission?"

Sousuke was silent for several moments. "Understood. Commander Moon! Permission to secure the mall area!"

Ranma took Sousuke by the shoulder. "Maybe we should just go home, okay? We've done enough damage for-"

"GRRRAAAAAAAAAUGH!"

The Senshi forces all jumped in surprise as a pained growl tore through the air, and they stared as a pile of rubble suddenly shook and then burst open, revealing the blue youma from before.

"You think a little concussion is going to stop me, you filthy humans?!" Halatite roared. "I'll teach... you... to oppose... um..."

The lone, wounded youma trailed off as it looked around at all the humans who seemed quite unhappy to see her again.

Sousuke withdrew a shotgun that had been holstered on his thigh. "It would appear I was incorrect about this area being secure." He pulled down his gas mask again. "I am moving to correct my error." Ch-Chak!

"You have fun with that," Sailor Moon said, still refusing to take her eyes away from Mars.

"Er... now wait a minute. Is violence really the way to-" BLAM! Thwack! "AAARGH! My face! You shot me in the face, you-" BZZZRT! Kra-koom! BLAM! BLAM! "URK! Oh Metallia! It hurts! It hurts so much!" Wham! Wham! Thud! KRACKA-BOOM!


	15. Introspection

Luna sweatdropped as Usagi paced the length of her room repeatedly, mumbling to herself and rubbing her chin thoughtfully. It made for an odd sight, and not just because she looked ridiculous in a "serious thinker" pose while in bright pink pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers. The only time Luna, or for that matter, ANYONE saw Usagi take something this seriously, it was when the issue had to do with food.

Under normal circumstances, the kind of stress that would warrant this level of concentration broke Usagi down into a crying fit within mere seconds. Yet here she was, looking as if she was trying to plan the invasion of Normandy.

"Should I start dating Ranma or Sousuke?" She mumbled aloud for the ninth time that night. "Sousuke is just so mature and dependable all the time, but he does seem a little uptight. Ranma's more of a fun-loving type, but seems a little thoughtless. Also, I'd have to compete with him for food." She couldn't help but frown at that last thought. She wanted a man who would lavish her with goodies, not snatch them off her plate.

Luna groaned irritably from where she sat on Usagi's bed. "Has it occurred to you that you have practically nothing in common with either of them?"

"Yes," Usagi said immediately, not pausing in her pacing. In her book, being completely dissimilar from her was a plus; she didn't have many qualities or hobbies that she found attractive in men. "Though again, me and Ranma have the same eating habits. I really don't think I have any common ground at ALL with Sousuke."

She stopped pacing and looked up at the ceiling. "When you get right down to it, being Ranma's student in the hashi-jutsu is a great way to get close to him. On the other hand, Sousuke actually takes orders from me. All I'd need to do was tell him to take me to a movie and he'd do it as my bodyguard."

Luna twitched. "Bodyguard my tail. That boy is putting you in danger, not the other way around. Rei's right about him. The fool has no sense of discretion and is a complete MANIAC with those explosives!"

"Hmmmm..." to Luna's shock, Usagi seemed to actually be considering her statement. "And what about Ranma?"

"Er... well, the boy's too sure of himself. His arrogance is going to get him killed, mark my words," Luna said hesitantly, seriously wondering why Usagi was listening to her all of a sudden. And on the subject of MEN, of all things! She hadn't been on a date for years even before she was thrown into stasis! "Also, you know, he changes into a girl."

Usagi blinked at that. "So? It's just a disguise. It's not like he cares that I run around the city in an ice skating uniform."

"Yes he does. He and Orion were making fun of the uniforms the whole way back from the mall. Kept asking Mercury if she ever got cold running around at night in a skirt that short and throwing ice water around..." much to the moon cat's frustration, Usagi was pacing again and wasn't listening to her.

"Also, Sousuke's really polite all the time, but sometimes he's a little TOO formal. Ranma usually drops to a first-name basis with anybody whose name he remembers, which makes him easier to talk to, but a lot of older people are always scowling at him and stuff." She frowned deeply and then stopped again. "Ah! And what about the long term? Ranma's just a gym teacher! He can't support a very big family on that kind of salary! Especially when Orion takes it all to pay for Sousuke's bombs!"

"Isn't it of more concern that his qualifications as a gym teacher are all fake and he has no education to speak of if he needs to get a new job?" Luna deadpanned.

Usagi gasped and brought her hands to her mouth. "And what about Sousuke? He's a mercenary! What if he gets sent on a really dangerous mission and gets killed or captured?"

Luna turned away, mumbling, "I'd be more concerned about him bringing work home with him..." She'd gotten a glimpse of the Knight's apartment. She was quite certain most third world armies didn't have as many guns as Sousuke had stuffed in the coat closet.

"But on the other hand, if Sousuke never really finishes bodyguarding me, maybe he can just protect me after we're married and keep getting paid for it?" The ponytailed girl wondered, sitting down on the edge of her bed. "Then again, why can't Ranma do the same thing? He can protect me just as well as Sousuke can; he just needs to find someone to pay him, right?"

"I am officially washing my paws of this conversation," Luna said irritably as she walked to the head of the bed and curled up next to a pillow. "Honestly, you have enough trouble getting up in the morning as it is, and here you are at ten o'clock at night obsessing over those hotheaded maniacs that Orion managed to drag..."

As Luna's mumbled rant continued to drag on, she missed the annoyed expression that crossed Usagi's face, and didn't notice when the ponytailed girl quickly picked something up off her dresser and then sneaked over to her.

"... Not to mention he actually wanted to destroy the bloody mall! After all the youma were dead! And the reporters have the nerve to claim that the Senshi are careless with proper-Gwah?" She let out a brief, startled noise as her owner suddenly pressed an adhesive bandage over the crescent moon on her forehead, suddenly robbing her of her sensibilities and her speech.

"What was that, Luna?" Usagi asked sweetly, smiling brightly.

"Meow? Mew!" Luna said briefly before curling up into a ball and drifting off to sleep.

"Much better," the blonde murmured, quickly going back to her pacing. "Now where was I? ... Huh. If Ranma can change into a girl, does that mean we could go clothes shopping together?"

* * *

Several miles away, a different, if not firmly related scenario was taking place in the Cherry

Hill temple belonging to the Hino family. Rei had no reason to be indecisive, as she had already effectively "made her move," and had never seriously considered dating Sousuke in the first place. Besides the fact that the boy seemed quite unhinged and rather obsessive with his military take on... pretty much everything, he also saw her as a "mission objective," which just didn't sit well with the shrine maiden.

Though honestly, if one were to ask her, she'd insist that Ranma wasn't really her type either. The martial artist was cocky, brash, and a bit chauvinistic as well, even if he didn't throw it in anybody's face like some men did. He clearly wasn't well-versed in social etiquette, showed no desire to learn, and had left his pitiful excuse for an education without making any plans to return and finish. Just why would she be interested in him in the first place?

Well, okay, fine. He was hot. And interesting. And cool. And the way that he ran up and grappled that ugly monster tonight so that it wouldn't get the chance to attack her turned her on something fierce. Rei Hino wasn't someone who patterned herself after the "damsel in distress" stereotype, but that didn't mean she couldn't appreciate a Knight in shining armor.

The proximity of their "secret lives," which they could freely divulge to each other, was another bonus, as she had the perfect excuse to spend lots of time with him, and wouldn't encounter any trouble trying to hide her activities as a Senshi.

The problem that Rei was really struggling with that she was far more self-conscious than Usagi. The leader of the Senshi was the type of girl who could exude innocence and shamelessness at the same time, and held nothing back. Rei held lots of things back, and the most unrestrained aspect of her personality was, embarrassingly enough, her temper.

Ranma may not have too much to offer her as a boyfriend, but what did she have to offer him? This line of thinking was what brought Rei into the shrine of the sacred fire at this late hour of the night. She wasn't planning on doing an actual fire reading, but the meditative process helped her relax. She had been on a few dates before, and turned down more than a few requests for such, which was more than most girls her age could claim, but for some reason she was nervous about going out with Ranma. He just seemed so... different from most other guys.

For one thing, she had eventually admitted that he, and Sousuke as well, she grudgingly confessed, were not lechers. In fact, she was fairly sure there were eunuchs more perverted than the Senshi's two teenage guardians. Despite the Senshi jumping around relentlessly in battle, not once had she caught either of them glancing at any of the countless, unavoidable panty shots. At no time did their eyes seem to move below the Senshi's faces to their toned, nubile bodies. Their long, graceful legs, fully exposed for men's viewing pleasure, hadn't invoked even a few seconds of interested stares. It's like they were more interested in fighting than girls or something.

Regardless, she had to seriously consider that she might have to work to evoke any... "physical" interest from her potential boyfriend. The thought was... strange. Not inherently repellant, but mildly frustrating and exciting at the same time.

As she continued her calm speculation, she sunk further into her meditative trance, barely noticing as the flames before her suddenly flared brilliantly. She blinked slowly, gradually letting her mind return to the present as a scene in the flames began to materialize. 'That's odd. I wasn't doing a fire reading, I was just thinking... about... Ranma. Hmmmm...' she gulped nervously as the image crystallized, leaning forward in anticipation.

Soon Rei gasped and flinched backward as she saw the scene of complete destruction before her. Craters littered the ground. Telephone poles had been wrenched out of the sidewalk. Cars lay in the streets in pieces, some having been crushed, while others seemed to have been torn and sliced apart. The damage was total. The chaos was relentless. The carnage was...

... Not as widespread as she'd initially thought. Rei sweatdropped as the image slowly expanded her view of the surrounding area, revealing a largely untouched suburban area all around it. 'Okay, so this is a battle and not a doomsday scenario. That's always a good sign.'

Before long movement began to enter the scene. At first it seemed to be in fast-forward; blurs would appear and clash with other blurs, resulting in explosions, and lightning bolts would rain down from the sky. But as she watched the explosions and the lightning, she realized that the pictures were moving in real-time; the individuals were simply that fast.

Her focus on the people below seemed to slip away, however, and the image in the flames was drawn to a shadowy figure hovering overhead, watching the struggle with an amused... no, a positively DELIGHTED smile on his face.

Rei tried to get a good look at the figure's face beyond that beaming grin, but knew it was hopeless as the vision began to fade and the fire slowly abated. Wiping some sweat from her brow, the shrine maiden frowned. 'Well, THAT was a huge waste of time. Not only do I have no clue what that was all about, but now I'm all wound up when I came here to relax.' Grimacing, the raven-haired girl got up and trudged off to bed. 'Bah. I'll think about it tomorrow.'

* * *

Back in a seedy apartment on the edge of Juuban, Ranma busied himself doing one-handed pushups on the floor, intending to do a full two hundred with each arm before turning in. While he was exercising, however, his mind was wandering, and it kept wandering over his memory of Usagi and Rei arguing back in the parking garage.

One may wonder, at this point, why there is no scene describing Makoto in her apartment thinking about her potential future romance. Suffice to say, the Senshi of Jupiter had very little to contemplate, and had gone straight to dreaming up steamy fantasies involving private combat training in small, unusually warm rooms with battle-hardened teenage Knights who insisted on working without shirts on and giving her constant "hands-on" instruction that will not be described in detail here. No matter how much one may beg. You perverts.

"Hey, Sousuke? Can I ask ya something?" Ranma asked, huffing slightly as he expended extra breath to speak during his exercises.

The teenage mercenary looked up from where he was doing routine maintenance on his handgun inventory. "Yes? What is it?"

Ranma did a few more pushups before he asked his question, trying to figure out how best to phrase it. "You ever have a situation where two girls start fighting, and you're a part of it, but you don't know why and they won't tell you?"

Sousuke blinked. "Yes. That sounds very much like my experience with Captain Testarossa and Chidori-san."

"You know why that sort of thing happens?" Ranma asked, hoping the older boy could impart some critical piece of knowledge to clear up the mystery.

Such naiveté was hardly Ranma's fault; in all of Japan, Sousuke was probably the ONLY person more clueless about women and relationships than he was.

The mercenary put down his gun, his expression shifting slightly to express solemnity. "I once asked Kurtz, an ally of mine who seemed to get along well with most women, about that. He referred to it as 'sexual tension'."

Ranma frowned, and momentarily stopped his push-ups. "What's that mean?" He knew what tension was, and knew what sex was, but couldn't understand how reproduction fit with stress, much less why it would cause girls to start fighting each other. Maybe it meant something completely different when the words were put together?

Sousuke was silent for a moment. "I do not know. Every individual I've asked to date merely begins laughing uncontrollably and refuses to answer. And on the one occasion that I asked Chidori-san if there was some manner in which I could help relieve the tension, she punched me and then threw me in the ocean."

Ranma snorted as he returned to his push-ups. "Huh. Women. Go figure."

"Indeed."

* * *

The following morning.

"Mako-chan? What are you doing here?" Usagi asked as she slowed to a stop, panting slightly from her usual morning sprint to school.

The ponytailed girl grinned as she stood next to Ami. "Good morning! I'm going to your school now!"

Usagi caught her breath and blinked. "You are? That's kind of a coincidence, isn't it?"

"Nothing of the sort," Ami assured the blonde, "Sousuke arranged everything himself."

Usagi blinked again, though she noted Makoto sighed deeply and had a dreamy expression on her face. "ALREADY? He didn't even know about her before last night!"

"I know! Isn't he amazing? Now we can be together all day!" Makoto said while flushing. Neither of the other girls decided to remind her that Sousuke's job was to guard all of them and not just her.

Where is Sousuke-kun, anyway?" Usagi asked, not seeing the mercenary anywhere. Ami sweatdropped. "He went on ahead to 'scout the area' for enemies and traps," she explained.

"Isn't he thoughtful?" Makoto continued to gush. Nodding noncommittally, Usagi began along the path leading to school, her mind on the current conflict she had with Rei over Ranma's time this afternoon.

She knew she was in a pretty poor position trying to keep Ranma and Rei apart when she hadn't even decided which of the boys she was going to try dating first, and it wasn't like anybody had asked Ranma his opinion on the matter, but she couldn't really help it. Her naturally tendency to irritate and argue with the Senshi of Mars had led her to challenge her rendezvous with Ranma, while leaving Makoto fairly clear to snatch up Sousuke for herself.

So Ranma was the issue at hand. When they had parted ways last night, the gender changing martial artist hadn't definitely agreed to spend time with either her or Rei after school, though she felt he was far more likely to cave to her flamboyant plea for attention rather than the shrine maiden's subtlety.

She was brought out of her thoughtful state as she almost ran face-first into another girl's breasts, halting herself just in time so that she lost her balance and fell backward onto her rear.

"Oof! Huh? What's going on?" The blonde girl asked hesitantly, seeing four older girls standing shoulder-to-shoulder on the sidewalk such that they formed a wall. Ami gulped and backed away at the obviously aggressive body language on display, while Makoto's eyes narrowed as she stood firm.

The girl "leading the pack" so to speak, a sixteen year-old who was about as tall as Makoto stepped forward and held out a hand to help Usagi up without saying anything. Usagi, who wasn't very good at interpreting body language, happily took the girl's hand and stood up, suddenly smiling as she decided that the friendly gesture was more important than the fact they were essentially blockading the sidewalk. "Thank you! I'm sorry about almost running into you! I'm kind of clumsy!"

"Yeah. So we've heard," the lead girl said dryly. "We want to talk to you, Tsukino. You've been causing some trouble around the school, and we don't like it."

Usagi, Ami, and Makoto all blinked at that statement. Usagi, causing trouble? Even Makoto, who barely knew the girl at all, could tell the blonde was about as aggressive and obtrusive as her namesake (at least where Rei wasn't involved).

"T-Trouble? What do you mean?" Usagi asked nervously, trying to recall anything she might have done wrong besides interrupting class due to being consistently late.

"We know you have a relationship with the gym teacher, blondie!" Another girl shouted angrily.

"And we're sick of you flaunting it in everybody's face! Don't you know you can get him fired for that?"

Usagi suddenly flushed badly; she didn't have a relationship with the gym teacher - at least, not the sort that the girls thought - but she definitely had intentions in that area. "He... He can get fired?"

"What are you, stupid?" Another girl said, hands on her hips. "Of course he can! Student/teacher dating is a BIG DEAL!"

"Not that I can imagine what he'd want with a scrawny little twit like you," the last girl said, scowling. "He's so far out of your league, it's disgusting!"

At this point Makoto, who had been following the conversation with a raised eyebrow, finally turned to Ami, who was massaging her forehead. "She's dating her gym teacher?"

Ami sighed. "RANMA is our gym teacher."

Makoto's other eyebrow rose, and she decided that there was a long story to be heard behind this. She'd inquire later.

For now, she settled for stepping forward and waving a hand at the high-schoolers with a disdainful expression. "All right ladies, show's over. Hit the road."

The lead girl simply glared at the unfamiliar face, noting that her friends seemed mildly intimidated by the tall brunette's attitude. "YOU hit the road. We have to teach the little ditz a lesson about propriety."

"Yeah, and what a lesson to come from a bunch of gossiping bullies," Makoto said in irritation. "But hey, they say those who can't, teach."

The girls bristled, and Ami and Usagi quickly backed up as it appeared that the situation was about to reach a climax. Both of them stopped when the saw a small metal cylinder arc over the retainer wall next to the sidewalk.

Bonk! "Ow!" One of the hench-girls complained as the grenade landed on her head and then bounced off to land at her feet. "What the-"

FSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSH! "What the hell?" "Smoke!" "What's going on?" "I can't see!" Makoto backed up in alarm as a smokescreen billowed up around the girls, totally obscuring them. "What? Where'd that grenade come from?"

Thwack! Bwack! Smack! Thud!

The girls blinked in tandem as Sousuke suddenly walked out of the smokescreen calmly, as if nothing was wrong. "Enemy combatants have been neutralized in a non-lethal manner. This area is secure. Shall we proceed to school?"

Ami was about to voice a concern that assaulting the girls and knocking them all out wasn't the ideal way to resolve the situation (though it looked like Makoto was heading in that direction anyway), when the ponytailed girl next to her launched herself forward in a classic Anime Girl Glomp Attack.

"Sousuke! You saved us!" Makoto said cheerfully, snuggling the suddenly uncomfortable mercenary for all he was worth. Sousuke frowned, though it was as much from the unexpected physical contact than from what Makoto was saying. "The enemy threat level was low, and from what I've observed your hand-to-hand ability is significant. I was simply trying to expedite our progress."

Ami sweatdropped. "He beat up a bunch of girls because it was faster than the alternative?" Usagi, meanwhile, had found a stick somewhere and was poking the apparent leader of the bullies while she was still unconscious.

"Oh, you're so modest!" Makoto gushed, knowing full well that she could have clobbered all four of those brats with both hands tied behind her back. "Here, you should probably escort us to the school in case someone else attacks us!" She let go of him, but looped her arm under his, preventing any possible escape as she started moving again.

Sousuke felt himself blushing for reasons that he couldn't precisely identify. "Shouldn't we wait for Mizuno-san and Tsukino-san? My observations conclude that they're far more vulnerable than you to enemy attack."

"Meh. They'll be fine."

Ami sweatdropped yet again as she heard that last tidbit. "Usagi, we should really get going..."

Poke. Poke. "Ami-chan, you know how to take a pulse, right? We should check to make sure they're not dead. Sousuke takes his job a little too seriously sometimes." Poke.

"Uh... you can see them breathing, Usagi. We don't need to check their pulse."

Ami waited a moment, watching as the blonde girl jabbed her antagonizer a few more times with the stick. "Usagi? Why are you still doing that?"

"It's kind of fun! Wanna try?"

Sigh. "Sure. Why not?"

* * *

"Lord Nephrite? Why have we been wandering around commercial areas ever since you were given your mission instead of eliminating the Senshi, or perhaps collecting energy from the humans?" A youma disguised as a middle-aged woman with short black hair asked between bites of chow mein.

Nephrite swallowed a pot sticker before answering. "Research, Baronite. This operation isn't a simple matter of assault. Our enemy is neither weak, stupid, or accessible. To that end, we must do research in order to find our opponents' weak points."

Opposite Baronite, a much younger girl with gray hair nodded excitedly. "Yeah! And then we can find the Senshi and BOOM! Heh heh heh!"

The first youma took another bite of chow mein. "Okay... but this... 'research' in a bit unconventional, my lord."

Nephrite snorted. "As are our enemies, Baronite. Divination is a powerful tool. Knowledge will serve us better than brute force." Raising his head, Nephrite gestured for the check before taking a sip of his coffee and grimacing at the taste. 'Maybe I can start up a minor harvesting operation at a Starbucks? This common caffeine is terrible.'

"I'm not questioning your wisdom, but..."

Nephrite snapped his fingers. "Silence yourself, Baronite. The ritual begins." He went silent and closed his eyes, appearing to enter a meditative state.

"Thank you very much!" Chirped the waitress, placing the bill down in the middle of the table along with three fortune cookies. The two youma stared at the cookies suspiciously. Nephrite's eyes snapped open, and he picked up one of the small dessert items. "The secrets of the future come in strange packages indeed."

Baronite picked up the cookie closest to her. "I have my doubts about some of these human divination tools, my lord."

Ignoring his subordinate, Nephrite cracked open his cookie, discarding the distasteful shell in favor of the little slip of paper within. "Let's see... 'Your current pursuits will soon yield opportunity.' Hmmmmm..."

Baronite frowned. "'Your last will and testament will soon become quite relevant.' Subtle..."

Fractite pouted. "Mine isn't. It just says 'You'll be dead within the week.'"

'Well, my divination is considerably better than their results,' Nephrite thought. 'Still, what pursuits in particular does it refer to? Most strange...'

* * *

Usagi hugged her knees to herself pensively as Ranma finished the role call, listlessly raising her hand as her name was called. Though she hadn't thought about it immediately after the encounter, once the excitement of Sousuke's attack on the girl bullies had worn off and been replaced by the normal tedium of school lectures the ponytailed girl had given serious consideration to what had happened.

She was fairly embarrassed when she managed to pry the full extent of the rumors out of Umino, but hadn't denied any but the most outrageous (though steamy and kind of appealing, she had to admit) stories about her relationships. After all, though most of them weren't true, and even those that were didn't seem very odd if one knew about Sousuke and Ranma's jobs, she DID intend to start dating one of them before another girl snatched them up, and it would have been awkward indeed (if not technically honest) to get caught flirting after vehemently denying she had done any such thing.

The issue at hand could not be denied, though. If she wanted Ranma, then she would be dating her teacher. Japanese law tended to oppose such an arrangement quite fiercely, ignorant of the unique situation of him being almost the same age and being a comrade-in arms. If rumors started becoming investigations, Ranma could not only be fired, but put in jail!

... Not that he really cared about being employed, and Usagi imagined that no conventional prison could possibly hold him, but she was taking it seriously. Sneaking a glance at Rei as Ranma demonstrated the proper moves on the punching bags now scattered throughout the gym to his students, the blonde girl's eyes narrowed.

She had spoken to Rei briefly about the issue, and the raven-haired girl just smirked and said that she was glad Usagi was backing down. Apparently the potential scandal didn't bother her for some reason. Maybe she thought they could keep their relationship under wraps, or perhaps Rei considered a largely dysfunctional and low-income job earned through deceit and forgery an acceptable risk to get her claws in the martial artist.

As the students started moping and tiredly scattering to their respective bags, Usagi saw Rei rush over to Ranma before she could move to intercept. Much to her dismay, before she could get up and join them, Rei was already bowing to him, looking insufferably satisfied.

Her mood dropping from fretful to downtrodden, she trudged up to the pigtailed boy anyway, hoping that perhaps she could at least get an alternate date for her "promised" training session.

"Usagi-chan!" Ranma said brightly, spotting the blonde Senshi on her way over. "What's the matter? You look kinda down."

"Uhm..." Usagi nervously groped for something to say, staring down while poking the tips of her index fingers together. "About... about the, y'know, training thing today..."

"Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about that," Ranma said seriously. "How's five o'clock sound?"

Usagi blinked. "Uh... what day?"

The martial artist raised an eyebrow. "Didn't I promise to do it today?"

"Well... no," she admitted.

"Oh. Well, whatever. This afternoon. I'll meet you at your place, okay? Today we move on to using two pairs of chopsticks."

Usagi nodded enthusiastically, a blush forming as she turned and ran to her section of the gym, absolutely giddy.

She was so happily distracted, in fact, that she didn't even notice when she skipped past Naru and Umino standing right behind where she was speaking with Ranma, and staring with wide eyes.

"Did... Did they just arrange a date right here in class?" The brunette breathed, having only arrived to hear the last sentence in the conversation.

Umino nodded, adjusting his glasses. "And from the sound of it, it isn't their first date, either! ... What do you think he meant by 'two pairs of chopsticks?' Sounds kinky."

Naru reddened horribly. "Umino! Usagi isn't the type to do that sort of thing!"

"Hmmm... normally I'd agree with you, but apparently she IS dating our gym teacher..."

Naru gasped and held her hands before her mouth. "Omigosh! Shouldn't we report this? I mean, this is serious! A teacher seducing a student!"

Umino shrugged, not offering an alternative, but not discouraging the idea. He didn't mention (partly out of envy) that a fair portion of the class's other girls probably had plans to seduce their gym teacher, and that it was a more likely interpretation of events than the other way around.

They both jumped slightly when they felt a hand on their shoulders.

"Your misinterpretations of events are unfortunate and troublesome," Sousuke said evenly as the two shorter teenagers slowly turned to face the boy standing behind and between them.

"Uh... h-hello Sagara-san," Umino stuttered, noting that Sousuke's hand on his shoulder somehow had taken on a chill that he would have just as easily identified as the cold touch of death itself. "Is th-there a... problem?"

"Rumors are an irritating thing," Sousuke said solemnly, staring forward over the two junior high students as if he wasn't speaking directly to them. "And tragic accidents can happen at any time, and at any place, with no forewarning." Then he frowned. "Strangely enough, they tend to happen more often to those who've stumbled upon an inconvenient piece of information. Surely it's a coincidence."

Naru and Umino were both trembling visibly now. "W-We understand! Our l-lips are sealed!"

Naru squeaked. She didn't know what Sousuke was capable of, only that he was a very intimidating and dangerous-looking boy. Had she actually known a thing about him, she might well have wet herself.

Umino DID know a thing or two about Sousuke, mostly through rumors that had managed to worm their way between high schools having a reputation for trouble. Needless to say, after the encounter he headed straight for the locker room for a shower and change of clothes.

Sousuke, for his part, blinked and released the two younger students, looking them in the eye for the first time since he spoke. "I do not know what you're referring to. Regardless, you'd best begin your exercises as normal."

* * *

Makoto grinned wildly as she battered the punching bag relentlessly with a barrage of punches and kicks. Gym was normally a time for her to work out some of her restless energy in manner that didn't involve anyone getting hurt or suspended for fighting, but it had never been a decent challenge or workout before.

Being tall, strong, and in exceptional shape, Makoto was always a prime pick for the girls' sports teams that assembled in gym class, but she didn't get much of a thrill from ordinary team sports. One-on-one events were more her cup of tea, and martial arts practice was her old favorite by far.

Bwack! Thump! Spinning suddenly on her heel, she expanded yet again on the extremely basic movements Ranma had shown the class and tore into the bag with a roundhouse that shook the entire frame, and had the boy behind her waiting for his turn decide that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to ask her out for coffee after school.

Smirking, she let the bag stop rattling in its frame before preparing for another string of punches. Then she caught sight of Sousuke walking away from an unusually rigid-looking boy and girl. Her mind promptly switched gears, and she nodded to the obviously intimidated boy behind her before moving to intercept the mercenary.

"Sousuke-kun! Hi!" She said enthusiastically, moving in next to the scarred boy. "This stuff is pretty easy for pros like us, huh?" Despite her words, she was tugging repeatedly on the collar of her T-shirt, incidentally giving Sousuke a near-perfect view of her cleavage.

Sousuke nodded, and it would come as no surprise to any who knew him that he didn't take particular notice of Makoto's breasts. "Affirmative. It is an excellent level at which to train civilians in basic defense." Then he hesitated. "Although Mizuno-san seems strangely dissatisfied with the level of performance required." Then he turned toward the ponytailed girl.

"You referred to yourself as a professional. Have you had military training?"

Makoto blinked in surprise. "Oh, no, nothing like that. I just practice martial arts a lot."

"Ah. I see. Saotome's training would seem redundant, then."

Makoto smiled brilliantly at him. "Kind of. Would you like to spar with me?"

Sousuke remained silent for a moment. "Ah. 'Sparring' is a training exercise, correct?"

"Well... yeah, pretty much," Makoto said. Then she noticed that Sousuke was kneeling and pulling down his sock. "It's a hand-to-hand exercise. Unarmed combat," she said quickly, sweatdropping as Sousuke once again rolled his sock up over the hidden dagger.

"Understood. Is the exercise full-contact?"

"Yes. That's fine," Makoto said, though Sousuke couldn't help but wonder why she was blushing so hard at the words "full-contact". "No holding back now!" She moved into a fighting stance.

"Understood. Let us proceed," Sousuke said calmly, moving backward slightly and staying in a much looser position.

The fight was relatively short, but brutal enough that the various students almost started panicking. Sousuke charged quickly, battering Makoto as fast as he could while trying to use his slight advantage in mass to move her off balance where he could pin her.

Unfortunately for Sousuke, he suffered two rather severe disadvantages under these circumstances. First, he was above all a weapons user. He could, and had in the past, severely hurt people unarmed, but he was rarely without his weapons, and saw no real reason to advance his hand-to-hand skills among everything else.

Second, Sousuke was used to hitting his opponents hard and quickly, finishing them off, and then moving on to the next target. Makoto had performed this dance a hundred times before and saw a sparring match as a balance of offense and defense. Sousuke saw hand-to-hand fighting as a sudden blitz in a worst-case scenario; for him defensive measures ended the moment one left cover.

So although Makoto was straining under the power of his initial attacks, she managed to deflect all but a glancing strike to her jaw, and took full advantage of the many openings the mercenary gave her in order to plant her knee into his stomach. A chop to the back of his head a moment later, and Sousuke was staggering onto the floor.

Makoto, though feeling just a bit upset about being slugged in the mouth, didn't want to have to beat Sousuke into submission to end the match, and moved her knee into the small of his back in order to pin the mercenary as she applied a simple hold. Within seconds, Sousuke yielded calmly.

There was some hesitant clapping, but Makoto ignored it as she stood up and wiped a trickle of blood from her mouth, her heart pounding in her chest. 'That... That was so INTENSE!' She thought, her face flushed and her veins raging with adrenaline. She wanted to do it again. Or perhaps do something different, but even more exciting and exhausting. You know, whatever.

Sousuke stood up, his expression stoic and solemn as usual. "Kino-san... I've never been defeated like that before..."

"Yeah, well," Makoto began, though she noted that she was breathing rather hard as she spoke, "I'm no pushover, you know?"

"Kino-san!" Sousuke said suddenly, leaning forward toward her and placing his hands on her shoulders as he stared into her eyes. "Please! Let's spar again, soon! I'll do better! I'll prove myself to you!"

Naturally, this kept the tall brunette's heart rate nice and high, and she smiled lazily as she traced her finger along Sousuke's jaw seductively. "Call me Mako-chan..."

"Kino-san..."

Makoto blinked, which spoiled her earlier expression. "Seriously. Sousuke-kun, you can call

me Mako-chan. I'd prefer it, really."

"Kino-san!"

* * *

Makoto blinked in surprise as she found herself in the exact same position as before – staring into Sousuke's eyes with his hands on her shoulders - except that he was shaking her back and forth violently.

"Kino-san! Snap out of it!" the mercenary said, concern evident in his voice. Which Makoto would have found rather touching if she wasn't being shaken like a can of spray paint.

"Ack! I'm awake! I'm awake! Stop that!" She shouted, warding off Sousuke's hands as she staggered back.

The mercenary straightened. "You lapsed into an unresponsive state for a period of approximately eighteen seconds." Then he frowned. "Though I don't recall striking you in the head, it is possible you've suffered some cranial trauma. Perhaps I should call the medic."

"You mean the school nurse? That sounds like a great idea!" The ponytailed girl said quickly, noting that everybody in the gym was staring at her and Sousuke. "I'll go do that right now! Bye!"

Sousuke raised an eyebrow as the Thunder Senshi practically sprinted for the exit, and idly wondered why she had turned such a bright red like that. "Perhaps it's related to the damage she sustained," he mused out loud. He shook his head as he began to take stock of his own injuries, curious as to why she was having problems when he had taken the worst of their battle. 'I suppose some girls just have no stamina. Odd.'

Ranma shrugged as he watched Makoto running out of the room. He guessed she had a good reason for leaving. After all, she was one of the more enthusiastic members of the class. Ranma's respect went up for Sousuke went up a few notches after watching that light sparring. 'Maybe losing to Makoto would give him the push to become a better fighter.'

He grinned as he mentally began to create a training regime to help the mercenary defeat Makoto. Likewise he did the same for Makoto. Hmm maybe he could convince them to take a training journey. Monster hunting was good, but he did miss the times when it was just him, Pop and the art.

Looking over his class Ranma was struck by a sudden thought. 'What could these students actually do if they were attacked by a youma?' Granted it was still early in the year, but when he was hired it was one of the things that he had promised the principle of the school.

The pig-tailed boy then considered showing them the Saotome Final Attack or no that wouldn't work. They would need to have the skills to back up the last part of that attack, to think of something else to do. What they need is the experience that only more hands on training can bring. Though, even the hardcore martial artist was pretty sure that bringing a youma for a live fire exercise would be crossing the line.

Could tranquilizer darts simulate a youma draining? He recalled the time when Pop had him dodge as many darts as portly man could throw at him. What a fun day that had been. No the training sucked, but on that day his Pop suddenly allowed him to visit a zoo. He'll have to ask at the next teachers' meeting if there's any budget for that sort of thing.

He considered as he watched Ami struggled to perform a basic front kick. The bag barely moved despite her best efforts. Maybe if he got her and bunch of the other weaker ones to work on their stamina and power. No, he'd have teach them to somehow compensate for the lack of it. They didn't have time for a 10 year training journey. Still a mini training journey wouldn't hurt anyone, too badly. Nodding to himself as he formed a mental check list of things to ponder later, Ranma called the class to order and dismissed them.

As the students were putting the equipment away he saw Rei showing off to some of her class mates her mastery today's lesson. Oh Right, he was going to meet the fiery tempered shrine maiden at 7 tonight. She had said that she wanted to know him better. Personally, he hoped that it would be a discussion of battle techniques so that they could coordinate their attacks better, but even Ranma wasn't that naïve.

During his brief time in Nerima he had often heard of the male bonding experiences between Soun and Pop. Perhaps it would be like one of those stories that would build trust and friendship that last a lifetime. Pop always said it helped him endure the mysterious hard times that he and Soun always complain about. 'Yeah, that's probably what's going to happen with Rei at 7. Nothing to worry about.'

Sousuke walked up to him breaking him out of his contemplations. The mercenary quickly confirmed that the Gym was empty of students and quietly said "I will cover the primary mission for the remainder of the school day. This should free you to perform your secondary mission objective."

"On it," Ranma grimly replied.

* * *

Hematite was having a great day. It took a while for her to get over the scare of seeing Jaedite in the sky, but nothing had happened since then. The dark general had failed, that much was certain as the papers were still reporting Senshi sightings. So Jaedite was either dead or being punished, but in either case it meant that she didn't have to worry about him tracking down a rogue from his operations.

As an additional bonus, her 'Boss' decided today on his own without any mental nudges from her that she deserved a raise and, more importantly, she had her latest drained energies in the document in front of her. She was mindful of what her captives had said, but she did need to eat. So she only drained a little from one or two of her customers per day. It was enough for her to survive on.

The independent youma got up to thank her client \ victim as she walked him to the door of her office as they exchanged their farewells. 'It's been a while and nothing has happened since I started draining a few folks. Maybe I should drain a few more and hide some of the energy at her home, just for emergencies. Yea nobody would know the difference.'

With a happy smile Hematite closed the door to her office

….which revealed hiding behind it a red headed female in a gas mask.

...

Ranma sensed the life-force in papers on the desk. She looked up at the faux woman and said quietly, "I thought we told you not to do that anymore."

Hematite was certain that she was going to die now. She fell to her knees and starting blubbering, "It's not fair! I've been good. Really I have, but I have to eat! Your demands will kill me! Why didn't you just do me in instead letting me slowly starve to death? That was it, wasn't it. You want to see me die slowly…*sob*!"

Ranma was still affected by the female tears, even knowing a scaly youma was under the disguise. Also, the martial artist was no stranger to hunger and knew what length a person would go to fill a gnawing void.

"Whoa! Easy there! I didn't know that was how you ate. In fact I'll let Or.. uh the commander know and I'm sure that he'll be understanding and all that!"

Slowly Hematite's bawling subsided to just the occasional sniffle, "You mean you aren't going to kill me right now and scatter my dust across the city?" Her eyes now shined hopefully at the red headed martial artist.

"Uh…Nope. Not going to, uh, dust you." Ranma walked over to the desk and examined the papers.

"So this is how you drain people. How does it work?" Hematite's professional pride helped her get over the last of her sniffles,

"This is a particular genius energy drain construct. It only drains a little energy that would leave the victim feeling only slightly fatigued. The victim will recover with some food and rest. In this way it will avoid notice by anyone….well I guess except you did notice." Seeing the legal youma become depressed Ranma patted her on the back,

"Don't feel too bad. Our commander is really good at finding your monster hide outs."

Hematite was curious what gave her operation away, but didn't dare venture the question; on the chance it might annoy the masked girl. "So is there any way to block a drain?"

"Well in the negaverse young youma are always falling prey to larger older youma's drainings. You learn to protect your energy or you don't survive."

"So do you go about doing it?"

"It's hard to describe. It's like draining someone else's, but you are targeting your own energies. So in that way no one can grab it from you."

"It would be like showing a battle aura!" Ranma exclaimed with sudden inspiration, "but it would be in reverse…hiding a battle aura? …which would be a little more difficult… I wonder if it could be taught to non-martial artists." Making a sudden decision she picked up one of the papers on the desk. "I need to see how it feels to be drained!"

Pumping up her battle aura she directed it into the paper. It really felt weird. Her hand felt numb in a bad way as her chi flowed into the document. Hematite on the other hand was drooling slightly as the paper began to glow with energy. Odd the energy felt male.

It made her feel …weird. As with any youma, she was attracted to anything with powerful life force. This girl was like smelling a picnic buffet on a sunny day in the park. Seeing the court order reaching saturation she quickly took it from the aquatransexual's hand.

"Enough! It'll explode if you put any more into it and that would waste all that lovely energy!" She said hugging it to her chest.

A slightly winded Ranma looked up, "I couldn't stop the flow. I thought I had it for a sec, but then I lost it... Say. How long will the energy in that paper last you?" The way the youma was nuzzling the parchment was bothering her a bit.

"This much should last me a month! Easy!"

"That's good. I don't want ya draining anyone else. Then I'll be seeing you next month."

"Next Month?"

"Oh yeah. You need pay this month's …um services." With an understanding nod Hematite unlocked a draw in her desk and brought forth a thick envelope.

"Here you go. Cash in all unmarked non sequential bills, as we agreed to."

"Uh…Right…as we agreed to." Ranma pocketed the cash and saw something else in the drawer. A blank form with fancy lettering.

"Is this one of those draining forms as well?"

"Yes is it."

"Cool. Can I take it? I'll need something to practice the blocking technique on!"

"Sure."

Hematite briefly wondered if she should tell the girl that she would be able to track down a draining construct of her own design, since she does have to invest some of her own energy to form it. Deciding that it wasn't worth the risk and even if she did follow the construct it would most likely lead her to *shudder* that empty garage.

Nope! No sirree was she going to be following that thing anywhere.

As Ranma put the document into its folder for safe keeping she asked, "What type of legal paper is it anyway?"

"Last will and Testament." The Faux woman replied with straight face.

"That's not funny."

"No it's not. After all you never know."

"Now that's REALLY not funny!"


	16. A Place of Meetings

"There you go. Try not to focus on your left hand so much," Ranma said between bites, instructing Usagi as she poked awkwardly at her food.

"But it's hard using chopsticks with my left hand," the blonde mumbled as she once again tried to grasp a potsticker and failed.

Ranma nodded. "I know it's hard when you're right-handed," he explained while waving his chopsticks at her in "condescending lecture" mode, "but what's more important than building up accuracy with your left hand-" he stopped for a moment to deflect Usagi's chopsticks as they made a mad grab for his plate, "-is coordinating your left and right hands' actions. First you need to concentrate on using both hands at the same time without having to think about it or consciously have to switch hands. Dexterity training comes next." He slapped away Usagi's chopsticks as she made another attempt at his plate.

Usagi pouted as she returned to her own food; because she was the "trainee," he had ordered cheap appetizers for her, while his plate was piled high with noodles and meat. Grumbling, she returned to the given exercises, her chopsticks darting into her food at high speed and more often than not coming up empty.

Ranma, for his part, had been rather impressed by her progress. Usagi took to anything that involved eating with at least the fervor and skill that he applied to martial arts, and her rate of progress was similar as well. 'You know, I'll bet if we convinced her that youma were edible, she'd charge right into the Dark Kingdom and wipe out the whole damn army.'

Usagi didn't think her ability was proceeding smoothly at all. She had been at this nonsense for nearly two hours now, and she was still hungry. That didn't seem like progress to her. 'I must be pretty bad at this. Ranma keeps glancing at the clock now.'

"Hmmm. She should be here soon," Ranma murmured.

"Huh?" The blonde asked, halting in her exercises.

Instead of answering her query, Ranma suddenly stood up and gestured toward the entrance. Usagi turned her head to look, and then stood up herself when she couldn't see who Ranma was waving to.

The reaction was predictable.

"Rei?!"

"Usagi?!"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

* * *

Nephrite winced as a pair of girls on the side of the restaurant yelled out in stereo, and sent a quick glare in that general direction along with most of the other diners.

"My Lord, I know it isn't my place to question the magnificence of your plans," Baronite began timidly, "but it would seem that these 'fortune cookies' are no longer bearing useful results."

Nephrite considered this opinion carefully as he took a mouthful of fried rice. "Just a few more tries," he mumbled. He had to admit, the humans sure knew how to live. Good food, good drink... he could get used to this. Or rather he WOULD get used to this, after enslaving the human population. 'I can imagine it now... Nephrite's fortress... Starbucks Castle!'

Fractite pouted. "But all our fortunes ever say is that we're going to die!"

Baronite shrugged. "You DID get those winning lottery numbers."

"Yeah, but then the next one said I'd be dead before I could collect!" the gray-haired girl mumbled irritably.

"Silence yourself," Nephrite said suddenly, idly wiping some lobster sauce from his chin. "The first divination said that continuing my pursuits would yield results. Every fortune since then has lead me to believe that I should continue on this course." He frowned. "Well, other than the one that said to beware of gray cats crossing my path."

"Huh," Baronite mumbled, "I thought the expression was about black cats..."

* * *

Usagi and Rei sat and glared at each other in silence, though Usagi's silence was slightly spoiled by the flurry of activity in front of her as her chopsticks ravaged her food. Ranma, for his part, didn't know what the hell their problem was.

They shouldn't be THIS surprised to see each other; they had all talked about their plans right in front of each other the very day previous. And since they both wanted to make plans with him for the evening, it made perfect sense to have everyone eat together, didn't it? It didn't escape even Ranma's ailing social senses that Rei didn't seem to see things his way.

"When I mentioned getting to know each other, I seem to remember saying something... what was it... something to the effect of 'just the two of us?'" The raven-haired girl said irritably.

Ranma shrugged. "Why's it matter? Meals are more fun with more people, right?"

The two girls turned and glared at each other (Ranma happily noted that the different angle didn't slow down Usagi's rate of consumption).

"I mean, aren't you two friends?" He tried.

A spark of electricity sizzled between their respective gazes.

'You know what? Screw it,' he thought, returning to his food. 'Besides, the aggressive energy seems to be helping Usagi's accuracy a bit.' To Ranma, an improvement in training was far more important than having a nice dinner reduced to a pit of awkward tension.

Rei sighed. She didn't like the way this had started out, but if she left now she'd just be handing the pigtailed boy over to Usagi. "So, Ranma... tell me a little bit more about yourself. We don't really know much else besides you being a martial artist and working with Orion."

Ranma slurped up some noodles, and then looked up at the ceiling in contemplation. Taking a moment to slide his plate out of the way of a double-handed food grab from Usagi (she really WAS proceeding nicely!), he began. "Well, the thing about me is that I was raised to be a martial artist. From the moment I could walk, my pop started teaching me to fight. When I was around six, he took me on this long training trip into the countryside. I pretty much grew up in the wild."

"That would explain a few things," Rei mumbled under her breath. Usagi overheard her and stuck her tongue out.

"I don't know how much there is to say other than that," Ranma said hesitantly. There WERE quite a few stories he had, particularly about the curse, but the Senshi were under the impression that turning into a girl was some sort of magic disguise similar to their silly costumes, and that point of view had saved him a lot of embarrassing questions and potential rejection. He didn't really want to dispel that inaccuracy.

"That shoundsh hard," Usagi said around a mouth full of steamed rice. Rei frowned and poked her while hissing a reprimand for talking with her mouth full.

"It was pretty hard. Downright deadly at times," Ranma said, slurping down the last of his tea. "Sometimes I used to wonder if there was even any point to it. How good did I really need to be, you know? I was supposed to be training to be the best, but for what? What was I going to do once I was that strong?"

He stopped for a moment, then smiled. "I'm pretty happy that I caught up with you guys, actually. I actually feel like I'm doing something good with my skills now. It means a lot to me."

Both girls felt their hearts flutter slightly. 'Wow... he has a nice smile.' Of course, Ranma smiled often, but more often it was a cocky smirk or a cheerful grin. Which were each rather attractive, but the warm, gentle expression he had now was the sort of thing that they dreamt of seeing hanging over them when they woke up in the morning.

Before Usagi and Rei could start blushing down to their toes, a waiter appeared with Rei's order and Usagi's next wave of practice material, interrupting the discussion. Rei thanked the man as he set her plate down, only to notice his eyes linger over her body, expertly flattered as it was by the bright red Chinese dress that she had INTENDED to communicate to Ranma "This is a date damn it, and you should be trying to get me naked, not eating."

Upon seeing the lovely raven-haired girl suddenly glare venomously, the waiter quickly averted his eyes, and ended up turning a little too quickly to give the pigtailed boy his ice water.

Splash! "AH! I-I'm so sorry sir... erm, I mean, M-Miss," the young man stuttered. Hadn't the person on the other end been a man? He could've SWORN he had been evaluating his chances of stealing away one of the women he was meeting a few minutes earlier...

Then again, in the current arrangement there were no men at the table at all, and the redhead he had somehow missed had the most AMAZING breasts... pity that she appeared to be rather pissed off at him.

"What're you looking at, pervert," Ranma growled, pulling slightly on her wet and ill-fitting shirt. The waiter quickly apologized again and scurried away, though Rei noted that he was still closely observing them keenly.

Usagi giggled and reached for the teapot. "Need hot water?" Then she noticed how light it was. "Oops. I think we're out."

"And of COURSE the twit forgets to bring more tea," Ranma growled, sitting up. "Hold on a sec, I gotta go change back."

"Hm," Rei nodded easily, breaking apart her chopsticks in preparation to eat. Usagi did the same, and Ranma was relieved to see that most of the tension between them had evaporated.

As Rei watched Ranma leave for the restroom (and noting with slight amusement that she used the men's; that had to be an awkward logical conundrum), it occurred to her that Ranma had never explained exactly where his magical disguise came from. Why did Orion imprint some spell to change his gender rather than just giving him some item? She'd have to ask when he got back.

Or at least, that was her line of thinking until she looked down and realized that half her food was gone without her having taken a bite. "HEY! Eat your own food, meatball head!" She shouted angrily.

"What're you yelling at me for? How do you know I took it?" Usagi said defensively. Ranma had imparted that so long as no one caught you taking their food, then they couldn't prove it and had no right to accuse you.

Unfortunately, Rei failed to see the brilliance of this tactic. "You're the only one HERE, meatball head!" She growled as she pinched Usagi's cheek.

"Ow! Stop that!" The blonde shouted before grabbing Rei cheek and pulling it, escalating yet ANOTHER argument between the two.

* * *

Baronite's eyebrow twitched as she heard the yelling start to escalate from the table at the other end of the restaurant. "It's not like we're strictly here for the dining experience, but can't they be a little more respectful?" The youma murmured irritably as their waitress set down their check - and of course, Nephrite's precious cookies.

The Dark General easily ignored the fighting as he calmly picked up his cookie, once again marveling at the absurd simplicity of human divinations. Breaking open the cookie, he took out the fortune and read it. "'The opportunity you've been seeking is close by.'" Then he raised an eyebrow. "'Specifically, just to the right.'" Nephrite swiftly turned his head to the right, but only saw the entrance to the kitchen.

As he was contemplating the meaning of his opportunity being in the restaurant's kitchen area, Fractite started reading her fortune while munching on the cookie. "Mine says: 'No, MY right.'" She blinked. Twice. "Wait... how...?"

Nephrite didn't question the cookies, and turned to his left just in time to see the redheaded girl who had fought alongside that young wizard walk by straight toward the men's restroom. He put aside the evident gender confusion as his mind started racing. This was so sudden!

He needed a plan. Plans were good.

* * *

Ranma paid no attention whatsoever to the man staring at her with wide eyes as she slipped past him into the men's restroom, her wet shirt still clinging quite obviously to her prominent chest.

"Th-This is... This is the men's r-room," the older man stuttered as he watched the redhead walk undeterred toward one of the faucets. "Right?" He glanced over at the wall, confirming the presence of urinals that would undoubtedly be completely disagreeable to the female physiology. "Er, yes. This is. This is the men's room, Miss."

"I noticed," Ranma drawled, giving the man a half-lidded stare. "Now buzz off, wouldja? A girl needs her privacy." Normally she wouldn't care about changing in front of a complete stranger, but Ranma was somewhat more sensitive to the idea of discretion now that she was supposed to be part of a secret superhero force. If she caused a stir with her curse in the resaurant, then people would probably start running around screaming about youma being loose, and that would ruin her dinner, as well as the girls'.

The man looked to be about to protest Ranma's request, then thought the better of it and slipped out, mumbling to himself the whole time. Ranma quickly turned on the hot water faucet, sticking her hand under the flow as it slowly warmed up.

The creak of the door alerted her to a new presence, and she groaned as she turned back toward the entrance, preparing to simply throw the newcomer out until the water warmed sufficiently.

Once he fixed her eyes on the man with wavy brown hair, warning alarms started going off in her head. This fellow was radiating power. Not normal power, but energy that felt suspiciously similar to, though subtley different from, that of the "youma aura" he had learned to detect (though he could only do so at very close proximity, still). It didn't escape Ranma that the man didn't seem the least bit surprised to see her in here, either.

Nephrite chuckled lightly as he watched the redheaded girl tense. Either she was very jumpy or very perceptive to peg him as a threat so quickly when they had never met. "Hello there Miss. I don't believe we've met," he said cordially, smiling.

Whump! Ranma cursed as her hand smashed uselessly into an invisible barrier, but followed up with a few quick kicks as her eyes searched for an alternate exit. This was no good! She had no room to maneuver!

Nephrite, for his part, was fairly stunned by the sudden energy drain demanded by his shields as the teenage girl started raining blows against them relentlessly. Staggering backward, Nephrite summoned a bit of energy into his hand, and then snapped it forward quickly, catching the martial artist in mid-kick.

Ranma fell backwards as the energy struck her in the chest, and growled as she felt her limbs lock in place, completely numb. Nephrite frowned as she saw the girl's body twitch and tremble despite his stunning attack. Raising his hand, he charged up another. ZAP! At the girl's strangled yelp, Nephrite coughed into his hand before glaring at her sternly.

"Well. I had HOPED to engage in some sort of negotiation and diplomatic intercourse before we went straight to the killing," he murmured. "There's no need for this, you know."

"Go to hell," Ranma managed to hiss between clenched teeth. "What do you mean, 'negotiation?' 'Aint nothing to negotiate."

"I disagree," Nephrite said, raising his index finger into the air as if he was a teacher. "You see, as individuals not directly involved in the war between the Negaverse and the Moon Kingdom, you have more leeway than any of the Senshi that I might encounter. They are our enemies from times utterly forgotten by humanity. There's no need for others to get involved."

"Oh, for the love of..." Ranma mumbled, finding her jaw slightly more flexible now. "So if we agree not to kill you all, will you agree to leave ordinary people alone forever?"

Nephrite blinked. "I'm afraid such a... comprehensive agreement is completely beyond my ability to establish or enforce."

'Feh. At least the guy seems kind of honest.' "Then no deal, freak."

"Tut, tut. Consider your position," Nephrite said easily, not perturbed by the redhead's attitude. He had dealt amicably with warriors far less reasonable in the (distant) past, and wouldn't lose his cool now. "And not just your position, but all those that stand with you. That child sorcerer, as well as the soldier, will all be hunted down and killed if it is decided you cannot be dealt with any other way."

Ranma snorted, though her body still remained still. "Is that the best you can do? Threaten to kill me and people who you don't even know how to find? We kind of expected that sort of thing when we signed up. You'll have to do better than that."

"Indeed," the Dark General mumbled as he rubbed his chin. "I suppose we do. Well then, if we can reach no agreement, you'll just have to work for us. Rather troublesome, as you'll immediately be busy with hunting down your former comrades who would've been better off minding their own business, but it's clearly the best solution we're going to get."

Ranma gave him a look. "Riiiight. And I'm gonna work for you... why?"

In response, Nephrite casually grabbed the buxom teenager by the neck and hauled her up, smirking as her limbs hung limply at her sides. "Because you won't have a choice. We have ways of turning enemies into friends. A quick memory wipe, a little brainwashing and hypnosis... don't worry, after it's all over I imagine a powerful warrior like yourself will do quite well in the Dark Kingdom."

"Uhm, right," Ranma muttered slowly. "There's this one problem with that, though."

"Oh? What would that be?" The Dark General asked calmly.

In response, Ranma raised her hand and tapped him in the forehead. "When you grabbed me, you brought me inside your barrier."

Whump! Nephrite, who was about to stutter out a question about how Ranma had recovered so fast from her paralysis, gasped as the pigtailed girl drove a knee into his chest at the same time the hand tapping his head snapped into a palm strike against that same point.

Nephrite stumbled backward painfully as Ranma fell unsteadily from his grasp, evidently not completely rid of the paralysis. Still, she was limber enough to crouch down and then jump straight up hard enough to burst through the fragile tiles that made up the ceiling, immediately grabbing hold of the frame and hoisting herself up into the narrow attic crawlspace.

Nephrite growled as he picked himself up. "Well then, I suppose you've certainly earned a warrior's death, haven't you? I shall give it to you." Concentrating deeply, Nephrite glowed brilliantly for a moment, and then vanished from sight.

* * *

"Damn it! Eat your own food!" Rei growled as she stooped closely over her plate, her arm carefully positioned to provide a barrier to the blonde's predations. At the moment Usagi wasn't actually attacking her plate, although her frustrated complaint was no less relevant. After finally getting wrestled into a sobbing wreck by her fiery-tempered friend, Usagi had realized that Ranma's plate still had food on it, and was completely unguarded.

Rei, although she took great protest at seeing her "date's" plate ravaged while he was away in the bathroom, wasn't willing to abandon her food in order to get into another physical scrap with the ponytailed girl; Usagi had somehow managed to snatch another couple mouthfulls of her food while they had been fighting. 'Ranma has created a monster.'

As could be expected, Usagi ignored the shrine maiden entirely as she shoveled Ranma's meal into her mouth, eating at maximum speed lest he finish changing back and see her. If he didn't see her do it, she could expect to be praised for her quick thinking and actions. If he caught her, then he'd probably make her do punishment training, like that exercise of picking up lima beans and eating them to improve accuracy. Yuck!

Usagi was too busy eating for all she was worth to notice, but Rei diverted attention to the bathroom at just the right time to hear a rattling noise and a muted crash come from the interior. She immediately considered moving to investigate, but then realized that it would mean leaving her food at the mercy of Usagi's appetite, a ravenous, insatiable beast that knew of no such kindness.

It also occurred to her that the two girls standing in front of the doorway looked like they were effectively blockading it from entry. In fact, there was a man standing nearby fuming silently and glaring at them, apparently having been turned away.

Rei's eyes narrowed as she stared at the little gray-haired girl and her taller companion and concentrated. "Youma!" She hissed as she sensed their auras. "Damn! Usagi! Ranma's in danger!"

Usagi dropped her teacher's empty plate and swallowed. "What? We have to help him!"

Rei quickly took out her communicator. "Ami! Contact Makoto and meet us at Hayate Square Chinese Bistro! Someone might be on to Ranma! Hurry!" Rei whispered into the compact harshly.

"What about the Knights?" Ami asked.

"I don't care! Get whoever you can down here! Now!" Rei snapped the compact shut and turned toward Usagi. "Let's go transform!"

"Right!" Usagi said with a determined expression that was only slightly ruined by the curry sauce splattered around her lips.

Rei blinked. The only person who had ordered curry was...

The fire Senshi began to generate an appropriately hot, blazing aura as she stared down at her plate, barren except for a puddle of sauce pockmarked by small, short streaks created by hasty chopsticks.

Usagi was already on her way out, dropping a few bills on the table as she quickly withdrew (though she vowed to get Ranma to reimburse her later), and effectively evading a very loud lecture when they really had something far more important to worry about. By the time this was all over, Rei will have forgotten all about it. Ranma would be so proud of her!

* * *

Ranma coughed as she kneeled down on the roof, trying to shake off the last of Nephrite's dark energy that was coursing through her muscles.

"Damn jerk, trapping me in the bathroom like that... where the hell'd he come from?" Ranma spat as she rubbed her legs vigorously, feeling the stiffness slowly fade away. Though the redhead appeared to be quite engrossed in the activity at hand, she was still quite aware of her surroundings, as Nephrite could attest to when she nimbly rolled out of the way of a nearly silent lance of darkness that sliced deeply into the roof of the restaurant, causing little bits of ceramic tile to spray into the air.

Ranma snorted and stood up. "What took ya so long, freak? I was gettin' bored."

"Then allow me to entertain you," Nephrite said malevolently as dark energy rolled around in his hands. "There is still time, you know. You have a choice. Join us and prosper. Flee and survive. Or fight and die."

"I choose option D," Ranma spat, shifting into a stance, "kick your ass and go eat dessert." She charged forward suddenly, moving with such force that she left a long tear of torn ceiling tiles in her wake.

"Such a waste," Nephrite spat back, releasing the energy he built up a wide wave that blasted toward the redhead.

Amazingly, Ranma managed to kill nearly all her forward momentum and jump up at a high angle, completely avoiding the blast as it stripped nearly half the roof of its protective tiles. Shifting into a flying kick, her body flew at Nephrite far too quickly for the Dark General to launch another attack.

Whumph! Ranma's eye twitched, and she rebounded off of the barrier before backflipping onto the roof.

'Well, crap. Can't get through his damn shields,' she thought as she watched the general charge up another energy blast. 'This could be tricky...'

* * *

Sailor Moon and Sailor Mars dashed out of the alleyway, momentarily distracted by a loud explosion atop the restaurant. As each of them figured out what the sound probably was, they steeled themselves and dashed forward, jumping for the roof once they reached an appropriate distance.

Neither one of them could say that they expected any impediment to getting to the battle quickly, and technically, they did end up in a fight right away as two ribbons wrapped around their ankles and yanked them hard into the ground... just not the fight they were heading for.

In their haste to get to Ranma and help, the Senshi present had pretty much discounted the two youma Rei had sensed. Evidently those youma had also figured out that the fighting had left the restaurant, and caught them on the way out.

Sailor Mars growled and tore off the ribbon on her ankle before jumping to her feet. "Don't you idiots know when to give up?!"

Fractite giggled from where she sat on a nearby car, her shiny emerald skin laden with ribbons tied in bows that served as clothing and apparently as weapons, too. "Ha! Are these the big bad Senshi that handed Jaedite his cute little behind? What a wuss!"

"Owie..." Sailor Moon mumbled as she staggered to her feet. Looking up, she saw a second youma emerging from the restaurant, being followed by the screams of the panicked diners who were now rushing for the back exits. This one was muscular, red, and looked to be wielding an actual weapon - a plain black staff - instead of magically empowered common items or accessories.

"Don't underestimate them, Fractite!" Baronite growled. "Stronger youma than us have fallen because they weren't taken seriously!"

The smaller creature giggled like a little girl. "Oh PLEASE! Look at these morons! We're combat youma! I could do this by myself! Blindfolded!"

Baronite frowned. "Also, don't forget the fortune cookies."

Sailors Moon and Mars sweatdropped as the smaller youma suddenly paled and looked much more serious. Fortune cookies? What did they have to do with anything?

Baronite readied her staff and then charged, spinning it above her head rapidly as she bore down on the leader of the Senshi, who still appeared to be flat-footed. 'Easy kill!' She thought, suddenly grabbing one end with both hands as the other end lit with energy in preparation for the strike.

"WAIT!" Sailor Moon suddenly shouted, causing the youma charging her to overbalance in trying to stop herself, and end up falling on her face in a manner that the super heroine could fully sympathize with. "I haven't done my speech yet!"

Thud! Sailor Mars and Fractite both fell down from where they had been preparing to fight. BWOOM! Everyone present winced as a powerful explosion detonated on the roof, causing the entire building to shake visibly.

Mars growled as she stood up. "Can't you skip it just this once?"

"But... But... I really want to! I have a good one for restaurants!" Sailor Moon pleaded.

"Besides, if I don't give the speech, how will they know what they're being punished for?"

Sailor Mars hung her head. 'I wonder if Orion's team is recruiting? Having a clueless military nut for a leader might be a nice change of pace.' Then she turned toward Fractite. "Can we have a short cease-fire so that Moon can yell at you for a few seconds?"

"Well... okay, fine. That IS how these battles are supposed to go," Fractite said, swinging her legs idly.

"Thank you! Just hold on a second!" Sailor Moon said happily as she rushed away from Baronite and climbed on top of a van on the edge of the parking lot. Mars sighed and followed her, jumping up to stand next to her and looking completely put upon.

"Ahem! Dining establishments are places for families and couples to share delicious, gourmet food with their dearest loved ones! For interrupting the meals of so many - including MINE, by the way - you will not be forgiven! In the name of the moon, I will punish you!"

Mars was about to ask Usagi if they could start fighting now in a sarcastic tone of voice, when she realized something important: instead of being sandwiched between two youma at close range, they now held higher ground against two youma at long range.

"Hey! Way to go, meatball head! That actually wasn't a bad tactic!" Mars said as she smiled, clapping her hands together. "Mars fire ignite!"

Sailor Moon watched as the youma leapt out of the way of the fireball, and thrust a fist into the air. "Yeah, I sure told them, didn't I? I told you that speech was good!" Then she heard the fire Senshi sigh. "What?"

"Just shut up and start shooting," Mars mumbled irritably.

* * *

Bwakoom! Ranma backflipped across the length of the roof as the rapidly deteriorating building took another hit, and she nearly fell into a heap as her palm slipped slightly on a shattered bit of tile.

The roof had nearly had it, but Ranma wasn't quite willing to leave for another building just yet. She didn't want to turn this into a running battle, as that would just expend the same amount of energy with the same results, with more widespread damage.

Besides, she was making some progress. She was absolutely certain now that hitting the barriers did work toward breaking them, given the Nephrite tended to flinch and look irritated every time she connected with the shield. So clearly it took some effort to keep the barrier up under attack. And Ranma knew the shields could be broken; she was just hoping it didn't take an exploding jet plane to do so.

'Okay, so the way I figure it, when I hit a point, that area becomes a bit "softer" for the followup hits. But I can't keep up an attack on a single point for long before he attacks and I have to keep from getting roasted.'

"You can't win!" The Dark General snarled as he lashed out with a black chain that seemed to wind through the air and seek out the redheaded girl.

Ranma swatted the head of the chain out of the way, not bothering to express the sharp sting that came from touching the construct. Then she quickly started sprinting around her opponent, thinking that if the chain followed her, she could wrap it around Nephrite.

It didn't happen, as the brown-haired general quickly cut power to the construct, and it disintegrated. "I think you'll find I'm no fool like Jaedite. You tricked me once, and you're to be commended for it. But I'll not lose to you."

"Yeah, yeah, talk is cheap, loser," Ranma muttered casually as she hopped back from another small energy bolt. It really didn't help that Nephrite seemed to be no slouch in combat as well as being slightly smarter than the average youma. He had realized very quickly that Ranma was trying to use sustained attacks on a single point on his shield, and was deliberately trying to use smaller, rapid-fire and wave-type attacks in order to keep the martial artist from evading at close range long enough to maintain an assault.

But Ranma knew she was in trouble. This was one of the big bad guys. It was unlikely he'd exhaust himself any faster than she would, and she was sure the louse had a trick or two up his sleeve for last-ditch efforts (though hopefully they would prove to be as ineffectual/selfdestructive as Jaedite's final assault). She had to think of something, and she had to think of it

FAST.

* * *

"Moon... tiara... action!" Sailor Moon shouted as she let her tiara fly at the charging red youma, glowing with magical energies.

Baronite was not impressed, and simply jumped over the projectile as she spun her staff about in the air above her before swinging it downward.

CRUNCH! Sailor Moon yelped as she jumped away, with the vehicle folding up around the black staff around the point of impact. These youma were really strong! 'I hope the others get here soon!'

Sailor Mars tried to summon another attack, only to have her hand wrapped up by the end of a ribbon again and yanked forward, pulling her onto the ground.

"Hee hee hee! Big bad Senshi go boom!" The clearly unbalanced youma giggled as she snapped her ribbon back, before untying the two ribbons on her head and then lashing at Mars repeatedly with them like whips from atop the SUV she was standing on.

'What is she talking about?' Mars thought as she protected her face from the ribbon-whips, which were apparently sharp enough along the edges to cut skin. ''Go boom?' she doesn't even have any explosive attacks!' Or at least she hadn't used any yet. Then the fire Senshi raised an eyebrow. 'Hmmm... but I do...'

Suddenly rolling out of the way of the barrage, Sailor Mars thrust her hands out. "Mars fire ignite!"

Fractite tensed for a moment, then giggled when the fireball struck low, spilling flames underneath her perch without so much as getting a few embers on her. "Ha! You missed!"

"Missed. Right," Mars said smugly, planting her hands on her hips.

Fractite frowned. "Hey, what're you smi-" BWOOM! The youma suddenly screamed as the fuel tank of the sport utility vehicle detonated violently, tearing apart the car into a mess of flames and shrapnel.

Mars turned away to see how Sailor Moon was doing, and grimaced as she saw the ponytailed Senshi wailing loudly while running away from the larger red youma and flailing her arms about. "Oh hell... maybe I should just go rescue Ranma anyway. He could help us more than she could help him..." that train of thought was derailed when she felt another ribbon wrap around her ankle. "Ah, dammit!" She shouted frantically as she was swept right off her feet and thrown into the air.

Fractite, now looking rather scorched, snarled as she tugged her ribbon back, spinning the Senshi of Mars around while she was still up in the air. "You'll pay for that, Sailor brat! Now YOU go boom!"

Quickly snapping another ribbon up, she caught Mars around the waist and then tugged hard downward. This time the ribbon didn't unwind, but held firm.

WHAM! Mars let out a pained cry as she slammed onto the asphalt, feeling the hardened surface crumble and crack as her body barely resisted doing the same. 'Oh man. This sucks,' she thought as she quickly rolled out of the way of another ribbon strike. 'I wonder who's going to save who, here?'

* * *

Tuxedo Kamen's cape billowed elegantly in the wind as he alighted atop a roof next to the Chinese restaurant, gazing on the devastation below. A redheaded girl was fighting a Dark General, and by all indications the battle was currently a stalemate, though the girl was clearly overpowered by a hefty margin. Thick tears ran through the tiled roof in seemingly random waves, and there was more than one gaping hole in the slowly crumbling structure.

Tuxedo Kamen smirked and withdrew a rose, preparing to come to the rescue as usual. Then he hesitated and took a longer look at the redhead (which was hard to do, as she was moving very fast and spent only a few precious seconds in one spot). Then he frowned. 'It's that same ungrateful woman from the mall.' He thought, lowering his hand. 'Well, since she told me to mind my own business, I'll do just that,' he decided, turning away from the scene and turning to his inner senses.

Zeroing in on the Senshi, he quickly leapt to the restaurant roof and gazed out over the parking lot, spotting the women he was tasked with protecting. And they were in danger! Finally, he'd get to actually attack instead of standing around in the cold! With a flick of his wrist, two roses appeared in his hand.

His appearance hadn't gone unnoticed by either of the combatants, and Ranma and Nephrite both stopped to stare at the man who had simply jumped past them and was standing on the edge of the roof as if it wasn't currently the sight of a highly destructive battle.

Nephrite noticed right away that the man seemed to be purposely ignoring them, and decided to put his curiosity aside and respond in kind. He had enough on his plate right now. Ranma frowned. That was the same guy from the parking lot. She didn't know who he was, or what he was doing here, but...

She flipped forward as an energy bolt detonated where she was standing, and then landed nimbly behind the masked man before plucking the roses out of his hands. "'Scuse me, can I borrow these?"

"What? Hey!" Tuxedo Kamen shouted, whirling around as the redhead dashed to the side. Bwoom! Unfortunately, his attention was on the girl, and he didn't realize that the redhead was dodging out of the way of an energy blast until it was too late. Kamen shouted in shock and pain as the dark sphere burst around him, searing his skin and blowing him off the roof.

* * *

"Waaaah! Stop it!" Usagi shouted as she jumped over another staff strike by Baronite.

"No, YOU stop it!" The youma retorted uselessly, slamming her staff into the ground and causing a wave of power to burst from the asphalt and speed toward the flailing girl. Through sheer dumb luck, Sailor Moon happened to trip on the edge of the sidewalk, and landed flat on her face as the energy wave passed by her and tore a motorcycle in two.

"Owie... that hurt."

Baronite grinned as she stood over the blonde heroine, raising her staff in preparation to strike. "Not as much as this wi-Oof!" Her attack was interrupted when something fell off the roof and landed on top of her, causing her to stumble. "What the?" She grabbed the offending object and lifted it up in front of her, revealing it to be an obviously injured man in formal wear.

"Where'd YOU come from?"

Sailor Moon, meanwhile, shook her head to clear it, and then realized how close the youma was (though she didn't notice what she was holding). "Eep! S-Sailor Moon kick!" She shouted in a panic, jumping up and slamming her foot into the distracted creature's abdomen.

Crash! Baronite let go of the man as she crashed through the window and tumbled through a few tables, spilling abandoned plates of food and containers of sauce on herself. Spitting out some soy sauce, the youma started to get up, and then realized that her hand was on something crunchy. Staring down, she saw that the broken remains of a fortune cookie were scattered beneath her clawed hand.

She picked up the fortune that had ended up in her palm. "'Hey, we tried to warn you. Oh, and watch out for the chopsticks.'"

A vein popped up on her head and she crushed the insolent slip of paper in her hand before she stood up. "Get in here and fight, you little coward! We'll see who's going to die!"

* * *

Ranma hopped away again as another hole appeared in the roof of the restaurant, and her fingers stroke the length of the rose to try and get a feel for how they would best be used as projectiles the way she had seen before.

She had seen the things impale youmas' legs on the one occasion she had seen the man before, and while that wasn't particularly impressive in and of itself, in order for ROSES to do such a thing, they obviously had to be magically enhanced or something.

She looked back at the smoking spot where the masked man had stood a few moments before. 'I hope he's okay. I didn't mean for him to get hit like that.' Ranma didn't have anything against the guy in the tuxedo. Hell, she didn't even know who he was.

All she knew was that he was an enemy of the Negaverse, and that alone made him more friend than foe. She had been annoyed the last time because he had interrupted the trap they'd set up, but it wasn't like he could've known. 'I'll see if I can help him out later. For now, this geek has to go.'

Jumping over another small bolt, Ranma suddenly dashed at Nephrite in a bizarre zig-zag pattern that clearly surprised the Dark General as he tried to figure out where to point his next blast.

Wham! Ranma planted the first punch against the barrier before turning and planting her elbow into the very same spot. Then she delivered two rapid kicks, and used a third to brace herself against the shield as she saw Nephrite prepare his usual counter-measures to ward her off.

Pushing off from the barrier, Ranma smirked as she saw the energy wave pass under her, further rupturing the rapidly weakening roof. "Hyah!"

Nephrite blinked as a streak of red came at him at high speed, and gasped as it struck the weakened point in his barrier, punching through before continuing on to embed itself solidly in his thigh.

Growling, the Dark General quickly yanked out the offending object, and then worked on restoring his shattered barrier before the pigtailed girl could take advantage. Thock! When a knife-hand strike struck him in the throat, he was forced to admit that he hadn't quite made it.

Wham! Whock! Thwack! Pained grunts was all the noise that escaped his damaged throat as blows rained down on his body, striking those points that either caused the most pain (though oddly enough, the girl didn't strike him in the crotch) or restricted his movement when damaged.

By the time his legs were swept out from under him - right before Ranma grabbed him by the front and slammed him down onto the roof - both his arms were dislocated, the rose had somehow found itself back in his thigh, and he was still choking like someone had shoved a crowbar down his throat.

Ranma panted lightly as she stood over the twitching form below her, and held the other rose's point against the man's throat. "I win," she said simply, smirking. "So, you give up yet? I think we could use a higher-up as a prisoner. We even have a little torture shack set up and everything. Whaddya say."

A few painful-sounding gasps was the only response.

"Huh. You know, on any normal human, that attack woulda killed 'em," Ranma murmured as he watched the brown-haired man glare at him. "You, I figure you should be able to talk again in a few seconds."

This time the reply was a long, drawn out groaning noise.

"What was that?" Ranma asked, moving closer.

Crack! Ranma frowned. 'Wait. He's not making those sounds. Then what-'

That was his final thought before the restaurant's roof finally gave in to all the abuse it had taken thusfar, breaking apart as it collapsed inward.

* * *

Sailor Moon, who was mentally debating the best way to get out of fighting the strong youma shouting at her from the restaurant without looking like a complete coward, was quite surprised and thoroughly delighted when the roof suddenly collapsed inward, prompting a loud, despaired shout from the creature within.

She was immediately worried when she heard another startled yell, this one much more human-sounding. "Oh no! Ranma!" Waiting a moment for the dust to settle, she rushed into the remains of the restaurant, scrambling over rubble and debris while searching for any sign of her friend and sensei's bright red hair.

When a pile of rubble suddenly burst upward next to her, it was certainly red, but pretty much the exact opposite of what Sailor Moon was hoping for. Thwack! Baronite chuckled as she watched the supposed leader of the Senshi crash painfully into a booth, breaking the leg and spilling the table's contents all over her. Quite fitting, as she had suffered the same thing a moment before.

Raising her staff, the combat youma charged her power into one end as she approached the dazed Senshi. "Now it's OVER!" She shouted, swinging the staff down and aiming right for the girl's blonde head.

Tak!

Baronite's jaw dropped open, and she stared in disbelief as Sailor Moon stared back up at her, clearly afraid, but also determined. Holding her staff at bay, with the glowing head just inches from Moon's skull, was a pair of chopsticks clasping the weapon at about a quarterlength from the head, themselves glowing with a bright, luminescent power.

"Wh-What the HELL is this?" The youma stuttered.

Sailor Moon said nothing as she felt the chopsticks strain under the strength of the youma. Her other hand was searching desperately for another pair to use, but if she couldn't find anything, she didn't know what she was going to do.

She brightened considerably as she saw a second figure rise behind her opponent. Thock! Baronite yelped as a roundhouse kick struck her powerfully in the side of the head, sending her crashing into a pile of debris and momentarily knocking her silly.

Ranma quickly snatched up the youma's staff and slammed it against the creature's stomach, pinning it for a moment. "Hit it now!"

"Right! Moon... tiara... action!" Sailor Moon shouted as she did her unnecessarily long attack sequence, with Ranma struggling against the youma all the while. The redhead managed, however, and Baronite let out a final panicked scream before she was disintegrated into dust by the disc of energy.

Ranma sighed as she watched the dust settle, and frowned as she scanned the surrounding rubble. 'No sign of the boss man. Figures.'

Glomp! The redhead yelped as she was suddenly enveloped by an enthusiastic blonde. "Ranma! You're okay! I was so worried about you!" Sailor Moon shouted as she hugged the redhead close to her. "Are you hurt? Did you have to fight another youma? Is that why the roof collapsed?"

Ranma was about to try and answer her questions, when she noticed something in looking about the restaurant. "Hey, where's Re-er, Sailor Mars?"

* * *

Crash! "Aaugh!" Mars shouted as she impacted the side of a small sedan, feeling the metal fold and tear under her as bits of glass rained down over her body. Tearing the ribbon off her ankle again, she spat up a bit of blood before climbing shakily to her feet.

"Ha ha ha! See? You're not so tough!" Fractite shouted gleefully as she unwrapped several ribbons at once, smirking when they twisted around each other to form a thick rope-like strand.

Sailor Mars winced. She had already seen this attack. The multiple ribbons twisted as they struck, and were strong enough to drill holes in metal and asphalt. She had been able to dodge before, but now...

"Now GO BOOM!" The little youma shouted, whipping the mass back and tearing it forward. Or that was the plan, anyway. Instead, she found herself yanked backward suddenly, and almost lost her balance.

Turning around, the short youma saw a buxom, redheaded girl standing over her and holding her ribbon-rope, looking extremely pissed off. "What are you doing here? I thought Lord Nephrite was taking care of you! GRK!"

Ranma lifted the green creature up from where she had grasped her by the neck. "There's been a change in plans," she said simply. Then Ranma slammed the little youma into the ground before descending upon her like a raging demon, her entire form glowing slightly as her fists hammered downward.

Sailor Moon gave the violent scene a wide berth as she dashed over the Sailor Mars. "Mars! Are you all right? I'm sorry I couldn't help you but the other youma was chasing me and it was really strong and-"

"Okay! Yes! I get it! I'm fine!" the Senshi of fire said quickly, wiping the blood off her forehead and hoping her hair didn't look TOO disarrayed. It wouldn't do for Ranma to save her while she looked like a complete mess, after all.

Whump! Ranma was panting rather heavily now as he let the battered and broken youma fall onto the ground, thoroughly tied up with her own ribbons so that she looked like a mummy with only her head exposed. "Well then. Looks like we have another prisoner."

Sailor Moon blinked. "A prisoner? We can take prisoners?"

"We can," Ranma confided. "Hopefully she has something useful to tell us that'll help us in the future."

Fractite groaned slightly as her vision slowly coalesced into a single fuzzy image instead of many fuzzy images, and the conversation above slowly registered in her mind. "But... wait...my fortune said that I was going to die!"

Ranma, Moon, and Mars all blinked. Then Ranma shrugged. "Well, all right. Have it your way." She quickly backed away.

Fractite frowned for a moment, and then her eyes widened. "Wait! No! I take it back! You can take me prisoner! Stop!"

Sailor Mars just smiled viciously as her flames coalesced into her hands, building much higher and hotter than they had before. "Now you go boom."

"AAAAARGH!" BWAKOOM!

* * *

"Springfield, prepare to land on the edge of the parking lot when we arrive," Sousuke commanded from the rear of the staff, slipping down his gas mask. Negi nodded as he weaved around another skyscraper, being careful not to make his turn too sharp (Sousuke had been reluctant enough about riding on a flying stick; he didn't want to jostle the mercenary).

Below them, Sailors Mercury and Jupiter did their best to catch up as they bound across the rooftops, barely managing to follow the flying Knights.

"Don't worry Sailor Moon! We're coming!" Mercury panted, leaping onto the parking lot alongside the thunder Senshi. A moment later Negi swung down in front of them for a landing, and Sousuke jumped off, rolling across the asphalt to a crouch behind a car.

"Where is the enemy?" Sousuke hissed, holding his shotgun at the ready as he peeked at the rubble that had once been a restaurant.

"You're standing in one," came a voice from behind them, causing the four warriors to jump slightly in surprise.

Whirling around in surprise (and no small amount of embarrassment), they found Rei (no longer in Senshi form, and still looking a tad roughed up), Usagi (looking physically fine, though she appeared distinctly unhappy about the way Rei was leaning on Ranma to support her limp), and Ranma (having changed back to male form at some point, and oblivious to Rei's contented smile and Usagi's disgruntled stare).

Sousuke stared for a moment, then stared down at his feet, noting the sparkly dust underneath his boots. "It would seem the enemy threat has been neutralized."

"Yeah. Two youma and one of those general guys," Ranma explained. "The general got away, but we took care of the rest of 'em."

"But hey, thanks for stopping by," Rei murmured, meaning the comment to be sarcastic, but actually feeling too good being held under Ranma's arm to put much malevolence into her voice.

"S-Sorry," Sailor Mercury said, flushing. "We got here as fast as we could."

Usagi shrugged. "Eh, no harm done. They weren't that strong." Rei and Ranma both gave her a short glare at that statement, but softened quickly.

"Well, since we're all here, and meatball head's the only one who really got to eat," Rei began somewhat irritably, "you guys wanna change and go get some dinner?"

Sailor Mercury and Jupiter turned to stare at each other, and then they both shrugged. "Okay, that sounds good." "Yeah, I could eat."

* * *

Several blocks away, Nephrite leaned against the wall of an alleyway, glowing slightly as he accelerated the healing of his body. It surprised him when he realized that he wasn't all that badly injured. The girl he had fought was evidently able to stun and disable him without causing a great deal of damage to him. Honestly, the Dark General wasn't sure whether to scoff or admire this.

"There's no need to report this... inconvenience to Beryl," Nephrite decided after a moment.

"It's clear I was merely impatient. And I did intend to make diplomatic contact rather than attacking outright," he said to himself, straightening as he felt the pain in his arms and throat ebb. "Next time... Next time I will strike in earnest! And then..."

He was about to continue, when he noticed a beggar slink by the alley, hunched over and leaning on a cane. After turning completely around and observing the man for a moment longer, he recognized him as the same masked fellow from before, though he was now using the cane that he was holding as a crutch, his clothes were torn and charred, and his hat had nearly been ripped in two (Nephrite was kind of wondering at this point why he bothered to wear it).

Watching the man struggle past, Nephrite's curiosity got the best of him and he straightened himself before following after the man, turning out of the alley and then tapping him on the shoulder. Once the masked fellow turned toward him, Nephrite coughed into his hand before speaking.

"Pardon me, I couldn't help but note your presence earlier in the battle... might I inquire as to who you are?" It didn't seem like the fellow was a member of the Senshi support group, but it was best to make sure and eliminate him right away if he was.

Tuxedo Kamen stared at the Dark General for a long moment. Then he grimaced as he forced himself into an upright position in order to make his speech look remotely dignified. "I am the shadowy avenger Tuxedo Kamen, striking from..." he trailed off in his monologue and leaned forward again."Oh, forget it. I don't really know."

Nephrite sweatdropped. "I... see. It appears your interference was not suffered lightly. My sympathies."

"Uh... thanks," Kamen murmured, finding the conversation extremely awkward. It seemed that the Dark General didn't realize he was an ally of the Senshi yet, but he certainly recognized the Negaverse leader as an opponent. "How did your battle against that redheaded girl fare?"

"Ah. Not so well, I'm afraid," Nephrite mumbled. "So where are you off to now?"

Tuxedo Kamen remained silent for a long moment while he mulled over that question. "Well, ordinarily I'd return to the home - wherever that is - of my alter ego - whoever that is - and fall asleep such that I can wake up in the morning unusually tired and without remembering a thing."

Nephrite cocked his head to one side.

"Now, however," Kamen continued, "I was thinking I'd find a nice, cheap bar, order a few too many drinks and black out the old-fashioned way." He took a few more moments to stare at the Dark General. "Care to join me?"

Nephrite sweatdropped again. "Another time, I'm sure."

"Farewell, then." Tuxedo Kamen said amiably, slinking away on his cane.

"Farewell," Nephrite mumbled, looking over his shoulder at the masked warrior as he walked the other way down the sidewalk. 'You know, a drink doesn't sound like a bad idea. I could really use an espresso.'


	17. The New Threat is a Secret!

It was one of the fundamental rules of the aniverse that in any world that experiences frequent struggles between the forces of good and evil, there has to be balance between the two forces, or else the forces of darkness should hopelessly outnumber and outgun the forces of light such that the epic battles are appropriately dramatic and heroic with lots of desperation and feats of tremendous courage. Wouldn't be proper otherwise.

In this particular world, the forces of darkness had been terribly stymied. Although they hadn't suffered any great losses (unless one counts Jaedite, which most Negacitizens did not), they were opposed by a force that was as cunning and well-equipped as it was powerful, while their own power base was slowly shrinking due to their defeats.

Worse yet, the Knights that supported the Senshi themselves had powerful and terrible allies they could call upon in times of need, though the Negaverse was unaware of this and the Knights themselves kept it as a last resort.

Suffice to say, this would not do. Heroes needed powerful, intelligent foes to drive them to greater feats of courage and inner strength! So it was safe to say, considering the shadowy figure that looked down over the wreckage of the Chinese restaurant while observing the Senshi and Knights below, which fate had once again went ahead and screwed over the forces of light.

* * *

He was considered a figure of great power and mystery, although he had only three names by which he was known, which was unusual for a being such as him. Of course, of those three names, one was his true name as spoken in long dead demonic languages which none but his master sometimes addressed him.

He didn't usually tell people about that name, not because he cared whether or not people knew it, but rather because it had upwards of thirtytwo syllables and the pronunciation was impossible for a human tongue. As one might imagine, it really killed a good introduction. The second name was really just a title that he had made up for himself that nobody called him by.

All the most powerful sorcerers and priests in his home dimension had special addendums to their names that made them sound more important and awe-inspiring, so why not him? That the title never really caught on with anybody but himself didn't seem to bother him.

His third name was the one everyone used to address him. To ally (what few there were), enemy, and those undecided (there were quite a few of these) he was known simply as Xellos. Actually, most people that saw him tended to address him indirectly, as in "Not HIM again!" but that was beside the point.

Xellos was not, as one might expect, on some grand mission sent down to him from on high (or perhaps sent up from down below) by a grand, near-omnipotent force too busy basking in its own power to snap its fingers in order to complete the task it had given to the self-declared mysterious priest. No, Xellos was on vacation.

Suffice to say, it would not surprise anyone who knew him that what he did for fun was the same as what he did on the job: annoying select groups of heroes for no goddamn reason. His current fascination was with the current magical power struggle going on between the Dark Kingdom and the Sailor Senshi.

He hadn't been in this dimension long, but he had picked up the basics: artifacts of great power from a long-dead kingdom that desperately denied being dead had been sent forward and implanted into innocent civilian girls, who were forced to fight the enemies of the dead kingdom that some idiot saw fit to "banish" rather than blow away in a massive supernova (Xellos had studied some of the stories from the local astral beings; he knew it had been possible, but energy had to be spent to reincarnate souls far into the future. Ridiculous.).

That alone was fascinating enough for Xellos, who found the girls' antics to be hilarious. It was like seeing an entire team of Amelia clones, except that Amelia tended to have some inkling of what she was doing. Xellos liked it much better than tagging along with Lina while the master sorceress simply blew everything up expertly (at least, he liked it from a distance. These types of girls tended to put out a constant stream of happy emotions at close range, which was bad for his stomach).

Of course, then this new talking cat showed up with a team of kids who fought like actual warriors, and then things started to get boring. Youma went down in one-on-one fights. Some of them got blown to bits before they even saw the enemy. Even the Dark Generals themselves were hard pressed to deal with the new kids, who tended to utilize experience and cunning rather than resilience and luck. Although it was kind of fun seeing the fellow in the top hat getting smacked around by accident, he was bored.

Xellos tended to do horrible things when he was bored. Most mazoku simply went on bloody rampages, or stirred up some unrest to bask in the anger and violence. But oh no, not Xellos. He did something far worse.

He helped out.

* * *

Kunzite sighed softly as he scanned the papers on his desk in his Earth office, a phone receiver held in the crook of his neck.

"Yes Zoicite. Mm-huh. Right. And then what?" He asked as he swapped some papers around in front of him, speaking automatically. He was quite used to these types of conversations, and could speak his part while being totally absorbed in something else. 'Honestly, Zoicite can be such a whiner sometimes.' "I see. Well, you did wait to tell the queen about your failure. It's only understandable that she'd be upset by the delay. I'm just glad you're all right."

He signed his name on a few papers, idly wondering why he was stuck doing the paperwork in this operation. 'Stupid R&D department in the Negaverse snaps up any youma with more than two brain cells to rub together... maybe we should consider employing humans until the time comes to enslave them.' Kunzite and Zoicite didn't like to use humans in their operations, because uncontrolled ones were quite likely to see something they shouldn't, and dominated ones were no more competent than youma. Still, pushing papers was beginning to aggravate the Dark General.

"Well, it's good that she didn't see fit to punish you, but you should get right back to work," Kunzite said as he stuffed the invoices in a folder. "I'm sorry, I can't come back right now. My operation demands my full attention." He then rolled his eyes. "If you come to help me, then we're just wasting our resources. It will be some time before I can see you again. I'm sorry."

He nodded as he put his hand on the receiver, preparing to end the conversation. "Yes, I'll check up on you as soon as I can. Love you too. Goodbye."

The Dark General sighed again as he hung up. "Tsk. Such a crybaby." Kunzite found Zoicite's sensitive and clingy nature to be actually one of his most attractive traits, but it was far more endearing when they had been killing time while trapped in a barren dimension instead of actively engaged in a shadow war.

Putting away the file in his hands, the Dark General planted his fists on his hips in satisfaction. "Hm. Not bad. After the world is ours and there's no more need for war and soldiers, perhaps I'll get a desk job. It's surprisingly fulfilling."

Kunzite chuckled for a moment, admiring his pharmacy office. The pharmacy, naturally, specialized in sleeping drugs; they boasted a type of medication that could knock anyone out completely in minutes, with the only common side effect being an unusual lack of energy the following morning. The drugs were quite expensive for the small doses that were sold, but customers could reap a substantial discount if they brought back the original bottles to be refilled rather than purchasing new ones.

The Dark General chuckled, admiring his own genius. It was the ultimate ruse. Even Zoicite's operation, as elaborate and careful as it was, contained suspicious elements and attracted attention. But a pharmacy selling affective sleeping drugs? Who would investigate that? The plan was completely foolproof.

He was still chuckling proudly to himself when a deafening roar erupted from the door behind him, and the entire building shook slightly.

* * *

Cough! Cough! "What was that? What happened?" Kunzite shouted as he burst from his office, wincing at the clouds of dust and ash that were only beginning to settle.

"L-Lord Kunzite? Where are you?" Asked a skinny, blue horned youma as she stumbled forward, nearly tumbling into the man.

A vein popped up on Kunzite's head. "Idiot! Don't address me by my real name! And what are you doing out of your disguise?" Then he noted that the youma's left arm was missin. "Oh. I see."

As the blue creature quailed and began to apologize, the Dark General scanned the room, searching for the cause of the disturbance. He didn't have to wait long.

"Fulguratio albicans!" KRA-KOOM! A bright flash of light penetrated the dust cloud, followed by a badly charred youma bouncing along the floor to land at Kunzite's feet. Kunzite's eyes narrowed as the shockwave dispersed most of the dust, revealing... a young boy with a large stick?

Negi frowned deeply as he stared up at the man glaring at him, noting the gray uniform that matched the one he had seen on Jaedite and Zoicite. "You! You're the leader here, aren't you?"

Kunzite snorted, allowing dark energies to seep into his hands. "Yes, I am. So who are you?"

"I am your enemy. That's all you need to know," the British boy said, holding his staff in front of him while his free hand started glowing with arcane power.

"Hmph. Pretentious little brat, aren't you?" The Dark General sneered. "Before I swat you, little insect, I must know: HOW did you discover this operation? I had thought the cover foolproof."

Negi blinked, then mutely pointed next to Kunzite at an advertisement display in front of the pharmacy counter.

Kunzite turned to look. On the sign were the words "Modern scientific miracle! Energy draining pills sold here!" In big, black print with the words "Energy draining" crossed out with a sloppy red X and "Sleeping" scrawled above it in black marker.

Kunzite's face turned a brilliant shade of red, and he glared venomously at the blackened youma on the floor below him. "YOU IDIOT! I told you to get a new sign, not just cross out those words on the old one!"

The youma let out a pathetic cough, and a small mushroom puff of black smoke spouted from its mouth. "It's not like the customers cared..."

These were to be the unfortunate lackey's final words, as Kunzite swept his hand down and utterly annihilated the creature in a blaze of dark fire.

Negi wasted no time contemplating Kunzite's killing his own servants, and quickly changed his intended spell from a shield to a projectile. "Rastel maskil magister! Sagitta magica!

Eleven arrows of light!"

The remaining youma yelped and jumped away as the projectiles spread out and sailed toward Kunzite, but the Dark General just snorted and swept his hand to the side. A moment later the light bolts hammered uselessly against a plane of force, each one fizzling to a slight spark before vanishing entirely.

Clink! C-Clink! Before Kunzite could begin a traditional bad guy monologue about the weakness of Negi's magic, two fragmentation grenades sailed over a set of nearby shelves, bouncing to his feet.

BOOM! BOOM! Twin explosions briefly engulfed the Negaverse leader, and Negi briefly powered his shield to deflect bits of shrapnel before incanting another spell. "Spirits of mana, come forth and let thy work be undone! Animus quasso!"

The brief smokescreen from the frags dissipated, revealing Kunzite's surprised expression as the magical energy he had been charging suddenly slipped away from him, like clay in his hand that suddenly turned into water. The expression shifted to alarm when he realized that his barrier was gone as well, turning into small pinpricks of light and gently floating onto the floor.

"Damn you! DIE!" Kunzite snarled, charging up another bolt of energy and being immensely relieved when it worked. He held his arm up as the sphere of black lightning grew in his palm, and smirked evilly at the child as it grew powerful enough to crush the boy's own magic shell.

Then he hurled forward, the magical energies causing visible ripples in the air as it rocketed forth.

"GWAAAH!" Shouted the remaining youma helplessly as it crashed through a shelf of cold remedies, being thrown directly in the path of the energy bolt.

BA-BOOOM! Kunzite himself grunted as he felt the shockwave of his magic pound his body, forgetting that he had never used such a powerful projectile without his barriers in place. 'Come to think of it... I really should generate another shield,' he thought dubiously as bits of wood and tile bounced away from the impact crater in the middle of his pharmacy.

BLAM! He didn't quite make it.

Ch-Chak! Sousuke cocked his shotgun as the Dark General was blasted to the side, screaming in pain with his arms flailing. "This facility is rigged to explode. I recommend we evacuate." The mercenary barely ducked back behind a shelf as a small bolt of black lightning darted for him, and immediately dashed for the window through which he had entered.

"Got it!" Shouted a new voice, and Kunzite's eye twitched as a redheaded girl (notably NOT wearing a sailor suit) smacked aside another shelving unit, grabbed the child mage, and darted outside so quickly that Kunzite didn't even have time to snap off a shot at her.

"No... it can't... end here... not like this..." Kunzite growled as he stood up, holding his side as blood seeped through his uniform. Even without his normal barriers, Negi's dispel hadn't affected his magically enhanced body, meaning that the shotgun blast had merely torn flesh instead of blowing apart his arm and torso.

Doing his best to ignore the pain, Kunzite prepared the teleportation construct to get himself to safety. He would NOT die like his lackeys in some slipshod lightning raid! Kunzite would live on! 'And then, I will repay those worms for this wound. I will repay them tenfold...'

KWA-BOOOM!

Kunzite felt his heart stop briefly at the distant detonation, and as a result he fumbled the teleport construct he had been making in order to get out of the pharmacy in time. 'That explosion was too far away... what's going on?'

After a moment spent panting in the middle of the floor, Kunzite began working on another teleport. He didn't know what was going on, but there was a possibility that the explosion he had just heard was unrelated to his current plight, meaning that his building was still rigged to blow. At the very least, the humans might return after the failed demolition attempt to try to finish him off.

"Hello there!"

"GWAH!" Kunzite lurched forward from the loud, friendly greeting behind him, once again screwing up his inter-dimensional teleport. Whirling around, he glared up at the figure who had suddenly appeared behind him.

The man was of average height with dark purple hair in a clean, sharp pageboy cut and an amused smile on his face that Kunzite immediately decided was an unusually dominating feature, as if it was very nearly permanent. His clothing was odd, featuring baggy pants under a neatly pressed tunic with a cape over his shoulders. He also carried a wooden staff with a large red orb clasped in the head.

Kunzite could honestly say he had no idea what to make of the man, though he knew instinctively that he was something other than human, which was mostly a point in the newcomer's favor. "You. What's going on here? Are you responsible for this?"

"Responsible? Responsible for what?" The man asked curiously, tilting his head to one side.

"The human said this building was armed to explode," Kunzite growled. "If you've not taken care of that somehow, then we must-"

"Oh, THAT," the man said cheerfully. "I wanted to talk to you, but it was a bit dangerous with all those bombs. So I got rid of them."

"Got... rid of them?"

The purple-haired man nodded cheerfully.

* * *

Shingo gaped, along with pretty much all the other elementary school students as they stared at the smouldering pile of rubble that had replaced their school a mere half-hour before class had started.

Normally he wouldn't be at school this early, but he had taken to eating breakfast and leaving earlier recently because of Usagi, who kept snatching food from his plate now for some reason. He didn't know how she did it, and technically he couldn't even say he saw her do it, but he wasn't so stupid not to notice how quickly his portions vanished now while his rate of consumption had remained the same.

So here he was, along with all the teachers and early-birds, staring at the charred wreckage of Juuban Elementary.

"YAAAAAAAY!" "WOOOHOO!" "Three day weekend!" "HUZZAH!"

* * *

"So who are you, exactly?" Kunzite said in a guarded tone of voice, slowly standing up and actively healing the wound in his side.

"My name is Xellos, the mysterious priest!" The mazoku said with a bow. "And you would be Kunzite, Dark General of the Veganerse!"

Kunzite's eyebrow twitched. "That's 'Negaverse.' Or 'Dark Kingdom' if you prefer." Then he cleared his throat. "You have my thanks for your assistance, but I must leave immediately. The humans have proven strangely adept, and I will not be caught off my guard."

"Again," Xellos said, still smiling.

"Pardon?"

"Caught off your guard, again," the mazoku clarified.

Kunzite glared at him. "Well, it's been nice chatting, but I REALLY must be going. Farewell," he grumbled, finally activating a successful teleport and vanishing.

* * *

Ranma stared at the distant column of smoke, and then crossed her arms over her chest.

"Well, Sousuke? Explanations?"

"I... I don't what to make of this scenario," the mercenary responded, obviously disquieted (and looking as if he was having trouble simply expressing that normally).

"Could it have been a dud? Maybe the explosion over there was something else," Negi reasoned.

"The probability of such an event is impossible," Sousuke said, looking unusually upset. "I regularly practice placing redundant charges in case of misfires, and the dealer that supplied these materials is very reliable.

There is no chance that all six explosives were defective." He frowned. "The only possibilities are either I improperly armed them," his scowl told the other Knights what the mercenary thought of that possibility, "or... hmm..." Sousuke stared down at the radio detonator in his hand consideringly, then adjusted the frequency before squeezing the button again.

KABOOOM!

Ranma barely managed to catch Negi as the smaller boy was knocked off his feet by the detonation of the building behind them, and winced as bits of small debris pelted her back. Fuming, she put Negi down and turned toward Sousuke. "What's the deal? Don't tell me you didn't arm THAT one either!"

"On the contrary," Sousuke answered, still frowning at his detonator. "I rigged that structure to explode. As I said, I can't explain the first detonation."

Negi stared at the trembling pile of rubble that had made up the (conveniently empty) that had been an electronics specialty store. "Why did you arm that building?"

The mercenary shrugged. "Just in case." Then he switched the frequency on the detonator again. "I rigged many of the surrounding buildings previous to our incursion. It's possible that I mixed up the frequencies in my head. But by process of elimination..."

"STOP! That's my paycheck you're blowing up!" Ranma shouted, snatching away the detonator desperately.

Negi gulped as beads of sweat fell down his brow. 'Sousuke... is a very, very scary man...'

Fuming, Ranma pocketed the detonator. "Now disarm those bombs! Me an' Negi'll finish off the jerk inside."

Negi groaned as he felt a distinctive magical discharge. "We needn't bother. He just teleported out."

Sousuke looked unusually downcast. "I... I must bear responsibility for failing to eliminate the enemy. This is my fault..."

Ranma felt her annoyance with the mercenary evaporate when she saw how honestly upset failing a demolition had made the older boy. "Hey, hey. Don't worry about it. It's probably not even your fault." She smiled when Sousuke looked at her questioningly. "Sure! You know these dark fruitcakes, they got all sorts of weird powers. No big surprise that they could get out of a trap like that!"

Sousuke nodded, feeling his confidence return at Ranma's endorsement. "You're right, of course. Still, I should have anticipated that possibility and prepared suitable countermeasures." Then he stared at the pharmacy. "And regardless, we should destroy the enemy stronghold."

Ranma sweatdropped and pulled the mercenary back as he tried to re-enter the building.

"Why don't you work on disarming the bombs like I said. You have to be at school soon anyway. I have afternoon classes, so I can check this place out with Negi, all right?"

Sousuke frowned at Ranma giving him orders (as he supposedly outranked the pigtailed martial artist), but decided to let it slide; Ranma wasn't exactly a military man, and his plan was sound. "Very well. Proceed with caution."

"Will do!" Ranma said, saluting in the way she had seen Sousuke do in the past as the mercenary left to retrieve his bombs.

Negi looked up at the redhead once Sousuke had entered the nearest adjacent structure not yet destroyed. "So... the enemy leader is gone, and all the enemy youma and dead... what are we supposed to do now?" Negi hoped Ranma wasn't expecting him to blast the building apart with his magic; his strongest wind spells weren't really suited for demolition, and would draw a lot of unwanted attention besides.

Ranma cocked her head to the side and stared up at the building consideringly. "Wanna loot the place?"

Negi blinked, and then shrugged. "Okay."

* * *

Kunzite breathed heavily as he materialized in his room within the Negaverse, idly feeling the wet, sticky patch around his mostly-healed shotgun wound.

"This is most unfortunate," he mumbled to himself. "A total loss after Zoicite's partial success will look particularly bad. I fear Beryl will not be so patient with me as she was with he."

"My, that IS a problem!"

"GWAH!" Kunzite jumped forward in shock, and then whirled around to see Xellos standing behind him. "YOU!"

Xellos blinked, looking completely unconcerned with the magic bolt that the Dark General was charging in his hand. "Yes? Is there a problem?"

"Yes, there's a problem!" Kunzite snarled, his usual cool utterly shattered. "What are you doing here?"

"I just followed you," the Mazoku said innocently. "I said I wanted to talk, and you said it wasn't a good place, so..." he trailed off, and gestured around him to the crystal-laden interior.

Then, as he looked around, he grimaced. "Ugh. Who IS your interior decorator?"

Kunzite's eyebrow twitched, and he let the energy charge in his hand die. He couldn't really explain why, but something told him that trying to eliminate the pest before him would be even more annoying than leaving him be. Besides, he DID owe the man for saving him. "My boyfriend, Zoicite did my throne room, actually."

"Huh... a little heavy on the precious stones, don't you think?" Xellos said distastefully as he licked his thumb and scrubbed one of the larger gems on Kunzite's throne. "I would have expected something a little less... gaudy from a homosexual, personally."

A vein popped up on Kunzite's head. "Did you have a REASON for following me?"

"Oh, right!" Xellos turned around, once again smiling brightly. "I've been watching you fellows for a while, and frankly, I've noticed that you have certain goals that happen to parallel my own!"

Kunzite frowned deeply. "And what would your goals be, exactly?"

"Oh. Well, that..." he grinned brightly and held up his index finger in front of his nose, "is a secret!"

Another vein appeared behind the first one, and the Dark General rapidly found his urge to squash the man in front of him overpowering the sense that he shouldn't. "So what do you want?"

"I'd like to help out a bit!" Xellos said, planting his free hand on his hip. "You know, nothing big - I'm on vacation, you see - but maybe I could lend a hand here and then, provide some critical information, maybe a few ancient artifacts of great power, that sort of thing."

Kunzite let his rage cool, and soon the throbbing in his head had abated. "So you wish to join us?"

"Well, not precisely," Xellos said, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. "I'm afraid I'm not much a team player, you see. It gets messy, with all the emotional commitment and conflicting sub-plots and being entirely unreliable and all." He kept smiling as Kunzite twitched. "I'd prefer to think of it as an alliance of convenience!"

The Dark General remained silent for a moment, then gestured toward the hall. "Why, certainly. Let's just meet up with the local ultimate authority in our Dark Kingdom, and we can see if we can come to an arrangement."

Xellos cocked his head to one side. "You know, really, the name 'Dark Kingdom' is terribly generic. I kind of like the other one. What was it, Dagaverse? Nightverse? Segaverse, right?"

Several veins popped up on Kunzite's head, and he grabbed the Mazoku by the arm. "THIS way, please," he said through clenched teeth as he dragged the pest along.

"No, wait, that wasn't it. Though 'Segaverse' doesn't sound bad, does it? Do you have an idea box anywhere?"

* * *

Beryl wasn't completely sure what to make of this situation. She had detected a disturbance centered around her generals, and had conjured an image of Kunzite's operation to see the structure utterly ransacked. Thus, when she had seen Kunzite stagger into her throne room with a noticeable bloody tear in his uniform, she had been understandably expecting a report of failure, and planning some quick punishment in preparation.

She had even called in Zoicite to stand by the sidelines and watch his lover suffer as an added touch. She hated the part of being dark queen that involved listening to incompetent underlings stutter excuses for their failures, but she just LOVED the proceeding torture. It just brightened up even the most dismal screw-up.

But much to her surprise, Kunzite had come in dragging along some purple-haired stranger who seemed to be questioning him (unsuccessfully, as Kunzite was clearly ignoring him) about the presence of lawyer-youma in cases of copyright infringement.

Kunzite dropped Xellos' hand and bowed deeply. "My queen, I bring before you Xellos."

"Ahem! Xellos the mysterious priest!" Xellos corrected, bowing himself. It was unlikely he'd ever be addressed by the title, but he still wanted it out there.

"Yes, fine," Kunzite mumbled, looking up at the redheaded queen. "This... man desires an alliance with us, my queen."

"Oh, really?" Beryl asked, momentarily letting the matter of Kunzite's failure slip her mind as she gazed at the newcomer. "You want to ally with us?"

"More or less," Xellos said, shrugging as he straightened and utterly shocking Zoicite with his nonchalance. "But that aside, are you taking suggestions on the name of this place? I was just telling your general here that 'Dark Kingdom' is rather bland, you know?"

Beryl stared at the Mazoku for a long moment. "No. No, I'm not. Back to the matter of this supposed alliance: what do you offer us as an expression of goodwill?"

"Well, for starters, I thought of three better names for your kingdom on the way up," Xellos said cheerfully, counting the items off on his fingers. "Segaverse, Twilight Imperium, and The Forsaken Kingdom!"

Beryl's eyes narrowed. "I told you, we don't... hmm... Twilight Imperium..." She frowned and rubbed her chin consideringly for a moment.

Then she remembered her current position and shook her head to clear it. "Kunzite, what is the meaning of this?" She asked, glancing down at the kneeling general.

"I can make no excuses for his behavior, my queen," the Dark General said. Discreetly, at an angle so that Beryl could see it and Xellos couldn't, he drew his index finger across his throat meaningfully.

Queen Beryl raised an eyebrow, and then looked back up at Xellos. "Well, let me consider your offer of a moment." She said smugly. "Hm. No." Then she flicked her hand slightly at the purple-haired man, sending a ball of black lightning flying from her fingers right over the kneeling Kunzite and straight at Xellos' chest.

Xellos didn't move, or even stop smiling as the sphere of energy bounced off of a carefully angled plane of force in front of him, sailing straight for Kunzite's back.

GZZACK!

The mazoku looked worried as the stricken man screamed in agony, which was mirrored by the blonde fellow across the room. Beryl just looked surprised, though not at all dismayed.

"Oh dear, that was quite unpleasant." He shrugged his shoulders and looked up at the seated redhead. "Are you sure you don't want to reconsider? I should tell you that my plans don't really change whether you agree to the alliance or not. It's just nicer to be able to drop in here without being assaulted every time."

"You monster!" Zoicite growled through clenched teeth, summoning his power into his hands.

"You'll pay for that!"

Screaming a battle cry, the blonde general charge Xellos viciously, preparing to unleash his full power as close range and hopefully overwhelm the man's shields. Xellos merely held up a palm in Zoicite's direction, and a blast of force stopped Zoicite in his tracks, stunning him.

"Now now, let's not have that," the mazoku said, his pleasant smile suddenly becoming a deadly smirk. Then he rose while holding his staff into the air, and the red sphere clasped at the tip began to glow brightly, coalescing stray energies into a great charge of arcane force begging to be released in a devastating maelstrom.

Clong! "Ghmg!" Zoicite grunted and slid down to his knees, instinctively rubbing the lump on his head.

Xellos turned back toward Queen Beryl, who was staring at him expressionlessly. "Come now, there's no need for this. Besides, I don't really like fighting. And I can assure you, while you could probably destroy me with the full measure of power at your disposal, well, that would just be a bother, wouldn't it?"

Beryl sweatdropped. "Hmm... you... do seem to have a point." Taking stock of the situation, it probably would be more trouble than it was worth to kill the man in front of him, though she was tempted to try anyway entirely out of habit. She didn't like the idea of meeting people she couldn't kill on a whim. "Very well. What is it that you want out of this alliance?"

"Oh, I'll just want to mess around with a few of the youma here and there, and have free passage through the Segaverse," Xellos explained happily, ignoring the two men on the floor glaring at him.

Beryl's eye twitched. "That's 'Negaverse.'"

"Right, right. That, plus the youma," Xellos explained. "And in return, I can make life a little more difficult for your enemies."

"Similar to how you've done to us?" The dark queen deadpanned.

"Aww, but I'm just trying to help!" Xellos said in a kicked-puppy tone of voice, though he was still smiling.

"Tell me now: if I agree, will you go away?" Beryl asked. Seeing the mazoku nod happily, she waved him away. "Fine. I accept. Zoicite, find someone expendable and assign them to his command."

Zoicite frowned as he poked the spot where the lump on his head had retreated.

"Expendable? That covers a lot of territory, my queen."

"Then let him choose. Just get him out of my throne room," she insisted, waving the blonde man away. "And Kunzite, you are to leave immediately and start another draining operation. No more failures. Go." She found she wasn't really in the mood for torture anymore, and was otherwise busy trying to think of a way to quickly and easily kill the mazoku the next time he strolled into her throne room.

Kunzite looked surprised, but quickly bowed his head and scurried away, ruefully noting that the purple-haired pest had now saved him twice.

Xellos nodded to the redhead gratefully. "Thanks Beryl-chan! You won't regret this that much!" He smirked and raised a fist. "From this point forward, Xellos and the Segaverse will reign victorious!"

A vein popped up on Beryl's head, and a brief burst of force nearly blasted Zoicite off his feet. Much to her irritation, it merely washed up against Xellos' barrier, leaving him undisturbed.

"We are the DARK KINGDOM, you imbecile! We have been for millennia, and we will be for eons to come!"

Xellos lowered his fist, looking sad. "Oh. So, you really don't have an idea box?"

"Get out of my throne room!"

* * *

"Now this is just sad," Rei grumbled to herself as she watched Usagi and Ranma sitting next to each other, dueling with their chopsticks. Nobody refuted or agreed with her, because they were each hunched over their lunch bentos eating as fast as possible to keep their food safe.

Sousuke even had his combat knife out and occasionally made quick, unsure swiping motions with it whenever he thought he sensed movements in his direction. Makoto had wanted to give him the extra bento she'd brought, but that had ended with the box nearly cut in two, and at some point between her surprised shout and frantic insistence that she wasn't trying to attack, the box's contents had been completely looted anyway.

Ranma and Usagi were battling in earnest as they launched themselves at each other's food, all the while deflecting and parrying stabs at their own bento (though Usagi was clearly less adept at this). Ranma had decided that Usagi was good enough at pillaging helpless bystander's plates, and that it was time for her to step up to fighting someone who knew what he was doing.

"All right you two, that's enough!" Rei suddenly shouted, causing the pair of eating machines to halt uncertainly in their struggle. "This is barbaric! You have to stop it!" She gestured around to Ami, Makoto, and Sousuke. "Look at us! We can't even have a nice, enjoyable lunch together anymore because of-"

"Hino-san," Sousuke interrupted, "your lunch is gone." He then shoveled the last of his ration plate into his mouth before finally allowing himself to sheath his knife and relax... slightly. Rei stared down at her bento, barren except for a few smudges of sauce and stray grains of rice. Then she stared up at Usagi and her teacher.

"Why?"

Clack! Ranma shook his head as he and Usagi's chopsticks struggled valiantly in midair.

"Usagi-chan, what's rule #3 of hashi-jutsu?"

"'Negotiation and diplomacy are for the weak. There is only victory, or hunger!'" The blonde parroted proudly, right before making an all-out lunge for Ranma's lunch with her free hand as well as her chopsticks.

Rei stared down at her bento despondently as the other girls finished eating. "I miss my old, Usagi-free school," she grumbled sadly.

"There, there," Makoto said supportively, patting the shrine maiden on the back. "I'll tell you what; come over my place after school and I'll make you something yummy, all right?" Then, grinning, she turned toward Sousuke, fluttering her eyelashes meaningfully. "Sousuke-kun, you in?"

The mercenary shook his head. "Unfortunately I'll have to decline. I must scout an area around a recently destroyed energy-harvesting operation to search for clues of the enemy's whereabouts."

"Recently destroyed operation?" Makoto asked. "What are you talking about? Where was this?"

"This morning Negi showed us a pharmacy where some joker was selling energy-draining pills and passin' 'em off as sleeping pills," Ranma said, holding his lunch up out of reach while holding Usagi's head down so the wildly flailing girl couldn't get to it. "We shut 'em down. Nearly got the Dark General too."

"And you didn't call us?" Ami said worriedly.

Sousuke nodded. "That is correct. After a survey of the enemy forces I considered it best to keep reinforcements in reserve until needed." The he cleared his throat. "Besides, Commander Moon likes to sleep in. In any case, the enemy escaped, and I'd like to survey the area to look for any indication of his whereabouts or other operations. Most of the papers Saotome found in the office safe were obvious forgeries."

"And you would know, being so experienced with non-obvious forgeries," Rei drawled.

It only annoyed her when the mercenary nodded. "Affirmative. It was clear that none of these documents were made to stand up to professional scrutiny. Very amateur work."

"Oh. Well, maybe next time then," Makoto said, obviously disappointed. "Ami-chan, how about you?"

The blue-haired girl blinked. "Oh, me? I can't, really. I have to meet with Negi this afternoon."

"Negi? Why?"

Ami smiled. "Well, it's been bothering me for quite some time that our Senshi powers operate according to laws and energy patterns that I can't make sense of. I had just about chalked it all up to 'magic' and forgotten about it when Negi came along." She looked more excited as she leaned forward. "Evidently magic DOES have its own principles and laws, so I asked Negi to tutor me in magic!"

Rei blinked. "Oh. So, you're... studying." She simplified.

"Well, yes. But studying magic! Don't you find it interesting? Or at least relevant?" Ami asked.

Makoto shrugged. "Well, more than calculus, I guess."

Usagi panted heavily and tugged on the collar of her shirt, nearly exhausted from the exertion of trying to pry open Ranma's lunchtime defenses. "Can I come?"

A vein popped up on Rei's head. "The whole POINT is to get a meal in without you filching it, meatball head!"

"WAAAAH! Rei, you're so mean!" Usagi cried. "Can I come? Please? I'll be good!"

"Well, if not, we could always get more training in back at the apartment," Ranma offered, which seemed to cheer Usagi up instantly and put Rei into an even more sour mood.

"Oh well, training IS important," the blonde said solemnly.

"You don't have to spend EVERY waking moment training, you know," Rei groused, torn between letting Usagi hang all over Ranma for another few hours and missing her last chance at getting lunch.

Ranma looked surprised at this. "Why not? I train whenever I'm not busy."

Sousuke nodded. "I as well. And Springfield is constantly studying his own martial practices whenever he can. It is an excellent use of time."

Rei was going to press on further, when Ami interrupted, speaking to Sousuke. "You practice with your firearms regularly?" She asked nervously. There were only two things Sousuke did as a soldier (that she knew of): shooting and demolitions. She desperately hoped that he only practiced the former regularly outside of combat.

"Affirmative," Sousuke said seriously. "Of course, I have to make special accomodations due to the lack of practice ranges, and the lack of space in our own headquarters."

At this point even Makoto, who was usually willing to smile and happily dismiss any nutty aspect of Sousuke's personality looked worried. "What kind of accomodations?"

"We live in an afflicted neighborhood, so there are a number of unsavory locals acting as valid targets. As it's within the jurisdiction of a soldier of justice, my training usually involves neutralizing them."

Ranma sweatdropped as the girls all stared at the mercenary with wide eyes.

"That's... uh..." Makoto didn't know what to say to that. She was hardly one to oppose violent conduct against thugs and bullies, but this was a bit much.

Ranma leaned over and whispered something into Sousuke's ear. The mercenary raised an eyebrow, then shrugged.

"I use non-lethal rounds during training," he said, not sure why it mattered. He only used rubber bullets because he had a huge stock of them after his assignment with Chidori and he didn't want to waste good ammo. Besides, it ensured that he didn't run out of "training targets" too quickly.

Despite his confusion, his words seemed to bring great relief to the Senshi.

"So that's all you do? Train, fight, and stalk us?" Rei asked with her hands on her hips.

"No, he also interrogates random stray animals around our apartment," Ranma deadpanned.

Sousuke frowned and crossed his arms over his chest. "I fail to see why you keep criticizing that aspect of my duties. We have seen undeniable proof that common pets can be a significant security risk."

"You kidnapped the neighbor's dog and tortured it for four hours," the pigtailed man said irritably.

"Waterboarding does not constitute actual torture," Sousuke said calmly. "Besides, it showed unusual interest in pursuing Commander Orion."

"It's a dog! It chases cats! It doesn't mean anything!"

"That's just what the enemy WANTS you to think."

Rei shuffled around in her bookbag for a moment, pulled out an aspirin bottle, and downed two pills.

"You keep headache meds on you now?" Makoto asked, sweatdropping, as the argument between Sousuke and Ranma escalated to a discussion of which animals probably weren't sentient, and why it was important not to make assumptions.

Rei pulled out a second bottle and handed it to the taller girl. "I got one for you too, since you're planning on dating the guy."

Makoto took the medicine hesitantly. "Uh... thanks. I guess..."

"And I had to listen to the landlord rant at me for twenty minutes about it because the lease is in my name!" Ranma groused.

"I am aware of the problem. The landlord will be neutralized."

"NO! Stop killing people because it's inconvenient to have them around!"

"Not kill. 'Neutralize.' Lethal actions are to be used on law-abiding civilians only as a last resort. In this particular case I was considering blackmail and-"

"Dammit Sousuke!"

* * *

"Lord Nephrite, are you certain this... divination system is accurate?" Cynite asked hesitantly. Nephrite removed his hand from the centerpiece of the device to take a long sip of latte, taking a moment to wipe the cream off his upper lip. "Not as of yet. But so far these human divination tools have proven quite accurate."

The second youma, a large, unfeminine woman named Xentite sweatdropped. "But... hasn't every attempt made on the Senshi and their allies failed?"

Nephrite scoffed, returning his hand to the plastic magnifier being held by his two new subordinates. "Not at all, the first was an information-gathering mission, which was moderately successful. The second was a diplomatic contact, which technically succeeded though it yielded no useful results. This is the first of my plans that deals specifically with eliminating the Senshi and their apparent allies." He was silent for a few moments, then added, "Besides, all the divinations have been perfectly accurate, just completely useless."

"Is it possible that these so-called 'divination results' are actually the product of a powerful and near-omnipotent third party that pretends to help but really just enjoys seeing us all killed in a humiliating fashion?" Xentite asked dubiously.

Nephrite looked up and stared at the youma for several seconds. "That's a stupid, not to mention entirely uncharacteristic idea for a youma to think of. Now shut up and hold still. This Ouji Board doesn't work unless everyone concentrates."

As the youma sweatdropped but obeyed, Nephrite cleared his throat. "Oh, great and allknowing Ouji Board, tell me, what is the indentity of Sailor Moon?"

"So, now what? Does it just-Hey! You're moving it!"

"No I'm not! You're moving it!"

"Silence! It's working!" Nephrite shouted as the magnifier passed over the spread of letters.

"R... E... A... D... T... H... E... M... A... N... G... A..." the Dark General frowned as the magnifier stopped dead.

"Wow, unhelpful is right," Cynite mumbled. "It doesn't even say WHICH manga."

"Perhapse a better-phrased question," Nephrite mumbled. "Ouji Board, grant upon us your divine wisdom! Tell us: How can we reign victorious against our enemies?"

"It's moving again!"

"Wow, this thing really does work. L... O... O... K... T... O... W... A... R... D..." Nephrite frowned as the rest of the sentence assembled itself. "T-H-E-R-O-O-F-T-O-P-S.

'Look toward the rooftops.' Hmmm..."

Cynite blinked. "Hey, that actually sounds like advice! This just might work!"

Nephrite nodded, though he looked far less excited and more thoughtful as he downed the rest of his latte. "Indeed. I'll need to meditate on this. But for now, gather the other youma. Soon we will strike."

"As you wish, my lord!"


	18. Misunderstandings

"So how exactly do our powers differ from normal magic?" Ami asked as she skimmed one of the introductory books on magic that Negi had brought over. At present they were both sitting on opposite sides of the coffee table, with several notebooks laid out over it and a few heavy tomes stacked on the edge besides the one Ami was reading. "From what I've gathered our magic is nothing like yours. Maybe there are different kinds?"

"Not at all," Negi explained, looking over some notes himself. "Your magic is merely different in the way it's used. Fundamentally, the energies are the same." He looked up and pointed to Ami's henshin pen, which was sitting in the middle of the table. "These devices are magic constructs. Items that lock on to a certain energy pattern within you - probably your reincarnated soul, or whatnot - and project a predetermined set of enchantments over you. The costume, glamour, several minor defensive fields, and a few other spells to increase basic speed and strength."

Negi scratched his head as he frowned, and Ami smiled at how adorable it made him look. "That much is impressive, but not really unique. I could make a device to do the same thing, though it would take weeks of study and construction, and probably more materials than the entire Senshi forces and their families combined could pay for. What puzzles me in your spellcasting apparatus."

"Yes? What's so odd about it?" Ami asked, nearly entranced. Negi never ceased to amaze her with his intellect; he was quite a bit smarter than even she had been at age ten, although their fields of study were wildly different.

"In principle, nothing," Negi explained. "There's nothing about it that violates magical law, and I'm certain there are several theories in these books that describe them as possible. Mechanically though, routing that much magical power through an untrained vessel while automating the pattern weave and incantantory functions..." he grimaced. "Merlin himself would have a headache trying to figure it out. Suffice to say, magic or not, it's a miracle of science that you don't freeze yourself solid every time you try to cast a spell."

Ami nodded solemnly, idly wondering at the irony that she already saw magic as a science so soon. "I see. Well, it's no big surprise. The Senshi were the elite weapons of the Moon Kingdom, so they probably put centuries of research and resources into creating them."

Negi nodded as well. "I imagine you're right. Still, I have to wonder about this idea that your powers are actually derived from the planets you represent. That sounds like romanticism to me."

Ami raised an eyebrow and leaned over the table as she glanced at the notes Negi was reading. "Romanticism? What do you mean?" Suddenly her nose wrinkled, and her other eyebrow rose.

"Well, there's no way that a different planet could generate enough mana to be a worthwhile magic conduit, given the amount of energy connecting with and using that magic from afar would require. Also, it would mean that all the Senshi except for Sailor Earth, if there is one, would be nearly powerless, because those planets have been lifeless for too long for any mana flow to still exist."

He looked up at the blue-haired girl, momentarily oblivious to her bemused expression. "It sounds like a rumor that was started and sounded good, so nobody who knew better bothered to correct the harmless misinformation."

Nodding in satisfaction, Negi finally noticed that his host seemed rather nonplussed. "Mizuno-san? Is something wrong?"

Ami sat back silently and stared at the little boy sternly. "Negi-kun, when was the last time you bathed?"

The reaction was instantaneous: Negi paled a bit and began to sweat as he started stuttering. It was almost painfully cute, but Ami held her strict expression with some effort.

"W-Well I just ha-haven't had much time, and y-you see sometimes the plumbing in th-the apartment is bad," Negi began, backing away slightly and hoping the older girl would let the subject go.

Ami was going to do no such thing, however. As she was considered extremely mature and reliable among girls her age, she had done many babysitting jobs before, mostly for coworkers of her mother who sometimes needed a sitter on short notice because they were called in for emergencies. She had even babysat for Shingo once, though she didn't like to bring it up because Usagi had been refused the same opportunity by her own parents.

"Well, the plumbing here is fine, so you can take a bath before we continue," she said, smiling firmly as she got up and walked around the table.

Negi started scooting away from her. "B-But I couldn't! Taking a bath in a stranger's house... i-it's just not done!"

Ami tsked. "Negi-kun, I'm hardly a stranger, am I? No more excuses. I'll even wash your clothes while you're bathing."

Negi backed into the sofa, then scrambled over the backrest to hide behind it. "But... I... I... don't really like baths," he finally admitted, his face glowing red.

"Yes, I'd gathered that," Ami murmured, annoyed at seeing the child mage trying to escape. Really, how could he be so mature one moment and turn into a complete baby the next. "Regardless, you're taking one. You're in Japan now, and the Japanese bathe regularly. It's just good hygiene."

She frowned as she walked around the couch. "I'm rather surprised Ranma and Sousuke haven't talked to you about it. Don't they bathe regularly?" It seemed so, as they didn't have noticeable body odor, but they were usually dirty from working out or riding on or under automobiles, so maybe not.

Negi sweatdropped. Sousuke and Ranma were both used to survivalist conditions, so they either didn't notice or didn't care that he only bathed once a week. At the same time, those survivalist lessons had taught them to use the cleaning facilities every day while they were still available (as one didn't always know when he'd be out in the wilderness again), so they did in fact bathe every day.

"Look, maybe I should just go now," Negi hedged, trying to draw himself up and look more mature in dodging a bath. "I had some things I wanted to do today around the-HEY!"

The child mage shouted and started flailing as Ami scooped him up from behind and carried him bodily toward the bathroom.

"Oh, no you don't," Ami said sternly in full babysitter mode. "You promised me a study session, and I can't study with a man of poor hygiene."

"Mizuno-san! Let me go!" Negi shouted as he tried to pry himself out of Ami's grip.

"Come now. How about if I take a bath with you? Would that make you feel better?" Ami asked.

"Wh-Wh-What?" Negi stuttered. "No! I couldn't! It's j-just not proper!"

Ami blushed slightly and pinched the boy's cheek as she carried him into the bathroom. "Stop that, you're making me embarrassed. You're only a child, it's no big deal."

"I'm not just a child!" Negi cried childishly, still flailing his arms as Ami dropped him on the bathroom tiles. The blue-haired girl couldn't help but smile a bit at how silly this was; her bathing her tutor.

"Come on, we'll even do a simple western-style bath. No cold water." Then she raised an eyebrow. "Now are you going to strip or do I have to take your clothes off too?"

Negi flushed badly, and then glanced at the exit. As Ami grabbed him in mid-dash, he promised to work harder to not get separated from his staff. He could really use an aerialis arrow right ow.

"All right, then. You brought this on yourself!" Ami said as she pinned him down and pulled off his shirt.

"Ah! No! Mizuno-san! Stop!"

Five minutes later saw a badly blushing Negi sniffling and shivering as he sat in the water, holding his hands over his crotch. "Wh-Why is the water so cool."

Ami huffed in irritation. "Well, it was hard for me to make sure to get the temperature right with SOMEONE making a mad dash for the door every time I turned around." Then she calmed herself as she looked down at her clothes. "And besides that, now I'm soaked. Really Negikun, how does such an intelligent and polite boy like yourself justify putting up such a fuss about a little bath?"

Negi just sniffled miserably, and Ami fought down a pang of sympathy. "Judging how you're just sitting there, I suppose I'll have to wash your hair, too." She sighed upon seeing his expression of horror. "Yes, looks like it. Stay there." Backing away, Ami stood up and unbuttoned her jeans, much to Negi's alarm.

"Wh-What are you doing?" Negi squeaked as the older girl pulled her pants down.

"Stop that, you're making me blush again," Ami said firmly, fighting down her normally shy nature by reminding herself that Negi was still years from sexual maturity. She had taken baths naked with little boys before, so it was no big deal, right? Right. "Besides, you're probably going to thrash around a lot when I wash your hair, and I don't want my clothes getting any wetter than they already are." With that said, she pulled her shirt up over her head.

Negi's eyes widened as he saw that her vision was obscured. An opening!

* * *

"Ami-chan! Are you here?" Usagi asked as she walked into the living room and looked around.

Behind her, Ranma, Rei, and Makoto stepped through the doorway, apparently taking Usagi's intrusion as an invitation to do the same.

"I just don't know what you're angry about," Ranma said gently to the raven-haired girl next to him,"You got to eat. Usagi didn't take anything from your plate."

"But only because YOU stopped her. And when YOU taught her to do that in the first place,"

Rei snapped. "And I'm NOT angry."

"Are you sure? You kinda look angry," Ranma said hesitantly, wincing as the shrine maiden glared at him.

Usagi looked around the living room, scratching her head at the sight of the scattered notes on the coffee table, as well as Negi's staff. "That's weird. They have to be here somewhere. Negi wouldn't leave without his staff, would he?"

"No, I don't think that-" Ranma was interrupted in his speculation by a cry from the bathroom.

"Oh, no you don't! Come back here!" Ami shouted.

"No! Stop! Stay away!" Came Negi's panicked voice.

A moment later the bathroom door burst open, and a nude Negi fell down onto his back just outside the bathroom, looking terrified as Ami, dressed only in light blue lingerie, pinned him to the ground.

"I don't want to, Mizuno-san! Please, let me go!"

"You're not getting away from me!" Ami said, looking uncharacteristically frustrated and victorious at the same time. "It'll be over before you know it! And you'll feel much better afterward, I promise!"

Negi made a long, high-pinched whining noise, which was gently interrupted by a nervous squeak from Usagi.

"Uhm... Ami-chan?"

Ami blinked in surprise, and then turned her head to see that she had an audience.

A gaping, wide-eyed audience.

That was one-fourth male.

She couldn't decide whether to blush or pale. Jumping back so that she could cover her body with her arms while still straddling Negi to hold him down, she tried to find her voice. "Ah... uh... I assure you, there's a perfectly reasonable explanation for this..."

Negi looked over the bystanders and noted Ranma, who looked dazed as his jaw worked up and down noiselessly. "Ranma! Help me!"

His brain decided that unconsciousness was infinitely preferable to intervention in a case this bizarre and complicated, the pigtailed boy's eyes rolled back into the back of his head before he fell over in a dead faint.

Negi frowned. "That's not helping!" Everyone else sweatdropped.

* * *

So after everyone had calmed down, Negi and Ami had dried off and redressed, and Ranma had been vigorously slapped back to consciousness by Rei, explanations were in order. Ami, for her part, thought that she had run damage control with tact and dignity, first explaining why she and Negi had been found in the situation they were in, and admitting that she had been overzealous and rude by treating Negi like some elementary school brat that she was supposed to watch for an evening.

Negi agreed wholeheartedly with every aspect of her explanation, so there was no conflict from him. As soon as he understood what the situation had looked like to the others, he was just as embarrassed and mortified as she was.

So then, WHY wasn't anyone listening?!

"Of course. We understand," Usagi said solemnly, her expression speaking volumes about how far she believed the given story. "You two were studying together, and one thing just led to another, and-"

"NO, one thing did not lead to another!" Ami protested, her hair toinged out at odd angles from the stress of having the others constantly staring at her. "I just tried to give him a bath! That is not a complicated chain of events!"

"Right, right." Usagi bit her lip. "Ami-chan, I know that at our age, we're... going through a lot of changes. We have these... feelings and urges."

"No! No! Stop that train of thought!" Ami shouted in a panic.

"I'm not trying to judge you!" Usagi said reassuringly, which did not serve to reassure the genius Senshi one iota. "Some of us just handle those urges... differently! You've always struck me as a bit reserved, and, well, maybe you should try to express your feelings more so that they don't get all bottled up and... uh... burst out at inconvenient times," she explained awkwardly.

Rei would have criticized Usagi's lame attempt at armchair therapy, but honestly didn't think she could do much better, and sure as hell wasn't going to try herself, or invite anyone to suggest such.

"Nothing 'burst'! There was no emotional episode! This was a completely logical, though unfortunate and embarrassing, scenario! If anything, Negi should be criticized for his poor attitude toward proper hygiene!" She cried, flushing as she tried once again to deflect speculation from herself.

As for the child magi, he was sitting at the other end of the room with Ranma hovering over him protectively while sneaking glares across the room at Ami.

"Don't worry about it Negi, you can tell me. Where'd she touch you?" He asked worriedly.

"I-It's not like that! Really! Mizuno-san was just trying to give me a bath when I didn't want one!" Negi protested.

Ranma snorted. "Right. A bath, she calls it. So she didn't touch you anywhere... you know, personal?"

"Well... uh..." Negi flushed again. "I suppose she did when she was undressing me. Unavoidable, really."

"Yeah. Unavoidable. How convenient," Ranma grunted as he stared across the room at the blue-haired girl.

Ami wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

"So anyway, I think it's best that someone else hangs around these study sessions of yours from now on so that you don't try to... well, give someone else 'a bath'," Usagi explained gently. She didn't make the quotation marks with her fingers, but Ami could hear the emphasis in her voice. "Not that we don't trust you or anything!"

"Of course we trust you," Rei quickly put in. "Just, you know, not around boys who aren't big enough to defend themselves."

As Ami made a strangled noise in the back of her throat and Usagi glared at her, Rei wilted slightly and decided that her particular brand of commentary wouldn't be appreciated under these circumstances.

"That's not the problem here," Usagi chided as she patted the despondent girl on the back.

"Besides, we all know that Ami couldn't have forced herself on Negi if he'd had his staff with him."

"I DIDN'T FORCE MYSELF ON NEGI!" Ami cried desperately, causing everybody in the room to wince.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Usagi quickly apologized. "What I meant was, you couldn't have 'given Negi a bath' if Negi hadn't been separated from his staff." Ami slumped over in defeat. "Anyway, maybe we should take an evening off every once in a while and have a 'girl's night on the town' or something, you know? Get out a bit and relieve some stress! Maybe find some nice guys who are a bit past puberty and have some fun! Whaddya say?"

"Why won't you LISTEN to me?" Ami asked.

"Don't you think a steady boyfriend would be better for her than a few parties?" Rei asked dubiously. She didn't want Ami taking advantage of small children, but she certainly didn't want older, lecherous teenage boys taking advantage of Ami in her unstable, sexually repressed state.

"I'm fine! I don't need this!" Ami protested, only to be completely ignored.

"I guess. But do you know any guys we could set her up with?" Usagi asked. Inwardly, they were both thinking the same thing: there were two perfectly eligible men among the Knights who could be easily set up with Ami, but neither of them was willing to hand Ranma over to the genius Senshi so easily, and any suggestion to set her up with Sousuke would bring inevitable conflict with Makoto.

Rei tsked as she rubbed her chin. "I guess not, but it'd be better to look for one before we just start dragging her to dance clubs and concerts and stuff."

Ami was about to protest uselessly once more, but suddenly Makoto rose from the couch, standing stiffly. This happened quickly enough that it distracted Usagi and Rei, who gave the taller girl their full attention.

"I... I'm sorry," Makoto began, obviously drawing up her courage before speaking, "but I can't stay silent anymore on this issue!"

Ami whimpered. She didn't know what Makoto was going to say, but she knew she wasn't going to like it.

"I think you're all taking this the wrong way!" The ponytailed girl said firmly, even attracting Ranma's attention from the other end of the room.

Ami blinked, her hope starting to rise. Could it be true? Did Makoto believe her? Was there ONE person among her teammates that could see sense?

"You all just want her to try and change her ways and find somebody new, but... but..." Taking a deep breath, she continued once more, obviously nervous about taking this stance. "Did it occur to you for one moment that maybe she's really in love with Negi?"

Ami twitched as her hopes shattered into thousands of tiny fragments. 'I need to get saner friends,' she thought miserably.

Everyone else seemed utterly shocked by the idea. Ranma's glare had shifted into an expression of uncertainty, and even Negi, who had been on Ami's side in the incident being a harmless misunderstanding (insofar as it involved Ami manhandling him like some kind of pet) looked shocked as he considered the idea.

"W-Well, even if she's really in love..." Usagi began slowly.

"I mean, someone more her own age would be much more... you know... legal," Rei finished awkwardly.

"There you go again! Love doesn't recognize 'law'! Negi's smart, talented, cute, nice, a great friend and ally, and they even share an interest in studying!" Makoto said heatedly. "If you look past age, why WOULDN'T she like him?"

Nobody had anything to say about that.

Well, except for Ami. "Would anyone be interested in knowing that I'm NOT in love with Negi and you're completely wrong?" She asked hopefully, leaning forward on the sofa.

Usagi pushed her back. "Not now, I think Mako-chan's onto something."

"Love isn't something that can dismiss so easily!" the ponytailed girl continued dramatically.

"As a woman, I have to stand by my principles! Age is meaningless where love is concerned! A girl has every bit as much right to be in love with a younger man as an older one!" She paused for a moment, then coughed into her hand. "Although as a concerned citizen and ally of justice, I have to say that rape in any form is just wrong. Ami-chan is obviously new at expressing her love for a man, so she went a little overboard, probably thinking that no guy would turn down an aggressive come-on, even one who hasn't had 'The Talk' yet. But we have to be supportive!"

Negi was still blushing badly, but trying to consider the situation seriously. Nobody had officially given him "The Talk," but an individual as intelligent and well-read as he was knew about relationships, marriage, and reproduction. In fact, it was quite accurate to say he knew much more about each topic than his older, teenage roommates did.

Which led him to consider Makoto's highly emotional tirade seriously. Was Ami really in love with him? He still knew that she hadn't really been trying anything like what the others thought, but was she so comfortable and intimate with everyone such that she'd bodily drag any one of them into the bathroom and scrub them down, even against their will?

As a result of his musing, he didn't notice Ami holding her head in her hands, or hear her latest protest. "You guys. Please. Don't do this. I'm begging you," she groaned.

Her pleas went unanswered as Makoto took her hands and stared into her eyes meaningfully. "Ami, I want you to know that, even if it is kind of creepy, I support your love! But no means no, okay?" The ponytailed girl said seriously.

A vein popped up on Ami's head as she finally gave up on getting her friends to understand her. "Are you quite finished?" She asked miserably. Right now all she wanted to do was get these lunatics out of her house, curl up into a little ball on her bed, and maybe read about the latest innovations of hyperstring theory to take her mind off the fact that her teammates considered her an emotionally inept sexual predator.

Rei and Usagi stared at each other for a long moment.

"Well... I suppose we can look the other way where love is concerned," Usagi said uncertainly.

"At least, this one time."

"Right. Everyone deserves a second chance, and we know Ami. She's not a bad person," Rei agreed. Neither of them noticed the increasingly annoyed expression on Ami's face.

"Well, I still think I should come to any more of these little 'study sessions' and keep an eye on things," Ranma said firmly. He really didn't know what to make of a girl jumping someone out of love instead of hormonal overload, but he had become rather protective of the child magi.

"Okay, that sounds fair," Usagi said. Then she leaned over toward Rei to whisper into her ear.

"Should we get Sousuke to come too? Ami-chan's really smart; she'll probably be able to trick Ranma."

Ami, who had overheard this comment, suddenly paled. If her best and only friends, who thought the world of her and loved her dearly, were overreacting this badly, what would Sousuke do to her? Probably nothing lethal... but frankly that was the only line she felt he wouldn't cross with his sense of restraint.

A buzzing in Ranma's pocket heralded the first stroke of luck for Ami that day. Distracted from the current discussion, Ranma took out his cell phone (given to him by Sousuke to stay in contact when necessary) and noted the number. He then flipped it open. "Hey Sousuke. What's the matter?"

Ranma listened for a few moments, then frowned as he nodded. "Yeah, I see. Got it. The others are here. We'll be there in a minute. Bye."

He turned toward the others, all thoughts of the previous scenario forgotten. "We've gotta go. There's a youma uptown causing a fuss."

Everyone grew grim expressions and nodded.

Although Ami was inwardly crying in joy at the convenient interruption to her current crisis.


	19. Enter the mysterious Yukata Kamen!

If one had simply looked into the warehouse and glanced at the dozen youma milling about dumbly waiting for something to do, one may have decided that Nephrite's plan needed work. The plan was simple; a decoy youma would draw the Senshi and their allies out and engage them in battle.

Meanwhile, a full twelve other youma specializing in ranged attacks would rush to the rooftops and start sniping the Senshi while Nephrite himself engaged Sailor Moon. After eliminating her, their leader, the other survivors would hopefully break, whereas the snipers could hunt them down.

It was quite simple, and frankly Nephrite didn't like it. He had been planning to use an exotic, needlessly complex tactic where a youma attacked the redheaded ally of the Senshi, and appeared to die while actually attaching herself to the girl as a symbiote before taking over the girl as she slept to slay her comrades.

But, the Ouija Board had said to look toward the rooftops, and Nephrite didn't question his oracles. Even if they came from the bargain bin section of a local toy store. He would have felt slightly better about this plan if the divination tool used had cost more than three hundred yen, but he had to take what he could get.

Of course, "look toward the rooftops," while being potentially useful advice, was still quite vague in its application. The only sense Nephrite could make of it was that it was either a warning to watch for Senshi attacking from rooftops, or simply to use those areas to stage his ambush. As he had asked for advice on defeating the enemy, and not just surviving their assault, he was hoping it had indicated the latter.

Cynite grimaced at her fellow youma and then looked toward Nephrite, who was leaning back on an unmarked crate while drinking a capuccino. "What's taking the Senshi so long? Xentite has been causing a ruckus for nearly half an hour. Aren't they supposed to arrive just in the nick of time or something?"

Nephrite shrugged as he sipped his drink. "Their battles DO tend to fall into a reasonably predictable pattern of dramatic coincidences, yes. Though in this case, there's really nothing for them to arrive in time to save." As Xentite didn't have any particular target and had to remain in the same area for the ambush, she was just stomping around causing general havoc among the evacuated area.

"They should arrive soon. Whatever mechanism they use for detecting and tracking us may have been occupied. Perhaps it was under repair. Or maybe its operator was undergoing a stressful personal crisis." He shook his head. "No matter. They'll get here eventually."

Cynite looked around dubiously at the warehouse they were all packed in. "So... what if they detect us before they reach Xentite?"

Nephrite raised an eyebrow. "An intelligent question, for once. As you can imagine, I've already thought of that." His hand glowed briefly, and a small gemstone resembling dark purple quartz appeared floating over his palm. "This is a little trinket of Zoicite's that I... acquired without permission. It scrambles sensors, radar, radio trackers, and nearly every sort of energy-based detection there is. It even provides proof from magical scrying."

"Won't he miss it?" The youma asked dubiously.

"Perhaps," Nephrite mused, "but last I heard he had his hands full with something else. I didn't catch any details, but apparently there's some new annoyance that him and Kunzite have to deal with." The Dark General shrugged.

"ACHOO!" Zoicite twitched as Xellos sneezed in his face mid-sentence. Sniffle! "Oh, I'm sorry about that," the mazoku said, briefly wiping his nose. "How odd. My allergies rarely kick in around people as bitter and miserable as you are."

"Think nothing of it," the blonde man deadpanned, wiping his face off with a handkerchief. Inwardly, he was seething. 'How the hell did his SNEEZE break through my barrier?' He didn't consider that Xellos was a creature so innately powerful that involuntary bodily functions were capable of defeating his magical defenses. He might have, but frankly the idea was just too irritating to contemplate. Besides, this was Xellos. He probably did it on purpose.

"So these are my youma!" The mazoku said cheerfully as he looked over the various demonic women lined up before him. None of them looked like anything special, but that was to be expected.

The youma stared back at him with respect in their eyes. Not knowing who this new individual was, they had put their tiny brains to task and took a look at the situation. Male + humanlooking + not being kicked around by Zoicite = This man was clearly a new Dark General! The youma decided, in their ignorance, that he looked quite cheerful and pleasant, and decided that they were lucky to be placed under his command. The fools.

"Hello, my new loyal servants!" Xellos said happily, planting his staff to the side. "It's my pleasure to meet you! Together, we will reign victorious and bring honor and glory to the Segaverse!"

One of the youma frowned. "Huh... I thought it was the Negaverse."

"I thought we were the Dark Kingdom."

Zoicite growled as he put away his handkerchief. "Moving on. Their names are-"

"I'll deal with names," Xellos interrupted. He pointed toward three youma who were slightly clustered together. "You three look like you would work together to fail spectacularly at everything you do. You'll be Larry, you'll be Curly, and your name is Moe."

The youma blinked, but voiced no protest. As their original names had been based off of gemstones and perfectly androgynous in nature, none of them recognized them as men's names.

"You two! You look buxom enough to be Ninja. You'll be Kasumi, and you'll be Ayane." He pointed toward another group. "Thunder Empress Nei! Seras Victoria! Jubei-chan! Excel Excel!"

Zoicite stared as the mazoku pointed at each youma in turn, rattling off a name seemingly at random. To his surprise, he realized that generic-looking demons had appeared from somewhere and were handing out reams of paper to each of the youma that had been named.

"Motoko! Genie! Mana!" Xellos hesitated on the last youma. "Oh. Wait. I think that's a real person in this dimension. Then you'll be Etna!" Finally, he started waving his hands as the brass demons finished giving each of the youma their scripts. "All right, off you go! I expect you all to be in character the next time I see you! Go on now! Scram!"

Zoicite's eye twitched. "What are you doing?"

Xellos whirled around. "Just trying to give them a little character. It helps to drum up some drama when they die."

"Wouldn't it be more productive to ensure they succeed so that they DON'T die?" The blonde deadpanned. Although he hardly thought a youma's life was worth much more than the slime he scraped off his boots in the evening, the generals never assumed their servants were going to fail ahead of time.

Xellos was silent for a few (precious) moments before he scooted over and put an arm around Zoicite's shoulder. "You're new at this whole hero vs. villain conflict thing, aren't you?"

Zoicite frowned. "Hardly. I was there in the final assault on the Moon Palace all those millennia ago. I struck down my share of Senshi."

Xellos snorted. "That was when you were fighting against a vast, interplanetary military juggernaut. Now you're fighting against a small group of lightly armed teenagers supported by a few talking animals. You don't stand a chance."

Zoicite stared at the purple-haired man. "That... makes no sense." Then his eyes narrowed. "Besides, if you estimate that our chances of victory are unfavorable, why do you side with us?"

"Now that," Xellos began, grinning, "is a secret!"

A vein popped up on Zoicite's head. "I cannot fathom why I'm still standing here taking this abuse. You have your youma. Do with them what you wish. If you are in need of further assistance, do NOT bother me about it." Scowling, the ponytailed man turned on his heel and stalked out of the room.

Xellos was about to shout something irritating to the man's back, when suddenly he sensed something far away and frowned. "Ah. I see I am needed elsewhere." He turned toward a brass demon. "Ensure that the youma are situated. I have business to attend to." The brass demon scratched its head. "Ensure they're 'situated'? Whaddya mean by that?"

"There's a few decks of cards and thirty kegs of some disgusting and probably poisonous substance in the back," Xellos clarified.

"Aye aye!" The demon said brightly, saluting as his master teleported away.

"So, explain to me why we're just sittin' here behind a wall watching while the youma goes nuts out there," Ranma, in his girl form, grumbled as she sat under the top of the brick stair partition, the other Senshi all crouched around her (Negi was short enough that he didn't need to crouch, though he had to hold his staff down).

Sousuke didn't reply for several seconds as he stared at the rampaging creature through his binoculars. "Is not the purpose of youma to gather energy from living creatures?"

Orion, who was gathered at the foot of the stairway and peeking around the wall with Luna, nodded. "Generally, yes. Though they have other functions on occasion."

Sousuke lowered the binoculars and ducked down. "I do not understand what function it might serve by demolishing every car in a twenty-meter radius and kicking open a fire hydrant."

"Maybe it's an insidious plot to lower the local property values so that the Dark Kingdom can buy out key areas of Tokyo?" Sailor Moon guessed.

Orion glared at her. "I'd tell you to be serious, but frankly I'm afraid of how you'd answer."

Sousuke shook his head. "There have been no living targets within attack range for some time, yet the creature persists in seemingly random acts of destruction within a fixed radius. This is troubling."

"Why?" Sailor Moon asked, wanting to hurry up and punish the monster for destroying people's property. She didn't really see anything wrong with the situation; there were no people hurt, which was good, and the youma was all alone. Jump in, wipe it out, go home, right?

"BECAUSE, meatball head, this is a lure for an ambush," Sailor Mars growled.

"Okay, fine," Ranma said, getting ready to stand up, "so I'll jump over there, kick the freak around until his ugly friends show up, and then you ambush them. Plan?"

"Negative," Sousuke answered immediately.

"C'mon! Why not? I'm gettin' bored, here!" The redhead complained, sitting back down.

"While a counter-lure would be an acceptable response under ordinary circumstances...," the mercenary put down his binoculars and pointed over the partition, indicating that it was safe for the others to peek. "There is no need to put one of our own in danger if a third party is willing to spring the trap for us."

One by one, each of the girls rose looked over the top of the wall (Negi had to grab the edge and stand on his tip-toes). Reactions were generally confused and passive.

"Who's that?"

"Hey, that's dangerous!"

"Is she crazy?"

"Wow, she's really pretty."

"Not for long."

"God damn it! Doesn't that loon ever give up?!"

Needless to say, some were more upset than others.

Everyone stared at Ranma as she ducked back under the partition. "Sousuke! Thermos! Hot water! Now!"

"But we have not completed the operation," Sousuke protested.

"You have to remain disguised!" Luna hissed. "Otherwise the enemy could track down your identity!"

"Better to have the idiot monsters track me than HER!" Ranma growled.

She was mildly surprised to realize that Sailor Moon was frowning at her while Mars was outright glaring. "What?"

"Care to explain just who that is?" The Senshi of fire asked through clenched teeth. "An old girlfriend, maybe?"

Before Ranma could reply and dig herself into a deeper hole, Mercury quickly interrupted to inject some sense into the conversation. "That's unlikely; as Ranma is turning back into a boy to avoid her, it would imply that she's only familiar with his female form."

"But who is she?" Asked Sailor Jupiter, watching the purple-haired Chinese girl face off against the youma in the street.

"Story later! Hot water now!" Ranma insisted, grabbing the thermos Sousuke reluctantly handed her and dumping it over her head.

Shampoo frowned up at the ugly yellow woman standing over her. She, or more appropriately, it, was a quadraped, and stood on four pointed spider-like legs that tapered off into a slim torso and a relatively human-looking face.

Xentite frowned down at the girl. While the purple-haired stranger was wearing a short-skirted Chinese dress, she decided that the newcomer wasn't a Senshi, and probably wasn't a Knight either. For one thing her outfit, while skimpy, was still far too dignified. For a second thing, she had neither found some high ground upon which to yell a monologue at her, as the Senshi did, nor had she taken the initiative and struck from hiding, as the Senshi's allies were rumored to do.

"What do you want? I'm busy here kid! Shoo!" Xentite tried to wave the purple-haired girl away, but she just kept staring up at her. Normally she would have gone ahead and drained the girl's energy since she was apparenty stupid enough not to flee in terror, but she didn't want to be distracted when the Senshi forces showed up. Being the bait, her survival expectancy was already something along the lines of ten percent without being distracted.

"What you supposed to be? You Japan monster?" Shampoo asked curiously. She had heard of tales of demons from her grandmother and some of the older warriors, but they had been far more... intimidating than this creature. Then again, they had always been characterized as being male. Maybe the females weren't quite as horrifying?

"Cute accent, kid. Yeah, I'm a Japan monster. Now scram," Xentite turned around and scanned the streets irritably. "Where ARE those damn Senshi? What is this, a government holiday? A monster just walks around out in the open, smashi-"

Thunk!

The youma blinked. And then it blinked again. And then she started to tremble. "YOU STABBED ME! YOU CRAZY BITCH, YOU STABBED ME IN THE HEAD!" The youma screamed loud enough to make Shampoo wince.

"Usually what stab in head not keep talking," the Amazon complained, staring at the scimitar she had lodged fairly deep into the youma's forehead right between the eyes. The creature had jerked her head back right when she stuck, and had actually torn the weapon out of her hands. Shampoo had to admit it was a brilliant way to disarm an opponent if one didn't have to worry about getting impaled through an important organ.

The youma snarled and swiped at the Chinese girl, at which point Shampoo jumped over the attack, grabbed her scimitar, and then used it to swing up and behind the youma before kicking off of its head.

"Whoa... she's beating up the youma just like Ranma!" Sailor Moon gasped.

"Feh. Not QUITE like me," the now-male martial artist said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"But yeah, she should be able to hold her own against one of those losers."

"Shouldn't we help her anyway?" Makoto asked. "She might be as good as Ranma, but she probably isn't used to fighting youma. She might get hurt."

Ranma fumed irritably, as he had strongly implied that she WASN'T as good as he was.

However, it was Sousuke who answered her.

"Putting aside the fact that she may be an enemy of Saotome's, I believe we have more pressing concerns," the mercenary said, pointing behind them.

Nephrite grinned as he materialized on the roof of an apartment building at the same time that Cynite clambered up over the edge of the roof to join him. "Now! My youma! Attack that... girl?"

Cynite nodded, orbs of lightning solidifying around her hands. "Yes, Lord Nephrite! At once!"

"No, no, not at once," the Dark General said suddenly, holding up his hand. "Hold it... who in Metallia's name is THAT?"

Cynite frowned as she looked at the purple-haired girl that was trading blows with Xentite.

"Isn't she a Senshi, my lord? She has a short skirt, doesn't she?"

Nephrite considered this. "Yes, I suppose... but where are the stupid-looking bows? Why is she engaging the enemy in melee instead of firing magic from afar? And where are the others?"

Cynite scratched her head, forced to admit that she didn't have an answer for any of those queries.

"Perhaps she's one of the others, then? The Senshis' allies?"

"Well, then the Senshi themselves should still be around here somewhere," he mumbled as he looked around at the adjacent buildings, watching his other minions clambering up the sides to get into sniping position.

"Jupiter thunder crash!" KRAK-KOOM!

"Mars fire ignite!" FWOOSH!

"Moon tiara action!" ZAP!

"Eat it, freak!" Wham! Crunch!

"Sagitta magica series lucius!" Foom-Foom-Foom-Foom-Foom!

Cynite frowned as she watched several of her fellow youma fall down from where they were scaling the surrounding buildings to land painfully on the ground below.

"I think they might be right under us, my lord."

Nephrite's eyebrow twitched mightily as he reigned in the urge to throttle the smaller creature.

"I'd noticed."

Frowning deeply, Nephrite looked down at the chaos on the streets below, then glanced over at Xentite and the purple-haired girl. "There is something I must see to, Cynite," he decided.

"Go lead an attack upon the enemy. The Senshi should be annhilated this day."

Cynite frowned. "But my lord, it would appear that THEY now have the upper hand, and we can't-" Shove! "AAAAAAUGH!"

As his right-hand youma (for the moment, anyway. Obviously he'd need a new one after today) plummeted over the edge of the roof, Nephrite turned toward the battle with Xentite. "All right, little girl. Let's see if I can't make a new friend today..."

Thud! Cynite let out a cry of pain as she bounced off the sidewalk, her light body giving little resistance to the hard ground. Groaning, she quickly oriented herself and stood up. What little damage she suffered from the fall was already healing, and didn't hinder her much anyway. The vertigo was really the worst part.

Well, that, and where she fallen. Right in the sights of a mercenary's combat shotgun.

BLAM!

The youma was knocked right off of her feet from the blast, and found herself rolling across the street before bumping into the leg of another, larger youma.

Whump!

That youma fell over a moment later, and a young man with a pigtail came down from above straight onto its head, hammering it deep into the asphalt and causing the street to crack and fold up around the impact.

Cynite panicked and stumbled to her feet, barely avoiding a fireball that streaked past her to hit the incapacitated creature. 'What are we supposed to do? We can't possibly win! Lord Nephrite, why have you forsaken us?'

BWA-KOOOM! Cynite jumped back as one of the nearby buildings detontated violently, its windows blowing outward into jets of flame. For a split second the entire structure trembled, and then it slowly began to fall down to its foundation, slowly crumbling into rubble.

A vein popped up on Sailor Mars' head. "Was that ABSOLUTELY necessary, Sousuke?"

"I would say so, yes," the mercenary replied calmly as he blasted a nearby youma that was trying to limp away on one leg. "We cannot allow the enemy to occupy an advantageous attack position. I've taken the liberty of arming all such positions such that we may destroy them as necessary."

Orion grinned as he ducked under the wave of heat and dust that washed over the street.

"Good man!"

Thwap! Luna swatted the tomcat over the head, her teeth clenched. "Idiot! Don't Cough! encourage him Cough!"

"Don't you have Cough! anything better you could be doing?" Orion asked his female counterpart. "It's not like Cough! you're doing any good here."

"Shut up!" Luna snapped. Then she growled at Sousuke, her tail bristling. "And you! Cough! Stop blowing up buildings because it's convenient! Cough! Can ANYONE do something about all this dust?!"

"Rastel maskil magister!" Negi shouted from atop the twitching form of a larger youma, "Flans exarmatio!"

A powerful gust of wind immediately swept the airborne dust cloud from the streets and over and around the surrounding buildings, and all combatants took a moment to orient themselves as visibility was suddenly restored.

Ranma was the first to recover, and kicked a smaller youma into the air before while she was still blinking in surprise.

"Jupiter! Incoming!"

"Jupiter thunder CRASH!" The ponytailed Senshi screamed, flinging her lightning bolt at the helpless monster and sending it to the ground in a charred heap. It began disintegrating moments later.

"It's no use! Lord Nephrite has abandoned us!" A short youma shouted, flailing her arms as she ran blindly down the street. "Flee for your lives! There is no hope!"

Ranma stood up straight as he watched the panicking creature approach, then stuck his leg out.

Thud! "Ow! Hey! That's just MEAN!" The youma complained before Ranma stepped on the back of her head, grinding it into the asphalt and silencing her.

"You 'aint seen nothin' yet," Ranma said smugly, waving to Negi. "Hey, gimme a light arrow over-"

Thwip!

Though the sound was actually quite subdued, somehow all the chaos and violence across the entire street suddenly screeched to a halt, and youma, Senshi, and Knight alike all stopped what they were doing to watch, gaping, as Ranma jerked back in pain, clutching his leg.

Growling, Ranma grabbed the object that had impaled his calf and yanked it free.

He was about to seek out the source of the projectile and go about ending that individual's life with all haste, but all thoughts of rage fled his mind to make room for disbelief and confusion when he saw just what had struck him.

Everyone else likewise stared.

Sailor Moon tilted her head to the side.

"Is that... a dandelion?" As the answer to her question was quite obvious, she considered the only person she knew of who used vegetation as projectiles. "Did Tuxedo Kamen run out of roses?" Left unasked was the question of why the masked sniper/cheerleader would attack an ally of the Senshi with so many youma about, but the matter soon became moot.

"I am NOT Tuxedo Kamen!"

At once, everyone present turned to look toward the rooftops. Simultaneously, their jaws fell open.

Standing atop a nearby building, holding a dandelion in his hand, was a man of average height and build wearing a plain white yukata complete with white cape and a baseball cap, as well as a black eye mask. He had short-cropped purple hair, and an insufferable smile that seemed to be a permanent feature of his face.

"For I am the dark avenger," he continued, throwing his arm out dramatically so that his cape billowed outward. "Yukata Kamen!"

Sousuke wasn't one to sit and gape before an enemy, and immediately started setting the frequency of his detonator, as the building had been noted as being perfect for sniping his position.

"No! Stop that!" Luna said suddenly, pouncing on the mercenary and knocking the detonator away. "Stop blowing up buildings, you hear me?"

Ignoring the bit of activity behind the Senshi lines, Yukata Kamen gazed down at the youma at Ranma's feet.

"YOUMA! Take heart, for your hour has arrived! Though you are beset on all sides by the forces of light, never forget that you stand for hatred and chaos, and that the power of love and justice opposes you out of fear of your strength above all else!"

The various youma slowly picked themselves up, glancing at each other as they listened to the masked man intently.

"Is it not you who rises to the challenge of fighting the world's heroes?" Yukata Kamen asked, sweeping a hand toward the dumbstruck Senshi and Knights. "Is it not you who, by the DOZENS, march off to war under the thumb of your incompetent masters against the mightiest champions of humanity? Soldiers of the Segaverse! YOU are the true underdogs, the heroes of the shadows! AND THIS IS YOUR MOMENT!"

P-twang! Yukata Kamen jumped slightly as a sniper bullet bounced off of his magic barrier, just inches away from his head. "Whoops! Gotta go! Good luck!" With a wave of his hand, a beam of white light engulfed him, and he was gone.

Ranma was silent for several moments as he stared at the dandelion in his hand, stared up at the space where Yukata Kamen had been, and then looked back down at the dandelion.

"What the hell just happened?" he asked aloud.

"HE'S RIGHT!" A slightly smoky youma that used to have two arms shouted as she pointed toward Ranma. "Come on everyone! We haven't lost yet! Engage super-secret youma formation Z!"

Ranma twitched as he watched the remaining eight youma all cluster together and then lean forward, as if they were getting ready to run a race.

'Wait... weren't there nine youma left?' Ranma thought just a moment too late.

"Ha! Gotcha!" Cynite cheered as she grabbed the pigtailed boy around the ankles.

"What the-" Ranma didn't get the chance to say much more as the other youma suddenly roared viciously, breaking into a run at the same time.

"YOUMA DOGPILE!" Tackle! Thump! Whump! Thud! Crunch! Wham!

"Ack! Ranma!" Mars yelled in surprise. "Somebody help him!"

"I'm on it!" Jupiter said, summoning her power to her. "Jupiter thunder-"

"NO! Don't do that!" Sailor Mercury protested just a bit too late.

"CRASH!" Sailor Jupiter thrust her arm toward the trembling pile of youma, lashing out at it with thick ribbons of lightning. In such close proximity, the effect was devastating, as each youma felt the full power of the Thunder Senshi at once.

Unfortunately, there wasn't just youma in that pile, and as the dazed monsters staggered away from the blast zone, a single charred human figure laid on the ground, twitching sporadically.

"... Oops," Jupiter squeaked, flushing deeply.

Although Mars had far more detailed commentary about the incident, it was forced to wait as the youma quickly recovered and dashed away from the stunned martial artist, charging the Senshi with a single-minded ferocity they had not possessed just minutes before.

And through it all, Sailor Moon stared up at the sky, looking utterly confused. "When did they change their name to the 'Segaverse'?"

(A few minutes earlier)

Shampoo grunted as she dodged another series of swipes from the demonic creature before her, trying to gain some distance to think of a strategy. So far she had outclassed this creature by leaps and bounds, but was at a loss for how to kill it. She had already impaled the damn thing twice on her scimitar, only to find that all THAT did was disarm her. She had nearly lost her head yanking her weapon out.

Unless she found a weak point, she'd have to resort to more haphazard tactics, such as burying the damn thing or maybe drowning it. And obviously, there was no guarantee that those strategies would work either.

"Xentite. Stop," Commanded a male voice from behind. Shampoo immediately rolled away from the creature, and stopped in a crouch facing the new voice. Nephrite raised an eyebrow at the curiosity in the girl's eyes. She didn't seem to have an initial prejudice toward him. That was most likely a good thing.

"Who you?" The lavender-haired warrior asked. "You command stupid ugly thing?"

A vein popped up on Xentite's head at the comment, and she took a menacing step toward the teenager before Nephrite raised a hand toward her, prompting her to stop.

"Yes. Yes, I do," he admitted. "I am Nephrite, General of the Negaverse. And who, exactly, are you?"

"Name Shampoo of Joketsuzoku tribe Chinese Amazons!" Shampoo said, crossing her arms over her chest. "What you want?"

"I want to know what I've done to offend you," Nephrite said with mock disappointment. "I had intended to combat some upstart magical girls in the area, not pick fights with traveling warriors."

Shampoo snorted. "Amazon warrior see demon, then Amazon kill..." then she frowned."Not sure if kill what summon, though. Not come up before."

"I'm sure," the Dark General deadpanned. "And what brings a... Chinese Amazon to Japan?"

"Am hunting Ranma, strong warrior girl what travel here from China," Shampoo explained impatiently. "Shampoo bound by law of village to hunt and kill! You see, maybe? Ranma short girl with red hair in pigtail, big chest and wet most of time."

Nephrite was silent for several long moments. 'There's no way. It couldn't be this perfect. There HAS to be a catch.' "I think I might know something about this... Ranma," he said cautiously. "But we shouldn't talk here. My ambush has failed, and powerful forces are bearing down on us. Come, I know of someplace safe." Then he snapped his fingers.

"Xentite! Follow me! We retreat for now!"

The combat youma stood shock-still, absolutely flabbergasted. Then she glanced down the street, where a building was slowly sinking into its foundation among several flashes of light and small explosions. 'No way! I was the bait, and I end up being the only one to survive?'

Shaking her head at the irony, Xentite shifted back to human form and hurried after her master, never noticing the masked man watching from above, a cheerful smile on his face.

"What the heck?" Jupiter shouted as she kicked away one of the charging youma, only to get tackled by another one in the flank. "They were giving up just a minute ago!" Growling she tried to grapple with the smaller beast clawing for her throat, unable to find the leverage to gain an advantage.

Whack! Sousuke promptly kicked the creature in the side, not completely dislodging it, but stunning it long enough for Jupiter to get the upper hand and punch it off of her.

"The enemy is charging recklessly!" The mercenary growled as he switched to automatic fire and emptied his ammunition into the advancing youma. "If we don't fall back, casualities are unavoidable!"

Mars threw another fireball, only to see the youma dive out of the way and then jump to their feet, eager to charge again. "Mercury, we need some space!"

"R-Right! Mercury bubble blast!" Throwing out her hands, a wave of bubbles washed into the horde of slavering youma, and each of the Senshi disengaged from their targets to follow Sousuke as he sprinted further down the street.

"Springfield! Give us some cover fire!" The mercenary commanded, stopping in front of a storefront and then falling into a crouch.

As the mage lifted off into the sky and began chanting, the Senshi and moon cats slowed to a stop next to Sousuke.

"Why're you stopping?" Orion demanded, "This area is right out in the open! They'll overtake us in no time!"

Sousuke nodded. "That's how it appears." Then he held his hand out to Luna, who had Sousuke's detonator in her mouth. "If I may have that back?"

Luna bristled slightly as she spat the item into his hand. "Just what are you planning?"

"I deliberately placed the charges so that the buildings would collapse into the street," Sousuke explained as dozens of bolts of light flew overhead into the obscuring cloud of bubbles, "when the youma charge our exposed position, we can bury and entangle them instead."

"Do you have any plans that don't involve annihilating this entire block?" Luna seethed. Sailor Mars would have added her own two cents, but was frowning deeply as she looked around.

"Yes, I do," Sousuke said calmly, "assuming you are specific in preserving this block rather than the destruction of any adjacent series of buildings, in which case, no, I do not."

"Quiet, both of you! We'll work with the plan we've got!" Orion hissed. "Assuming those youma actually fall for our ruse. They're taking their damn time in there."

"Does anybody else notice that we're missing someone?" Mars deadpanned.

"It could not be helped," Sousuke said immediately. "Saotome was incapacitated behind the enemy lines. However, I believe he'll be able to handle himself."

"As worried as I am about him," Mars mumbled, shooting a meaningful glare at Jupiter, who winced, "that wasn't who I was talking about."

Sailor Mercury gasped. "Where's Sailor Moon?"

Their question was answered as the bubble smokescreen finally began to disperse, revealing a row of grinning, imposing youma holding their line far behind the area that Negi had been raining light arrows upon.

In the claws of one of the larger youma of the rear was Sailor Moon, looking downcast as tears streamed down her face.

"I ran the wrong way!" She mumbled, sniffling.

Orion slapped a paw over his forehead. "I hate you, Luna."

"Oh, so now this is MY fault?" The black cat protested. "Stop blaming me every time that girl does something foolish!"

"Attention foul Senshi and allies of the fallen Moon Kingdom!" Cynite shouted gleefully. "We have your precious leader! Surrender and submit yourself to the Segaverse!"

Another youma poked her in the back. "It's Negaverse, not Segaverse."

"Oh, right. Sorry," she mumbled for a moment, then cleared her throat. "Submit yourself to the Negaverse at once, or we will kill your precious Sailor Moon and then destroy you all!"

The Senshi all tensed and looked at each other, wondering what to do. After a moment, Jupiter raised her hand.

"So, if we surrender, then you WON'T kill anybody, right?"

The youma glanced at each other, and quickly stepped into a brief huddle as they whispered to each other. Finally, Cynite stepped out and addressed the Senshi again.

"It's a gray area."

"You guys can't be serious!" Orion hissed. "Is Sailor Moon THAT important to this campaign that everyone has to sacrifice themselves for the CHANCE to save her? Not that keeping her alive in the hands of the enemy is very safe..."

"That's not the issue here," Mars hissed back, planting her fists on her hips. "It doesn't matter how 'important' Usagi is! She's our friend, and we won't abandon her, no matter what!"

Mercury and Jupiter nodded their agreement, much to Orion's chagrin.

"Perhaps they would be open to hostage negotiation," Sousuke offered. "If I could exchange myself for Commander Moon-"

"NO!" Jupiter shouted a bit too loudly. Wincing, she lowered her voice before continuing. "I mean, we're no better off that way than we are with Sailor Moon in their hands."

"That is not the case. I excel in surviving harsh conditions and can navigate battle hazards far better than she can. Additionally, if they return me to their base, I have training in resisting torture," Sousuke explained calmly, as if being held at clawpoint by hideous monsters were a job just like any other.

"HEY! Are you jerks gonna hurry up and decide, or do we have to choose for you?!" Cynite growled, pounding a hand into her fist.

Sousuke stepped forward, ignoring another shout of protest from the Thunder Senshi. "We wish to pro-"

Thwip! A red streak was all the warning anyone had as something impaled the claw being held to Sailor Moon's neck, knocking the bladed edge away from its tenuous position above her jugular.

Any distraction that would have provided was negated as the very same youma suddenly went flying as someone barrelled right through her, snatching away the girl struggling to get away.

"Wh-What? Who-" Cynite stuttered as a figure in a blood-red shirt landed several meters away, Sailor Moon cradled carefully in his arms. Sousuke blinked as he watched Ranma land, then shrugged as he pointed toward the youma.

"Senshi, Springfield, open fire!" In the back of his mind he heard someone shouting in the distance, and took out his binoculars to locate the possible threat.

"Mars fire ignite!"

"Jupiter thunder crash!"

"Sagitta magic series fulgaris! Thirty-one arrows of lightning!"

"Mercury bubble blast!"

"-and never give up, no matter what!" Tuxedo Kamen finished, his cape billowing out behind him dramatically.

"They're coming through the smokescreen! Sagara, ready a flashbang! Everyone get ready to fire again on my mark! Springfield, sweep back those bubbles!"

"Right! Rastel maskil magister! Flans exarmatio!"

"NOW! Wipe them out!"

The masked man frowned as he watched the battle play out underneath him, uninterrupted. His eyebrow twitched in annoyance. This was not how things were supposed to go. The battle was supposed to STOP when he showed up, and everyone was supposed to wait patiently, either out of awe or perhaps courtesy (he alway did wonder why the bad guys stopped to listen as well) until he was done shouting encouragement.

After all, if he couldn't be heard over the sound of the Senshi annihilating the enemy, what was the point?

'Well, there WAS saving Sailor Moon. Where is she, anyway?'

He had been annoyed at being ignored, sure. However, annoyance didn't quite cover the spiral of emotions that assailed him when he saw Sailor Moon and some pigtailed guy he had never seen before standing away from the battle KISSING.

That confusing maelstrom of thought was the last thing that passed through his mind before pain blossomed brilliantly in his chest. Unfortunately, this pain was far more physical than emotional in nature, and he fell over onto the roof in agony.

Ranma blinked in surprise as Sailor Moon finally broke the kiss, his face flushed. "Uh... you're welcome?" He mumbled, fairly stunned.

Sailor Moon blushed brightly as well, unable to believe that she just did that. Sure, she wasn't what many would consider shy, but she had gotten completely swept up in the heat of the moment.

"I-I'm sorry! I was just so scared, and then everything just started spinning, and I was really dizzy, and you were holding me so tightly, not too tightly really, but-" she started babbling helplessly, still being held in his arms.

"Ah, well, whatever. Now's not the time for this," Ranma decided, putting the blonde down, "Come on! We have to help the others!"

"All right!"

* * *

"I HAVE to ask: why have you two been glancing at each other and blushing constantly ever since the battle ended?" Rei said suspiciously as the Senshi, Knights, and assisting moon cats walked down the street trying to look inconspicuous.

This was not as easy as one might assume, as everyone sported injuries of varying intensity; the youma had fought bitterly to the last. Ranma was the worse off, walking with a limp in addition to having his clothes and face burnt from Jupiter's lightning. Negi got off with little damage other than a scorched cape, as he was the only one with a fully functional shield.

The shrine priestess grew more irritated once neither Ranma nor Usagi said anything, but just turned red again.

"Well?"

"It was... nothing," Ranma mumbled, tugging on his pigtail nervously. "Nothing important."

"Well, if it was nothing important, then you can tell us about it, right?" Rei prodded.

Usagi quailed when the others turned to watch, obviously interested. 'What should I say? That I just got excited and tried to make out with my teacher in the middle of a firefight? WHY did I do that?' Kissing Ranma was all well and good, and had been a personal goal of hers for some time, but those sorts of things were supposed to happen during romantic, secluded interludes, not out in the streets during a battle. 'I'm just glad none of them saw me!'

Ranma was about to stutter out whatever was the first thing that came to mind - which would have resulted in him getting hit and further pissing off Rei - when Sousuke suddenly came up from behind him and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"It's all right. I understand."

Ranma stared at the mercenary. 'HIM understand? Did he see us, or what?'

Sousuke turned toward Rei. "I find it highly probable that Saotome and Commander Tsukino are embarrassed because Saotome unintentionally squeezed her breasts during his rescue of her."

The girls blinked repeatedly. Ranma sweatdropped, but said nothing.

"It's very easy to do," Sousuke explained solemly, crossing his arms over his chest. "When tackling or holding the female body, the breast provides a convenient, if not socially awkward, handhold to establish a safe grip when time is of the essence. I've done it as well, and while the resulting misunderstanding was quite painful, the girl was unharmed."

The girls all flushed slightly at that as they mulled it over.

"That makes a lot of sense," Ami decided. 'And it explains why they weren't exactly comfortable talking about it.'

"I don't buy it," Rei mumbled. "It's not like meatball head has much to hold on to."

"REI! That's just MEAN!" Usagi shouted indignantly, snapping out of her embarrassment.

"Regardless, in that type of hold, the hand will usually end up on the chest, at least initially," Sousuke explained, convinced that his theory was correct.

"Maybe if you did a demonstration?" Makoto said suggestively, stepping closer to the mercenary.

Sousuke thought about it, and then nodded. "That would work. Hino-san, if I may?" To him, since Rei was the one who expressed disbelief, she was the most appropriate one to use in a demonstration. That the fuming ponytailed girl behind him may have suggested it specifically to end up in his arms never occurred to him.

"No, you may NOT!" Rei said, jumping back and trying to ignore the way Makoto was glaring at her.

"Please, I really just want to forget that this whole battle ever happened," Ranma mumbled, especially wanting to change the subject before anybody thought to ask him if that was really what happened. "Especially that part with the geek in the yukata. What a jerk."

"Indeed. His interference may prove extremely problematic if he persists," Sousuke mumbled.

"Especially with a shield that prevents him from being dispatched from a distance. Luckily the other one possessed no such defense."

"Other one? What other one?" Sailor Moon asked, surprised.

"There was a second individual much like the first that appeared, no doubt to further bolster the youma's morale. I dispatched him posthaste," Sousuke explained.

"Geez, ANOTHER one? What's with all the Tuxedo Kamen clones all of a sudden?" Rei growled.

Sousuke stopped. "... Pardon? Who?"

"Tuxedo Kamen," Ami picked up the explanation. "He's a masked figure like Yukata Kamen, except that he uses roses as weapons, and he's on our side. He appears in exactly the same manner, launching an attack and then giving a speech to boost our confidence."

Ranma frowned as he watched sweat pour down Sousuke's brow. "Yeah, didn't I ever tell you about that guy?"

"No. No, you did not," the mercenary said in an uncharacteristically tense voice. "We shall discuss this intelligence failure in earnest when we get back to base." Then he noticed that everyone was staring at him oddly. "Speaking of which, we should proceed back to base with all haste."

Negi scratched his head. "Why? I thought we were all going to go to Hino-san's house to-"

"I said MOVE, Knights!" Sousuke suddenly barked, causing the others to jump in surprise.

"Double time! Go! Go! Go!"

Sailor Moon sweatdropped as she watched the Knights suddenly sprint off to their apartment, Orion trailing off after them. "That was sudden..." Then she cocked her head to the side. "You know, we haven't seen Tuxedo Kamen in a long time... I wonder what happened to him..."


	20. Two Meetings and a Big Mistake

Nephrite scratched his chin as he watched the purple-haired girl across from him shovel down a bowl of ramen like a starving woman. Which she might have been, considering her story. Obviously the girl had extensive lessons in wilderness survival, but those tricks didn't extend toward getting by in the city when one only had a small stipend of Chinese currency.

"Your tale is fascinating, though I must say your village's laws seem quite outdated and cumbersome," the Dark General admitted bluntly. He could easily understand the value of wanting defeated warriors to overcome those who had beaten them, but to demand that the intent be lethal, and to insist that the warrior undertake the journey immediately without additional training first undermined any useful purpose in his opinion. Shampoo shrugged as she swallowed a mouthful of noodles.

"Law is law. Shampoo bring great dishonor to family if break, so kill Ranma."

Well, who was he to look a gift horse in the mouth? "I believe I may be able to help you. But first, tell me all you can of this 'Ranma'. I myself know very little of her."

Shampoo finished cleaning her plate before glancing up at the man suspiciously. Nephrite was attractive, charming, diplomatic, and generous and quite frankly, Shampoo didn't trust him one iota. Putting aside that most of his attractive qualities were those of playboys and manipulators, he apparently commanded monsters and had an unsettling aura about him.

Still, the enemy of your enemy...

"Shampoo not know too too much about Ranma. Ranma show up in village maybe month ago with stupid pet panda," the Amazon began.

Nephrite raised an eyebrow. He had never seen a panda in the company of the redhead. Not that it really mattered, but it was worth a mental note.

"Shampoo know that Ranma very skilled fighter and too, too good at running away." She said this part rather bitterly. "She know she better than Shampoo, but run instead fight Shampoo honorably."

"Considering that she is the superior combatant, shouldn't you be grateful for this?" Nephrite asked as a waitress stopped by and gave him his own food.

Shampoo scowled, but did not contradict him as she glared down at her empty plate. A moment later the waitress replaced it with another entree, and she immediately started eating even faster than before.

"So that's all that you can tell me?" Nephrite asked in disappointment. "That she associates with a panda that I've never seen and that she's a skilled fighter?"

Shampoo shrugged as she slowed her eating enough to speak. "Shampoo only find rumor of Ranma this week, and still not find." Then she frowned. "What you know of Ranma, then?"

Nephrite smirked slightly as he leaned forward, his hands clasped together. "I know that she associates with a band of juvenile witches called the Sailor Senshi, as well as a child magi and a gunman," he whispered to her, forcing the Amazon to lean forward to hear him. "Some of them are quite skilled, and they seem to be rather close allies. If you think this "Ranma" was a difficult opponent on his own, you'll find yourself quite overwhelmed and outmatched against the full might of his companions."

Shampoo twitched and leaned back in her seat, rolling that thought over in her head. "What you mean, 'witch'?"

"I mean they're adolescent girls with intense, destructive magical power," Nephrite clarified bluntly. "They've wiped out scores of the Negaverse's soldiers, and destroyed one of our generals, apparently without a single casualty of their own. Combined with the power of their other allies, I fear a direct assault is utterly futile."

Shampoo scowled openly at that. While she had many options open to her besides direct assaults, that was by far her favorite tactic. Subtlety and trickery were not her strong points.

"So what you do?"

"Well, I WAS hoping an alliance was in the cards," Nephrite said smoothly, smirking as he reached across the table to draw his fingers across her cheek.

Shampoo looked utterly unimpressed by the gesture that frankly should have had a girl her age swooning. "Shampoo think about it," she said noncommitally as she pushed away her food. "Must track down Ranma on own. Then see if no can kill."

Really, she would have been all too happy to let some other sap kill the redhead in her place (the law had always been more about revenge than overcoming one's limitations anyway), but all her instincts told her this man was far from trustworthy. Well, her instincts, plus the whole monster-summoner thing. That had something of a stigma attached to it in pretty much every culture, and Chinese Amazons were no exception.

"Very well. But don't say I didn't warn you," Nephrite said, shrugging his shoulders. "But assuming you survive your attempt on the girl's life, please consider my offer." Then he smirked again. "Don't call me; I'll call you."

Shampoo frowned at this, but only hesitated for a moment before walking out of the restaurant.

"Xentite," Nephrite said suddenly the moment the door closed.

The only surviving youma from Nephrite's last assault poked her head above the seat behind him, obviously in human form once more. "Yes, lord?"

"See to it that she's followed. I want to be able to know where that girl is and precisely what she's doing at a moment's notice," the Dark General said almost conversationally as he began eating again.

Xentite frowned. "Should I follow her myself?"

Nephrite thought about it. "No. Something tells me she's sharper than she appears. She may recognize you. Besides, stealth isn't your specialty. I'll leave it to you to find a youma appropriate for the task."

"Of course, my lord," Xentite mumbled, wondering just when the hell she had been promoted to middle management without being told. Last anyone had informed her, she was in charge of breaking people in two, nothing more. 'Not that I'm very good at that, apparently,' the youma thought ruefully upon reflection of her battle with the Amazon huntress.

* * *

When Xentite returned to the Sega... that is, Negaverse to fulfill her master's orders, she had decided to simply grab the first youma she found and set the creature to the task she had been given. She had even thought up a little story about a "promotion to commando rank" that would put a positive spin on being sent deep into harm's way without any hope of support.

However, once she stepped into the series of mostly empty hallways that honeycombed the outermost ramparts of Beryl's fortress, instead of finding a few wandering youma stumbling about waiting to be suckered into working, she found what appeared to be... a party.

Youma, all of whom were in human disguise and wearing strange and unique outfits, were freely mingling about with unfamiliar demons and playing cards and drinking games while chatting amicably. Of course, as youma didn't have any money, the card games were primarily strip poker (the brass demons, in a show of sportsmanship, put on clothes before playing in order to level the playing field). It made for a rather unfamiliar and vaguely disturbing scene.

"XENTITE! Have you come to report your success in the battle against justice and truth, dear comrade?!" A blonde youma with a long pigtail shouted from behind the confused creature, startling her.

Xentite didn't answer for a moment as she looked over the fellow youma, who grinned at her.

"Calcite? Is that you?"

"Negative! My new name, as given to me by my mysterious and handsome and uber-cool master, Master Xellos that is, is Excel! Last name Excel! Which seems redundant at first, but the brass demons assure me it's perfectly in-character!"

Xentite winced. "Why are you yelling?"

"It's a reflection of my new can-do, will-do, failure-is-not-an-option, slit-your-mama's-throat-ona-whim, six-year-old-after-a-gallon-of-Mountain-Dew, happy-go-lucky, and unlucky-still-happy attitude!" Excel cheered, thrusting a fist into the air as she hooked arms with Xentite.

"... What's going on here?" Xentite mumbled, staring at the scene dubiously. "And who's this 'Master Xellos' guy?"

"Master Xellos is the Segaverse's newest Dark General, silly!" Excel said cheerfully, giving the combat youma a noogie. "He gave us all new names and personalities! He actually cares about us!" She suddenly got dreamy look in her eyes. "He said: 'I'm not like the other generals, Excel. I don't see you as a clumsy and incompetent piece of canon fodder to die a hideous death for my own amusement and the eventual completion of my vaguely defined secret plans!'"

"Master Xellos said nothing like that," another youma with unusually dark skin and elongated, pointed ears said dryly. "In fact, if you ask me, that's precisely how he sees us."

"Lies! My faith in Master Xellos protects me from your cruel, evil words!" Excel shouted, holding her hands over her ears.

Xentite shook her head as she tried to push all of the current nonsense out of her mind. That it seemed slightly important didn't really matter to her; it wasn't part of her assignment and she didn't feel like dealing with it, so she'd ignore it as best she could. "Look, Calcite Excel, or whatever your name is now; I have a mission of the utmost importance for you. Your success may decide the very future of the Negaverse!"

"Segaverse," the Nei look-alike behind her corrected incorrectly.

"Oh... uh, sure. The Segaverse, I mean," Xentite mumbled.

"Ma'am, yes, ma'am!" Excel shouted, her eyes gleaming. "Anything for the Segaverse! I'd give my life for the cause! In fact, I'll give it right now! Just watch!" Snatching a butterknife from the buffet table, she squatted on the floor before leveling the thinly serrated blade to her stomach.

"That won't be necessary," Xentite drawled, causing Excel to freeze in disemboweling herself.

"Instead of killing yourself - as increasingly attractive as that idea is - you're to discretely follow a Chinese Amazon by the name of Shampoo around Tokyo and regularly report on her status to Lord Nephrite."

"Of course!" Excel said brightly, jumping up again. "You can count on me! I'll follow her discretely, all right! I'll be so discrete, you won't be able to tell us apart! I'll be right on top of her, that's how discrete I'll-"

"You don't know what discrete means, do you?" Xentite said tiredly. It was quite strange. Calcite, while being far from the sharpest tool in one of the less well-off sheds in the universe, wasn't QUITE this stupid and annoying the last time they had met.

"Ma'am! I'll find a dictionary on my way out, ma'am!" Excel shouted, saluting.

"That's great. You do that." Xentite handed her a small photo that she had taken of Shampoo after she had left the restaurant. "Here's the girl you're supposed to track. She's pretty sharp, and REALLY strong, so watch out."

"Of course! I will not, can not, and probably should not fail! All glory to Segaverse!"

"Yeah, okay. Glory to the Segaverse," Xentite mumbled, walking away. 'Odd. When did Queen Beryl change the name to the Segaverse? Well, whatever. Not for me to judge.'

* * *

"... And then she kisses me on the cheek outta nowhere! And THEN the guide tells me that it's the 'kiss of death.'" Ranma grunted as he sat over his lunch bento, exasperated. The image was spoiled slightly by the way he was clashing at high speed with Usagi's chopsticks as he told his story without even looking at her, as if he didn't notice the conflict occurring over his lunch, and Rei had to grip her own bento tightly to reign in the urge to reach over and slap them both (that it also allowed her to more tightly defend her own bento helped as well).

"Turns out they've got this crazy law that says any time an outsider beats them in battle, the defeated Amazon has to track down and kill that opponent," Ranma mumbled miserably, ignoring the gasps from the girls. "'Course, the stupid guide didn't tell me that until AFTER I defeated Shampoo." He sighed. "I never thought she'd follow me all the way to Japan, though. She really doesn't know when to give up."

The others (which included Negi and Orion, who had gone to school that day to hold a meeting during lunch) digested this story with varying levels of unease. By far the most troubled was Usagi, though the uninformed would consider her sympathy insincere what with the way she continued struggling for Ranma's lunch even as she spoke.

"That's horrible! Why should someone have to DIE over a stupid contest?"

"I'm more concerned with the utility than the application of such a bizarre system of laws," Ami murmured. "Why send a warrior out alone to kill an opponent who's proven herself the better fighter already?"

"Being a better fighter means little," reasoned Sousuke, who, as expected, was the least upset over attempted murder. "There are many methods possible to destroy a target who is a superior fighter. Poison, traps, misinformation, superior weaponry, psychological tactics..."

Sousuke began ticking off methods on his fingers, unaware that none of the others (maybe Orion) were impressed by his thorough knowledge of the assassination trade. "Even as simple and unsophisticated a tactic as utilizing the element of surprise can level the playing field against a better foe."

Ranma snorted. "Yeah, well, lucky for me she doesn't like those kinds of tactics. All she ever does is track me down and then attack me openly."

Makoto frowned. "Well, then why do you keep running? Maybe if you creamed her a few more times, she'd get the picture and give up."

"Don't think I haven't considered it," Ranma mumbled as he grabbed one of Usagi's sets of chopsticks and snapped them in half with his own, causing the blonde girl to gape in shock.

"But Sousuke's right; there are plenty of ways to kill someone who's better than you. If I keep running then she has to focus all her energy on finding me rather than beating me, meaning I can always fight her if I get cornered. If I keep beating her instead, then she has to find a better way to kill me."

"Ah... yeah, I guess that makes sense," Makoto said, slightly embarrassed. "Sorry."

"Don't be. It's not the sort of thing most people would spend a lot of time thinking about," Ranma said between mouthfuls of his lunch. "My pop, on the other hand, has spent a LOT of time running and fighting people who're out for his hide. That reasoning was his."

"So now that we've answered the question of who she is and why she's here, what are we going to do about her?" Orion asked, obviously irritated. 'As if we didn't have enough on our plate, now we have tribal humans from backwater nations snooping around?!' Of course, China wasn't really a "backwater nation," but Orion wasn't exceptionally well-versed in Earth's international breakup, and had an extremely sophisticated upbringing himself.

Nobody had a quick answer to that.

Well, no one other than Sousuke.

"Sousuke, I'm not gonna let you kill her," Ranma deadpanned.

The mercenary frowned and stopped assembling the sniper rifle that he had carried to school in pieces in his bookbag. "This woman intends to kill you, correct? This response is both appropriate and most expedient."

Ami sweatdropped. "I can agree with that reasoning, but it's really best if we exhaust all other options first. This girl doesn't seem evil; she's simply been raised in a culture with primitive and irrational legal customs."

"Besides that, she's REALLY dangerous," Ranma warned. "I can handle myself, but if she sees all of you as enemies and gets the drop on you, what will you do?"

Makoto crossed her arms over her chest. "We're not exactly lightweights ourselves. Killing her right off the bat is pretty extreme, but I'm leaning toward Sousuke-kun's solution. If we all came out and beat her back, she'd see she can't win. What's she gonna do against all of us?"

"I'd rather not know the answer to that question," Negi mumbled nervously. He had only recently been introduced to the versatility and strength of high-level martial arts, and wasn't sure how he'd handle someone like that one-on-one. Throwing energy bolts from behind big, tough front-liners like Ranma and even Sailor Jupiter was one thing. Fighting someone like Ranma or Jupiter was crazy.

"Seriously though, what are we going to do about this?" Rei asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I was really hoping to just stay male as much as possible," Ranma drawled, putting aside his empty lunch bento and pausing to give Usagi a victorious smirk. "Shampoo thinks I'm a girl. As long as Pops isn't around to give me away, she won't be hanging around long unless I'm 'disguised'."

Rei began nodding reluctantly, then frowned as she realized something. "Wait... you've had this disguise months ago back in China? When did Orion give it to you, anyway?"

"Don't wanna talk about it," Ranma and Orion both said quickly. Details of the curse were troublesome and unnecessary.

Standing up, the pigtailed boy began to stretch. "Well, if that's all, then I should-" He was quite surprised when Usagi took hold of his arm and pulled him back down to the grass. "What?"

The ponytailed girl cleared her throat before smiling sunnily up at him. "Me and Mako-chan were talking the other night about Sailor V and the whole 'superhero' thing. And then we realized something important about you guys!"

Ranma, Negi, and Sousuke all blinked as the girls looked at them expectantly. "'You guys' as in us?" Negi asked, confused.

"Yup! You don't have superhero names!" Makoto said, picking up the conversation.

"Superhero names?" Ranma asked, his eye twitching. "Whaddya mean?"

"Well, we all have them," Rei said, nodding firmly. "And in a fight, whenever you need to yell a command or advice to each other, you call each other by name. It's not good when you have a secret identity."

Ranma and Negi frowned, each inwardly admitting that the logic was sound, but wondering how much of this was really necessary. Ranma in particular was worried that if they gave him a "Sailor" name, he was only a step away from being forced to wear the costume too. He shuddered.

Sousuke nodded in agreement. "You are correct. I had been considering the use of codenames myself to improve the security of our battlefield communications. I had one on my last assignment."

Everybody looked at him while they waited for him to elaborate.

Once Sousuke thought about why they were staring, he cleared his throat. "Naturally, my

code name is classified."

"Then why bring it up?" Rei asked, annoyed.

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Orion admitted, glad to see that the Senshi could, in fact, take some time out of their normal day-to-day schoolgirl lives to think about the battle.

"Also, this way we can add you into our speeches!" Usagi said brightly.

"And it seemed like such a good idea, too," Orion mumbled. 'I fear for this planet.'

Ranma groaned. "Don't tell me I'm Sailor Uranus or something."

"No, nothing like that. Only the Senshi have 'Sailor' names," Usagi explained.

"Besides that, Luna's fairly certain there actually IS a Sailor Uranus somewhere right now," Ami added. "But I thought that you might not want to spend a lot of time thinking up an alter ego, and Usagi-chan seemed to have a lot of... interesting ideas," she said diplomatically, flushing slightly, "so I thought that us Senshi could come up with a list of names you could look through to choose from."

Immediately, Usagi, Rei, and Makoto all produced stapled collections of paper and pleased smiles. Ami's contribution was a mere note card, and was more timid; she knew that the Knights probably found this situation more embarrassing than her friends estimated.

Sousuke looked at proffered papers warily. "I was really thinking something along the lines of 'Knight Leader' actually," he hedged. He had seen girls' magazines and even a little bit of manga in one of his earlier (failed) attempts to familiarize himself with modern society. He didn't really want to know what sort of code names would come from such a warped and twisted world.

"Oh, come on! That's so boring!" Makoto huffed. "If you want to keep the 'Knight' theme, how about something a little more colorful? Like maybe 'Jupiter Knight'! I think that sounds good!" She blushed slightly as she tried to smile innocently.

"I'd hope so, you wrote it down there like six times," Rei murmured. Those entries were also double-underlined and circled, along with most of the other names that had "Jupiter" in it, but Sousuke would get to see that himself.

Negi seemed rather interested to see the Senshi's ideas, but before he could take the papers from Usagi's hands, Ranma cleared his throat.

"I just wanna say right off the bat," Ranma deadpanned, with his arms crossed over his chest, "that if I see any names that hafta do with gender-changing or 'dual nature' or anything like that, I swear I will make you pay."

There was dead silence for several seconds.

"An example, if you would?" Ami said, only slightly nervous.

"I dunno, like... Yin-Yang, Gemini, She-Man..."

Usagi, Ami, and Rei all immediately turned toward Makoto.

"I was just joking! Really!" The ponytailed girl protested in a panic.

Rei turned back toward Ranma uncertainly. "Sooo... what do you mean you'll 'make us pay'?"

Of course, the most obvious form of revenge Ranma could take was to break their fragile, feminine bodies like twigs, but none of the girls seriously imagined he'd physically hurt them.

"Don't think I can't," Ranma groused. "I'm your gym teacher. I have options."

Usagi immediately glanced at her bare wrist, entirely unconcerned with the fact that she wasn't wearing a watch. "Oh no! I have to meet Naru-chan right now! I'll give this to you later!"

"Er, right! I have to go meet Naru-chan too! Whoever she is!" Makoto said desperately, following after Usagi. She wasn't particularly scared of a harsh gym regimen, but her list had had more than one "joke".

"Oh dear, and here I brought the wrong card," Ami said in a self-admonishing tone even as her face paled. She WAS particularly scared of what Ranma could do to her in gym class if he wanted revenge on her. Especially if he considered his normal routine "Easy enough for normal people."

Rei didn't bother with excuses. She crumpled up her papers into a messy wad and then dropped it in her empty bento box to be thrown away with the rest of her trash. Then she got up walked toward the library without a word.

Sousuke, Negi, and Orion all sweatdropped. Ranma just continued sitting with his arms crossed over his chest, looking annoyed.

After a few moments, Negi made a thoughtful noise. "I wonder..."

The two boys and cat turned toward him expectantly.

"Maybe I should ask them not to come up with any 'cute' names for me?" Negi asked, starting to look annoyed himself. His most obvious trait, at least to girls, was not one that he wanted people drawing attention to on a semi-regular basis, let alone during a battle.

"It won't help," Ranma pointed out, "you don't have any way of threatening them."

Negi's face darkened. "Ah. I believe you're right."

* * *

Finding the Chinese Amazon had been easy enough. Shampoo was a skilled tracker whether she was hunting man or beast, but didn't put too much effort into hiding her own trail as she searched for her prey. The Amazon's quest left a trail of daydreaming men, brutalized street vagrants, horribly frightened vendors, and smashed debris originating from a variety of sources, from broken walls to caved-in automobiles.

Shampoo's constant, sometimes violent queries as to the location of a pigtailed redhead hadn't gone unnoticed by the Juuban police (department policy: Sometimes when you ignore a problem, it goes away!), but after an officer had a hole smashed into the hood of his squad car, it was decided that arresting teenage girls for threatening grown men was hardly a job for the police, and they went back to rescuing cats from trees, or whatever the hell police in Juuban do when they aren't sleeping.

But getting back to the point, Shampoo had made no effort to hide her efforts to find Ranma, and left a trail so obvious that even the dumbest, most unskilled tracker could have found her. Excel was not the dumbest, most unskilled tracker among her peers. But she deserved an honorable mention.

"So when this girl, who you describe as closely resembling the girl in the photograph, asked you if you had seen a short, redheaded girl with a pigtail, you replied that you had not?" Mumbled Excel, writing down the information in a notepad.

"Er... yeah, that's what I said. I've never seen anyone like that around here," the store clerk replied to the blonde dressed like a police officer. "Then she described her clothes to me, and I said that I saw a guy who-"

"Please, just answer my questions, ma'am," Excel said sharply. "You could not provide the information she wanted. She then took you by the front of your shirt in a violent manner and demanded you tell her where this 'Ranma' character is, correct?"

The woman frowned as she glanced toward the front window of her shop. "You know, she's right over there," the clerk said, pointing to the Amazon out on the sidewalk.

"Just answer the question, Ma'am," Excel replied, looking annoyed.

The clerk sighed. "Yes, that's correct. After she decided I didn't have the information she wanted, she left the store."

"I see," Excel mumbled. "Do you remember which way she went?"

"She went about six meters in the direction I'm facing, made a right after exiting the store, and then walked another meter to where she is now, talking to that geeky kid out there," the woman said in exasperation.

Excel nodded. "Well, I'll take any lead I can get. Did you mention any names or individuals who might know this 'Ranma' that she might track down?"

"Oh, for pity's sake!" The clerk suddenly snapped, "She's right there! Look, she's even started shaking that kid in the air! Now get out of here!"

"Okay, okay! No need to yell..."

* * *

Mamoru Chiba groaned miserably as consciousness slowly returned to him, accompanied by a thunderous throbbing in his head, and a much less severe stinging in his chest. The college student winced and immediately ceased any and all attempts to sit up. He recognized this particular agony. He had a hangover. A bad one.

This didn't explain the chest pain, but that wasn't really important to him at the moment. 'Sweet mother... what was I doing last night to get so drunk?' He wondered, trying to tilt his head as best he could without pain to take in his surroundings. While it was hardly unusual for such a terrible hangover to be accompanied by memory loss, it was out of the ordinary for him.

Well, he was in his room, which was fairly comforting. And he woke up alone, which was usually better than the alternative under these circumstances. A glance at his alarm clock elicited another groan. He had been sleeping for nearly the entire day.

Another glance at the nightstand with his clock on it drew a frown. It was covered with empty liquor bottles (not unexpected), a bottle with some pink-tinted fluid in it (unexpected), and a pair of forceps with dried blood on them (unexpected and mildly alarming).

Groping for the bottle of pink stuff, Mamoru winced as he knocked several empty bottles over onto the floor, shattering them. Nonetheless, he closed his hand over the neck of the mysterious bottle, and then brought it closer so that he could inspect it.

He squinted at a cylindrical object resting on the bottom. "Is that... a bullet?"

Throwing off the comforter, Mamoru looked down at his chest to see that he had several bloody bandages wrapped around his torso.

"What the hell was I DOING last night?"

* * *

"Pardon me young man," Excel said politely as she held up a picture, doing her best to mimic the appropriate Japanese speech patterns, "I'm looking for the young woman pictured here in this photograph. Have you seen her recently?"

"O-Officer! Help me!" Umino shouted, flailing pitifully as Shampoo held him up off the ground with one arm.

"Yes, yes, I'll get to that. First, I'd like you to cooperate with my investigation," Excel insisted to the struggling teenager, completely ignoring the Amazon holding him up. "Have you seen her or not?"

"SHE'S THE ONE SHAKING ME!" Umino shouted angrily.

Shampoo frowned as she stared at the strange blonde woman who was apparently looking for her. Judging by her outfit, she was another one of those "police" people who were always whining about the swath of destruction left in her path.

"Yes? What you want?"

"Not now Ma'am, I'm in the middle of something," Excel mumbled as she wrote something down in her notepad. "So she shook you violently, did she? That seems to be in line with what I've heard from other cases. When did you last see her?"

There was a long silence as the young studen gaped at her and Shampoo gave her a halflidded stare.

Finally, Shampoo decided that this new woman was hampering her progress with her stupidity, and promptly grabbed her by the front of her uniform before lifting her in the air just like Umino.

"Shampoo ask question: What you want?"

"Erk! Now Ma'am, there's no need for this," Excel tried desperately, "I'm just trying to get some information from this young man about this 'Shampoo' person!"

"I Shampoo!" Shampoo fumed.

"Okay, great. Can I get back to questioning him now?"

A vein popped up on Shampoo's head, and she decided she'd need a different way to get her point across. So she slammed Excel into the nearest wall. Hard. Umino paled as he watched the brick and mortar wall crack and burst around the blonde's body, which itself had left a significant indentation.

"Excel is hurting in places she did not know could even experience pain," the blonde said in a voice that still managed to sound cheerful despite being spoken through clenched teeth.

Shampoo yanked her out of the Excel-shaped imprint and held her up again. "Shampoo ask one more time: What you want?"

Letting out a pained whimper, Excel spilled. "I was sent here on a mission for Lord Nephrite to keep an eye on you."

The Amazon's eyes narrowed. "You do very poor job."

"Excel would have to agree."

Shampoo frowned. "Stupid girl make fun Shampoo speaking?"

"No, Ma'am! Excel not make fun Shampoo speaking! Shampoo speak too, too good!" The blonde said desperately. "Is truth!"

Umino sweatdropped. "She totally is."

WHAM!

"Ouchies!" Excel chirped painfully from her new position even deeper in the brick wall.

Shampoo yanked her out of the wall again, then sighed. "Why you do stupid thing like ask boy about Shampoo when Shampoo right here?"

"Well, I'm supposed to keep track of you, but I'm supposed to use discretion, which - I think - means I'm not supposed to let you KNOW I'm keeping track of you. So obviously, I can't ask YOU where you are. That would totally tip you off."

Shampoo was silent for several moments. "What wrong with you?"

"I'm not at liberty to divulge that information," Excel said seriously.

Rather than dealing with the obviously crazy woman any further, Shampoo put her back in the wall, intending to use enough force to finally knock the surprisingly durable blonde out cold. As she was a youma, it did no such thing. But the force did finally break entirely through the wall, and ended up burying Excel under the debris from the wall and the shelving unit on the other side, so either way she was out of Shampoo's hair for the moment.

Sighing, the Amazon champion finally turned back to her other prisoner. "Shampoo sorry about that. Is waste of time, yes?"

"Yeah, it was," Umino admitted nervously, being far more prepared to cooperate after seeing the girl holding him knock down a brick wall with one arm. "So, who was it you're looking for again?"

"Name Ranma. You see?"

"Oh, right! Yeah, he's actually a gym teach-"

Shampoo quickly cut off the boy. "No, not he. Looking for girl Ranma," she clarified. This was the third time someone had confused the girl with some pigtailed guy she had never met who apparently had the same name. She was suspicious at first, but eventually reasoned that Ranma could be a very common name in Japan, for all she knew.

"A girl? Are you sure?" The bespectacled boy asked. He had never heard of a girl named Ranma.

"Shampoo sure. Is very obvious girl," she pointed at her bust to indicate which feminine trait was the most obvious. "She have red hair and pigtail. You see?"

Umino stopped to think, then nodded quickly. "Yeah, actually! There was this strange girl who showed up out of nowhere at school about a week ago! I don't know her name, but she's been seen a few times since then." He frowned. "I wanted to find out who she was, but it's like she just up and vanishes whenever she wants. It doesn't seem like she's actually taking any classes or anything."

Shampoo nodded, finally putting the boy down. Her arm was starting to get a bit tired.

"Where school?"

"Two kilometers up the street thataway and to the right," Umino said quickly, mentally promising to stop by a shrine later and pray for the poor girl who had attracted the Amazon's attention, "there'll be a sign. You can't miss it."

Nodding in satisfaction, Shampoo let go of Umino's shirt and smiled.

"Shampoo thank! Bai bai!"

Umino sweatdropped as he watched the Chinese girl race away. "Huh. She's actually really cute when she's not holding you up and shaking you," he mumbled, flushing slightly. Of course, even before she had put him down, his eyes had lingered when she'd gestured to her breasts.

"Cough! Cough! The prey is on the move! And so Excel will move too! Cough! Right after Excel locates and plugs new bodily orifices!"

"Officer-san? Are you okay?" The bespectacled boy said to the strange policewoman slowly digging herself out of the rubble she had been buried in.

"Fear not, ignorant cattle," Excel cheered as she slowly stood up, holding a small white box, "for I had the questionably good fortune of landing on a hard, sharp, uneven surface that was stocked with medical supplies! But your concern is duly noted!"

Umino's brow furrowed. "Did you just call me 'ignorant cattle'?"

"Yes!" The blonde youma said brightly as she started sticking Band-aids all over herself. "For your tragic and inevitable fate is to become the slaves and nourishment of the denizens of the great and powerful Segaverse!"

"The Segaverse? What's that?" The boy asked dubiously. The way this woman was talking, it sounded like it was either an inhuman invasion force, or part of a high-level corporate scandal.

Excel chuckled darkly, tossing the now empty box over her shoulder. "So, the livestock wishes to learn of its hideous fate? Very well!" She clapped the boy on the shoulder and pointed off into the distance. "Come! I shall pull the wool from your eyes and reveal the truth! If you wish to wallow in your doom, so be it!"

"Uh... okay," Umino mumbled. He couldn't help but feel that he'd be far more frightened if he hadn't just seen this woman smashed through a wall just a few minutes ago. "But weren't you in the middle of something?"

Excel turned around, fingering her chin. "That's a distinct possibility! However, Excel's attention span seems to have failed her again!"

"You don't remember? You were follow-"

"Well, if I can't recall, then it must not have been important!" Excel reasoned loudly, cutting off the bespectacled boy. "Now follow me so that I may reveal our secret plans and history to you in unnecessary detail!"

Umino sighed. 'And Naru complains about attracting weirdos all the time. Oi.'

* * *

Shampoo preferred drilling men for information rather than women for three reasons. First, as an Amazon, she held the female gender in a slightly higher regard than the men of the same race. Although the Chinese Amazons were far from being "man-haters" or whatnot as some might guess, she was trained as a warrior alongside other women, and that naturally made her reluctant to bash in a girl's skull as easily as a man's (excluding, of course, her target).

Second, men were simply far more likely to notice her quarry. Shampoo could admit that the redheaded wench who had humiliated her was a very attractive and well-developed for her age, and her vibrant red hair turned quite a few heads where her pinched waist and enviable bust failed to attract more than a passing glance.

And third, men were a lot more likely to help out in any way they could, mostly for the same reasons that they were more likely to notice her prey. The Japanese were, in general, a very insular and often racist people who would have normally shunned some barbarian Chinese girl causing trouble and interrogating random people on the streets, but there were plenty of young men who were willing to overlook such insignificant things in their eagerness to help a pretty young lady.

"Oh, HER? Yeah, I think I know who you mean," a baseball player said slowly, as he guessed the Chinese girl had a limited grasp of Japanese. "Her name is Ranma? Like the gym teacher? Weird. I always thought that was more of a guy's name."

"She here now?" Shampoo said eagerly, making sure she was loud enough that the two athletes standing behind the boy could hear and respond if they had an answer.

"Well, that's hard to say..." the young man said as he stepped closer to Shampoo."I have a friend who tried to ask her out, but he lost track of her and couldn't find out what classes she takes. She's a bit of a mystery."

Shampoo fumed and rubbed her chin, considering. She could simply start rushing through the school and searching every nook and cranny, but with so many people in one place, word of her search would spread through the school faster than she could, allowing Ranma to hide or escape. She could do the "fast searching technique," which mostly worked the same except it recognized walls merely as obstructed doorways, but that carried the same risk of alerting her enemy, and might cause trouble with the locals.

"Well, I might be able to think of something else," the baseball player said smoothly, drawing his arm behind Shampoo. "Why don't I buy you dinner tonight, and we can talk more about it then?"

Shampoo's eyes narrowed, and she gently swatted the boy's arm away before she walked off silently. At first she had been overjoyed when men had started coming up to her out of the blue and offered to feed her free of charge, as she was less used to extended survival in an urban environment. However, she had quickly found that the men kept expecting some unspoken return for their expenditure, usually in the form of touching or kissing her.

One particularly messy incident had involved a rather bold boy who had offered what she thought was free lodging (and was, in a way...). Perhaps if she were in Japan on vacation, their advances wouldn't be so unwelcome, but as it was they were an unpleasant distraction from what was already a delicate and grueling task.

"Hey, hey, don't be like that!" The rejected boy said, quickly rushing over to walk alongside the Amazon. "Look, maybe I came on a little strong; I'm sorry, okay? It was stupid. I just want to get to know you a little better! Whaddya say?"

Shampoo rolled her eyes and was about to harshly rebuke the persistent teenager, when she suddenly hesitated. Very slowly, she smiled at the hopeful young man.

"Hmmm... well, Shampoo like to go out with you, but is very busy try find Ranma." Her eyes narrowed slyly. "But if you find Ranma for Shampoo, Shampoo be very, VERY grateful..."

The hapless teenage boy fought off a surge of sudden weakness from that smile, but fumbled his will save against the surge of arousal that followed Shampoo's suggestive tone of voice.

"S-Sure! So, all I have to do is find this 'Ranma' girl and bring her to you?"

Shampoo nodded happily. "Yes, but no tell Ranma why, is okay? Want it be... what is word...surprise!"

"I got it, I got it," the teenager said eagerly, giving the voluptuous warrior a 'thumbs-up'. "So, do you have a cell number or something for me to contact you with, or-"

"No worry! Shampoo find you!" the Amazon insisted, winking as she dashed off the field and then jumped over the wall onto the streets.

The ball player, as expected, was far less impressed with the Olympic-class leap than he was with the brief moment that Shampoo's short skirt failed to preserve her modesty mid-leap.

"Hey, Tanaka-san? Yo! You there?"

The baseball player shook his head suddenly, snapping out of his fantasy, and turned around to see Ranma (in male form, of course) standing behind him, arms crossed over his chest.

"Oh, Saotome-sensei! I didn't notice you get here! Sorry about that!"

"No problem," Ranma murmured. "What were you staring at? Nothing over there but the wall."

Evidently the pigtailed boy had arrived just after Shampoo had left.

"Uh... nothing. Never mind that," the athlete said, shifting his mental focus from girls to the only other passion in his young life: baseball. "I wanted to talk to you about the baseball team, Sensei." 'Oh, no. Not this again,' Ranma thought to himself irritably. Ever since he had started, his reputation for athletic excellence had spread quickly, and sports teams had come up to him and asked him for help in their teams.

Mostly it was requests from coachless teams to take over that role, though there had been a few coaches asking if he could take on a special role as a team's trainer or drillmaster (as they didn't want to give up their own jobs to get him).

Naturally, he had turned them all down. He didn't have any interest in ensuring that Juuban High made it to the championships, or any of that nonsense, and any time invested in afterschool activities meant time being chewed out by Orion and/or Sousuke for needlessly endangering his "mission objectives".

"So, what is it this time?" Ranma asked, sighing. "You have a coach, right? So, what, they want me to be your trainer? Are they at least offering to pay me this time?"

"Well... not exactly," Tanaka hedged weakly.

"... Which part?" the pigtailed boy asked.

"Well, we were KIND of hoping you could join... you know... as our pitcher," the boy finally blurted out, scratching the back of his head.

Ranma sweatdropped. "You want me to join your team."

"Yup!"

"Me. The teacher."

Tanaka rolled his eyes. "With all due respect Sensei, you're not fooling anyone. No way you're nineteen years old. At BEST, you should be in your senior year here. So whaddya say?"

"Not a chance," Ranma said sharply, looking annoyed as he crossed his arms over his chest.

"Aw, c'mon man! We could really use a decent pitcher this year!"

"Not my problem," Ranma snapped, quite irritated that his student had the nerve to try and recruit him. The only reason he didn't smack the guy upside the head was because... well... Tanaka was right. Ranma was not nineteen, and really should have been going to school as a student, and doing the things that students did. Like join sports teams. But he wasn't about to admit that.

"Why not? It's not like you do anything else after classes!" the young man pressed. "A lot of the other teachers stay after and sponsor clubs and stuff! Why don't you?"

'I'm gonna cream this guy...' Ranma thought irritably. "Look... putting aside the obvious answer of 'I don't want to,' I have important... stuff... to do."

"Like what?" Tanaka asked. He knew he had crossed the line in pressing the issue this far, but felt that if Ranma was even bothering to make excuses, then he might cave with a little more pressure.

'Like protecting your sorry butt from being drained and used to power an invasion of Earth,'

Ranma thought wryly. Of course, he couldn't say that, so instead he settled on "Like... making sure Sousuke doesn't burn down the entire school."

"With all due respect Sensei," the young athlete deadpanned, "that's the biggest load of bu-" BOOM!

Ranma and Tanaka both flinched as a row of windows suddenly burst outward around great bursts of flame, and the latter reflexively held his arms over his head, fearing a downpour of glass shards.

Ranma was capable of judging the angle of the explosion and the likely path of the broken glass with a glance, and didn't bother. Luckily, or perhaps (he hoped) intentionally, there were no students in the area that was being bombarded by glass shrapnel.

'If the moron wasn't so damn GOOD I'd suggest getting rid of him,' Ranma thought irritably as he heard the fire alarms go off in the building. He could also hear the sprinkler system activating, meaning that if he entered, he would be a girl until he got home.

"Well, as you can see, I-" he began before Tanaka cut him off.

"What are you waiting for?! You should be up there stopping that maniac, not chatting about baseball! Go, go!" The young man said frantically even as he backed away from the building.

Ranma rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah. Calm down, you wuss." Then he took off at a run, jumping into a tree before rebounding off the branches into the shattered windows. He landed on the window sill just beyond the range of the sprinklers and peeked in. At first, the smoke and mist from the sprinklers made it impossible to make out much of anything. After a bit, he saw two silhouettes on the ground behind the teacher's desk and identified Sousuke laying protectively over Makoto.

* * *

Many miles away, Kurz suddenly stopped reporting on his target and looked around in bewilderment.

"What's wrong," Melissa's voice crackled over his headset.

"Nothing, just felt like I just a missed opportunity to make a lewd crack," he replied back. The sniper ignored his comrade's inane reply and refocused on his target. "Oh yeah! Those legs go on forever." Or maybe it was the eye candy attached to his target. Whatever. It was close enough.

* * *

The still dry and more importantly male Ranma called into the room, "Yo! You guys ok?"

Sousuke shook his head clear and focused on the pig-tailed silhouette.

"Affirmative. I believe that the desk absorbed most of the blast." With a nod to the defunct metal shield, he offered a hand to the still dazed Makoto. Her legs were still a bit wobbly, so he hauled her up after putting her arm around his shoulder. "Kino-san I'm afraid you did not secure the pin enough to the anti-personnel mine safety trigger."

"That better not be one of the ones I have to pay for," Ranma warned the mercenary. After every battle, Orion got a report from Sousuke of 'expenses of ordnances expended' that detailed every bullet or explosive used. He didn't really understand all of it, but he knew all of those big numbers would come out of his salary. Bad enough he had to pay to fight but he'll be damned if he had to pay for the pyromanic's hobbies too! "This is all on you buddy. Can ya keep the destruction to those things tryin' to kill us?"

"This was a result of Kino-san's request for clarification on calculus," Sousuke explained unhelpfully.

"Blowing up the school is required you explain math?!"

"Affirmative, you see she asked 'Isn't Riemann sums the most complicated thing I had ever seen'. To which I demonstrated the more complicated procedure to disarm …."

"Ah," Ranma interrupted the military nut, "yeah, I can see where this is going."

The School's Principle rushed into the room. Well rushed is an exaggeration. He took his time to determine that it wasn't a) a youma attack and b) the school was not in any immediate danger of collapsing into another public education building casualty. So one would probably be more accurately in saying that he cautiously slinked into the classroom where he spotted two students and saw that a) they were not panicked in anyway and b) they were known troublemakers and came to the obvious conclusion on who to blame.

"What the hell did you two do to my school?!" he exclaimed with a glare.

"An accident occurred during an arming \ disarming demonstration of an anti-personnel mine. Fortunately, only superficial damage occurred to the building structure and Kino-san and myself are uninjured," Sousuke promptly replied.

"You two are expelled! You hear me!"

The mercenary's eyes narrowed. "That would put my mission objective in jeopardy," he said with icy deadly calm. Slowly Sousuke reached for (one of) the pistol he always kept on him.

"Whoa now! Don't jump the gun, I mean, no need to get blown away, I mean outta proportion here! I've got this all taken care o'already," Ranma intervened from the window; there was still water everywhere in the classroom after all. 'Oh great, speaking of jumping the gun. Why'd I go say a thing like that?'

"You did?" asked Makoto, who had mostly recovered from her dazed state and no longer needed to be supported (but still refused to relinquished her hold on her yummy stud... uh her shining knight).

Ranma quickly ran with the first thing that came to his mind and said, "Uh yup … You two just agreed that you would undergo an 'extreme discipline' training from me during the break." The principle just blinked several times in succession at Ranma.

"How long have you been there?" he finally asked.

"Jumped up after the big explosion."

The principle looked out the window, "From the ground?"

"Yeah, was talking to Tanaka. See, he's still there." Ranma waved to the baseball player who tentatively waved back.

"What type of discipline?" the principle asked as he looked out the shattered window and saw the fire department pulling up into the parking lot.

Ranma went on to describe some of the "tamer" forms of martial arts training that his Pop had inflicted on him over the years. The principle and Makoto winced at some of the descriptions, but disturbingly enough not Sousuke.

"…and that sort of training made me the man of honor and awesomeness I am today!"

"So you believe that this training regime during the two week break will make them model students? I'm all for giving students a chance to reform, but I have to admit a lot of doubt that it would make much difference in their attitude. I mean, look at the mess they caused here. Fixing this is going to strain our budget for the rest of the year, as it is."

"Don't worry about the cost because …uh Sousuke agreed to cover the repair cost. Isn't that right?" Ranma asked, though it was more pleading question then statement.

Fortunately, Sousuke had no objections and replied, "Acceptable. This was not part of the current mission objectives. I will cover the expenses to repair any damage to the classroom and superstructure for this training mishap." Sousuke didn't think it a big deal as he really didn't use his Mithril salary except to purchase personal arms and maintain his Bonta-kun chassis. Makoto's reaction was more of the line of, 'oohh brave, strong, and a good provider…' She snuggled closer to the semi-oblivious mercenary.

The principle weighed the options in his mind and finally said, "Very well. We will see if your experimental methods prove useful." He turned to the two troublemakers and growled, "You will be considered on suspension for now till the end of the break and I expect you to obey Saotome-Sensei's every order! Remember, I'm going to get a full report on the next two weeks on you two and if I don't like what I see then you're not coming back. Do I make myself clear?!"

"Hai Sensei." "Yes! Sir!"

The principle left and attempted several times to slam close the badly damaged classroom door. Finally, fatigue forced to him to leave with what dignity he had left.

Makoto released Sousuke and raised her right hand. After getting Ranma's nod, she asked, "Sensei, um… what are you going to do with us…you were just kidding about the coyotes and the couch, right?"

Makoto eyes got wider when Ranma, who suddenly looked a lot more evil due to the fading light of the setting sun, replied with a smirk, "No, it does wonders for your motivation and speed. Get ready for a little training trip."

"A training trip?" She parroted. "Where are we going?"

"Oh somewhere in the deep wood, mountains, that sort of thing," the martial artist replied nonchalantly.

"Saotome," Sousuke interrupted while looking at his small notebook, "In my experience I've found that 'All trips outside the general area of residence have at least a 50% chance of provoking a kidnapping.'" Makoto's eyes glazed over as her mind went into Sousuke land. No, she wasn't the one being kidnapped and yes, she jumped straight to the juicy parts after the rescue. Oh, and finally…No, we won't be going there. Sorry about that. Both boys pointingly ignored the blushing girl who was giggling and hugging herself. "Might I suggest a local park or perhaps an abandoned lot, or …?"

"Sousuke, where are we?" Ranma said sharply to the older boy.

"Juuban Municipal Junior High School," he replied in a slightly puzzled voice.

"What job did ya get me here?"

"The school gym teacher."

"…and what just happen to you?"

"We were suspended from the school, pending your recommendation on explusion."

"That's right. You heard the Principle, if you want to stay in the school then you're mine to work into the ground for the next two weeks. Capeesh?"

"Understood," Sousuke said with a salute. He mentally he went over what it would require to double, no triple, his normal security measures.

"Nobody is going to get kidnapped, not between you and me there. Nothing is going to go wrong."

Crackle! BOOM! Both boys looked at the sky and then at the senshi of thunder.

"That wasn't me!"


	21. Up the mountain and into the woods

Planning a training trip was, naturally, far more complicated than Ranma had initially thought. For one thing, he was no longer in a situation where he could up and leave whenever he wanted; he had a serious duty in Juuban, and shirking it could mean that harm would come to innocent people. Or, if the worst-case scenario should occur, the Negaverse could gain a proper foothold and conquer Earth.

For Usagi, it was bad enough that her vacation was in jeapoardy; the prospect of having Earth taken over by energy-draining monsters was almost as bad as having the entire break cancelled and just holding extra classes for two weeks.

That said, there was one other significant problem beyond leaving the endangered area; nobody but Sousuke wanted to go. And of those that didn't want to go, only Makoto was willing to grit her teeth and bear it.

Negi didn't mind the idea of training. Of course, his idea of training involved lots of bookwork, experimentation, and practice inside a carefully controlled environment. Getting him to leave his room to train was less than pointless. Negi was among the first to volunteer to stay and "hold down the fort".

Usagi was a swift second. Her reasoning was something along the lines of: "No WAY am I going to spend my vacation hiking around in the boonies! Can't you just go to the gym or something?" Ranma didn't necessarily consider her opting out a bad thing; he really didn't know of any training methods foolproof enough to work with Usagi without likely killing her.

And as her hashi-jutsu training wouldn't benefit at all from being relocated out in the middle of nowhere, there was no real reason for her to go. Ami, who Ranma was slowly starting to realize just wasn't much of a fighter and probably never would be, didn't want to go either. Though she had spent much of her explanation stuttering and sweating, Ranma got the basic idea: his training was really hard, and she preferred less physical exercises. Ranma could respect that. So Ami was out.

That left Rei.

"You've got to be kidding me!" The raven-haired girl said, rubbing her forehead. "It's hard enough dealing with Sousuke and the constant fighting here at home! Now that we FINALLY get a few weeks off from school, you want us to ship out and put up with more of it out in the wilderness?"

Ranma considered his answer carefully.

"Yes."

Rei glared at him. Ranma shrugged.

"I don't know what to tell you; this is how training works. You find some isolated spot where no one'll bother you, and then you work yourself to exhaustion. It works, though."

Orion lifted his head up from where he was resting on Makoto's lap. "If you don't want to go, then don't go. We should keep most of the Senshi here anyway, so it'll work out fine."

Rei was hesitant. "Well, if that's the case, then..." And then Makoto leaned over to her.

"You know..." the taller girl began, whispering just loud enough for Ami and Usagi to overhear, "if you don't come, it'll be just me and the guys." She smiled. "A single girl and two cute guys, out in the middle of nowhere, all alone. Who KNOWS what could happen, hmm?"

Rei's first thought was for Makoto's safety; she would be the only girl, alone and completely at the mercy of Ranma and Sousuke! Who knows what terrible, lecherous, X-rated things one could get away with if-

The fire Senshi's rational mind took a moment to remind her who she was talking about, here. Rei's second thought was for Ranma's safety; he was a gullible, inexperienced boy who was still young, and still quite susceptible to a woman's charms if caught off-guard. And Makoto was obviously a veteran boy-hunter; who knows what she could get away with in the midst of a training trip?

* * *

(In Rei's imagination)

"Oh, Ranma-kun! Dinner's ready!" Makoto said cheerfully, holding up her ladle and grinning. "But in order to get your share, you have to defeat me and pin me to the ground! This is a training trip, after all!"

"Ranma-kun, it's safer if we all bathe together! You wouldn't want anything to happen to me if I was all alone, would you?" Makoto said brazenly, stripping off her gi.

"Ranma-kun, I think something bit me! C-Could you suck the poison out?" Makoto gasped, pointing to a spot on her midriff where she had scratched herself with a stick.

* * *

"Pst! Is something wrong with her?" Makoto whispered to Usagi, watching as a thin red aura engulfed the suddenly quiet fire Senshi.

Usagi winced as Rei suddenly glared to the side at the other girls, and then turned back to Ranma.

"I'm going," she said simply.

Ranma sweatdropped. "You... uh... don't look too happy about it. You sure you wanna go?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Rei said, obviously upset for no reason that anyone present could understand.

"And you'd better appreciate it!"

"Uh... okay?"

Usagi frowned. "I don't get it... why would Rei want to go train?"

Makoto snickered and leaned forward. "Training has SO little to do with it. You're thinking about this the wrong way." She sighed happily. "Fighters like Ranma and Sousuke-kun feel most comfortable when they're out training. If there's any time to get close to them, it's after a long, hot, sweaty workout." She whispered into Usagi's ear.

The blonde girl gaped, and then started chewing her lip. 'Is that true? Is that why Rei is going after all? Is she... is she going to...'

"Well, it's not ideal, but it'll work," Orion said, picking his head up. "I'll stay here and coordinate any necessary defenses with Negi and the remaining Senshi. We'll need to ensure we have a way of contacting you in case an emergency pops up – not that you'll be able to get back in time to do much about it – but otherwise I approve."

"W-Wait!" Usagi said nervously. "Maybe... Maybe I should go too."

Several eyebrows rose.

The blonde girl flushed. "Uh... not to train, but... uhm... to cook! Yeah, that's right!"

Ami winced and Rei blanched.

Makoto sweatdropped. "Usagi, I'm going to be there with them. Ranma's been living in the wilderness for most of his life. And Sousuke-kun has dozens of portable meals he can bring along. We don't really need to bring along someone else to cook."

"Um... but... well..." Ranma began to panic as Usagi suddenly seemed like she was on the verge of crying. Luckily, Makoto grabbed the Senshi leader by the shoulder and began whispering to her again.

"Hey, take it easy, would you?" Makoto said gently. "Nothing's going to happen; you don't need to force yourself along for no reason!"

Usagi sniffled slightly. "But... you said that Ranma and Sousuke... that they feel most comfortable on trips like this..."

"Well, yeah," Makoto hedged, trying to find a good way to retract her earlier statement. "But if you're worried about Ranma, don't be. This is Rei-chan we're talking about. She wouldn't have the nerve to do something like that."

The blonde girl frowned. "And Sousuke-kun?"

"You just TRY and get between me and Sousuke," Makoto said in a sickeningly sweet voice, "and they'll never find your remains."

Ranma sweatdropped as he watched Makoto and Usagi whisper to each other before Usagi gulped and paled.

"Besides," Makoto said in a normal voice as she backed off slightly, "if you come too, that'll leave Ami and Negi-kun here alone."

As the others winced, Ami nodded. "It would be rather difficult to repel any attacks with just the two of us, even with Orion's expertise."

"... Yeah, and there's that too," Makoto said after a moment.

"Huh? Wait, what were you talking about?" Ami asked, frowning.

Usagi sighed and relented, not wanting the discussion to turn into a big argument over Ami's pedophilia. "Okay, fine. I'll stay... but Luna should probably go with them."

Luna's head shot up. "What? Why?"

"What? Why?" Ranma echoed in a distressed tone. He didn't really like Luna. Even putting aside that he generally maintained a dim view of cats even after the curing of his phobia, Luna was the worst kind of cat: namely, the kind that whined constantly like a parent. Well, not exactly like a parent; he much preferred Genma's bald-faced belligerence and the subsequent fights to Luna's high-pitched nagging.

"Uh..." Usagi winced, once again having gotten ahead of herself. 'How do I put a positive spin on sending along a chaperone?'

Luckily, she had allies. "We're support units by nature," Orion chimed in eagerly. "Luna will help keep the two groups in contact, better organize the training schedule, scout the area when you're busy, and ensure that your training methods don't go overboard." Obviously, the military mau was looking forward to two weeks without the black cat around.

"I will? Says who?" Luna protested, standing up. "Why can't YOU go with them? Training definitely sounds like your territory, not mine!"

"If only I could be so irresponsible..." Orion sighed melodramatically. "But my superior tactical skills are needed here, in the battlefield. While I'd LOVE to spend a few weeks kicking back on a training mission, they don't need my help there. I'm afraid there's no feasible alternative to you going."

Before Luna could shoot back with a rational argument, Ranma's mouth took control of the situation to destabilize it with all haste. "But Luna's kind of useless, you know? Can't we do without her?"

"USELESS?!" The royal advisor hissed, her hair bristling as she glared at Ranma. "I am not useless! I simply happen to have a skill set of no use to barbarians and psychotics!"

"... Then how aren't you useless?" Ranma asked, scratching his head.

"You'll find out during the break!" Orion quickly interjected. "Don't underestimate her!"

"Yes!" Luna immediately agreed, "I'll show you just how useful I am!"

There was a moment of silence.

"Crap." Luna concluded. Orion grinned like he had just eaten a canary.

Ranma still didn't want Luna around, but seeing how he and Luna herself seemed to be the only ones who didn't like the idea – and Luna had just been more or less tricked into it – he didn't see a point in resisting further. "Okay, fine. The cat can go. But I am NOT in charge of taking care of it."

Luna hissed at him. "I have a name, you ignorant brute!"

"So do I, ya dumb stray!"

Rei deftly grabbed Luna out of the air as the feline made a leap to attack the pigtailed boy in a fit of rage. "That's enough out of you two. I'LL take care of Luna while we're out, so don't worry about it."

"And you just leave all the cooking to me!" Makoto said brightly.

"Give me a list of necessary supplies, and I will acquire them within eight hours," Sousuke said firmly. "Using ANY means necessary."

"Then it's all confirmed!" Orion said, looking far too pleased for Luna's liking. "By this time tomorrow, you'll be trekking the wilderness, challenging your body to its limits!" He sighed pleasantly. "Ahhh... I envy you, spending two weeks out of action to hone your reflexes."

"I envy you, spending two weeks without Luna's nagging," Ranma mumbled.

Rei's grip on the agitated moon cat proved inadequate in the face of Ranma's ability to enrage people. Before the Senshi of Mars knew what happening, her arms were empty, and Ranma was rolling on the ground yelling as Luna clawed and bit at his face.

Negi sweatdropped. "You know, in a strange way, I think I'm going to miss this."

"... You're right. That is strange," Orion said, still looking extremely pleased.

* * *

"Hmmm... interesting..."

Standing high atop a building overlooking the train station, a certain purple-haired mazoku rubbed his chin thoughtfully, watching the loading platform from a safe distance as a simple spell he had prepared earlier listened in on a particular conversation.

"I'm kind of surprised your grandpa let you go," Usagi said, looking rather disappointed that he had.

"You wouldn't believe the fuss Grandfather put up when I told him about this," Rei groused as she handed off her bags to Ranma. "He spent a whole hour ranting about the 'kinds of things kids start doing when they're out on their own unsupervised.' It's like he thinks that any gathering of teenage boys and girls together is just an excuse for a big orgy." She grimaced

Makoto blinked. "Well, yeah." There was a rather uncomfortable pause as everyone waited for her to elaborate on that statement. "Uh... yeah, of course that's what it would look like to him. You know how those old-timers are," she added rather unconvincingly.

Sousuke hefted a rather large, solid-looking case onto the platform behind Rei's bags. "If you'd like, I could contact him now and assure him of our professional intent. Or if that's not enough, I could have him neu-"

Makoto slapped a hand over the mercenary's mouth to keep him from speaking further, laughing a bit nervously. "Now Sousuke-kun, I'm sure Rei-chan dealt with the problem already, or she wouldn't be here!"

Rei frowned, but couldn't really complain about Sousuke being silenced to keep him from agitating her. "Yeah. He gave me a whole long list of rites and rituals aimed at 'cleansing the body and purifying the soul' and whatnot and made me promise to do all of them while I'm gone. Most of them involve copious amounts of cold water."

Off to the side, Orion smirked as Luna fumed silently. The black cat looked very much like she wanted to say something, probably multiple somethings, very loudly. However, they were currently in the middle of a train platform surrounded by people shuffling about on their vacations or daily commutes, and the moon cats couldn't possibly speak without risking someone noticing.

"Just be sure not to overdo it, all right?" Usagi asked worriedly as she fussed over Ranma, who was currently draped in Rei and Makoto's luggage; though the girls had been asked to pack light, they weren't particularly used to camping, and probably hadn't guessed that Ranma would make them carry their own belongings at some point.

"Don't worry about it. I've been on training trips all my life. And with Sousuke and the girls, it won't be nearly as tough as some of the things I'm used to. I'll be fine," the martial artist responded. Deep inside, he felt a definite pang of warmth that someone actually seemed to be concerned about his welfare concerning something as simple and routine as mountain training. It felt... nice.

His father had only showed any concern for him, carefully masked as contemptuous sympathy for his weakling son, when he had been brought to the verge of death. And while it was usually enough to goad Genma into spending his booze money to pay for professional medical care, the concern never lasted outside of the walls of the hospital. The neko-ken training was ample proof of that.

Of course, he didn't only have Genma to measure his worth against. There were numerous other people who showed equal disregard for his well-being, if not more. Akane had seemed to think that body casts suited him, and had actively gone about putting him in them. He didn't have a good idea of what the rest of the Tendo family thought of him, not being the best judge of character or having great social depth, but they way they shrugged off Akane's aggressions spoke volumes. Clearly he wasn't worth defending from the youngest Tendo's whimsical anger.

Which was all fine for Ranma; he didn't need other people to defend him. Certainly not from a bratty teenage girl. Ranma handled Akane like he handled all the hardships in his life: he got over it, pushed himself back up on his feet, and went about his business. He didn't expect anybody to stick their necks out for him, and sure enough, no one bothered.

For some reason, though, these girls seemed to care about his general welfare. Mostly Usagi, but the others as well. Even his fellow Knights and Orion, while they often took him for granted, seemed to go out of their way regularly to accommodate him, in everything from his training, his job, and making sure he got ample first aid after every battle.

Usagi noticed that Ranma seemed to be spacing out a bit, and gingerly pinched his cheek to get his attention again.

"Ack! 'Ey! Whaddya do tha' foh?" The pigtailed boy asked with his cheek stretched out. The blonde girl frowned up at him cutely.

"This is the last time we're going to see each other for a while! Pay attention!" She let him go and cleared her throat. "Look... while you're up there, don't... uh..." she flushed heavily as she tried to think of a way to put this that was both tactful and blunt enough for Ranma to understand.

She drew a complete blank, so she sighed inwardly and just plowed ahead. "Just... make sure you respect Rei-chan's purity, all right?" She said quickly, stepping in closer so that no one else could hear.

One could almost see the question marks popping up over Ranma's head. "Respect her 'purity'? What's that supposed to mean? You want me to help her with her rituals or something?"

"No!" Usagi almost shouted, drawing a few curious glances from the others who were discussing the likely youma attacks that may happen when most of the Knight's conventional power was away. She pulled him a bit further away before speaking again. "No, I mean you have to stay away from her!"

"What? How far away?" Ranma asked, rather annoyed. 'This must be another one of those stupid girl things... women.'

Usagi considered Ranma's interpretation of her request, and decided that it would do; if Ranma was convinced that, for some reason, he couldn't get too close to Rei, it would accomplish the same thing as telling him that she didn't want him to have any steamy romances far away where she couldn't run interference. "Uh... about... two meters? I think that would be good."

"Fine, fine. And that'll keep her 'pure' or whatever?" Ranma asked, obviously annoyed.

Usagi beamed. "I guarantee it!"

"Saotome!" Sousuke called sharply, "Our transport has arrived. Estimated time till departure is two minutes. Move out!"

Ranma nodded, and then froze up as Usagi suddenly lurched forward to give him a surprise embrace.

Usagi blushed as she held the martial artist tight, and only released him once she felt a sudden, searing heat on her back – as if a certain someone were glaring at her with a heat that could sunder steel. "All right, it's time to go. You be nice to Luna, okay?"

Ranma stuttered out a weak "Okay," unable to come up with a sarcastic comment about the annoying moon cat after the sudden burst of affection. As he walked off toward the platform, he rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment as he noticed that the rest of the Senshi were staring (or in Rei's case, glaring) at him. 'Well, I guess Usagi isn't that worried about her purity,' he thought.

Usagi blinked as she suddenly felt a sharp, uncharacteristic urge to slap Ranma, as if he hadsaid something thoughtless that could be easily misinterpreted. Even though he hadn't said a thing. Weird.

Xellos rubbed his chin in thought.

This was good for the Segaverse. Very good. More than half of the Senshi forces were outbound from the city for an entire week, apparently for a training trip. Either the remnant forces in Juban could be attacked, thanks to their lesser numbers and lack of their most tactically important fighters, or the training group could be wiped out once they were isolated and exhausted.

Boooooooriiiiiiiiiing.

Quick, easy wins were no fun. And while the local forces of darkness had a spotty record as of yet for taking advantage of strategic opportunities, Nephrite was already getting desperate for results to show Beryl, and would likely become much more aggressive soon.

"I think it's time Yukata Kamen made his presence known once more," the mazoku mused. Then he tapped his staff sharply against the roof under his feet. Behind him, the two youma playing Parcheesi blinked and turned toward him.

One of them was a shapely, scantily clad woman with long black hair, a skull amulet, and a bust that was nothing short of ridiculous. The other was a short, rather flat-chested redhead wearing a far more modest wizarding outfit of red and yellow, along with a pair of heavy shoulder pauldrons.

Hey, even Xellos got a little homesick once in a while.

"Lina! Naga! I have a mission for you!"

Naga jumped to her feet, her breasts bouncing from the movement. "Yes, Lord Xellos!"

Lina sighed, leaning back. "What is it, Lord?"

Xellos frowned slightly at Lina's attitude. "No, no, NO! That's not how you're supposed to address me!" He insisted, wagging a finger at her. "How many times do I have to tell you? You're not rude enough! You should respond with 'What do you want now, you flake?' or something like that! And don't you dare not raise your voice when you're speaking to me! I'm your master! So long as you're in character, you'll treat me as an annoying tag-along, and you'll LIKE it!"

Lina sweatdropped. "Uh... but Lord Xel-" Thonk!

Xellos frowned more deeply as he swatted his servant over the head with his staff.

"OW! That hurt, you son of a pit spawn!" Lina snarled, her eyes glowing a dark yellow.

Xellos immediately looked quite pleased. "Better. Now pay attention. Here's what I want you to do..."

* * *

Rei was feeling a little self-conscious at the moment. It was not that she was regretting her impulsive decision, nor was it that she was on her way to do who knows what, in who knows where. No, it was that said object of her potential affection seemed to be avoiding her.

It wasn't obvious at first, but as the trip progressed it was unavoidably noticeable. First, Ranma had piled the entire luggage that he had been carrying next to Sousuke's cases, which was understandable as there was quite a bit and kept him apart from the rest of the group, except for Luna who was napping on the luggage.

She noticed that every so often he would sneak a glance in her direction, something which she found very encouraging and a bit endearing, but then that was all he did. He must have SOMETHING on his mind that he wanted to talk about. Figuring that if he wasn't going to man up and break the ice then she would.

On the pretense of stretching her legs and checking for something in her suitcase, she made her way over to the pig-tailed martial artist and then sat down next to him… only to find that he had moved to the other side of the train. She tried later on, but the same thing happened again. Maybe it was something wrong with her! Quietly she walked over to the luggage and woke the snoozing cat.

"Hey Luna?" she asked quietly, after making sure no one was listening. She made a pretense of petting and fussing over the cat in case anyone was watching.

"Is there a problem?" Luna whispered back as Rei pretended to affectional rub cheeks with her.

"Can you smell me?"

"Pardon?"

"Do I … smell?"

"Yes."

"I do?" The Senshi of fire had small flames of depression form around her.

"Everyone has a scent. Though, if you wanted a friend who smells then you should have brought a dog." The mau considered a bit and said, "If you are worried about getting lost in the forest then put that worry away. I may not be the military mau Orion is, but I can easily find you. You're scent is particularly unique. You smell like incense, old wooden shrines, and whatever that flowery stuff is you wear to cover it with."

"I see." Rei listlessly replied, as each description of her scent hit her like an arrow. Maybe she needed to ask one of her fellow humans? But which one and not make it seem weird. Makoto would be the best choice and might have something on her that she could borrow. She looked over to her fellow Senshi and found her chatting animatedly with the Sousuke.

Well, Makoto talked animatedly and Sousuke would reply in his serious smoldering way. Somehow, the tall girl had gotten him to talk about some declassified parts of a battle that he had been part of. Rei couldn't tell if Makoto was really enthralled with the tale or just making a pretense of it, but in either case didn't want to interrupt and couldn't think of a good excuse to get her alone.

The raven haired girl quietly brooded in her seat. Thanks to Luna, she felt even more self-conscious each time Ranma glanced her way. Trying to guess what was on his mind was driving her to distraction! What if he decided that meatball head and him were going to be an item and wanted to gentle let her down? Friend-zoned already!

No, no. While her blonde friend, leader and rival had tried to stake a claim, it was obvious that Ranma was still undecided. DID he realize that there was something to decide? In either case, it meant that there was still time and she had to make the most of the next few weeks! The boy in question looked in her direction and derailed her thoughts again.

Maybe she should have brought more deodorant or was he the type who only appreciated the scent of a hard days training? She hoped it wasn't the case as that would be..weird. Oh, why did boys have to be completely disgusting, barbaric, immature….objects of desire? *SIGH*

* * *

Despite living in Jubaan, Umino tended to a live a pretty simple life. In that he didn't spend TOO much time fleeing in terror from youma, and spent absolutely no time fighting them. He possessed no magical powers, worked for no secret organizations, had never taken a martial arts class, owned no robots – giant or otherwise – and couldn't build anything more complicated than a paper airplane. He was truly and completely normal in a region that defined the term "weird".

He rather liked it that way, so when a ditzy blonde girl that claimed to be a ravenous youma suddenly sat him down and explained the invasion plans of some evil organization called the Segaverse, he'd tried to brush it off and go about his normal, everyday life, figuring that he couldn't really do anything about it, and that there were others who could and regularly did.

So he'd ignored the strange, crazy girl and tried to go back to his drab, day-to-day existence, forgetting all about dark gods and evil witches and whatnot. Which would have been a lot easier if the crazy blonde twit would just leave him alone.

"Incredible! Excel has never had such wonderful sukiyaki before!" Excel gushed before the pot of beef and noodles placed before her, small streams of tears pouring down her cheeks.

"You will make an excellent servant for the denizens of the Segaverse, 'Mom'! Excel will personally give a recommendation for Lord Xellos to spare your life when the impending invasion comes!"

Umino's mother Kiki giggled behind her hand. "Oh my, thank you Excel-chan! Umino-kun, your girlfriend is so lively!"

Umino's eyebrow twitched. "She's not my girlfriend, Mom. She wasn't my girlfriend when she followed me home yesterday, and she won't BE my girlfriend in the future."

His father, Taro, gave a lighthearted chuckle as he slapped his son on the back. "Modest as always, eh? But seriously though, who would've thought that you'd go for older women?"

"Seriously, she's NOT my girlfriend. I don't even like her," Umino groused uselessly.

"Excel-chan, I brought out our old spare futon for you to use tonight," Kiki said as she scooped more sukiyaki into the youma's bowl. "Since you don't have anywhere to stay, you can sleep in the living room. While we don't really mind if you sleep in Umino's room, we wouldn't want to tempt you two!" She giggled in that inane way that mothers did when they wanted to suffocate their children with embarrassment.

Umino wasn't embarrassed, just annoyed. Why didn't his parents listen to him? Why couldn't they see that either Excel was being serious about being a youma bent on their enslavement, or that she was some sort of dangerous escaped mental patient? And most importantly, WHY was that moron hanging around here in the first place?

*Slllllurp!* *Bam!* Excel sighed contentedly as she dropped her empty bowl in front of her, a light flush over her cheeks. Although human food was worthless to her as far as nourishment went, it sure tasted good!

"Future servant Mom! May Excel have some more, please?"

"Oh, of course! What a hearty appetite you have, Excel-chan!"

Umino growled under his breath before jamming another spoonful of sukiyaki into his mouth. Just how much longer was he going to have to put up with this?

"Man, this is going to be a lousy week," Umino complained to nobody as he pulled on his pajama top. "Well... there's no way Excel can hang around my place for long, right? Either she's going to have to get back to her mission in taking over the world, or the men in white coats will eventually track her down here. It's not like she hasn't left a trail following me home."

He spent a moment yawning, and then grabbed the corner of his comforter and pulled it up.

A vein popped up on his head. "Excel... what are you doing in my bed?"

The normally chipper blonde blinked blearily at having her rest interrupted, and slowly sat up.

"Ehhhh? Oh, Umi-kun... how's it going?"

The teenager took a deep breath to calm himself, and then stepped aside, pointing toward the living room. "This is my bed. Yours is in there."

Excel blinked and rubbed one of her eyes. "But you have the only night light!"

Umino felt like facefaulting, but was too tired. "Aren't you supposed to be an evil monster in disguise from a dark twilight realm?"

Excel suddenly looked shocked. "What?! How did you know that?! My cover's been blown!" Her eyes narrowed. "I'll have to kill you before you tell someone!"

"..." Umino took a moment to rub his forehead. "YOU told me that, remember? And then you told my parents. Not that they believed you."

Excel considered that for a moment. "Oh! You're right! Well, good night, then!" She immediately fell back into the bed, sighing in contentment.

Umino promptly grabbed his pillow and yanked it out from under the youma's head. "You're not sleeping here! Get out!"

Excel gasped as she sat up again. "But Umi-kuuuun... you wouldn't throw out your girlfriend, would you?"

"You're NOT my girlfriend! And while we're on the topic, why didn't you tell them that?" the teenager asked angrily.

The blonde youma grinned suddenly. "Why? This is a crucial part of my mission!"

"Your mission to track down that Chinese girl who beat you up?"

"... What? What are you talking about?" Excel asked, rubbing her head.

"When we met, you asked me about that girl with purple hair who was interrogating me," Umino explained.

"... I have no recollection of that," Excel asked, looking honestly confused. Umino really didn't know if her apparent sincerity was reassuring or troubling.

"So what is your mission, then?" Umino asked through clenched teeth, his arms crossed over his chest.

"I dunno," Excel said, shrugging. "But I'm confident that establishing a good cover as the eccentric girlfriend of a random teenage loser is VITAL to my mission's success!"

Umino growled, becoming more and more frustrated as the conversation continued. Normally he wasn't a very assertive person, but this situation had passed from the realm of normalcy long ago. "Is that the way you want it? FINE. Since nobody listens to me anyway, it's not like I can do anything about it. Just GET OUT OF MY BED!"

Excel winced from the noise, and sighed as she started pulling her legs out from under the covers.

Grrrrumble

Umino blinked as he watched Excel shudder. "What the... was that your stomach?" He rolled his eyes as Excel got to her feet unsteadily. "You're STILL hungry? Good grief."

Excel chuckled in embarrassment. "Well, it's a bit late to say this now, but your human food actually does not nourish Excel! We require a more pure form of energy to feed on!"

Umino blinked in surprise. "What? So you ate half my family's sukiyaki for nothing?" He groaned.

"I couldn't help it! Your mother is such a good cook!" Excel gushed happily.

"Not that I really care about feeding you – you seem to have plenty of energy if you ask me – but if you don't eat human food, what kind of energy do you use?"

"Human energy!" Excel beamed. On seeing Umino's confused expression, she elaborated.

"Youma absorb human life force straight from their bodies; it's very efficient! Not like all that gross 'digestion' stuff that you have to go through!"

Umino paled as he was subjected to yet another aspect of the Segaverse's forces that he was really better off not knowing. "You feed off humans? Seriously?" He'd heard the rumors to that effect, of course, but then there were all manner of rumors as to what happened to those attacked by the youma, from tales of soul-stealing to more exotic theories about alien impregnation.

All people really knew is that people attacked by youma lost consciousness for a while and then came to later, completely exhausted and without any memories of what had happened.

The teenage boy gulped nervously. "Then... are you going to take... my energy?"

Excel's eyes narrowed. "To be honest... I haven't decided yet... hmmm..." She started rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "You're rather important to my cover... but given that I'm not sure what my mission is, it might not be a problem that my cover gets compromised... of course, if you get up in the morning completely exhausted, everyone will just assume we spent the night doing dirty things to each other and brush it off... but if that gets back to Lord Xellos, I just don't know what I'll do! Excel's body is meant only for him, after all, and how could I risk giving the impression that Excel has betrayed Lord Xellos' trust in this matter that he's probably never even thought about? It's unacceptable!"

Umino, who had been carefully sneaking out of his bedroom door, was suddenly yanked back in by the back of his pajamas.

Excel grinned brightly as she stared down at the helpless teenager. "Excel has decided! Draining you completely or on a regular basis would be too risky! Therefore... you're now Excel's Emergency Food Supply!"

"I'm... I'm what?" Umino said weakly, paling as Excel grinned at him cheerfully.

"You're Excel's Emergency Food Supply!" The youma repeated, patting him on the head playfully. "For now, I will seek alternate nourishment!" Her face suddenly darkened, and her eyes glowed a bright crimson. "But if the hunger just becomes too much for me to stand..." she raised her pointer finger up to her neck, and slowly drew it across her throat. "Khhhhhgk!"

Umino started trembling, wanting to scream for help, but fearful of what the blonde youma would do if he tried.

"Whelp, g'night!" Excel said suddenly, her eyes returning to normal as she slapped the teenager on the back amiably. Then she dove back into Umino's bed, snuggled herself deeply into his blanket, and promptly fell asleep.

Umino stood at the doorway to his room, gaping. He raised his hand, on the verge of pointing out, once more, that the bed was his and Excel was not welcome there. His arm dropped to his side.

His nerve had abandoned him the moment Excel had classified him as a food source. 'The living room isn't so bad,' he thought to himself, shivering pathetically as he turned around. 'Maybe if I get up early, I can even get a nice, long head start on fleeing this place for my life.'

Of course, that would leave his parents vulnerable, but it wasn't like he could defend them if he stayed. Besides, they'd probably be all right; Excel liked his mother's cooking, after all. "Man, I'm going to miss this place."

* * *

Rei looked up at the mountainside, staring long and hard at the thick, tangled underbrush, patches of jagged rock, and dry, sharp low-hanging branches. She turned and stared at her swollen backpack and suitcase, doing some quick calculations in her mind. The results were not encouraging.

Finally, she turned to Ranma. "You're not serious, are you?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "What, you didn't actually expect me to carry all your stuff all the way to the campsite, did you? The whole point of this trip is to make you tougher."

Rei chewed on her lip briefly. In truth she had expected just that, if only because she hadn't really thought about it beforehand. "Okay, fine, but WHY do we have to camp out on top of a mountain? There are plenty of good spots down here!"

"Yeah, there are. So what?" Ranma asked, shrugging. "Making you haul your stuff up a mountain is the perfect way to start off. First, it'll set the pace for the rest of the trip. Second, finding or making a path through hard terrain like this is a good way to start off for people who aren't used to this sort of thing." Then he crossed his arms over his chest. "And finally, you'll learn what 'packing light' means, and why it's important. I could get by for three months on half the weight you're taking for less than a week."

Rei's eye twitched as she shouldered her backpack. "Yeah, well some of us weren't raised in the freaking jungle..." she mumbled just loud enough for all to hear.

Makoto gulped and tugged on the collar of her shirt nervously. While she only had one overstuff backpack and a fanny pack, her pack was much heavier than Rei's. "Ah... considering that I'm carrying the cooking gear - you know, the heavy, METAL cooking gear - that we're all going to use and benefit from, do you think you could carry MY up? Or... Or some of the gear, at least?"

Ranma blinked and brought a hand to his ear. "Sorry, what did you say? It sounded something like 'Ranma, I'm too weak and lazy for basic wilderness training, will you do all the work for me?' Is that what you said?"

A vein popped up on Makoto's head as she forced a smile on her face. "No, no... of course not... I'll be right behind you..." With an irritated grunt, she lifted up the pack, staring with shaky determination at the mountainside.

Sousuke, meanwhile, was staring critically at his gear. "This is problematic. Ordinarily I'm airlifted to the home base with all my gear before training begins. I had not anticipated this."

Of course, out of the three trainees, Sousuke was most used to wilderness survival, but his own gear consisted of two armored cases with numerous weapons and a considerable ammunition reserve, making his load the heaviest there.

The mercenary looked up at Ranma. "Commander, my preliminary intel indicates that this mountain has an old road on the other side in an acceptable state of repair. Would that route be acceptable?"

"Don't call me 'Commander'," Ranma deadpanned. "Also, no."

If Sousuke was disappointed at the news, he didn't show it. "Sir, yes, Sir!" He picked up a case in each hand, and then stood up. "Mission objectives accepted! Commencing operations!" He promptly moved forward into the brush at a slow jog, and Rei and Makoto followed him with far less enthusiasm.

Luna sighed as she watched the three trudge off into the brush. "Are you sure this is a good idea? The Senshi defeat their enemies with magic and willpower, what good is tromping around in a forest going to do?"

Ranma shrugged. "You should have brought that up back when we were planning this whole thing, then. I'm just teaching them what I know." Scooping up the moon cat, Ranma shouldered his own pack and then leapt up into the branches of the trees above, startling the moon cat.

Luna yowled briefly when Ranma left, but quickly quieted down, a bit surprised that the pigtailed boy was willing to carry her in the first place. "It's not that I don't think they could benefit tremendously from a regimen like this, but with just a week I doubt it will make a difference."

"Yeah, you're probably right," Ranma admitted, "it would take months of intensive training before they could do anything real impressive without having to go Senshi, but they have lives and stuff, you know? It took me years of training day in and day out to get to the level I am. Hell, I hardly did anything else growing up. I just have to do what I can while we're out here."

He was already starting to get really annoyed with Luna's presence. 'I'll bet Orion doesn't spout off common sense to HIS instructors...' He continued leaping from branch to branch, quickly passing up the others with obnoxious ease. "So, do you think I should go easy on them, or not?"

Luna raised an eyebrow. "You're asking me?"

Ranma glared down at the cat nestled in his arms. "Well, you ARE the advisor, I'm stuck with you for the week, and you haven't missed a chance to tell me your opinion so far. So whaddya think?"

A vein popped up on Luna's head, and she reigned in her urge to bite the boy carrying her, if for no other reason than to save herself a nasty tumble. "I think you should treat me with a little more respect, for one!"

"No, I meant about-"

"I know what you meant!" Luna snapped. "But I'm serious! I realize that you come from a background that appreciates strength and little else. However, if you're going to assist the remnants of the Moon Kingdom in its efforts, you must adopt at least the bare minimum of civility and-"

Ranma had stopped listening about at the word "however", and was once again silently cursing Orion for shipping off his whiny, nagging counterpart with him.

"-so that you don't end up embarrassing yourself and others! What am I supposed to tell the princess when we eventually find her and you're introduced to her?"

"Yeah, sure. I'll do that," Ranma mumbled, obviously distracted by something further down on the mountain, where the others were.

"You're not even listening!" Luna groused.

Suddenly, Ranma smiled down at the alien feline in his arms. Luna blinked, and wondered where the sudden chill came from. "Hey Luna, I think I just thought of a great use for you!"

Luna raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Doing what?"

"MRRREEEEOW!"

"GYAH!" Rei shouted in surprise as a familiar black cat clamped onto her face, nearly knocking her over backward.

Rei's henshin rod went flying through the air as she flung her arms wide, spinning in lazy arcs before the group's "trainer" zipped through the air and caught it, rebounding off a tree afterward before leaping up and landing on another large branch.

Rei promptly pried Luna off of her face and glared angrily up at Ranma. Ranma felt bad about doing this to the girl, he really did, but he was Genma's son and student, after all. He waved Rei's henshin stick in the air mockingly while shaking his head.

"Oh, come on now, did you really think I'd let you get away with that? If you're transformed then you won't improve at all; your magic will cushion you from the stress and there won't be any point. So no transforming."

"You could have just SAID that instead of throwing things at me!" Rei growled as Makoto snickered nearby.

"I am not a 'thing'!" Luna protested hotly, being held from the scruff of her neck as Rei waved her about angrily. "Would you put me down?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. 'Geez. Did I complain this much when Pops was training me? No wonder he was so grouchy all the time.' "Fine, fine. You want to throw her back at me?"

"I AM NOT A PROJECTILE!" Luna screeched. Though she was just itching to claw up Ranma's face but good, the boy was unnaturally fast and she wasn't the most aerodynamic of creatures, so the chances of a catastrophic miss were troubling.

As Rei looked up at him questioningly, Ranma smirked. "I'm serious. You want to throw something at me?"

"Is that a challenge?" Rei asked, her eyebrow quirked.

"Sure, why not?" Ranma asked smugly. "Tell ya what. You guys take as many shots at me as you want. Rocks, sticks, cats, whatever weapons you can find. If you hit me, then I'll carry all your stuff up the mountain."

Ranma internally congratulated himself on finding a way to liven up the training by introducing incentives and a combat element to what was otherwise a long, difficult, and boring hike. After a moment, Ranma internally berated himself on forgetting that Sousuke was carrying guns.

"Wait! Sous-" Rat-tat-tat-tat-tat-tat!

Rei promptly fell flat onto the ground as a stitch of rifle fire obliterated a section of tree trunk above her, sending loose branches and wood chips raining down on top of her. Makoto flinched back as Ranma dashed past her in a panic, and then ducked for cover herself as more bullets rained into the surrounding brush.

Sousuke rushed up before her, frowning as he reloaded his weapon. He had already shed all his equipment, reasoning that if he exceeded Ranma's expectations of his combat skills, he wouldn't have to carry it any further anyway.

Rei picked herself up as Sousuke raced away into the trees, wincing from the crack of gunfire that followed. "Huh. I guess sometimes two wrongs do make a right."

She tried to make out either Ranma or Sousuke in the dense forest. The only way she could track them was following the rustling leaves and startled birds. Suddenly the woods went silent.

Now she worried that the mercenary was actually able to tag their would-be trainer. She was mostly certain that Sousuke was using rubber bullets, she hoped. The silence continued and she became even more concerned.

Makoto approached and said, "Do you think they're OK?" Rei scanned the forest, but was unable to even remotely guess their location.

She turned toward Makoto, "I think, maybe, we should go look for them." A movement caught her eye. Ranma jumped from a tree and went into a full split to avoid a hail of bullets. At the peak of the jump, he twisted to avoid another burst shot. Rei blushed as she admired the way the muscles flexed under his flared shirt as he prepared for landing.

"Honestly, what a mess. Can you imagine these ruffians in the palace? If you two learn anything from this trip, it should be how not to act." Luna sniffed disdainfully. Rei had forgotten that she was still holding on to the moon cat. "Sousuke at least I can partially understand. He's an obsessed soldier like Orion, but Ranma, he's just an uncivilized brute." That last comment really irked Rei. The raven-haired girl sweetly said,

"Oh. I do think that Ranma can teach us some things." Ignoring the signs of danger, Luna blithely replied,

"What could he possible teach you?"

"That you make a great projectile." Rei tossed the moon cat as Ranma was about to run past her again. Ranma ducked and was about to tease the girl on her aim, when his head was suddenly pulled back. Luna had instinctively grabbed the pigtail as she was sailing over Ranma's head. Sousuke came out of the woods, his gun aimed at the floor, and calmly said,

"Congratulations Hino-san. That was an excellent use of your environment." He quickly replaced his guns and placed the weapon case in front of Ranma, who had finally gotten Luna to release her death grip on his pigtail.

"Commander."

The pigtailed youth chucked good heartily. "OK. You got me." Makoto gratefully handed her backpack to him, the pots clanking as she did. He took the weapon cases and balanced them on his head, but when Rei approached with her suitcase, he backed off.

"What? I tagged you with the cat," No one paid attention to Luna's humph,"You'll carry everyone's stuff, but you won't you carry mine?" The priestess spat out crossly. Ranma shook his head.

"'Snot that. I'm not supposed to be near you. Got to keep two meters away. Just drop the suitcase and backpack and I'll pick it up." Rei's face went red from anger.

"Did my grandfather tell you that? Does he really think that of me? When did he tell you?"

Ranma waved his free hand in denial. "No, it wasn't your grandfather. Usage was concerned about it, something about purity. Um, I think she was afraid I would disrupt those rituals that you have to do." he finished somewhat lamely. He couldn't recall what the blond's explanation was, if she had one, so that was the best thing he could think of. He looked warily at Rei who had turned yet a deeper shade of red.

"How close I am is none of Usagi's concern. If I want to be here," Rei stomped in front of the martial artist, "I'll be here. If I want to be this close,"The fiery tempered girl was now nose to nose with Ranma. He looked at her angry eyes and felt her hot breath against his face,"I'll be this close. Is that clear!" Ranma made some affirmative noises and took her backpack and suitcase with his right hand. Rei spun around and walked away. Luna jumped on top of Rei's suitcase. Ranma looked at her questioningly.

"It'll probably be safer to walk."

Luna looked at him daintily and said, "I have excellent balance. This should be safe enough. You promised to carry everybody's luggage and, technically, it was I who 'tagged' you. I have nothing, but myself, so to it is only right that you should carry me some more." Ranma looked at first he was going to argue, but then decided it was fair.

Playfully he said, "OK, but don't blame me if you get fat. I was only trying to get you a workout."

Luna lazily retorted, "The very idea. I'll have you know that my figure is the very definition of feline feminine beauty. Not that one of your nature could appreciate."

"If you say so, but I know poofy when I see it and I'm looking at it."

"It is not fat. It is fur. You should be envious of it, considering how you have to augment your own skin's protection artificially." Saotome anything goes foundations were grounded in insults and this sort of mental exercise was just perfect for passing the time. Maybe because she was getting a free ride out of it, but he thought that Luna was taking the light banter fairly well.

"I hope that Orion remembers that he should keep searching for the princess. That really would be a better use for our time. Do you think we could cut this trip a little short?" Then again, Ranma groused, this could be a long hike.

They both stopped their 'light banter' when Rei, still fuming and muttering about what she can and can not do, walked back through the bushes and stopped in front of Ranma. He looked at her questioningly when she suddenly grabbed his free hand, the left one that was looped through Makoto's backpack and pulled him up the mountain trail.

Sousuke noted that had caused Makoto's fanny pack to slip and grabbed it before it could hit the ground.

"I'll carry this for you Kino-san. It would appear that our commander will be distracted for a bit." The brown haired girl smiled at him and to his surprise, took his hand, and began to pull him after the other two.

They made it to the campsite in good time. Rei was amazed that, despite the weight of the luggage, Ranma still looked fresh. She had refused to relinquish his hand the entire time, though near the end he was leading. Not because she was tired, well she was, but only Ranma knew where they were going to stop.

He finally stopped at a small clearing. It really was quite beautiful and she thought she heard a waterfall in the distance. She winced. There were entire sections in her grandfather's rituals that had that started with 'first find a freezing waterfall'.

Rei let go of his hand and walked over to sit on a nearby rock while Luna found a sunny patch to cat nap. Makoto was enjoying the scenario, and still holding on to Sousuke's hand. Ranma threw each piece of luggage neatly by the trunk of a tree then he raised a leg to catch the weapon cases on his knee and foot as they fell from his head. They too ended in a neat pile next to the bags and he turned toward his charges.

"Hey Sousuke." The commando snapped to attention. Fortunately, Makoto had enough warning to let go before she was pulled forward but she still inspected her hand for damage. "Oops. Sorry about that Makoto. Well let's start training."

The girls protest a bit, but a raised eyebrow got Makoto to stop, which caused Rei to quiet her protests. "Sousuke the sparring session you had with Makoto tells me you need to work on anticipating your opponent. Makoto, I need you to help him with this. This exercise is called 'hands'. Basically, hold your hands against each other's palm. Now pretend that there's something holding them together like chewing gum, or something really sticky. Now move and try to anticipate each other's move so that you never break the connection on your hands. Don't move your feet, but keep the rest of your body movements fluid and graceful. Later try it on various surfaces to improve balance as well, like a hill slope or some place rocky."

Sousuke snapped a salute with a, "Sir! Yes! Sir!"

Makoto smiled and said, "Thank you Sensei!" She grabbed the soldier's hand and pulled him into the woods to find a good place to practice. The gleam in Makoto's eyes had Ranma wondering if he just made an error in judgment.

Rei was looking at him expectantly and asked, "What will I be doing?"

The martial artist replied with a smirk, "You'll be settings up camp."

"What!" She rose from the rock indignantly, but he ignored her outburst and continued. "I'll be helping you. Unfortunately, I don't know your limits, so I haven't worked out any exercises for you, but let's play a game to find out while we're working."

Rei was intrigued and sat down to listen again. "While we're setting up the camp, I'm going to randomly throw these tree bark shards and pine cones. Get something and try to hit them. Don't worry if you don't hit. Just see if you can at least throw one in the general direction of what I throw before it hits the ground."

"Are you saying I couldn't hit them…because I'm a girl?" Apparently, her feminist streak was beginning to show its ire.

"Nope. I'm just testing your reaction time. We'll work on your accuracy and power later. After all, throwing rocks isn't quite like your fire finger gun attack."

"That's fire soul," She said somewhat mollified.

"Right that." The two of them began the busy process of setting up a camp. While Rei was getting her tent out, Ranma called out with a, "Heads up," and tossed a fist sized bark to the left of her. She turned, but it hit the ground as she picked up her rock. He tossed a larger one to her right and this time she was able to hit it.

"Yea! Score one for the Miko." Ranma shook his head.

"Sloppy. You were totally unprepared for the first one." Rei frowned, but held her tongue. This time she made sure at all times she had a rock in her hands. It made setting things up more difficult, but she managed. Despite her preparations, she was surprised when a pinecone went flying over her head.

She spun around and said, "What no warning this time?"

Ranma shook his head and said, "Not every one you meet is going to announce their attack. Only the really good ones will!" He threw two pinecones on either side of her yelling, "TWIN PINE MAUL!" Rei threw her one stone at the first and had to scramble to the floor to get a second stone. She threw from her prone position, but the second pinecone already landed.

Ranma snorted, "I can see that we have a lot of work to do."

Rei gritted her teeth and reflected that this is going to be a long week. As she went through her pack for tent spikes, she noticed one of her packs of ofudas. She decided that sacrificing one pack for this exercise would be okay and it's not like they would be completely ruined.

She spied Ranma tossing her next target, a shard of bark. The raven-haired youth tossed the paper ward and was able to tag her target. She grinned at Ranma who smiled back.

"Not bad. Like my pops use to say, anything goes to accomplish the goal. Let's try a few more targets." He threw three more targets and Rei was able to get an ofuda flying toward each, though she wasn't able to tag anything this time. They continued doing this until they finished setting up camp.

Ranma approached and said, "Not bad. I bet you'll be a quite a handful when your Miko duties have you taking on evil spirits," Rei puffed up at the compliment, but she tempered her pride as she sensed that there was a 'but' ", but," yep there it was, "I noticed that you wasted a lot of energy in most of your throws. Here watch me. Maybe this will help next time you go after some big bad spirit."

He gathered a few wards on the ground and said, "Throw a few of those rocks at me." She did and was amazed as each ward flew straight as an arrow to hit a rock. She asked him to do it again. He used some sort of a short toss and aimed by flicking the ward with his pointer finger and thumb.

Rei tried to duplicate the feat. She was able to get the paper wards to fly more accurately, but not very far. After trying till she ran out of wards, she asked him to show her again. She still couldn't see anything different. It didn't seem like he was using his tremendous strength to toss them.

She picked up one of the paper wards Ranma had just used and tossed it herself. Wow, that one flew pretty far. She took one from her pack and threw it, but like the others, it only fluttered after a few feet.

Suspicious she went after the first one and examined it. It didn't look any different from the other. Studying it some more she noticed that it felt full of confidence and warmth. Almost wild. She was sensing Ranma's chi! He was powering up the ward with his chi. She wondered if it was similar to how she would power up a ward to banish a spirit. Taking a deep breath, she concentrated on the ward.

Ranma watched silently as the ward Rei was holding lightly began to glow red. He grinned when she looked up at him sharply. The martial artist tossed a pinecone toward her. Her hand flew forward and tossed the ward. It flew straight as an arrow, stuck the pinecone, and then exploded. "What happened?" Ranma asked in surprise as pieces of pinecone fell around the stunned girl. Shaking her head, she replied,

"I'm not sure. That never happened when I practiced with the charging the wards with chi at the shrine. I finally figured out that you were using your chi to help you throw the wards," Her confidence grew when he nodded his head and smiled," So I used the ofuda you had charged and charged it with my own chi and THAT happened." Ranma laughed, "I guess when we come together things have a bad tendency to explode. Not even a full day and you already have a new attack! We'll definitely check out what else we can do together!" The part time magical girl blushed as she considered different ways that they might 'explore' each other's potentials.


	22. Too Many Youma Spoil the Plot Device

"What are they doing? Let me see!"

Lina grunted irritably as Naga leaned over her, the larger youma's enormous breasts settling on her head. For reasons beyond her comprehension, the impressive bust of her partner's disguise glamour REALLY annoyed her.

"Hm? Wait... are they fighting each other?" Naga asked, bewildered.

"If they are, they're doing a ridiculously bad job of it. Look, even together, those two girls can't even touch that boy. And considering that the boy hasn't attacked once, it seems all he can do is hop about desperately and defend," Lina mumbled, already getting annoyed with this mission. Why had Xellos asked them to find and observe a bunch of random humans mucking about in the forest?

Like most youma, especially those that had found their way to Xellos' command, the idea of combat training was a completely foreign idea to her. To any fighter, or reasonably intelligent observer, it would have been obvious that Ranma, Rei, and Makoto were all engaged in a two-on-one hand-to-hand combat exercise.

To the youma now known as Lina, it looked like the boy had done something stupid and was trying to avoid getting beaten into a paste. Or maybe this was some sort of idiotic human game? There were youma... "rituals" that resembled this, but if this was something similar, then they were doing it wrong. For one thing, the boy was spending far too much time defending and too little time fleeing for safety. For another, there was a curious absence of jagged and/or sharp blades.

"So what now?" Naga finally asked, shifting her weight to lean totally on the smaller youma below her, her breasts almost sandwiching Lina's head.

"For NOW, you can get your stupid milk-makers off me!" Lina snapped, trying to shove the other youma away.

Naga backed off, smirking at her partner's discomfort. "Oh? What's wrong with them? I happen to think they're very nice!"

Lina fumed wordlessly as Naga cupped her assets and held them up so that the redhead could get a better look.

"Oh, I understand," Naga said suddenly, dropping her breasts as she snickered. "You're upset because you don't have any, is that it?" She didn't know why her cleavage bothered the smaller youma, but she felt an unusual urge to press the issue.

"I do too have them!" Lina shouted angrily, before shaking her head. "I mean, what do I care? It's just extra weight I don't need!"

"You're right," Naga said, sighing wearily for effect. "It's rather a bother, having this LARGE, SHAPELY, BOUNCY bosom of mine. I suppose you're quite lucky having almost nothing. It also means that you can pass for a man, if necessary. A considerable advantage, don't you think?"

By this time, Lina was actively glowing with arcane power, and her eyes flared a solid yellow as she lunged for her partner's throat.

"Haah! Haah! Hold on... short rest..." Makoto gasped out, almost stumbling from her last attempted kick at Ranma.

Rei was gasping as well, although she wasn't as tired as Makoto. That was largely because she wasn't putting half as much effort into her attacks; Makoto was a martial artist, and had entered the exercise determined to impress. Rei was a shrine maiden, and had entered the exercise determined to get it over with so that she could get back to more useful things, like experimenting with ofuda.

The raven-haired girl grimaced as she glanced over into the forest. "Hey, I think those weird girls are fighting each other."

Ranma briefly glanced over at the scuffle taking part a good ways off in the foliage and shrugged. "None of our business. Best to stay out of it."

Ranma had noticed them almost immediately; mountains and forestland were the types of terrain he knew best, and it was fairly obvious that these two knew almost nothing about it. Their approach had not been terribly quiet and their hiding spot was far from ideal.

Of course, once they had started yelling at each other, even Makoto and Rei noticed them. Ranma had considered that the pair might be youma attackers but discarded the idea after a bit of waiting and thinking about it. Although he was too far away to sense their auras, the pair certainly didn't look like youma, disguised or otherwise; when disguised as humans, the youma were always careful to choose appropriate clothing so that they wouldn't be suspicious.

There wasn't much about these people that DIDN'T stand out. The shorter one was wearing a bizarre partially armored outfit of red and yellow with gems set in it, while the other one was wearing an "outfit" so small it barely would have qualified as swimwear. She also had shoulder pauldrons, oddly enough. If you were going to expose ninety percent of your body to everything from weapon attacks to cold wind, why bother armoring your shoulders?

Well, it wasn't Ranma's problem, so he decided not to bother the pair. They hadn't attacked or approached him and the girls, and they weren't doing anything important, just a morning warm-up. So Ranma reasoned that there was no harm in letting the weirdoes watch until they got bored and left.

"Wow, they're really going at it," Makoto mumbled, wiping the sweat from her brow.

Realistically she knew that it would've been near impossible for her to land a clean hit on Ranma - as was the simple objective of this exercise - but as someone who took pride in her fighting skills the results still stung her pride. Even with Rei's efforts, which Makoto noted were rather half-hearted, every blow had been neatly deflected or contemptuously blocked.

"Should we stop them?" Rei ran a hand through her hair, frowning as she felt her fingers catch on a few tangles. It was unpleasant to think of what kind of mess she must look like without having properly done her hair or applied any makeup, but even she had the foresight to leave her vanity kits at home.

"If you want to, go ahead. I'm not getting in the middle of that." Ranma had learned quickly once he had started hanging around girls: getting involved with a fight between women was infinitely more foolhardy and dangerous than defending against a mere youma attack.

"OW! Leave those alone, you flat-chested witch!"

"OOF! Stop kicking before I rip off your oversized jugs and feed them to you!"

"Jealous little brat!"

"Scum-eating succubus!"

"DIE, YOU STUNTED BITCH!"

"I'LL KILL YOU, YOU S&M WHORE!"

All three of the teenagers in the nearby field winced as the shouting and insults steadily grew more intense and the violence more savage.

"We should probably just go," Ranma mumbled, scurrying off toward the camp as Makoto and Rei followed, nodding in agreement.

* * *

Nephrite stood behind the counter of the New Segaverse pharmacy, watching as a disguised Xentite handed out prescriptions that would, as usual, drain the unwary humans to add power to Nephrite's power base.

Yes, it was an old plan. Based on a palm reading he had gotten the previous day, Nephrite had decided to make his next trap a little more subtle; he had set up a basic energy farming operation well within the Senshi's active defense zone, and then planted several magical traps and readied several youma to ambush any attackers.

The problem with his previous attempt, Nephrite had decided, was that it was too blatant. He had spent a fair amount of time ensuring the lethality of the trap, but hadn't stopped to consider the bait. If everything were to go according to plan, he not only had to have enough force in place to destroy his enemies, but he also had to have a lure that a reasonably intelligent person would fall for.

A youma stomping around doing practically nothing invited suspicion, regardless of the other circumstances that had ruined his plans. Nephrite wasn't dealing with rank amateurs anymore, and he had finally woken up to that fact.

Besides being more intelligently planned, this operation had other advantages over his previous one. For one thing, he had actually had time to set up magical traps and give his underlings a detailed attack plan. For another, it actually created energy income while he was waiting for his enemy to show up.

On the other hand, there was all the waiting. The last trap had been as much an assault as an ambush; they had set out to draw the enemy in as quickly and violently as possible. Nephrite expected that it would take at least a few days for his enemies to take notice of his operation, and then an hour or so to scout it out before finally attacking without warning.

With any luck, he'd be able to detect them making their actual attack, but he made his plan operating on the assumption that the assault could happen at any time. All that left Nephrite with little to do besides stand at the counter and wish he had a cup of coffee. 'I wonder what it would take to have a Starbucks installed in here?'

"Master Nephrite?" One other youma masquerading as an employee whispered to him as she came from the back, "Why did you name this place the Segaverse Pharmacy? Does that not make this all somewhat... obvious?"

Nephrite smirked. "Somewhat. I actually heard the name from Pyricite as I was gathering your unit for this mission, and I liked the sound of it. It's close enough to the Negaverse to be mistaken for a mere lapse of creativity from our enemies."

In actuality, such an assumption wasn't a mistake; Nephrite hadn't been able to think of a better name at all.

"Negaverse? Is that some sub-realm within the Segaverse?"

Nephrite raised an eyebrow at his subordinate, growing slightly irritated at the youma's apparently honest confusion. "I've no time for games. Get back to work."

The youma looked confused by the response, but obediently continued her professional task of throwing away people's prescription forms and filling a bottle full of energy-draining aspirin tablets.

Nephrite continued scanning the customers, wondering if he should get another youma transferred here specifically to go on coffee runs for him.

Clap! "Why, hello there!"

The both youma in the pharmacy were in the very fortunate position to see a truly rare event: a dark general squealing in surprise and jumping up, like a child being terrorized in a haunted house.

Nephrite quickly brushed off the hand that had fallen on his shoulder, whirling to face whoever had dared to sneak up on him. Not that sneaking up on him should have been possible; he was barely a meter from the wall behind him and his arc of sight included the entire store along with the only door leading to the back room. The back room itself was reinforced and trapped against people forcing entry; merely one of the many precautions Nephrite had been forced to take.

Nevertheless, standing behind him was an affable-looking man with short-cropped purple hair and holding an obviously magical staff.

"Wh-Who are you?" Nephrite demanded, his eyes flaring in a way that the customers hopefully wouldn't notice.

"I'm Xellos, the mysterious priest!" Xellos answered enthusiastically, bowing with a flourish.

"I'm here to give you my support in the elimination of your enemies!"

"You're... what?"

That was when Nephrite noticed something very important: Xellos had a dark general's uniform on.

"What is this? Who are you?" Nephrite demanded. There had been no new dark generals since the original mass defection of Endymion's men, and it was more than unusual for that trend to suddenly change.

"Oh, weren't you listening? I'm Xell-"

"I know your name, fool!" Nephrite spat. "What are you? Where did you come from? How did you obtain the rank of general? I've never even seen you before!"

"Oh, you don't need to worry about all that!" Xellos said dismissively, straightening. "What matters is that I've come to help you in your quest to crush all opposition and conquer Earth once and for all!"

Suddenly the stranger leaned forward. "Between you and me, I've gathered intelligence that suggests that the Senshi's forces have been split so that most of them could participate in a training exercise. Now would be an excellent time to force their hand, while they're low on strength."

Nephrite's head spun as the implications warred with his confusion and suspicion. "But... how did you know-"

"Well, that's all I came to say! Good luck with your trap! Glory to the Segaverse!" Xellos cheered, walking around the counter and exiting the pharmacy normally.

"But... wait... it's..." Nephrite trailed off as his gaze followed the mazoku, and he eventually noticed something important: every customer in the store was staring at him wide-eyed, having overheard everything save Xellos' whispered intelligence report. Frankly, given the unrestrained volume that Nephrite had used due to surprise and confusion and the cheerfully loud volume that Xellos had used due to him being a smartass, there was no way they could have NOT overheard. Nephrite was just contemplating how quickly he could have the pharmacy locked down without blowing the entire trap when the customer at the front of the line snorted.

"Man, world domination? I knew the pharmacuetical companies were bad, but aren't you guys getting a little full of yourselves?"

"So, what, CEOs have generals now?"

"Huh, I guess the guys on Koz were right."

"Eww, no way. More likely that this is just a front for some kind of dark army trying to conquer Earth."

Nephrite began to sweat slightly as the line of customers began to chat amongst themselves, most of them seeming more irritated than alarmed at what they had heard.

Finally, he decided to do what all Negaverse generals did when a small but generally unimportant part of their plan wasn't going right; he ignored it. "Excuse me, Sir?"

"Eh?" The man at the front of the line turned toward the apparent pharmacy manager, a bit sour at having his grumbling interrupted.

"Do you have your medications?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Then get out," Nephrite said, displaying that special sneer of his that tended to make youma trip over themselves to obey him.

This man wasn't aware that the dark general could vaporize him practically at will, so he was slightly less hurried as he scurried out the entrance, his purchase clutched to his chest.

'Xellos, huh?' Nephrite thought, frowning to himself as business resumed as usual. 'And he's an ally who's helping us hunt down the Senshi?'

The dark general grimaced. 'Why then do I get the feeling that things just became far more complicated for us?'

* * *

Lina and Naga panted heavily as they trudged through the forest, occasionally shooting glares at each other. The pair were obviously worse for wear, looking dirty and slightly scorched from when their scuffle had briefly provoked magical attacks.

Lina's cape had been torn off, and she had several tears ripped into her costume. Naga's outfit was left mostly undamaged, as Lina was afraid that tearing it at all would leave the bigger youma totally nude.

Somehow, Lina suspected that such a thing wouldn't have really bothered Naga. So naturally, it bothered HER just to contemplate.

"Ssh! Did you hear that?" Naga suddenly said, holding her arm out.

Lina frowned as she snapped out of her bitter thoughts. In the distance, she could hear someone complaining. Loudly. After a few seconds, she recognized the voice as belonging to that girl with the long black hair.

"What's she saying? I can't make anything out," Lina mumbled.

"We're still too far away from the camp," Naga reasoned, moving forward again. "Just a little longer, and we-"

Twang!

Naga blinked at the sound of a tripwire breaking, and glanced down just in time to get a much closer look at the operation of a claymore anti-personnel mine than anybody ever should. Lina flinched and backed away from the explosion as Naga was sent reeling, scrambling for cover against any further attacks. Such was her hurry that she didn't take any time to search for more traps, and ended up crawling right over a snare.

"GWAAAH!" Lina screamed as she was hoisted into the air, eventually calming herself as she realized that she was simply suspended upside-down.

"Oh, come on!" The redheaded youma growled, grabbing the short sword at her hip and pulling it out of its sheath. "Of all the stupid-"

Ch-chak! "I recommend you relinquish your weapon immediately and surrender. Resistance is not advisable."

Lina flinched, and then wiggled in such a way that her body slowly turned around, revealing a young man with brown hair and an X-shaped scar on his cheek.

"Wh-Who are you?" Lina asked nervously, glancing at the shotgun the boy carried. Was this one of the Knights that Master Xellos had mentioned?

"I rather think that this situation requires you to explain yourself to me," Sousuke said evenly.

"You have breached the security perimeter of my camp. Identify yourself and explain your intentions or you will be classified as an unidentified threat and terminated.

"Hey, hey! You can't just kill people for stumbling into your camp site!" Lina protested.

"The current situation suggests otherwise."

"Wait, can't we just talk this over?" Lina gasped out, trying to buy time for Naga to get back on her feet. Lina knew that an explosion that small wouldn't be enough to damage the bigger youma that badly, so any minute now her top-heavy partner should be on her feet and rescuing her.

It took her a moment to think that plan over. 'I am SO doomed.'

"I've allowed you to stall long enough," Sousuke declared, raising his weapon. "Drop your weapon immediately."

"All right, fine! Yeesh!" Lina grumbled, letting her sword fall to the ground. The moment Sousuke lowered the shotgun, Lina smirked, a spark of flame appearing between her hands. "Sucker. Fireba-" BLAM!

Lina winced as the 12-gauge shell emptied into her abdomen, sending her body swinging back from the force and causing the blazing red orb in her hand to fizzle out; evidently Sousuke could aim and fire his weapon much faster than she could cast her spell. "OW! That hurt, you jackass!"

Sousuke frowned. "Such resistance to a shotgun blast at this range, combined with spontaneous energy generation without the aid of a device... I believe you are a youma. It appears we have a security leak." Sousuke grabbed the radio at his hip when he heard a slight crackling noise from behind him and suddenly dove to the side.

"Freeze arrow!" An annoyed-looking Naga shouted, sending a bolt of ice through the space Sousuke had occupied as the commando rushed into the bushes, the radio falling to the ground so that he could maintain a firm hold on his weapon.

"You're not getting away! Flare arrow!" Lina snarled, sending a wave of flaming projectiles after the teenage mercenary.

"Did you get him?" Naga asked, walking up to her partner with her hands glowing a soft blue.

"Hard to say. The moment he got in the bushes, he practically vanished," Lina mumbled.

"Would you let me down, now?"

Naga gave her an annoyed glare. "It's not like you helped ME when I was trying to pry shrapnel out of my face."

"I'm serious!" Lina growled. "Bad enough that we got caught scouting around for their camp; if we don't hurry up and attack now, we'll lose the element of surprise entirely!"

Naga frowned and glanced over at the bushes... or what was left of them, anyway. FWOOSH! Crackle! The blaze that started from the bushes spread rapidly onto the surrounding forest, and had already engulfed one of the larger trees as dark smoke poured into the air.

"... Yeah. I think we can write off the element of surprise," Naga mumbled.

"Shut up and get me down from here!"

* * *

"-and would eventually help us take hits better as well, don't you think? Just think of it as 'hardship training'," Makoto said cheerfully as Rei shook her head.

Ranma grimaced as he scratched the back of his head. "I... uh... see your point... I guess... but I still think it's better to train with all our clothes on."

Rei grunted as Makoto pouted. 'I thought guys were supposed to be the sex-crazed perverts. I have to reconsider my choice of prejudice.'

"Well, how about-"

"Not to interrupt your attempts to turn this whole trip into an orgy, but have any of you seen Sagara?" Luna asked bitterly.

"Not since breakfast," Ranma admitted. "Why? You worried about him?"

"I'm worried about everyone ELSE," Luna snapped. "Whenever that boy vanishes, minefields seem to appear like weeds."

Ranma shrugged. "Getting through them'll be good training."

The pigtailed boy took a moment to notice the expressions of terror on Rei and Makoto's faces.

"OH. Right. That'd probably kill you, huh?" Ranma asked apologetically. He kept forgetting that little things like anti-personnel explosives and large, wild predators could end up dismembering his trainees. Not only that, but Sousuke was probably the only one with any idea how to deal with such things.

'So much to accomplish, so little time,' Ranma mused.

"Oh, there's Sousuke-kun!" Makoto said cheerfully, waving as the mercenary emerged from the brush in a tight crouch.

"We have enemy contacts at three o'clock! This is a complete security breach! Fall back to combat positions immediately!" Sousuke shouted as he rushed by, grabbing a weapons case that was lying next to the fire under some dirty pots and pans. "This is not a drill! I repeat, this is not a drill!"

With that he dashed into the brush opposite the point he had appeared from, the others staring after him blankly.

"What was THAT all about?" Ranma mumbled, scratching his head.

"Three o'clock? It's not even noon yet," Makoto said in confusion, knowing nothing of military terminology.

Rei raised an eyebrow. "Combat positions? Do we HAVE combat positions?"

Luna groaned as she stared up at the column of smoke that was rising above the forest.

"Sagara, if you ended up starting a forest fire with your stupid traps-"

"Negative," Sousuke said in a hushed voice that made the others strain to hear him. "Well, actually, that is a distinct possibility, but it is beside the point. This breach was confirmed hostile, type Y."

Ranma assumed, correctly, that the "Y" stood for "youma," though he really wished that Sousuke or Orion would run him through their military gibberish before constantly unloading it on him. "Huh. All right, then."

Turning toward the girls, he smirked before taking up a small tin full of water. "Well, I was hoping to have you girls used to carrying boulders by now, but I suppose this'll do instead," Ranma reasoned, upending the water over his head. "Why don't you girls get changed; it looks like we're taking this training up a notch."

Luckily for the pair of dimwitted youma casing Ranma's training camp, Sousuke knew how to pack light for his training missions. While a regular base camp would have been protected by multiple layers of explosive death and vicious barriers, Sousuke only had enough materials and explosives to form a light security perimeter that served as a warning more than an actual defense.

Had he more time, the mercenary certainly could have made up the deficit with less dangerous traps using local materials, but he was here to train, and everybody agreed emphatically that Sousuke didn't need any further training whatsoever in security.

"Finally! We're here!" Lina snarled, her hands glowing a hot red as she burst from the forest perimeter.

Naga followed behind the shorter youma, her hands on her hips. "Hmm? Just one?" The only person in the immediate area was a redheaded girl that she didn't recognize, though she had the same hairstyle and was wearing the same clothes as the pigtailed boy from earlier.

Ranma gave the pair a bored looked as she rocked back and forth on her heels, her hands in her pockets. "Feh, these two sure don't look like much. Maybe I shoulda left both of 'em to Sousuke."

"What was that? I DARE you to say that again, brat!" Lina snarled, her magical aura flaring ever brighter.

Ranma was about to reiterate her taunt, but instead rubbed her chin as she observed the shorter youma. "Hey, quick question."

Lina blinked, the flames around her guttering instantly. "What?"

"Youma can take pretty much any disguise they want, right? It's all just magic."

Lina nodded immediately, planting her fists on her hips as she waited for the other redhead to get to the point.

"So why'd you choose some scrawny, flat-chested chick?" The pigtailed girl asked, scratching the back of her head.

Naga immediately flinched away as the area around Lina exploded, the redheaded youma summoning all of her power in an explosive vortex of fiery death.

"You... It... He... Xellos... Naga... Breasts... Segaverse... In character..." Lina started mumbling frantically to herself from within the maelstrom, her volume rising and falling sporadically until her eyes finally snapped to attention, centered on the pigtailed girl. "BURN, ASSHOLE!"

That, of course, marked Ranma's signal to cease the Saotome Anything-Goes opening move (known among its two practicioners as the "windy low blow") and take up the Saotome Anything-Goes emergency defensive stance (a far more common strategy known as "running away from the fire").

"Gaav flare!" Lina screamed, shooting forward a shimmering bolt of flame that exploded violently among the trees and bushes as Ranma leapt to one side. The sheer force of the blast toppled trees and sent chunks of burnt wood and scorched earth flying over the shock wave, and even Ranma was a bit nervous about what might have happened if he hadn't moved so fast.

Naga sighed as Lina charged up another explosive spell, and was about to help slow down their target when she felt something stick onto her back, immediately followed by an intense tingling sensation throughout her body.

"Wh-What?" Naga suddenly found her body partially paralyzed, and her energy slipped away as she tried to concentrate on the spells that Xellos had imprinted in her.

"Hey, bimbo! You should watch your back!" Jupiter taunted as Sailor Mars backed away, having planted her ofuda while the youma was distracted. "Jupiter Thunder Crash!"

Lina paid no attention to the burst of lightning behind her, nor the pained screams of her partner; she was only interested in one person's tortured screams, and that person was the insufferably well-endowed redhead in front of her.

"Fireball!" BOOM! "Flare arrow!" Fwoom! "Mega brando!"

BWOOOM! Ranma yelped as the ground burst up from below her even as she weaved through the onslaught of flames, launching her high into the air.

"I have you now!" Lina cheered, grinning viciously as she prepared another spell. "Elmekia bwuh?" She was cut off in the middle of her spell as a canister flew over some bushes and right toward her.

BOOM! "ARGH!"

Sousuke quickly rushed to another patch of cover as he reloaded the grenade launcher attachment to his assault rifle, hoping that Ranma could fend for herself without too much close support. These youma seemed to be capable of more powerful magic than most of the foes they'd fought before, although thankfully they were no brighter than the norm.

Lina coughed painfully as she staggered to her feet, smoke rising from her body. "DDammit..."

"Mars Fire Ignite!"

"Jupiter Thunder Crash!"

Lina turned her eyes away from the explosions as her partner was bombarded with fire and lightning, eventually turning the bigger youma into a smoking, twitching heap at Lina's feet. Lina turned toward the magic users, an orb of fire already appearing between her hands.

"Fireba-hey!" Her aim was skewed horribly as Ranma delivered a quick kick to her elbow, sending the projectile flying into the forest and leaving the Senshi free of harassment.

Mars took up two more ofuda in her hands. "Hmph. Training? These guys barely qualify for a warm-up," she taunted, tossing the talismans almost contemptuously at her opponents.

Thwip! Thwip!

Mars blinked in shock as she saw her talismans pinned to the ground by a pair of dandelions that had suddenly and improbably shot through the air. "What? No... not him!"

Everybody promptly looked up into the sky, the youma with curiosity and hope, and the humans with annoyance and dread.

"Ha ha ha! Yes, it is I, Yukata Kamen!" Yukata Kamen crowed, standing atop the very tip of a tree that Ranma was pretty sure hadn't been that tall a minute ago.

The casually-dressed super... something... took out a pair of scrolls as he smirked at the combatants below. "Loyal youma! Do not despair! For even in this, your most dire hour, the power of darkness will be your salvation!"

"Hey, wait a-" Ranma started to move toward the awestruck youma, only to suddenly yelp and jump back as a row of dandelions stuck into the ground in front of her, almost impaling her ankles.

Yukata Kamen tossed the scrolls toward Lina and Naga even as a spray of bullets bounced off his magic barrier. "Here! Never lose hope, and never give up! Remember that so long as you're still alive, random deus ex machina can always show up to tilt the balance of power in your favor!"

BOOM! Another grenade suddenly hit the annoying interloper, and after wincing at the hit their hero had taken, Lina and Naga watched as the smoke wafted away from Yukata Kamen's body, leaving his heavily scorched and his trademark outfit considerably torn.

"Cough! Well, things are escalating a bit too quickly for me! Goodbye now!" Yukata Kamen said, vanishing in a sudden blur. As Ranma had suspected, the tree he was standing on immediately sank back to earth and then slowly teetered over, having been wrenched from the ground and levitated just for Yukata Kamen's absurd entrance.

"Aw, geez," Ranma grit her teeth as she dashed toward Lina, intending to destroy the scroll in her hand before she got a chance to turn it on them.

"Ray wing!" Lina shouted as she suddenly burst into the air with enough force to blast Ranma back. Once she had gained enough altitude, she quickly unfurled her scroll, looking it over. Ranma clicked her tongue, and then turned toward Naga, who was reading her own scroll even as she dashed away from one of Mars' fire blasts.

"Mega vu vraimer!" The youma shouted, the scroll in her hand crumbling as it briefly filled the youma with magical power far beyond the creature's normal ability (or intelligence, for that matter).

The cracking of rock and the rapid sifting of dirt had Ranma, Jupiter, and Mars all backpedalling before a huge head of stone emerged from the ground, bearing a pair of eyes and a grim-looking mouth. After a moment, a pair of shoulders started to wriggle up through the hole.

Lina, meanwhile nodded firmly as she looked over the scroll. "All right, then! For Master Xellos, Yukata Kamen, and all the Segaverse!" Taking a deep breath, she held out the scroll in front of her. "Darkness beyond twilight..."

Ranma tried to dash around the emerging creature to get to Naga, hoping that dispatching the controlling youma would stop whatever was happening, but she had to stop as an enormous fist thrice her size slammed onto the ground in front of him. "Aw, man! How big is this thing?"

After a moment, the rock creature managed to pull another arm out of the ground.

"Crimson beyond blood that flows..."

After another moment, Ranma realized that no more of the massive creature was forthcoming. It was just a giant stone head with two arms. "The heck?"

Despite the creature's bizarre appearance, it certainly seemed deadly enough, and Mars and Jupiter dove out of the way as it suddenly brought down a massive fist down onto them.

"GEODUDE!" The deformed golem crowed.

"Buried in the stream of time..."

"Hoooh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho!" Naga laughed, leaping atop her golem. "Now you'll know the price of defying the Segaverse! Creature! Use earthquake!"

"GEODUDE!" The golem snarled, suddenly planting its hands on the ground as it started smashing its body against the ground hard.

"Is where your power grows..."

Ranma leapt in time to avoid the shock waves, and chose to take advantage of the golem having its hands on the ground and out of the way, leaping up onto the creature's head and attacking Naga directly.

Mars and Jupiter were not so lucky, and both stumbled to the ground as the earth bucked and trembled beneath them.

"I pledge myself to conquer..."

Jupiter growled as she got up off the ground, noticing that Ranma was trying to fight the bimbo youma, but was having trouble as the golem shifted and rolled in ways that didn't seem to bother its summoner at all, but kept the pigtailed girl off-balance.

"That's it, that thing is going down," she snarled, electricity curling around her fingers.

"Negative, Jupiter-san," Sousuke suddenly said, startling the Thunder Senshi as he suddenly emerged from the brush behind her.

"All the foes who stand..."

Jupiter frowned. "Why not? It's way more dangerous than the idiot controlling it," she reasoned. Mars, who had only recently regained her footing, nodded emphatically in agreement.

"Simple. The enemy is a rock and ground type. Neither electric nor fire-based attacks will be effective," the mercenary explained curtly.

Sailor Jupiter and Mars stared awkwardly at Sousuke, not knowing what to say.

"If I may suggest an alternate target..."

"Before the mighty gift bestowed in my unworthy hands..."

Lina sweated heavily as she read the scroll line by line, feeling a dark, terrible power swell within her every time she completed a line. It was taking all she had simply to contain the spell until she was finished with the incantation.

Such was her concentration, in fact, that she didn't hear Sailor Jupiter's shouting above the ruckus going on below, nor did she notice the bolt of lighting that lanced down from the sky straight toward her.

"Let the fools who stand before us be-GZZAAK!-sonuvabitch that HURT!" Lina screamed, her body twitching in pain after taking a direct hit. Gritting her teeth, Lina glared down at the pitiful humans below, and then forced her attention back to the scroll, intent on unleashing its unholy power on her foolish enemies.

"... Wait. Where was I?" Lina asked, sweatdropping as she looked over the arcane text. Poof! The scroll immediately crumbled to dust in her hand, and Lina blinked in surprise as a rapidly expanding sphere of crackling darkness replaced it in the space between her hands.

"Huh. I wonder if it's supposed to do that," she wondered aloud.

After a moment, Lina's hands spontaneously and painfully disintegrated into dust that was promptly sucked into the sphere, and the redheaded youma had to assume that, no, it wasn't supposed to do that.

"GAH! Help! It's... It's sucking me in!" Lina cried, trying her best to fly away even as the rest of her body started to break apart. "I can't control it!"

"Blam blazer!" Naga shouted, finally managing to blast the pigtailed human off of her golem. She could hear her partner shouting something up above, but given that she was down on the ground doing all the REAL work while Lina floated around in the air casting spells from a safe distance, Naga felt more than justified in concentrating on the battle at hand.

Sousuke frowned as the shimmering pool of darkness in the air consumed the redheaded youma, and then started to tremble uncertainly, arcs of black lightning racing across its surface. "That is a most unsettling environmental anomaly," he admitted as he stared at the thing. It simply exuded... wrongness.

"Everybody run!" Luna suddenly shouted, her tail going bushy as she dashed away from her hiding spot in the camp. "She miscast the spell! Get clear now!"

Naga hadn't quite been able to make out the new voice, being in the epicenter of another proud exclamation of "GEODUDE!" at that particular moment, but looked very satisfied as she suddenly saw her opponents turn tail and flee the area as fast as possible.

"Hoooh ho ho ho ho ho ho ho! That's right, run! Run, and perhaps, just maybe, you'll survive this day, fools!" Naga laughed uproariously as her enemies scattered, and eventually noticed that the conjuration she was standing on had one hand in the air for her to see, pointing upward.

"Hm? What's wrong?" Naga asked, looking up just as a wall of darkness descended on her.

Ranma sighed in relief as the devastating sphere of darkness quivered in the distance, and then rapidly snapped back to its point of origin, winking out of existence entirely a moment later.

"That... was closer than I'd like," the pigtailed girl mumbled, looking at where her clothes had been damaged from the few spells that had been able to hit her. Ranma had attracted the most incoming fire by far, and it showed.

"I'll have to reclassify Yukata Kamen's threat level. Putting aside that he seems impervious to small-arms fire, his interference seems to be more potent than I'd initially estimated," Sousuke said, his expression slightly more grim than usual.

"Oh, you're all very welcome for warning you in time, by the way," Luna said irritably. "Please, don't hurt yourselves in your rush to thank me or anything."

"Hey, hey, cheer up guys!" Sailor Jupiter said, kneeling behind Sousuke and rubbing the mercenary's shoulders. "We won, didn't we?"

"She has a point," Mars said evenly, clasping her hands behind her back. "I mean, whatever you say, we wiped the floor with those guys, and the idiot in the baseball cap wasn't able to turn things around completely. It's not like we lost anything."

"The camp," Ranma said bitterly.

"Huh?"

Ranma pointed over the bushes they were hiding behind. "We lost the camp."

Mars and Jupiter stared for a moment, uncomprehending, and then theirs eyes widened. The area of ground that had been crushed by the out-of-control spell had resolved itself into a shallow, perfectly smooth crater. Nothing from their base camp remained, not even rubble or scraps.

"My things!" Mars cried.

"My kitchenware!" Makoto wailed.

"My equipment..." Sousuke groused.

"My lunch," Ranma sighed.

Luna twitched, seeing the humans all sink into depression. "... Did anybody else notice that the forest is on fire?"


	23. Enter the Weasel

"Magic is broadly divided into eight different types, known as schools," Negi said as he sat atop a large cushion while thumbing through a heavy book. "The spells within each of these schools all have certain common principles in their casting that tie them all together, such that spells from different schools, even if they have similar effects, are much more different in principle than spells from the same school that have wildly different effects."

"Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored..."

Negi didn't seem to acknowledge the chant as he continued. "The first school, and the one which I and most combat-oriented wizards tend to use most is the school of evocation. This school deals with the directed projection of energy and force, such as light arrows and lightning bolts. As magic goes, it is blunt, unsubtle, and unrelenting. Evocation spells sometimes summon actual matter, but only briefly; almost all spells in this school are similar in their brevity, and will expend energy quickly rather than sustaining themselves. Even physical projections dissipate back into a mana stream after they strike a target."

"First Aid Guide... Human Biology 260... Circulo... Cirsul... Circus... never mind. Why aren't there any manga or trashy romance novels?"

"The school of conjuration deals with summoning. This includes both animate and independently-minded creatures, inanimate energy forms, and everything in-between. There are many conjurations that function similarly to evocations, and some spells in other schools that are similar, with the primary difference being that conjurations are never summoned out of nowhere, like most magics, but rather they already "exist" in some form somewhere, and the spell merely summons it forth."

"Hungry, hungry... what are these crackers? Reduced sodium? If you wanted to chew on cardboard, most supermarkets give boxes away for free."

Negi's continued inattention toward the persistent complaints would have qualified him for sainthood in some circles. "Transmutation is a very popular school among wizards who don't intend to get into fighting at all. It involves directly changing existing matter in some way, from drying mud to hard earth to changing humans into ermines.

Divination is another school that's popular with more casual casters, although it's very difficult and unreliable. It deals with communicating or searching over long distances, and in some advanced forms can even tell the future. Rei-san's fire readings are an example of a divination spell, though I haven't observed them so I couldn't really place the specific type..."

"No food and no manga make Usagi go crazy..."

Despite Negi's ability to ignore the frequent interruptions, Ami, who sat across from the young boy taking notes diligently, was twitching uncharacteristically as a vein on her forehead throbbed painfully.

While this was hardly the first time the genius of the Senshi had suffered through a study session with the dunce of the Senshi, in previous instances Usagi had been there to study too. Granted, the blonde airhead was easily distracted on the best of days, but it seemed that Usagi actually reigned in her behavior quite a bit for the purposes of those sessions. This became painfully apparent now that Ami could witness Usagi's behavior in the absence of any obligation to actually study.

"Usagi-chan, if you're bored, you don't HAVE to be here," Ami reminded the blonde for the third time, a slight edge to her voice.

Usagi stifled a sigh and then flopped onto the couch next to the bluette, oblivious to Ami's annoyance. "No, I'm okay..."

Orion, who was flipping through one of the books on battle magic with his paws, scoffed. "You know, it wouldn't kill you to pay some attention to this stuff yourself. If you put some actual effort into studying magic, you might be able to use your abilities better."

Usagi scratched her head. "Why? It works fine, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does. But it could always work better. A soldier that knows her weapons can do a lot more damage than one that barely knows how to use them," Orion lectured. "For example, have you ever been able to guide your moon tiara in mid-flight?"

Usagi blinked. "Huh? I can do that?"

"I don't know," the military mau admitted, "but the fact that you don't either worries me. If you don't know the full extent of what you're capable of, it makes it hard to plan..."

Orion trailed off as Usagi yawned, and fought back a grumble. 'I swear, if Luna just gave ME the stupid transformation items to hand out, we'd be sieging the Dark Kingdom by now. What a pain...'

Ami gave Negi an apologetic look now that some of Usagi's energy had been bored out of her. "Sorry about that. Could you continue, please?"

"Ah, right," the Briton mumbled. "Abjuration is the school of protective magics. Although it manifests in a variety of ways that are very similar to some other schools, focusing a magical effect around a living creature without doing it any harm requires special patterns and incantations that are unique to that school. Next is enchantment magic, which affects the mind, causing effects that range from soothing to debilitating by instilling pleasure, confusion, fear, or outright mental damage."

"It seems like a wizard could cause a lot of mischief with those spells," Ami commented, tapping her chin.

Negi nodded, looking grave. "It's true. Although magical organizations ruthlessly hunt down wizards that recklessly use obvious, destructive magics, especially necromancy, the most dangerous magical criminals tend to be those that use illusions and especially enchantment magic, since their use is very subtle. Oh, illusion, that's right. Illusion magic is exactly what it sounds like; the summoning of false images to fool and in some cases directly attack the eye. Some spells, like my evocatio valcryarum, actually summon solid 'light bodies' to fight directly."

"That wouldn't be a conjuration? Or an evocation, maybe?" Ami asked, confused by the term "evocatio" being part of the spell name.

"No, because the magics create the bodies out of pure magic rather than bringing them from elsewhere, and it uses invocations that are much closer to the illusion school's tenets than that of evocations. The name of a spell doesn't necessarily indicate which school of magic it belongs in."

Usagi had apparently recovered some of her earlier energy, and was now jingling her keys in the air above Orion's nose. The tomcat seemed incredibly annoyed by this, but otherwise ignored her.

"Last is necromancy," Negi said, opening a much larger book with a black cover and silver bindings. "Obviously the most controversial and infamous school of magic, necromancy deals directly with the energy that suffuses living things. Of course, necromancy is most famous for turning corpses into animated servants for the caster, but it has numerous other uses, including blood magic and healing."

Ami blinked. "Healing?"

"Yes, healing. That's actually a great part of its controversy, and the reason why effective healing spells are rather rare; the spells are necromantic and as a result, the rituals and secrets are very carefully guarded by the families and schools that practice its arcane forms. Not many people trust necromancers, and even 'white' necromancers still tend to engage in suspicious research, so most people turn toward mundane medicine or alchemy when they can."

Usagi pouted as Orion continued ignoring her. "Orion, you're the most boring kitty ever!"

Orion's ear twitched as he glanced at the girl. He'd never been called boring before. "I'm a little too busy learning secrets thought lost to mortal men to jump after your keys, Tsukino."

"Boring!" Usagi insisted, puffing up her cheeks and dropping her hands on the table. The moment she did, however, Orion darted for her hand holding the keys and seized it between his teeth, snatching it right out of her grasp before she had any hope of reacting.

"Hey! Give those back!" The blonde complained, looking annoyed even after the moon cat dropped the keys back into her palm. "How come you went after them after I put them down?"

"I'm a tactical genius," Orion said snidely, idly licking his paw, "why would I waste my energy leaping for something well out of my reach when I know you're going to tire yourself out and drop it if I wait?"

"I was just trying to play," Usagi grumbled, pouting again.

"If you want to play, approach me with something more challenging," the gray tomcat said condescendingly. "More to the point, I think I've read enough for the day; why don't I see you home?"

Usagi glanced meaningfully at Ami. "I don't think I should leave without Negi-kun..."

Another vein popped up on Ami's head. "We'll be FINE. Just... please, find something better to do."

Usagi looked doubtful until Negi spoke up.

"It's quite alright, Usagi-san," the little wizard said. To Ami's annoyance he was patting his staff meaningfully, and only then did the blonde relent.

"Well, okay. Did you want to come with me, Orion?"

The moon cat shrugged. "Sure, why not? I can stand to hang out at your place for a while." While he certainly found Usagi's combat abilities pitiful, he had to admit that her and her mother's spoiling of cats left nothing to be desired.

Being petted and fed sweet cream was a treatment he craved as much as any other feline, alien or not, and unfortunately he couldn't expect that sort of thing from the Knights that he lived with. Or rather, he wouldn't allow it on the basis that it was much harder to take your commander seriously if he was curled up in your lap and purring.

As the door shut behind the pair, Negi closed the black book and checked his watch. "It's getting a bit late, Ami-san. Do you have any plans for supper?"

Ami blinked, having expected Negi to fall right back into his lectures. "Not in particular, no. My mother is often away at night so we have a few microwave dinners, but nothing especially tasty."

The Briton nodded absently. "Why don't we go out, then? I still want to hear your hypothesis on the Senshi aura lock, and we don't need to stay here."

"Oh, okay!" the bluette said with sudden enthusiasm. "Just give me a moment to go change, and we can leave right away!"

Negi turned back toward his books as Ami rushed upstairs to her room. 'Orion said I should focus on tactical flexibility rather than power, since the Senshi already have the "elemental volley" strategy down pat. I wonder what I should invest my time into, then?'

Negi, as he had previously mentioned, tended toward evocation magic because he had been taught to fight pretty much how the Senshi fought; namely, "find some high ground and let loose until the target doesn't get up any more."

Working with Orion and Sousuke had greatly changed his outlook on combat. In the romanticized, naive learning environment where he was from, full of ignorant children and condescending teachers who never thought their students would actually need to use their magic to fight in this day and age, a fighting wizard was a bastion of overwhelming power that stood firm in the face of his foes and banished them with a smart wave of his hand and a bit of arcane lore.

Real combat, as it turned out, wasn't much like that. At least, not when Ranma and Sousuke was around. There was much less focus on overpowering your opponent and a lot more focus on reading situations and positioning the enemy into kill zones where they could be obliterated with ease. Real combat, it seemed, was as much an exercise in planning and decision-making as overwhelming force and blistering magic.

'Maybe I'll look into more illusions,' Negi thought to himself. 'If I could create a simulcrum of Ranma when he fights-'

His idea was suddenly shaken from his mind due to terrified scream.

"Wh-What? What's happening?" the young wizard asked, grabbing his staff and jumping onto the arm of the couch. 'That scream came from upstairs! Ami!'

Negi, being the brave, heroic soul he was, was about to shoot straight up to the second story and investigate when Ami suddenly burst from her room and sprinted down the stairs. Negi kept his gaze on the doorway from where she had emerged, aiming his staff in that direction as he decided which spell to use. "Ami-san, are you okay?"

"There w-was something in m-my underwear drawer!" Ami shouted as she reached the ground floor, her face pale and her body shivering.

"In your under... wear... d-drawer..." Negi trailed off as he finally turned to look at his host, his face slowly turning red.

Ami had apparently evacuated her room still in the midst of changing, seeing as she was now standing in front of her foreign guest in her underwear. This was not strange, nor was it necessarily a problem; obviously whatever had spooked the girl was more important than her modesty.

At least, it sure seemed that way until the front door opened.

"I'm back!" Usagi said, rushing into the living room. "Sorry, I just forgot... my... k-k-keys..." The blonde froze in place once she saw Ami standing in front of Negi in her underwear, and her cheeks turned a rosy pink.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Ami shouted desperately. "There's something messing with my underwear!" In retrospect, that hadn't been the best way to explain the situation, but she wasn't in her best state of mind right then.

"I... see..." Usagi said, slowly moving toward Ami and Negi. "Why don't I... help you with your... underwear... while Negi-kun waits outside, okay Ami-chan?"

Negi chuckled weakly. "It's really not what you think. There was something in her room, apparently."

Usagi nodded in understanding. "Of course, of course. She needed you to investigate her room with her. To solve the problem with her underwear," the blonde finally interposed herself between the two. "That's okay, Negi-kun. I'm here now. Everything's going to just fine, so you don't need to touch Ami-chan's underwear, okay?"

Ami held her head in her hands, scraping together enough willpower not to scream. "Fine! Negi can stay here!" She snapped, grabbing Usagi's arm and hauling the blonde up the stairs.

"Just come with me! I swear I saw something up there!"

* * *

The food, the shelter, and the munitions had been sucked into the void, along with most of the party's morale. Sousuke in particular was feeling rather vulnerable with all of his backup munitions and explosives depleted. Makoto and Rei were also mentally planning shopping trips to replace their lost clothes.

"I vote we chalk this training trip up as a loss," Rei immediately said.

"Seconded," chimed in Makoto.

"Third...ded," said Luna after a moment of uncertainty.

"I'm inclined to agree," said Sousuke. "Our supplies are gone and our security has been breached. The enemy very well could take this opportunity to attack the rest of our group while we're divided."

Ranma sweatdropped. "We haven't even been here a full day," he pointed out. His protest was met with four equally uncaring stares. "Okay so we've hit a rough spot, but this is also a part of your training!" he invented quickly, trying to sound like a wise martial arts master.

"We're fighting youma in a tightly packed city with basic amenities available to us on every street corner," deadpanned Makoto. "How is wilderness survival supposed to help us with that?"

"You know I think you're missing the whole point of this training in the wilds thing," shot back Ranma sarcastically.

"Our first priority is the Senshi and the Negaverse," said Luna calmly. "Things like training trips have to come second."

Mentally, Ranma cursed Sousuke for giving the girls a reasonable 'out' of the training trip. He couldn't completely blame him, since Yukata Kamen seemed to pose a legitimate and worrisome threat, but the sheer amount of effort and planning it took to actually motivate the senshi into getting any amount of formal training...

"I better get my vacation time back after this," grumbled Ranma, relenting as he began leading the way down the mountain.

Sousuke nodded. "It seems only fair. I'm sure the principal can be...convinced to reimburse you."

The martial artist briefly thought about trying to dissuade Sousuke from anything overly violent, but found he just didn't care at the moment. Yeesh, his Pop had made these things look easy. Perhaps he might have been a little ungrateful after all...

Rei's eyes widened as she witnessed her gym teacher suddenly walk over to a tree and violently slam his head against it. "Ranma, are you okay?" she asked hesitantly.

The martial artist shook his head. "Yeah, I just needed to purge some thoughts from my brain before they corrupted my thinking. That's all."

The shrine maiden sweatdropped, but decided not to say anything as she fell in line to follow Ranma's path down the mountain.

* * *

It had been unanimously decided (without Ranma's opinion considered of course) that having been denied a proper lunch, it was necessary to stop at a diner along the way. Not that he had protested much as he was as hungry as the rest of them after the long train trip after the hike down.

However...

"So tell me why I have to pay for it again?"

"Think of it as a training trip expense," said Luna. "Besides, you're the only one here who has a job."

"It's a man's duty to treat a woman to meals," added Rei. Makoto said nothing, but nodded in agreement as she sipped her water.

Ranma sighed and was about to resign himself to his fate when something suddenly occurred to him. "Hey Sousuke, don't you have a job?"

"I challenge you to find legal evidence to prove that statement." said the mercenary seriously.

The martial artist groaned, "Right, stupid question." Sheesh, even Sousuke was in a bad mood and that was really saying something considering the gun nut's normal demeanor.

It hadn't been pure chance that his money had been saved from the black hole at all. Having been the go-to guy for funds for so long, it had almost become second nature to keep his wallet on him at all times, even while on a training trip. So, at least, getting train tickets had not been a problem.

The food came out and every perked up a bit. A waiter with deep bags under his eyes lethargically set out the food, along with a set of American style silverware for each of them.

'Well it could have been worse,' mused Ranma. 'I could have had to pay for Usagi too.'

Making a mental note to save some funds by toning down on the hashi-jutsu training, Ranma picked up his utensils...

...only to immediately drop them with a loud clatter, startling everyone else at the table.

"Um...Ranma are you okay?" asked Rei hesitantly.

'You've got to be kidding me,' said Ranma, ignoring Rei's question as he experimentally poked the fork, feeling a familiar draining sensation with each prod. 'Is there any part of this training trip that hasn't gone to hell?'

Grabbing the glass of water in front of her, Ranma changed forms before gesturing to their waiter. "Excuse me, I'd like to have a word with the chef."

Cautiously, Sousuke prodded the fork, his senses immediately going on high alert as he felt a slight weaking on his finger with each touch. It was very very subtle. He wouldn't have noticed if it wasn't brought to his attention. An unwary person during normal use would probably just blame dull silverware or perhaps a tough piece of meat as to why it required more effort to eat. "We have a code Y," said the mercenary suddenly, bringing the two senshi to full alert. "Saotome has already moved to engage."

Rei's eyes widened. "Huh? Why didn't he tell us?"

Sousuke didn't have an answer. "That is irrelevant at this point. I recommend securing the restrooms in order to facilitate your trans-"

"OH GOD THAT'S HOT! MERCY!"

All conversation at the table abruptly stopped as screams began coming from the kitchen.

Sousuke coughed quietly. "As I was saying-"

"NO! NOT THE STOVE! I'LL GIVE YOU THE MEAL ON THE HOUSE, I SWEAR!"

Several crashes followed the shouting as the entire store seemed to rock slightly.

"Do you think Ranma might be a bit stressed out for some reason?" asked Mokoto carefully.

Sousuke turned towards Luna. "This would be an opportune moment to inquire as to what kind of mental health coverage this operation provides."

Luna mewled softly as she covered her head with a paw in a cat-style facepalm.

"OW! OW! THAT'S NOT HOW YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO USE A FRYING PAN!"

Rei winced as the bangs and clangs of pots and pans joined the crashes taking place in the kitchen. "Do you think we should go help him?" she asked uncertainly.

Sousuke suppressed a small shudder as the shouting audibly rose in volume. "Something tells me that we'd just get in the way."

KA-BOOOM!

An explosion rocked the store, rattling the windows and sending the remaining customers fleeing from the restaurant. Minutes later, a dusty, slightly singed red head walked back into the dining area. Probably fearful for his life, the waiter slowly approached the girl.

"U-u-u-um...m-miss?"

Ranma grabbed the man's collar and pulled him down to her face level. "No, you're not getting a tip. Now scram!"

What little confidence the man had shattered as he scrambled out the front door. Looking for all the world like she had just come out of the bathroom, Ranma sat back down at her place before producing a pair of chopsticks and digging in.

Seconds later, it occurred to him that no one else was eating.

"Something wrong? Don't worry, it's just the silverware that's trapped. See." All of the cursed cutlery around them was slowly disintegrating into dust and quickly scattered by the ceiling fans.

"I think I lost my appetite," said Mokoto.

"What exactly did you do to that youma?" asked Rei cautiously.

"I gave my complaints to the chef for their shoddy service and then I demonstrated my own version of 'Mars Fire Ignite' using basic kitchen appliances. Didn't even try to fight back. Just kept trying to push some big red button. Weird that it blew in when the stove went up and took the youma with it. Stupid place for a button to be. Right over the flames."

Sousuke nodded appreciatively. "Curious behavior. Your skills at improvisation are commendable. You mean blew up."

"No, blew in. Sucked up the youma and the stove, flames, floor, and I think your dessert. Apple Pie à la Mode, right?"

"How long do you think it'll take for the cops to get here?" hissed Luna. "Do you really think this is the time to be sitting around and eating?"

"It'll take two hours at least for any sort of law authority to arrive," said Sousuke bluntly. "That seems to be the usual response time for anything involving youma, at least when considering our past engagements."

"Not helping," growled the moon cat.

"Look, just because they're energy sucking demons doesn't mean they're bad cooks," explained Ranma. "Now shut up and eat or I'm going to stop treating you to meals."

Luna glared at him but didn't lodge any more protests.

* * *

A purple haired priest somewhere in the Sega… um Negaverse….looked up. "Looks like I'm needed elsewhere," he suddenly said as he laid down his cards. After a moments pause, "Oh well, nevermind. I'm not to blame. Faulty trap design. Who's turn is it to raise?" He picked up his cards and returned to his latest coaching session, uh poker game, what ever.

* * *

The newly changed male sighed contentedly as he discarded the pot of tea while holding the door for the girls to exit the restaurant. It was amazing how therapeutic some good food and senseless violence could be, although the concerned looks his allies kept discretely shooting him were starting to get a little annoying. Really, it was just a youma.

SPLASH!

Ranma was abruptly brought out of his thoughts by the sudden dousing of cold water. Turning to find its source, the martial artist saw an old lady wetting the sidewalk. Oddly enough, none of her subsequent ladle splashes came anywhere near her.

"Really? Was that really necessary?" asked Ranma, looking towards the heavens. "I just changed back."

CRASH!

The wall next to him shattered into pieces.

"Nihao...Ranma."

Ranma simply stared at the sky, even as Sousuke was readying his weapons, he was down to his back up emergency ones, and the senshi were looking for places to transform.

"I hate you Kami-sama."

* * *

Finding girl-Ranma had been pure luck on her part. Despite having interrogated what seemed like nearly half of Juuban High, she was no closer to finding any information about her target than before her search. However, one person had offhandedly commented that the red head and the gym teacher might be related, so she decided to try and track down the gym teacher and interrogate him. It was the only lead she had.

Unfortunately, she later found out that he had taken some students into the mountains for a couple weeks, leaving no trace of where he was going. After taking some time to look over a map, she had theorized the best location and had resigned herself to another long search. And then she had found her in mid journey, standing in the middle of the street with two other girls and a tall, brown haired boy.

Shampoo looked over the targets carefully. As had been the case the first time they'd fought, the red-head practically burst with energy, senses alert despite appearing casual. The tall boy, while constantly observing his surroundings, didn't carry himself like a martial artist. More like a disciplined soldier than a fighter, and none of them, including the girls, had nearly the amount of ki presence that the red-head had.

Nephrite had mentioned that Ranma had often been seen in the company of magical girls and a gunman, but the male had no telltale signs of weapons, and no amount of scrutiny revealed the two girls to be anything more than regular girls.

Pulling out her colorful chui, Shampoo broke through the wall to confront her mortal enemy.

"Nihao...Ranma."

Oddly enough, her entrance hadn't even seemed to register with the red-head. Gripping her maces, the amazon moved to attack-

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

Only to quickly backpedal as the brown haired youth opened fire with a 9MM. What the hell? Where did he pull that from? Her new opponent wasn't giving her time to rest either, having locked in on her position again. Moving as quick as she could, Shampoo dodged behind what remained of the wall as a shower of bullets peppered her last position.

"Mars fire ignite!"

"Jupiter thunder crash!"

Shampoo barely had time to identify the attacks before fireballs and lightning were racing towards her. Moving as fast as she could, Shampoo abandoned her cover and ran back into the street, moving just barely fast enough to avoid another round of gunfire as she dodged into an alleyway. Was that an assault rifle he'd been using?

The whole time, her target hadn't moved. She hadn't even flinched upon her arrival. Had she just walked into an ambush? Considering that the last two attacks she dodged had left nothing but a smoking crater in their wake, it was entirely possible.

Grimacing as she dodged another volley of lightning, Shampoo decided that she was ill prepared for a confrontation of this magnitude.

Ranma whistled softly as she witnessed the quick and fierce counterattack to Shampoo's arrival. The minute Sousuke had driven the amazon into cover, Mars and Jupiter had transformed, adding their firepower to his. Not even a minute later and the amazon was in full retreat, running as fast as she could across the rooftops.

"You know," commented Ranma as the senshi de-transformed and Sousuke packed away his assault rifle from wherever the hell he stored it, "I could have handled that myself."

Sousuke nodded. "True, but I think it would have been best for her if she hadn't fought you right now."

"Yeah, you're a little on edge right now," said Makoto bluntly.

"She was lucky that she only had to fight us instead of you," added Rei.

Ranma sweatdropped. "You just tried shooting her."

"Yes, but I was perfectly calm while doing it," countered Sousuke easily. The martial artist sighed but didn't press the issue. Despite his complaints, it was rather touching to see people so ready to leap to his defense against someone like Shampoo, who probably outclassed them all in martial skill. The coordination they had shown when trying to pin the amazon down was rather impressive as well. Almost like they were working as a cohesive team rather than a group of vigilantes.

'Perhaps the training trip wasn't an entire waste after all,' he mused silently as the continued walking, pointedly ignoring the sirens in the distance, just now responding to the restaurant incident.

* * *

Ami crept into her room slowly as she glanced around the interior, still clad only in her undergarments. Usagi came up behind her, showing a lot less caution toward her surroundings and a lot more toward Ami herself.

"Okay, Ami-chan, maybe it's time we had another talk about your feelings for Negi," Usagi said carefully once she reasoned they were out of said wizard's earshot.

"Not NOW! There was seriously something in here!" Ami insisted, skulking up to her dresser.

"See? The drawer is open and my underwear is..."

The bluette started as she rushed up to the dresser, her eyes scanning the interior. "Th-They're gone! My underwear is gone!"

"Eh? For real?" Usagi asked, finally taking Ami's claims seriously. "There's a panty thief around?"

"P-P-Panty thief?" Ami asked, her face flushed. "That's ridiculous! This house is full of expensive electronics, jewelry, and valuables! Why on earth would someone break in here to steal PANTIES?"

Usagi gripped her hand into a fist as a tear crawled down her cheek. "It's just like Mom said: men truly are beasts! The culprit will NOT get away with this, Ami-chan!"

Unseen by both girls, a pair of gleaming, beady eyes shined from under Ami's bed as they locked on to Usagi's skirt.

"Well... I know I saw something here just a minute ago, so maybe the thief hasn't gone far?" Ami suggested. She didn't know whether the small white... thing that she had glanced bursting from her drawer was the culprit, but it was surely somehow connected.

"Of course! We should transform and-" Usagi's eyes widened suddenly. Ami wasn't exactly sure what happened next. She had never seen anyone save Ranma move so quickly, and as they had been in the middle of conversation, she wasn't expecting the sudden blur of motion or burst of light.

But however it had come about, the next thing the genius Senshi knew, Usagi had a pair of chopsticks in her hand and had them firmly clamped around a small, squirming white mammal that was swiping desperately and uselessly for the blonde's skirt.

"What the?" Usagi raised her chopsticks, staring at the creature critically. "What is this thing?

Some kind of weasel? Do you keep pets, Ami-chan?"

"No..." the bluette answered quietly, her mind awhirl. 'Since when could Usagi move that fast? Her reflexes are horrible! And what was that light from?'

After a few seconds of gaping at Usagi, Ami moved on to start gaping at Usagi's captive.

"That's... is that an ermine?"

"A what?"

"It's a species of weasel that comes from Europe; you can tell by the white coat and the spot on its tail," Ami explained as she took a closer look at the creature. She couldn't really tell, but as she leaned over to observe the animal she could swear it was staring at breasts and grinning.

Usagi raised an eyebrow as she loosened her grip on her captive... slightly. "What's a European weasel doing in Japan?"

"What I'd like to know is what an ermine is doing rooting around in my underwear drawer," Ami mumbled, frowning. "And I still don't know where my panties went."

"Girls? Are you all right?" Negi's voice asked from out in the hall, where the boy wizard was keeping watch on the hall.

"We're fine! But there still might be a thief on the loose!" Usagi called back. "We found an ermine, though!"

"A what?" Negi promptly poked his head in Ami's bedroom, and surely would have been shocked and embarrassed that Ami was still half-naked if his eyes hadn't locked on to the squirming weasel being held captive by Usagi's chopsticks. "Chamo? Albert Chamomile, is that you?"

"Aniki! You're here after all!" said the ermine, causing Usagi and Ami to jump in surprise. "I'm so happy I found you!"

"Ha ha ha! Chamo-kun!" Negi shouted happily, dashing into the room with his arms spread wide.

"Aniki!" Chamomile cried, tears of joy streaming down his cheeks. "GURK!" Tears of pain then joined the earlier torrent as a second pair of chopsticks clamped around his neck.

"Hey, Talking Ermine-san?" Usagi said cheerfully even as her fingers steadily added pressure to the helpless creature in her grasp. "It's so nice that you can speak! Now you can tell us what you were doing in Ami-chan's underwear drawer, and what happened to all her panties!"

"Urk... uh... aniki? Little help?" Chamo squeaked as he felt his windpipe compressing painfully.

"W-Wait! Usagi-san, what are you doing?" Negi asked in a panic, flailing his arms about.

"Tell us what you did with Ami-chan's panties!" Usagi demanded, her thirst for justice overwhelming any hesitation she normally would have felt toward harming animals.

"It... wasn't me... I was... framed!" Chamomile gasped out.

Usagi frowned and released the pair of chopsticks on his throat. "Really? Then what happened, Ermine-san?"

"I was Cough! Just wandering by following up a clue as to Aniki's whereabouts!" Chamo said while waggling a paw toward Negi. "And then I saw him! The dread panty fiend HAPPOSAI!"

Negi gasped in horror as Usagi blinked owlishly. "Who?" the latter asked.

"You're too young to know the terror of that fiend, thankfully," Chamo said grimly, "but Happousai is a legendary pervert responsible for molestation and theft the world over! Even in the magical world, he is known and feared as an unstoppable force of lechery!"

Negi nodded rapidly, his expression dark. "It's true! I've heard many a tale about the horrors of his travels! Once he even broke into the dorms of the elite witch's coven Lumines, of the druids! It was said that nine sisters of the temple ended up revoking their three-century oaths of non-violence due to the terror of his invasion, and to this VERY DAY, the headmistress of the coven spends half her waking hours in the baths lamenting that she will never truly be clean again!"

Usagi paled slightly, the drama in Negi's voice having made its impact even though she had no clue what he was talking about.

"And to think, such a horrible being was skulking about among the homes of innocent, young, teenage girls!" Chamomile said mournfully. "When I saw a fleeting shadow creeping about this home, I feared the worst! Oh the irony that the fiend would throw me into the drawer full of garments that I meant to save, and then leave me to-"

"Found them," Ami deadpanned as she pulled out a pile of underclothes from beneath her bed. "Wasn't this where you were hiding, Chamomile-san?"

The ermine froze in place, his tail twitching. "What? Th-That's... of course! The fiend Happousai must have planted the stolen goods there without my knowledge, intending to besmirch my good name by leaving false evidence to-"

"There's a fair bit of animal fur clinging to them," Ami said, her voice a calm monotone as she held one such article up to the light. "White fur."

"That's... I... the evidence points... er..." Chamo started sweating in earnest as Usagi and even Negi's expressions shifted to cold stares. "Huh. So..." he twisted about so that he could smile toward the girl that still held him tightly and securely between her eating utensils. "Ane-san, I have the feeling we really got off on the wrong foot, here. Why don't we start over? My name is Chamomile Albert! You can call me Chamo!"

Usagi smiled at the ermine in her chopsticks even as she stepped past Negi and out into the hall. "Hello Chamo-kun! I'm Tsukino Usagi!"

Then she thrust the European weasel out in front of her. "And this is Orion. Say hi, Orion!"

Chamo's body locked up as he gazed up at the large, gray tomcat that was sitting on its haunches, staring at him expressionlessly.

"What's this?" Orion asked, an eyebrow rising. "Lunch?"

"MEEP!" Chamo started wriggling about furiously. "No! I am NOT food!"

"Then explain why you're being offered to me via chopsticks, rodent," Orion said, raising a paw as his claws extended menacingly.

"All right, all right, I think that's enough," Negi said nervously, placing a hand on Usagi's shoulder. "I'm sure he's learned his lesson now. Right, Chamo-kun?"

"Yes! Yes! A thousand times, yes!" the ermine cried as Orion leaned forward and started sniffing him.

"I certainly hope so," Ami said, finally emerging from her room fully dressed. "Now would somebody explain what exactly he is, how he knows Negi-kun, and what he's doing here?"

"I'll explain everything! Just let me go! Please!" Chamomile begged.

Usagi didn't look too sure. "I don't know... he was lying before..."

"Don't worry Tsukino," Orion said as he grinned at the lesser mammal. "If he wants to run, let him run. It'll be more... fun... that way," he said smoothly, his lip curling up over rows of needle-like teeth.

Chamo did want to run. However, as Usagi finally released her surprisingly powerful grip on his torso, the ermine found that his survival instincts had abandoned him, turning his legs to jelly and suggesting that he curl up into the fetal position and patiently await the end before the predator leering down at him.

"Is he foaming at the mouth? He's not rabid, is he?" Usagi asked in concern, edging away from the ermine as Chamomile started shuddering.

Orion frowned. "Oi. Rodent." The tomcat slammed one paw down next to Chamo's head, causing the white weasel to freeze up again as razor-sharp claws dug into the hardwood floor.

"You said you were going to explain. So explain. Now."

"Th-There's really no need to threaten him like that," Negi mumbled awkwardly. Granted, Chamo had definitely made an awful first impression with Negi's allies, but Orion was clearly letting his cruel feline instincts get the better of him.

"I'm an e-elf ermine of the n-noble cat elf lineage," Chamomile said, his eyes reduced to dizzy swirls as he stuttered through his back story. "A long time ago I was caught in a c-crude trap set by some hunters. It was a t-terrible situat-"

Sssskrrtch! Orion dragged his claws across the floor in front of Chamo, his gaze looking bored and irritable. "We didn't ask for your life story, rodent. Get to the point."

As Chamo's fur stood up on end, Ami frowned. "Orion, please don't scratch up the floors like that. Also, weasels technically aren't rodents."

"And I'm technically not a feline," Orion countered, "but if there's a game of cat and mouse afoot, I'll play my part. Right, rodent?"

Chamo gave a short, high-pitched laugh as his tiny heart thundered within his chest. "So, where was I? Negi here saved my skin a while back, and ever since then I've adopted him as my big brother, of sorts! Now, as for why I'm here!" The ermine said in a panic. "I fled Wales on account of an extensive criminal record in order to trick Aniki into taking me as a familiar and getting me off the hook for my entirely selfish and totally unjustified petty theft!"

There was a long silence as Negi, Orion, Usagi and Ami all stared down at the ermine darkly.

"Can I... uh... have a do-over on that last explanation?" Chamomile asked, quite embarrassed to have blurted out the full, unpolished truth in a moment of panic. "I actually had this really great and very convincing story all planned for this moment. And a backup pity story, too. It just seems like a terrible waste to put them aside so easily..."

"Can I eat him now?" Orion asked, glancing up at Usagi.

"No Orion, don't," Negi said firmly, stepping forward and then picking up his old friend. "Chamo-kun, you should know better than this; if you need help, then just ask me!" The boy wizard smiled brightly, and Chamo's eyes turned big and dewey. "I know you didn't mean any harm by it, but you have to take some responsibility for your actions! Even so, you know I could never turn you away!"

Chamomile sniffed noisily as Orion snorted. "You... You mean it, Aniki? The part about not turning me away, not necessarily all that noise about responsibility?"

Negi nodded. "Of course I'll hire you as my familiar! I won't be able to pay you, but if it will help keep you out of trouble, I'd be happy to!"

Ami grimaced, not liking this turn of events one bit. "I don't know if it's a good idea to have someone like that joining our side... he doesn't seem at all reliable..."

Usagi giggled as she watched Negi hug the white weasel. "But he's so cute, though! If Negi says it's okay, we can trust him!"

The genius Senshi sweatdropped. "Says the one that nearly crushed him with chopsticks and fed him to the cat." Not that mood swings and simple-minded acceptance were anything new to Usagi, but inflicting harsh physical punishment on non-youma was. 'Ranma's definitely starting to rub off on her.'

Negi finally stopped hugging Chamomile and held him out at arms' length. "All right Chamokun, you can stay with me. We'll need to bring you up to speed on what's been going on around here, though. Also, you'll need to be properly trained to perform your new duties as my familiar. Some other disciplinary work might be necessary, too."

"Yeah, sure, whatever," Chamo mumbled, far too relieved that his ultimate goal had somehow been accomplished to care about anything beyond that.

His relief promptly dried up as Negi put him down in front of Orion again, and suddenly he found it much easier to care. "Wait. You put me down in front of the cat. Why did you put me down in front of the cat?"

"Chamo-kun, I'd like you to meet my commander and our top combat tactician, Orion!" Negi said in a cheerful voice that dared anybody to guess whether he was truly unaware of the unbridled terror Chamo was currently experiencing or simply enjoying a subtle revenge.

"Commander, I know Chamo-kun is rough around the edges... and everywhere else, really, but he certainly has his talents. Can I count on you to find him a place with us?"

Orion snorted once more as he lifted a paw to his face, keenly observing the appendage as his claws extended and retracted experimentally. "You may consider this a personal favor, Springfield. Turning thieving trash like this into a useful military tool isn't my area of expertise."

He sighed in a distinctly overdramatic way. "But I'll give it a shot. Who knows? Maybe the rodent will even survive long enough to see a battlefield."

Despite the overly sadistic conversation occuring above his head, Chamo's mind was still struggling to grasp a much more basic and essential concept. "What? WHAT? The scary CAT is your superior? Why-"

The ermine was silenced as Orion suddenly slammed a paw down onto his neck, pinning him to the floor. "That's COMMANDER Scary Cat to you, rodent. Now get your sorry tail in gear and follow me! I have a lot of work to do before you're good enough to die a proper, bloody death on the front lines! MOVE IT!" the military mau shouted as he removed his paw.

"Geep! All right, fine!" Chamo said desperately as he got up, only to get smacked back onto the floor.

"You will BEGIN and END every sentence with 'Sir' when you speak to me, rodent!"

"Sir, yes Sir!" Chamomile cried as he once again got up to follow the tomcat. As the two smaller mammals descended the stairs, Negi smiled brightly as he turned toward Usagi.

"I think that getting his hands a little dirty will be good for him, don't you think?"

Usagi also smiled brilliantly as she nodded. "Hm! I can tell that they're already fast friends! It's so nice to see your old pet fitting right in!"

Ami sweatdropped heavily, wondering at the irony that she, the victim of Chamo's theft, seemed to be the only one who felt even remotely sorry for the helpless ermine. "Guys... you're acting like this on purpose, right?" she asked, getting no response as Negi and Usagi descended the stairs as if they hadn't heard her. "Guys?"


	24. No sleep for the weary

The moon was well into the air as Ukyo Kuonji carried a box of supplies on top of her portal grill. She had just returned from her latest training session 'in the ocean waves like those old samurai movies' and was hoping to get a little cash from the night shift at one of the local construction sites. Down the street, she heard a quiet conversation. She wasn't too concerned as any considerate person would want to keep their voices at this time of night and she could handle herself if they were of less then savory character.

A tall guy looked around the corner and motioned to his companions. She marveled how the acoustics of the small street actually carried their voices quite well and could hear him say, "At the next corner there is a fire escape that access has access to the roof and then from there. . ."

"No more," a feminine voice firmly said.

"Our camp was compromised in less than 24 hours, which suggests a security leak, and the Chinese National assassin would most likely be attempting to track you," responded the mature militant sounding male.

"'nough already. I've gotten splashed with hot and cold water more times than I can count this night," the female replied crossly, a red head Ukyo saw as she walked closer, "and Shampoo is probably half way back to China the way you guys sent her packing."

"I've had enough too. Sensei, everyone, I'll see you all later," a girl with long dark hair chimed in as she put words to action and walked away muttering about paranoid military nuts. The military nut was about to go after her when the red grabbed his shoulder and put another arm around a brown pony tailed haired girl, who remained silent during the discussion and said,

"Sousuke, ya gonna get your wish and not call it a night. You two still owe for the rest of the break and since the training trip didn't work out, I have just the task for you to 'build character'."

The red head pulled the now protesting brown head toward a new direction while the military nut saluted and followed with a,

"Sir. Yes, Sir."

Ukyo just shook her head and walked a bit quicker down the street. She had to beat the ramen cart and that pushy bratwurst cart to the best spots in front of the construction sites. She didn't think the last had a pray of taking hold in Japan, but she still didn't want to give up any advantage she could get. After all, spatula knives didn't grow on trees.

* * *

Xentite grumbled as she walked down the street. She was currently disguised as tall attractive dark blue haired woman wearing a yellow silk blouse and tight black skirt. Calcite. . um 'Excel' ...whatever was late in reporting in. Fortunately, a few discrete inquiries had yielded that she was seen loudly escorting a human by the name of Umino. The very helpful 'baseball' human had even helped her look up the address in a human 'phone book'. Maybe she'll return the favor and make the human a favored servant, or at least take him up on his offer for a light snack.

She verified the address on the house and started scouting for a good entrance. Ah, a partially opened window; that would suit her needs just fine. The blue haired youma stepped into the shadows and transformed into her youma quadruped form. She took a deep breath, shuddered for moment and shrank to a large spider; roughly the size a Chihuahua. Xentite scuttled up to the window and forced it open a bit. It was blocked from opening any further by a security bar. Her long legs unlatched the bar and she slide it open far enough for her to squeeze through.

Umino was still wide awake plotting his escape. So far he was up to stowing away on a boat to Hawaii, meet a hot native girl, and then trying to get a job as a real estate agent selling beach front properties. The moonlight against the wall showed the silhouette of a ball . .with legs? falling and then something curvy stood up. He shook a bit as he quietly turned on his futon and gazed upon the silhouette of beautiful woman. He stared unblinkingly as she looked around with the moonlight highlighting her long blue hair. Her eyes locked onto his and they stared at each other for moment.

"Are you a monster who feeds on human energy and is looking to enslave all humanity in the near future?" He asked tiredly as he sat up on the futon.

"Um yes," replied the confused youma.

"If you're looking for Excel. She's in my bedroom." With that, he laid down again and tried to remember where he had left off in the great escape plan.

"Are you Umino?" she asked him. He propped himself up and nodded. The youma considered and saw that the human boy had too much will for a thrall. So, concluded that he must be a servant. "I am Xentite. Her superior," she said while pulling him up, "You will lead me to her."

Seeing that he wasn't about to be left alone; he slowly got up and walked her to his bedroom door. Through the door he could hear Excel's loud snores. Not wanting to risk the wrath of the other human eating monster in the house, he opened the door a crack and saw her tangled sheet silhouette. Xentite wasn't going to worry about her subordinate's beauty sleep and impatiently pushed him into the room.

He stumbled forward, and saw with dread, that his most likely landing place would be on top the bed with the monster posing as his girlfriend. With a supreme will of effort he caught himself just inches from landing on her chest. He tried to catch his breath while hovering just inches in front of Excel's face.

"Menchi?" she said groggily as she opened one eye. Umino paled and instantly stood up, straight as a rod. She licked her lips slowly and he jumped to hide behind Xentite. He didn't care if she was a monster too; at least she didn't threaten to eat him, yet.

Excel looked at Umino and at the woman he was hiding behind. The blue haired woman had crossed her arms as she looked down at the blond youma with disapproval. "Excel is very disappointed in you!" she finally exclaimed as she pointed toward the two of them. Xentite blinked in surprise. "Being your girlfriend is very important to Excel's cover! You are not allowed to get another. Excel is now forced to kill to remain mostly inconspicuous. Do not worry miss jealous ex-girlfriend. Your sacrifice will stave off my hunger to allow your love to stay alive for an entire day, give or take a few hours, depending how strenuous tomorrow is."

Slowly Excel advanced on the pair.

"Stop that!" Xentite yelled as an eyebrow twitched. "You were supposed to report back to me hours ago!"

"Oh yeah!" Excel said as she stopped and put a finger on cheek. After a minute she finally asked, "Who are you again?" The room shook from the force of the dual face fault.

"I'm going to be your worst nightmare if you don't stop screwing around. You were suppose to be following that girl Shampoo and find out what she is doing!"

"Excuse me ma'am," Excel contradicted, "but I'm almost certain that my mission was to infiltrate as this ones girlfriend." She grabbed Umino and held him in a half nelson. "OhwhyLordXelloshaveyouforsakenme! Thisbodyisforyoualone! Very well! I shall sacrifice my body and soul for you, my Lord Xellos! I'll be the best wife ever." She turned the poor boy so that they were face to face and happily yelled, "They'll never suspect that our happy faux marriage is actually a plot to infiltrate the business world. We'll raise future salary men and office ladies to take over corporate Japan for the glory of the Segaverse!" She ignored that the boy in question had turned deathly pale and blithely continued, "What do you think dear? I was thinking game consoles companies to start with." Umino collapsed on the ground in a boneless heap as his mind tried to process being married to Excel or trying to raise human eating boys and girls.

"You don't need to do any of those things with your servant," Xentite said as she pinched her nose.

"Oh he's not my servant," Excel said as she began to slap Umino awake.

"Your thrall then."

"Nope, he's Menchi," she explained cheerfully as Umino flailed as he woke in her grasp.

"Well," Xentite said as she picked Umino off the ground by the cuff of his Pjs, "Let me at least make him a thrall to make it easier."

"NO," The deranged blonde yelled as she grabbed the unlucky boys legs and pulled, "You can't have him! He's mine!"

"It'll only take a few minutes! You can have him back after!"

* * *

Umino's mother, Kiki, woke up to hear yelling in her household. Sounds almost like her son was having a fight with his new girlfriend. She knew exactly what to do about such a situation. She turned on her side and gently woke her husband.

"Anata, can you go and see if everything is okay?" Said husband groaned and rolled out of bed with a grumble. She watched him as he shuffled out. Oh, her son was growing up so fast already and now having his first fight with his girlfriend. She already knew what advice she was going to offer him when he wanted to make up with her. Oh the joys of motherhood!

Taro was not a happy camper as he was forced out of his comfortable bed. His grumbling stopped as he got closer to his son's room. That sounded like two different females voices. Silently he crept up and peeked into the room. There WERE two females in there with Umino between them.

"Give me! Give me!" yelled his son's girlfriend as she pulled on his son's shirt.

"I told you can have him again after I'm done," A dark blue haired woman with long beautiful nacreous legs said as she held on fast to his son's head.

"No more please, you can have my dad," he heard Umino mumble from somewhere in the vicinity of the women's impressive chest. The dark haired beauty paused for a moment as she considered and said,

"Maybe later." He didn't know that his son had already written him off as a casualty to Excel's nefarious plans. So more lecherous images flashed through his mind as he shifted his pants. He mentally thanked his son for thinking of him. He knew what to do about this!

He opened nearby table draw, took out a digital camera and snapped several shots in succession as proud tears rolled down his face. Everybody stopped what they were doing and looked at him as the flashes went off. He took the moment to take a few more shots. Umino had a mortified, but also looked oddly relieved expression, on his face. He gave his son a thumbs up, quietly closed the door, replaced the camera and stiffly walked back to his wife.

He was going to report back to her that their son was becoming a man with nothing to worry about and then he was going to make sure that he wasn't the only one that didn't get sleep that night!

* * *

"Fine, keep him as he is," Xentite said as she let go of the slightly built lad, "just make sure he doesn't interfere with the tracking of that Shampoo human." The whole family was weird she decided and she didn't need any more headaches today. She just got over the sword strike through her head thank you very much.

"Shampoo," Umino said as he tiredly disentangled himself from where he had landed with the troublesome blonde, "was accosting folks and destroying things looking for some red headed girl. Can I go to back to bed now?" Hey, he didn't owe the amazon anything from the shaking she gave him that afternoon. He figured that the sooner the lady got what she wanted the sooner she would leave.

"So she's doing the same old boring thing," Xentite nodded as she briefly considered assigning the human the job and simply killing 'Excel'. Too much trouble she decided at last and walked to open the window to leave. She paused for a moment and said, "Oh yeah, the red head that she's looking for is suppose to have a pet panda. If you see either of those two then no doubt Shampoo won't be far behind."

She briefly considered telling the former Calcite that the red head had allies that would easily dust her, but finally decided that it would only serve to the confuse her mentally challenged colleague. Nope better make the orders real simple. "Now stop slacking," She barked in drill sergeant fashion. "Get out there and keep track of that girl! Don't let her out of her your sight!"

Excel, after untangling herself from where the yell blew her, sat lotus style deep in thought on the bed while her supervisor youma left by the window. Umino briefly looked out the window before closing it. No doubt that spider lady would be no where in sight or disappeared with just a trace of dark smoke.

The sense of mystique was broken when he saw her walking slowly by the road side to let a car pass by. She looked back briefly and he waved lightly to which she responded in kind. Monsters these days, he thought as he turned from the window with a shake of his head, have no sense of mystery to them anymore.

He looked at the remaining monster in his room. Her face was scrunched up in concentration. Umino decided to get back to planning tomorrow's early escape. He was still toying with going to China as it was closer, but the United States would be friendlier, especially if he could call himself a war refugee or something.

Umino sighed as he opened the door to leave. He was going to miss next month's release of his favorite manga. The tired lad just hoped that they would continue the series after Tokyo was over run by monsters.

A slight growling sound came from the bed behind him. Screw it he thought. He WAS going to wait for his room to be empty before leaving, but he wasn't going to chance it. He grabbed a knapsack and filled it with clothes, stuff, and some extra pocky. He wasn't sure if those were imported in the United States.

Umino made a break for the door, but realized that he wasn't getting any closer. The luckless lad slowly determined that he was hanging above the ground. At first, satisfied with the conclusion he then thought that perhaps he should assess the reason for this state of being; as gravity usually worked with him to keep both feet on the ground. The pressure on his shoulders made him realize that he was hanging about a foot in the air by his knapsack. The feminine hand that was holding it made obvious what had happened.

"I, Excel Excel, have come up with the perfect plan," he heard the obstacle of his escape say. Umino reluctantly turned his head to look into the smiling face of twice named youma.

"Nope, I'm not helping. Not happening. Let me go." he yelled while flailing his arms.

"Excel could downgrade your current standing from emergency food supply to current meal," the blonde said in chilling monotone voice. He sighed with teary eyes as he nodded his head. With a quick shake she dumped him on the bed and his knapsack was tossed back in the corner.

"We need to find that Shampoo human who is looking for other red headed human girl with a panda. So Excel thinks that working smarter and not harder is the way to go." Umino reluctantly nodded his head. His curiosity got the better of him when he heard Excel use the words think and smarter in one sentence.

She ducked under the bed and came up in a pink frilly dress and a lopsided red wig with pigtails all over it, making it look like some bizarre red and blonde octopus. "If Shampoo is looking for us then Excel doesn't have to work at all!" As Umino tried to form a response she ducked under the bed gleefully yelling, "and now for you!"

She pulled out a panda suit from somewhere.

"I don't want to be a panda," he cried out with some despair as she knocked him over and started to push the costume over his legs.

"Excel has listened and understands your, somewhat, strange desire. I will be the panda then." Umino waved his hands in warding gestures when the wig was placed on his head and she produced a large make up kit.

"No, No! The panda is fine! I do a great panda!" he exclaimed as the wig dropped from his head to the bed. Excel nodded and placed the wig backwards on her head.

"Okay, but Excel thinks that you should not bottle up such feelings. That sort of thing lead to all sort of unpleasant side effects that are not covered by our medics. If we had medics in the Segaverse, that is, you betcha that they wouldn't be able to handle that sort of thing at all! In fact to show, as a show of good faith, we should go see your parents about it. Yes, I can make them understand your dislike for being labeled unfairly by society. By the time I'm done with them you can be free to live your life any way you want!"

"No! No. that's fine please," Umino cried as she started to drag him to the door. He didn't want her to do anything strange to his parents, even if was just talking to them! More importantly, he had to get away from her somehow! A desperate idea formed in his head on how to eventually escape.

Excel stopped as she looked at him with a puzzled expression. "Look. I'm happy with the way things are. Now we can go out and look for that girl," Umino said in a lower voice. Hopefully at this late hour that Shampoo girl is probably asleep and there would be the added bonus that there wouldn't be many people to see him in that get-up.

Determined to make sure Excel's focus stayed away from his parents he picked up the wig and walked around her. "I've heard about the red-headed girl in the school. She has only one pigtail. Like this." He undid all the pigtails and started a slightly sloppy braid down her back. He didn't realize how long the wig was as he had to get down on one knee to finish it up.

"Listen, I propose that we only look for Shampoo for a few hours. I have to go to school then. Otherwise, it'll blow your cover to be a girlfriend to a well respected student of the community. Does that sound like a good plan?" Umino hoped she went for it as he tied off the end of the braid. If he could just get to school then he could skip out and make well his escape to America. She turned to face him and happily exclaimed,

"I accept your proposal! Never fear, I, Excel will make the most of the time we have together to succeed!" A snap shot and sniffle stopped her in mid rant. They both turned to see his mother crying into a handkerchief and his father with a camera, again.

"You can call me mother, my daughter!" His mother said as both parents blundered into the room. "I have such a MANLY son! Such a beautiful fiancee." She hugged Excel never noticing the different hair due to the darkness and took off a necklace off her neck and put it on the faux girl. His Dad gave him a hearty slap on the back saying something about inheriting his charm. Before he could recover and protest, they had left the room with saying that they would put away the futon as it wasn't needed anymore. He hung his head as he heard his mother calling up her friends to tell them the news.

He looked at his new fiancee and was glad that she had the same bemused expression that he had. Umino closed his mouth and zipped up the panda suit. He held up a wooden sign, whose origin he didn't want to think about, that said, "Let's go before the evening gets any more weirder!"

* * *

Shampoo sulked on the rooftops as she finished treating some minor wounds. Those stupid fireballs and lightening strikes had gotten close enough to leave small burns and abrasions. The girl-type Ranma had always ran whenever they had met. This was the first time she had ever been attacked back since the challenge log. The girl has gotten a lot more dangerous now that she had the resources of her native lands to rely on.

It would seem that she had gotten lax since she started chasing the red headed girl. Shampoo thought back to when she had ambushed the girl with her bow. It was strange on how every one of her shots just happen to be blocked by the girl's oversized backpack. Even stranger, Ranma had fled when she had run out of arrows instead of attacking. What she had taken for fear was really just a calculating scheme to attack from where the redhead was strongest.

The Chinese Amazon suddenly wished she had paid more attention to her great grandmother's lesson on tactics . She never saw much point in it. All of her previous opponents were easily defeated using the direct approach.

Let's see, what did her great grandmother say when attacking from a weaker position. After a moment it came to her what the lesson was. If you are attacking a stronger opponent then you to attack your opponent where they are weakest. Great. So where is Ranma weakest? Wait, it wasn't that Ranma was stronger then her (in her opinion), but she had allies.

"This sucks," she said out loud as she thought herself into a corner. I hate this quest. I just want it over with. Next time we meet I'm just going to hit her as hard as I can. It would appear that slimy guy was right. She was always in the company of those girls and soldier. Oh why did it have to be so hard! It had seemed so easy when it was just Ranma and her panda.

She wished things were like that again without super girls and cheating guns. "Like that happen again," she sighed as she berated herself for falling into self-pity. Down below she heard some voices in the alley below. Just some of the local boys she thought to her self. She was about to dismiss them from her thoughts when she over heard one of them say,

"Did you see that panda that just went past us?"

"You're nuts," another replied.

"No I'm not. Check it out."

"Wow, what is a panda doing here? Though, that girl with it is pretty cute."

"Let's ask her out!"

"No way. Remember the last one we asked with an animal?"

"Oh yeah. Got scratched up by a tea stirrer, of all things. Damn monkey."

Shampoo jumped to the edge of the roof and looked down. A short red-headed girl with a pigtail was bouncing around a panda. It was her! The panda didn't look quite as fat as she remembered, but it has been some time since she last saw it. From this distance she wasn't able to detect the red-headed girl's ki, but that also meant that most likely she wasn't detected either. She decided to use a melon hammer with her left and sword with her right. A quick check showed no sign of the girl's allies. Tonight it ends!

* * *

Umino trudged in the stifling panda suit along with the apparently tireless monster who was disguised as a girl; who was also disguised as another red headed girl in a pink frilly dress. Now that he thought about it, why didn't she just use some mumbo jumbo to change her appearance instead of the wig and garish makeup? Deciding that it wasn't worth the headache of trying to understand the hyperactive girl, he watched as she circled him again.

She kept looking under cars and into garbage cans; all the while singing on and off key,

"I'm just a little red-headed gi-irl.

Pay no attention to little me.

Trying to avoid the Shampoo, the human peril

and certainly not wondering where she could be."

Just a few hours he tiredly told himself. A few more hours and I can slip away. Sleep through a few classes and then clear off to the nearest port. So far they had been lucky not to meet anyone at this hour other then the odd looks from the police in the corner boxes. Thankfully there wasn't any sign of Shampoo, the cute but violent manic.

Umino sighed again as he watched her put her head under yet another car as if Shampoo was some small animal. Well if this was the extent of their explorations tonight then the chances of them running into the crazy Amazon were slim to none.

No sooner then he had finished that thought when a purple blur fell from the sky and crushed the car. When the dust had cleared he saw that it was indeed Shampoo on top the car. She pulled her circular mace from the center of the now somewhat folded car and flipped to the street.

Below, the legs of his fiancee twitched. As he debated his chances of getting away unnoticed, Excel extracted herself from the car; her head was bent at a somewhat unnatural angle.

"Ex-, um, I, the red-headed girl," Excel said as she stumbled toward him, "believes that she has a C3-4 spinal injury and would be appreciated if a chiropractor could be summoned at 1-1-9." Somehow still looking cheerful she smiled as she said, "Congratulations on a successful plan, we were able to find h..." A sword went through her neck spilling pinkish blood.

"So before was ambush!" Shampoo said as she extracted her sword. "You no have magic girly girl help now or gun man." The angry Amazon raised her sword and with a swift strike severed the head of the youma. It bounced a few times in front of the shocked Umino.

Shampoo scooped up the head and placed it in a sack.

"Report back," came Excel's voice from the sack, "that I have mostly succeed in not taking my eyes of the target and will continue the mission!"

"You must be high-level fighter with too too great will to live and much ki, but you is done. So shut up and die so Shampoo can take back as proof to elders," Shampoo said with a grimace as she torn off one of her sleeves, opened the sack again, and gagged the disembodied head. After securing her grisly, but not quite dead prize, she disappeared on to the rooftops.

Umino unzippered the panda suit as he looked at roof where the violent amazon was swallowed by the night to the twitching body of Excel. He started as he was shook by someone asking if he was okay and who was he. It was one of the officers from the police box. He reflexively gave his name, school and class ID before passing out.

* * *

In another dimension, three traveling companions, a tall blond swordsman and two young ladies, one with dark hair, and other with red hair, walked through a blackened and devastated forest in silence.

"Lina, I'm hungry. Do you have anything on ya?" The tall blond swordsman complained.

"No, I don't," said Lina, the small red headed sorceress after a moment, "because someone lost all of our supplies and camping gear."

"Miss Lina," the young dark haired lady chimed in, "it's not really Mister Gourry's fault. The dragon slave shock wave destroyed the tavern where our packs were."

"He could go hunt some dinner up then!" Lina snapped back.

"Hmm," Gourry said as he looked around, "I don't think there is any game within a hundred miles. Was it really necessary to use a dragon slave on the town?"

"Yes it was necessary! That whole farce of a town was created by bandits to rob travelers, they had closed the gates, the walls were manned by over a dozen archers, and it was supposed to be ladies drink free night!"

"Miss Lina, I think the bartender had us escorted out after the third barrel you finished."

"I guess," Gourry mused, "it was really killing him that you were eating into his profits."

"Oh you're right Mister Gourry. Even though he was going to eventually rob us blind and leave our decaying corpses at the bottom of a cliff; he was still just a simple business man at heart."

"Amelia. Gourry. Shut. Up." The trio continued in silence for a few minutes till Gourry's stomach growled.

"I wish we had some fish," he said as he looked wistfully at a nearby stream that was choked with ash and debris. Lina turned to rebuke him for saying stupid things, when a large fish landed right on top of the blond's head. Several smaller fishes rained down and soon the ground around them was covered with flopping bodies. "Wow, now all we need is something to cook all these fish with."

No sooner did he say that then a frying pan hit him on the head. Lina was about to comment with a snide remark when she was quickly covered by various pots, and other miscellaneous cookware and cutlery. "I think we can make camp now," Gourry said as he and Amelia went about gathering the fish, "I just need something to rig up a tent or shelter." A large flop nearby showed itself to be several packs, slightly mangled tents and bedrolls made up of some odd material that he had never seen before.

A series of large booms in the distance also showed the location where several large rectangular and square boxes had landed, bounced and finally exploded. He attempted to straighten out the mess of tents, when Lina suddenly bounced out of the pile of cookware and landed next to him.

"Gourry," she sweetly sang, "say you need a hundred, no a thousand gold pieces."

"Lina," he patiently replied as he got one of the tents free of the others, "we don't need a thousand gold pieces. There's no place to spend it."

"SAY IT!" she screamed as she shook him like a rag doll.

"Poor Mister Gourry, won't be doing anything for a while," Amelia sadly said as she looked at the drooling swirly-eyed blond. The princess shook her head, turned her attention to cleaning the fish and tried to ignore Miss Lina's increasingly outrageous demands.

* * *

Back in Japan at a 24 hour convenience store.

"…To Great Grandmother, in here proof of restored honor. Oh, watch out head still talk too too much."

The clerk looked up and said, "You really want to put that on the mailing label?"

"Excuse me. Who is girl with bloody sword in hand? Eh?" Shampoo retorted while waving the still dripping item.

"Good point. Overnight delivery or ground?"


End file.
